Jump to content
PirateLiker

Ideas to make this train wreck less painful?

88 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

My fiance just arrived on a K1 visa last week. To say the least, for the last 6 months I have had very cold feet. I informed her of several big things that I thought would be deal breakers. (I choose not to share the list, but if I did I think most people would see the folly in moving forward, on both our parts). She discussed some of them and even negotiated a bit, but in the end she decided to still come.

 

I didn't think things would work out but I decided to proceed. This was very foolish of me. I knew my heart wasn't fully in it. Predictably, things are not working out. We had a big discussion yesterday, which was partially resolved.

 

I believe she knows something is not right but is trying to pretend things will work out. One of the worst parts of this whole thing is that she gave up a very good job/career to come here.

 

I am looking for feedback on my exit strategy. Here is my plan:

 

1. Give her enough money for a plane ticket home (for her and her cat), for a hotel here for a few days, and two months of her wages in her home country. 

 

2. I have a friend an hour away, closer to the airport, who speaks her language. He and his wife are close to my beneficiary's age. I asked him and his wife if they are will help her walk through the process of getting a ticket back and finding a hotel to stay in for the next few days. He agreed to do what he could, as an immigrant from her country and a bilingual speaker of her language.

 

3. Put her in touch with the consulate from her country.

 

 

If all you have to offer is criticism of what I have done, I don't blame you. In fact, it might make me feel somehow better (like penance somehow) to be insulted. But what I am looking for is ideas on ways that I can make this horrible situation a little bit better.

Edited by PirateLiker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Best to avoid giving her the money, maybe a non refundable ticket and cash when she gets home?


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

~~Moved to the Effects of Major Family Changes forum, from K1 P&P - similar threads are discussed here.~~


Spoiler

Met Playing Everquest in 2005
Engaged 9-15-2006
K-1 & 4 K-2'S
Filed 05-09-07
Interview 03-12-08
Visa received 04-21-08
Entry 05-06-08
Married 06-21-08
AOS X5
Filed 07-08-08
Cards Received01-22-09
Roc X5
Filed 10-17-10
Cards Received02-22-11
Citizenship
Filed 10-17-11
Interview 01-12-12
Oath 06-29-12

Citizenship for older 2 boys

Filed 03/08/2014

NOA/fee waiver 03/19/2014

Biometrics 04/15/14

Interview 05/29/14

In line for Oath 06/20/14

Oath 09/19/2014 We are all done! All USC no more USCIS

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ticket is probably more than 2 months wages.

 


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry, but why you didnt tell her you dont wanna get married while she was in her home country? Also we all know what country she is from, starts with U. 

Two monthly wages is like $400? Aloot ( sarcasm), I would demand way more. ... If she really love you she must be devastated. But its your fault not too tell her straight you dont feel its the right thing to get married and let this happened. 

Best of luck! 

 

 


“Life is a roller coaster, just enjoy the ride”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, PirateLiker said:

several big things that I thought would be deal breakers

Unwise to marry if even one item falls into this category:

 -- causes you to compromise your integrity, personal safety, etc.

 -- is something that you can't ignore and will never mention again

Have to trust that the OP has identified one or more of these.

13 minutes ago, thatguyuknow said:

Just bite the bullet and get married. She is already here so you might as well.

 


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, PirateLiker said:

My fiance just arrived on a K1 visa last week. To say the least, for the last 6 months I have had very cold feet. I informed her of several big things that I thought would be deal breakers. (I choose not to share the list, but if I did I think most people would see the folly in moving forward, on both our parts). She discussed some of them and even negotiated a bit, but in the end she decided to still come.

 

I didn't think things would work out but I decided to proceed. This was very foolish of me. I knew my heart wasn't fully in it. Predictably, things are not working out. We had a big discussion yesterday, which was partially resolved.

 

I believe she knows something is not right but is trying to pretend things will work out. One of the worst parts of this whole thing is that she gave up a very good job/career to come here.

 

I am looking for feedback on my exit strategy. Here is my plan:

 

1. Give her enough money for a plane ticket home (for her and her cat), for a hotel here for a few days, and two months of her wages in her home country. 

 

2. I have a friend an hour away, closer to the airport, who speaks her language. He and his wife are close to my beneficiary's age. I asked him and his wife if they are will help her walk through the process of getting a ticket back and finding a hotel to stay in for the next few days. He agreed to do what he could, as an immigrant from her country and a bilingual speaker of her language.

 

3. Put her in touch with the consulate from her country.

 

 

If all you have to offer is criticism of what I have done, I don't blame you. In fact, it might make me feel somehow better (like penance somehow) to be insulted. But what I am looking for is ideas on ways that I can make this horrible situation a little bit better.

Okay, i'm gonna be as unbiased and truthful as i can, please bear with me.
Don't blame yourself. I marked the KEY point in your explanation. In my view, she knew what she signed up for when you told her about big changes and i assume you told her that you don't feel the same way anymore. Her giving up her career to come to US wasn't entirely YOUR fault. She did it, knowing that it MIGHT NOT work out, and took a blind gamble instead of waiting for some more time (having 6months to come into US). So i don't see how it's only your fault in any way. 
Further, i'd buy her tickets back to her country, and that's about it. You can give her pocket money to support herself once she goes back there. Meaning a taxi ride, some cash for food and necessities, if she needs more, buy her everything here. Clothes, etc. Let her stay, but give her a separate room until she departures.
She clearly knew that it's a risk at that point to move to USA, especially that you told her about it. I'm not implying for you to be a cold hearted and kick her out. But she has to be reasonable as well, as she was told the possibilities ahead of time.

Wow that sounds insensitive of me. I apologize if that does, i don't mean to, but i'm giving my opinion on the situation.
DO NOT get married. You will complicate your and her's life's even more than it is now. As heart breaking it is, you have to keep your head straight, and think clearly. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you let her know that there is no more time for discussion , that you want her to leave, ASAP?

 

Is there anyway she can call her employer and try to get her job back? This is really the worst part of this situation. She should contact them immediately and atleast try to get this job back. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -


Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×