Ideas to make this train wreck less painful?

[Going through 5,668]

19 minutes ago, Rocko20 said:

Agreed, but sadly, there is nothing from stopping the OP to to it to the next person (assuming he indeed wasn't 100% months ago)

This IS the "next person", as it's his second K1 filing .  Thankfully, the first K1 beneficiary didn't make it as far as actually entering the States, since he got a case of cold feet only 45 days after filing for her in 2017 and withdrew the petition.

 

I'm hoping if he is considering a 3rd K1 later on, he takes more time to figure out if it's what he really wants---it's not just his life he has to take into consideration.

Edited December 4, 2018 by Going through

[Jaquelly 1,647]

The last thing this guy needs is to drag another woman through his wife shopping process.

 

Dude, you should have told her no before she got here. Help her get home and then please don't speak to her again, for her own good. I would have never told my now-husband to come over when his visa got approved if I wasn't 100% sure that he was the person I wanted to spend my life with.

 

How easy it is for you to to be flippant. She gave up everything. I can only hope she can rebuild her life. 

 

Absolutely over this thread.

[Going through 5,668]

For the record---after reading all the responses on this thread---I'm changing my original opinion of the OP not owing her 2 months salary at the least...thinking more about this situation (and taking into account how I would have felt if I'd been in her shoes), yeah she's owed a lot more at this stage than just a plane ticket home and return receipt, so to speak...her whole life was just turned upside down to come to the US, and now it's turned upside down again after just arriving.

[ronniebreda 120]

This is insane. I read this post this morning and have been thinking about it all day because it literally has astonished me and not in a good way. 
From a personal point of view - I understood what my husband was giving up to be able to be together in my home country. It actually came with a considerable amount of guilt even though he made his own decision and I cannot possibly understand how you could basically lead someone on for 6+ months. This was a person that you supposedly 'loved' and now you want to ship them back like a package you want to return. 1. You obviously do not know how to communicate because you lead her on for 6 months without communicating your feelings. 2. You aren't mature enough to make life decisions or make commitments. 3. You should reach out to a counselor. Do what you can to help this woman get back to Ukraine and on her feet again and take yourself to a counselor. You need to work on yourself and address what is going on inside your brain before you should ever consider applying for a K1 visa again or maybe before even being in another relationship. Stop focusing all on her and focus on yourself. This is not healthy and this should not and would not have ever happened if you had the skills to do what was right. Those skills can be learned no matter how old you are. I hope this is your wake up call. 

Edited December 4, 2018 by TBoneTX
language in quote

[Unshakable Faith 493]

Unless it's been stated, we're also assuming her life status in the Ukraine and judging him based on what we think she might have given up. 

 

What if she lives at home with her parents, had a good job so she has savings, and can return back to her bedroom in her parent's house just like before?  Sure, she may be embarrassed but they both made this choice, especially if he expressed things to her beforehand. 

 

So what if she is made (financially) whole just by returning home?  What does he owe her then?

 

 

[Jaquelly 1,647]

6 minutes ago, Unshakable Faith said:

Unless it's been stated, we're also assuming her life status in the Ukraine and judging him based on what we think she might have given up. 

 

What if she lives at home with her parents, had a good job so she has savings, and can return back to her bedroom in her parent's house just like before?  Sure, she may be embarrassed but they both made this choice, especially if he expressed things to her beforehand. 

 

So what if she is made (financially) whole just by returning home?  What does he owe her then?

 

 

She had a home that she sold.

She quit her full time, established job.

She sold her car.

She moved her cat.

 

If you checked his post history, you'd have seen that. 

[confusedshoes 193]

Reading through OP's history it seems like there is a bigger issue at hand. From what I can gather it seems like OP jumps into things. I see a lot of questions with easily obtainable answers but a total lack of real effort or research. As others have stated I also get a sense that he is shopping for wives in Eastern Europe. While I have nothing solid to go on, these are major red flags, and in my opinion, things that shouldn't be an issue in a person who is ready to be in a committed relationship, especially one where the other has to sacrifice so much. Let's say she was using him for a GC, even then I'd say it's his own fault.

 

He has potentially ruined a woman's life on what seems like a whim.

 

Edited December 4, 2018 by confusedshoes

[Diane and Chris 651]

2 hours ago, gsdc23 said:

I agree with the thought behind this, but in this case, he kinda knew what his stance was on this relationship for 6 months prior to Visa approval & the worst part about this unfortunate situation is that she’s only arrived but a week ago. 👀

I agree. Perhaps they should give it a chance to work. Throw out the list and start over. But then again, perhaps she should run away as fast as possible. 

[Shiran 1,134]

8 minutes ago, Diane and Chris said:

But then again, perhaps she should run away as fast as possible. 

Agree with this bit. Also feel bad for the cat. From what I gather ex-fiancee is not fluent in English, she is double trapped here. 

[CEE53147 559]

11 hours ago, ineedadisplayname said:

I don't think you can file VAWA if you are not married..... She has no legal way for permanent residence until they got married....

I am afraid OP will get guilted into marriage and then history becomes important.  OP,  don't waffle on the decision you have now made.  It is better to be single than marries to the wrong person. He already feels badly about her situation.

 

The she said/he said usually favors the woman in most states (especially in the post-Kavanaugh era).   Even before marriage while she is here, he can be ordered out of his home so that she can have it or she can claim to be a crime victim. In my state, an unwarranted temporary protective order remains as a searchable record unless you spend thousands to have it removed.

 

Women can also become violent.

[DPP123 403]

I am annoyed that the OP hasn't even logged on since starting this thread which leads me to believe that he probably doesn't care what we think.  Also, I am a little bothered by the fact that he chose Colombia to "disguise his personal problem."  Sorry I know this is off topic but it has really bothered me since first reading this post.  

[RLA 323]

1 hour ago, DPP123 said:

I am annoyed that the OP hasn't even logged on since starting this thread which leads me to believe that he probably doesn't care what we think.  Also, I am a little bothered by the fact that he chose Colombia to "disguise his personal problem."  Sorry I know this is off topic but it has really bothered me since first reading this post.  

Well, he's got bigger problems to take care of right now than what some people on the internet think of him. 

[DPP123 403]

Just now, RLA said:

Well, he's got bigger problems to take care of right now than what some people on the internet think of him. 

Then why post on VJ and ask us about what we thought?  

[gregcrs2 1,777]

2 minutes ago, RLA said:

Well, he's got bigger problems to take care of right now than what some people on the internet think of him. 

He sure does and those are self imposed problems.  Looking at the thread topic, I can't help but wonder who he was trying to make it less painful for...him or her.

[TBoneTX 43,042]

The OP will probably return at some point.

 

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