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chestnutt

Been here for 5 years and I don't know if I made the right choice.

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Hi all,

 

This is a little wordy, guess I'm just looking to vent a little to people that will understand what I am going through, because no one else really understands as hard as they may try.

 

I've been living in the US for almost 5 years. I love my husband, he is a great person, we have a 10 month old daughter together who is just perfect. The past few months I have really started to question my choice in moving here.  Leaving my family and friends and whole entire life weighs heavily on my mind now more than it ever has.

 

His family is fantastic, his sister and mother and I are close, I have a job that I like (well, as much as you can like something you have to go and do everyday!).

 

A big issue for me is that I 100% do not like where we live. I came from a big city in Australia that I just loved. Here we are living in a small town, that is run down, very few people that live here take pride in their houses so most places look like dumps, the people are questionable, there is not much to do, the weather is absolutely awful from November to April which drags me down a lot.

 

Lately I have tried to talk to him about this, he is just so practical that it gets in the way. I drive 40 mins one way to work each day, I tried to ask him about possibly moving closer to my work which is much closer to a larger town with so much more to do. He doesn't even want to move out of this school district (his family is so close to here so I understand, but really I think it would be okay to live within 30 mins of them!).

 

I guess after having the baby it has started to just make me feel like I am completely trapped in a place I do not like, with basically no options. I also feel like I compromised my whole entire life to move here for him, and he has had to compromise absolutely nothing, and does not seem willing to compromise on anything in the future.

 

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I regret moving here.

 

Anyone else on here in the same boat?


K1:

8th May 2013 - I129F sent

13th May 2013 - NOA1

Aug 2013 - RFE1 received, reply sent 3 days later

1st Oct 2013 - RFE2 received

15th Oct 2013 - RFE2 reply sent

30th Oct 2013 - NOA2 smile.png

8th Nov 2013 - Consulate received case

20th Nov 2013 - Packet 3 received

20th Nov 2013 - Fingerprints taken and police check sent in mail

5th Dec 2013 - Medical examination

9th Dec 2013 - Packet 3 sent off

10th Dec 2013 - Packet 3 received at consulate

30th Dec 2013 - Packet 4 received

21st Jan 2014 - Interview - APPROVED :D :D

11th March 2014 - Married (L)

AOS:

1st April 2014 - Submitted AOS paperwork

10th July 2014 - Notice of Potential Interview Waiver Case received

9th April 2015 - RFE received for expired I693 (medical exam)

5th May 2015 - Second medical exam conducted

11th May 2015 - Picked medical packet up

12th May 2015 - Sent medical exam results to USCIS

22nd May 2015 - Card ordered to be produced!

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Just read that Australia had the hottest summer on record. Wonder what that feels like.


1. Spouse 1 went through Diversity Lottery Green Card and Citizenship application processes 

 

2. Spouse 2 went through K1 (I-129F) and AOS (I-485) processes

 

3. Spouse 2 ROC (I-751) application:

 

  • Mail delivered Feb 20, NOA1 dated Feb 22, Check Cashed Feb 25, NOA1 from VSC (18 month extension) received Feb 28
  • Biometrics Letter Dated 3/08; Biometrics Completed 3/26

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My situation is not exactly like yours but I felt especially discouraged during my job hunting phase. I applied for jobs that I am used to doing back in my home country and know that I am fully qualified for those job vacancies but no one would even give me a call for a screening. My Lyft driver asked me the other day if I would have moved here solely for the green card and citizenship, I said HELL NO. Back home I had a stable full time job with great benefits AND a nice apartment to live in. I had a support network i.e. my own closest friends. I moved here because my husband is American and this is one way for us to close the distance. Beyond that, it is a lot to ask for a person to drop everything and move to a new country and start over with many uncertainties hanging over his/her head. I may have come from a third world country but at least Malaysian companies generally hire people on a full time basis and provide benefits. I am kinda bothered by the fact that a lot of American employers only want to hire part time employees because they do not want to pay for any employee benefits. As a married woman in her early 30s, I just cannot live on 2-3 part time jobs with no benefits. If I was 18, that would have been different with the lack of commitments but not at this stage of my life. Thankfully, I finally secured a full time job with benefits and just started the job this past Wednesday, the day after my AOS interview. Still, the grass is not always greener as you and I both have personally experienced in this immigration process.

 

PS: I love Australia. Went there for a vacation every year while I was still living in Malaysia :) 


For my I-129F and K-1 detailed timelines, please refer to my timeline page :)

 

AOS + EAD + AP

Spoiler

1 March 2018 (Thu): FedEx 2-Day 10.30 AM to Chicago, IL.
5 March 2018 (Fri): Delivered to Chicago, IL. <Signed for by: J. Chyba>
10 March 2018 (Sat): NOA1 hardcopy's date.
12 March 2018 (Mon): Check cashed.
13 March 2018 (Tue): Received text and e-mail notifications.
16 March 2018 (Fri): NOA1 hardcopy via normal mail.

16 March 2018 (Fri):: Biometrics appointment letter's date.

22 March 2018 (Thu): Biometrics appointment letter via normal mail.

5 April 2018 (Thu): Biometrics appointment at 9.00 am.

 

AOS Updates Post-Biometrics

19 July 2018 (Thu): Text and email notifications stating that as of 17 July 2018, case is ready to be scheduled for an interview and a notice will follow.

23 January 2019 (Wed): Text and e-mail notifications stating on 18 January 2019, an interview has been scheduled and a notice will follow.

25 January 2019 (Fri): Interview notice delivered by USPS.
26 February 2019 (Tue): Interview scheduled for 12.55 pm.

 

EAD + AP Updates Post-Biometrics

6 August 2018 (Mon): NOA2 hardcopy's date.

6 August 2018 (Mon): Text and e-mail notifications received. New card is ordered and being produced.

9 August 2018 (Thu): Text and e-mail notifications received. Card is picked up by USPS.

10 August 2018 (Fri): NOA2 hardcopy via normal mail.

11 August 2018 (Sat): Combo card sent from Lee's Summit, MO via Priority Mail and no signature was required at delivery. Mailman dropped it in the mailbox like regular mails.

** Approved in 158 days **

 

 

If you require my attention or response in the public forum, please quote or tag me in your post as I have turned off the auto-follow function. 

My VJ inbox is always open too. I'm happy to share what I know or assist where I can.

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I know a few people where one half of the couple likes their country better than USA, but for whatever reasons, the couple are staying here. Two couples are doing fine but third is on verge of separation.

  Location definitely makes a difference. I spent first 8 years in US in NY and CALI and didnt feel homesick at all . But now being in georgia is just  disheartening . Since we have a limited stay here and then we plan to go back to california, so i am able to feel more positive. 

 

Communication goes a long way. If you are finding it difficult to communicate how you feel. You can look into couples counseling. It is not just for people at verge of divorce. It can enable you to be heard and validated. 

 

Are their any australian expat groups that you can join virtually or IRL ? That might help you feel a bit better perhaps.

 

I am sorry that you are having a tough time. Being a parent in itself is hard and on top of that being an immigrant definitely is not easy. Keep on trying to be heard.

 

Much love


01/09/2019  Mailed ROC package via FEDEX to Lewisville,Texas

 01/11/2019  Package delivered to USCIS office

01/16/2019  Received text message with service center as SRC

01/17/2019  Status on https://myaccount.uscis.dhs.gov/ as accepted. Check submitted electronically to my bank. Not cashed yet.

01/18/2019  Check cashed electronically. 

02/07/2019  Called USCIS regarding non delivery of receipt . They asked me to call back after 30 days have expired since delivery

02/11/2019  Called USCIS again regarding non delivery of receipt. Mentioned that license will expire along with greencard on 02/28.

                        The lady filed a request on my behalf so i could schedule infopass.

                        I separately also filed e-request(https://egov.uscis.gov/e-request/displayNDNForm.do?entryPoint=init&amp;sroPageType=ndn

                        by choosing I-751 and other option , before calling USCIS just in case.

02/13/2019 Got callback from USCIS that infopass cannot be scheduled,but they will mail

                       a duplicate notice.

 

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11 minutes ago, Springleaf said:

I know a few people where one half of the couple likes their country better than USA, but for whatever reasons, the couple are staying here. Two couples are doing fine but third is on verge of separation.

  Location definitely makes a difference. I spent first 8 years in US in NY and CALI and didnt feel homesick at all . But now being in georgia is just  disheartening . Since we have a limited stay here and then we plan to go back to california, so i am able to feel more positive. 

 

Communication goes a long way. If you are finding it difficult to communicate how you feel. You can look into couples counseling. It is not just for people at verge of divorce. It can enable you to be heard and validated. 

 

Are their any australian expat groups that you can join virtually or IRL ? That might help you feel a bit better perhaps.

 

I am sorry that you are having a tough time. Being a parent in itself is hard and on top of that being an immigrant definitely is not easy. Keep on trying to be heard.

 

Much love

Thanks for your understanding xx I actually brought up couples counseling to him today but he just said I don't think we need it we never fight, so he might just have a limited understanding of what it could be used for. Good idea on the expat group I will look into that!


K1:

8th May 2013 - I129F sent

13th May 2013 - NOA1

Aug 2013 - RFE1 received, reply sent 3 days later

1st Oct 2013 - RFE2 received

15th Oct 2013 - RFE2 reply sent

30th Oct 2013 - NOA2 smile.png

8th Nov 2013 - Consulate received case

20th Nov 2013 - Packet 3 received

20th Nov 2013 - Fingerprints taken and police check sent in mail

5th Dec 2013 - Medical examination

9th Dec 2013 - Packet 3 sent off

10th Dec 2013 - Packet 3 received at consulate

30th Dec 2013 - Packet 4 received

21st Jan 2014 - Interview - APPROVED :D :D

11th March 2014 - Married (L)

AOS:

1st April 2014 - Submitted AOS paperwork

10th July 2014 - Notice of Potential Interview Waiver Case received

9th April 2015 - RFE received for expired I693 (medical exam)

5th May 2015 - Second medical exam conducted

11th May 2015 - Picked medical packet up

12th May 2015 - Sent medical exam results to USCIS

22nd May 2015 - Card ordered to be produced!

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48 minutes ago, TenderHearted said:

You need to have a heart to heart with him on this. Don't let anything undermine your marriage, and resentment can be the start of really bad things if you don't get it in check. Tell him how you feel, in a kind respectful manner. That will go a very long way.

 

I can only imagine you are a little homesick, so keeping your mind occupied with things to do will help, and so I could see your reasoning about moving to a bigger town, where there are things to do. Be willing to bend a little, not that you haven't, I'm sure you have, since you immigrated here to be with him. Surely he will consider seriously what you have to say, especially since you have to drive such a long distance to your job. I would kindly make mention of that as well. This is a hard process to go through, and I can't imagine that he doesn't highly value you, enough to do things to help you be a little safer, like doing something to help cut down on that drive!

Yes I am very concious that my thinking this way and not saying anything could be very corrosive to our marriage, I guess I need to find better ways to communicate with him. Yes I would hope he valued me highly enough to at least give a little haha.


K1:

8th May 2013 - I129F sent

13th May 2013 - NOA1

Aug 2013 - RFE1 received, reply sent 3 days later

1st Oct 2013 - RFE2 received

15th Oct 2013 - RFE2 reply sent

30th Oct 2013 - NOA2 smile.png

8th Nov 2013 - Consulate received case

20th Nov 2013 - Packet 3 received

20th Nov 2013 - Fingerprints taken and police check sent in mail

5th Dec 2013 - Medical examination

9th Dec 2013 - Packet 3 sent off

10th Dec 2013 - Packet 3 received at consulate

30th Dec 2013 - Packet 4 received

21st Jan 2014 - Interview - APPROVED :D :D

11th March 2014 - Married (L)

AOS:

1st April 2014 - Submitted AOS paperwork

10th July 2014 - Notice of Potential Interview Waiver Case received

9th April 2015 - RFE received for expired I693 (medical exam)

5th May 2015 - Second medical exam conducted

11th May 2015 - Picked medical packet up

12th May 2015 - Sent medical exam results to USCIS

22nd May 2015 - Card ordered to be produced!

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Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, chestnutt said:

A big issue for me is that I 100% do not like where we live. I came from a big city in Australia that I just loved. Here we are living in a small town, that is run down, very few people that live here take pride in their houses so most places look like dumps, the people are questionable, there is not much to do, the weather is absolutely awful from November to April which drags me down a lot. 

I can totally relate to this...I'm the USC and my husband is from a big, world class city (pop. 6+ million)...now we live in a city that has about pop. 2 million and my husband is extremely frustrated with not having the same options he had in a large city: lack of reliable public transit, the fact that driving was always a choice and not a obligation, lack of cultural events and places...not to mention leaving behind his wonderful family. I actually used to live abroad with him in his home city and we both loved it here but had to leave for opportunity reasons due to my husband's circumstances (Russia has issues right now, heh.) Thankfully, we are considering moving on from here to a bigger city once we finish up our own business in this town, but we're still stuck here for 1+ more year...then we're looking into more international big cities here in the US.

 

It sounds like the main reason your husband wants to stay is to be near his family. That is understandable but on the other hand, you are his family too and your happiness matters. Plus, you left your family and home country behind...that's a big sacrifice. I hope your husband can see if from your perspective and you can both work through it. Everyone else has given great advice so far...you're definitely not alone in feeling homesick or culture shock, it's extremely common with international couples...especially if it is a move from a big international city to a mid-sized or small American town. Hugs!

Edited by millefleur

03639.png                  

 🇷🇺  CR-1 via DCF in Moscow* (2016-2017) 🇺🇸 Info about my DCF experience here and here.

Spoiler

26-Jul-2016: Married abroad (USC + Russian husband) 👩‍❤️‍👨
21-Dec-2016: I-130 filed at Moscow USCIS field office*
29-Dec-2016: I-130 approved! Yay! 🎊 

17-Jan-2017: Case number received

21-Mar-2017: Medical Exam completed

24-Mar-2017: Interview at Embassy - approved! 🎉

29-Mar-2017: CR-1 Visa received (via mail)

02-Apr-2017: USCIS Immigrant (GC) Fee paid

28-Jun-2017: Port of Entry @ PDX 🛩️

21-Jul-2017: No SSN after three weeks; applied in person at the SSA

22-Jul-2017: GC arrived in the mail 📬

31-Jul-2017: SSN arrived via mail, hurrah!

 

*NOTE: The USCIS Field Office in Moscow is now CLOSED.

 

I-90 GC Replacment (for Erroneous GC)

22-Jul-2017: GC arrives in the mail – error in middle name 😕

01-Aug-2017: Sent in I-90 online via website

05-Aug-2017: Biometrics scheduled

23-Aug-2017: Biometrics done @ USCIS office; told to keep GC!

16-Jul-2018: RFE for original card!! 🤬

31-Jul-2018: USCIS Appointment at local field office..

22-Aug-2018: Mailed GC back to USCIS in response to RFE

29-Aug-2018: GC received by USCIS

17-Sep-2018: Received CORRECTED GC in the mail! Finally!! 😂

 

📑 I-751 Removal of Conditions - NBC (Apr-2019-???) 📝 MSC I-751 filers: Track your case here!

Spoiler

28-Jun-2019: Conditional GC expires

30-Mar-2019: Eligible to apply for ROC

01-Apr-2019: ROC in the mail to Phoenix AZ lockbox! 📫

03-Apr-2019: ROC packet delivered to lockbox

09-Apr-2019: USCIS cashed check

09-Apr-2019: Case number received via text - MSC 📲

12-Apr-2019: Extension letter arrives via mail

19-Apr-2019: Biometrics letter arrives via mail

30-Apr-2019: Biometrics appointment at local office  

??-???-2019: TBA...

30-Mar-2020: N-400 early filing window opens! 🇺🇸

 

 

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I moved from Stockholm to a tiny town in Northern California, and i struggled a lot in the beginning. BUT i have embraced it and i am loving it more now, in fact i could never live in a city again haha. Biggest help was honestly the climate, Northern California has the beaches, mountains, cities and sun. Sure i drive 50 minutes one way to work but i like the drive, it is all country highways. It really sounds like you need to come to the west coast, it is not as expensive as people say, especially in the outskirts. Take him on a vacation to CA and drive around, maybe he will change his mind when he sees how much beauty is out there :P


Adjustment of Status

Date Filed : 2016-07-14

NOA Date : 2016-07-23

Bio. Appt. : 2016-08-08

Interview Date : 2016-10-25

Approval / Denial Date : 2016-10-25 APPROVED

Green card Received: 2016-11-02


Employment Authorization Document

Date Filed : 2016-07-14

Approved Date : 2016-09-19





(F) Every love story is beautiful but ours is my favourite (F)

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8 hours ago, chestnutt said:

Hi all,

 

This is a little wordy, guess I'm just looking to vent a little to people that will understand what I am going through, because no one else really understands as hard as they may try.

 

I've been living in the US for almost 5 years. I love my husband, he is a great person, we have a 10 month old daughter together who is just perfect. The past few months I have really started to question my choice in moving here.  Leaving my family and friends and whole entire life weighs heavily on my mind now more than it ever has.

 

His family is fantastic, his sister and mother and I are close, I have a job that I like (well, as much as you can like something you have to go and do everyday!).

 

A big issue for me is that I 100% do not like where we live. I came from a big city in Australia that I just loved. Here we are living in a small town, that is run down, very few people that live here take pride in their houses so most places look like dumps, the people are questionable, there is not much to do, the weather is absolutely awful from November to April which drags me down a lot.

 

Lately I have tried to talk to him about this, he is just so practical that it gets in the way. I drive 40 mins one way to work each day, I tried to ask him about possibly moving closer to my work which is much closer to a larger town with so much more to do. He doesn't even want to move out of this school district (his family is so close to here so I understand, but really I think it would be okay to live within 30 mins of them!).

 

I guess after having the baby it has started to just make me feel like I am completely trapped in a place I do not like, with basically no options. I also feel like I compromised my whole entire life to move here for him, and he has had to compromise absolutely nothing, and does not seem willing to compromise on anything in the future.

 

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I regret moving here.

 

Anyone else on here in the same boat?

I would move back to your home country or move to a larger city in USA.

 

Life is too short to live with regrets


Just when you think you have TDS eradicate,  a new case shows up.

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4 hours ago, millefleur said:

I can totally relate to this...I'm the USC and my husband is from a big, world class city (pop. 6+ million)...now we live in a city that has about pop. 2 million and my husband is extremely frustrated with not having the same options he had in a large city: lack of reliable public transit, the fact that driving was always a choice and not a obligation, lack of cultural events and places...not to mention leaving behind his wonderful family. I actually used to live abroad with him in his home city and we both loved it here but had to leave for opportunity reasons due to my husband's circumstances (Russia has issues right now, heh.) Thankfully, we are considering moving on from here to a bigger city once we finish up our own business in this town, but we're still stuck here for 1+ more year...then we're looking into more international big cities here in the US.

 

If you are living in a US city of 2 million, you are in one of the 5 largest cities in the US!


If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Someone stole my dictionary. Now I am at a loss for words.

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Ban shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again .

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Deport him and you never have to feed him again.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

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I am the USC but I will weigh in also. My husband is miserable and hates the US. We went home for a month for Christmas to give him a break and since we have come back, it has just gotten worse. We had our AOS interview a few weeks ago and when the officer asked "Did you only marry your wife for a green card?" as a part of those list of questions they ask, he later told me it took everything in him not to see "HELL no!." He really is only here because of me. It's so hard watching your spouse make so many sacrifices and be so miserable. We came to an agreement. He is in college now and I said lets wait out until he finishes school. He should also wait until he gets citizenship so we can come back and forth as we please without worrying about refiling again. Maybe he could even work remotely as an American with a US passport while living in his country.

 

From the other side of things as the USC, it is so hard too. I feel vey guilty and very worried that he will someday resent me (although he promises me he does not at all and he made this choice). Perhaps your husband is avoiding confronting this because he does not want to face the guilt? Or maybe he does not truly understand the length at which this is bothering you and you need to be brutally honest? As someone mentioned in a post above, life is WAY too short to be so miserable. Five years is quite a while, so he really needs to hear you out on this. I wish you the best of luck! 

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