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Tilia

Having kids only means you have sex.

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“When starting an immigration journey, the best advice is to understand that sacrifices have to be made; whether it is time, money, or separation or a combination of any or all.” - NuestraUnion

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2 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

For N-400 perhaps or even AOS in some cases, and married already for 3-4 plus years. Using pregnancy or a kid between newly weds or fiances, especially if from high fraud countries isn't. To some kids are very special and super important, to others they aren't. So no matter how special and amazing you may think they are, someone else doesn't have that mutual feeling, and probably thinks the complete opposite.

 

 Even in fresh relationships, there is more to having a child than sex. You have to actively agree to carry the pregnancy, it's not like you wake up in the morning after sex and the baby's there.  

 

And while it may carry less strength than it does for more established couples, it does carry importance. 

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5 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I disagree (for various reasons).

Co-parenting a child is good IMO, but just having a child doesn't show a relationship.

Just having a joint bank account (which you cannot just boot somebody off with a call...), credit cards, insurance, etc. has little meaning. Actually using said resources together has a meaning.

It's not the actions, but the contexts that surround them that make a good or weak case.

 

 Having a child while being in a relationship does show commitment. No, you don't have to be in a relationship to have one, but it does bring an extra layer to it.

 

My husband and I have been married 6+ years. We still have not mixed resources, except for the house mortgage. We are not less married because we each have our credit cards. 

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1 minute ago, Tilia said:

Even in fresh relationships, there is more to having a child than sex. You have to actively agree to carry the pregnancy, it's not like you wake up in the morning after sex and the baby's there. 

Depends on the country, and even in the US access is not always easy.

 

1 minute ago, Tilia said:

 Having a child while being in a relationship does show commitment. No, you don't have to be in a relationship to have one, but it does bring an extra layer to it.

Key point "while in a [bona fide] relationship". One must show the bona fide relationship first.

 

1 minute ago, Tilia said:

My husband and I have been married 6+ years. We still have not mixed resources, except for the house mortgage. We are not less married because we each have our credit cards. 

Okay. As noted, financial commingling is just one form of evidence. It is by no means a make or break aspect.


Timelines:

Spoiler

AOS (I-485 + I-131 + I-765):

9/25/17: sent forms to Chicago

9/27/17: received by USCIS

10/4/17: NOA1 electronic notification received

10/10/17: NOA1 hard copy received. Social Security card being issued in married name (3rd attempt!)

10/14/17: Biometrics appointment notice received

10/25/17: Biometrics

1/2/18: EAD + AP approved (no website update)

1/5/18: EAD + AP mailed

1/8/18: EAD + AP approval notice hardcopies received

1/10/18: EAD + AP received

9/5/18: Interview scheduled notice

10/17/18: Interview

10/17/18: Approved

10/24/18: Green card produced

10/31/18: Green card received

 

K-1:

Spoiler

I-129F

12/1/17: sent

12/14/17: NOA1 hard copy received

3/10/17: RFE (IMB verification)

3/22/17: RFE response received

3/24/17: Approved!

3/30/17: NOA2 hard copy received

 

NVC

4/6/2017: Received

4/12/2017: Sent to Riyadh embassy

4/16/2017: Case received at Riyadh embassy

4/21/2017: Request case transfer to Manila, approved 4/24/2017

 

K-1

5/1/2017: Case received by Manila (1 week embassy transfer??? Lucky~)

7/13/2017: Interview: APPROVED!!!

7/19/2017: Visa in hand

8/15/2017: POE

 

 

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2 minutes ago, NuestraUnion said:

Yeah, I can see how this bothers a lot of people.

 

But when we say evidence of a "bonafide relationship", it means a substantial relationship where two people are committed and not a sexual one.

 

The phrase "a child only proves two people had sex" came from the fact that people do just "hook up" and don't have any type of relationship except a sexual one. Also, being obligated to care for a child for 18 years (actually, a true parent would care for them for a lifetime) still does not mean that the parents had a genuine committed relationship.

 

 As I have witnessed one or two family and friends have a kid by someone they had a quick fling with, I can see the argument behind the theory. If a couple is together for a while and have a child, sure, it is one of the strongest evidence of a relationship. But if a guy goes on vacation and gets a local girl pregnant in the short week he is there, it can be argued that their relationship was simply a physical one. How can you justify a bonafide relationship simply because the condom broke? (rhetorical question)

 

 But see, the other evidence that are used are just as flimsy. Just because you spent time with someone doesn't mean you are in a relationship. All the "strong" evidence, especially for K1 visas are pretty meh, honestly.

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Posted (edited)

In an ideal world and for many families, including my own, Tilia is right but it certainly isn't the case for all. And Immigrations has to take everything with a bit of salt because of those who have cheated the system before us.

 

Unfortunately this is far from a ideal world that we live in.  There are so many broken people that make our world even more messed up for the next generation. Some people treat their kids more like pets or accessories than they do as little-mini people. Others have kids for tax benefits and literally pass their kids around to cousins' and aunt/uncles' houses throughout the year (my friend's cousin has been a US missionary for 20 years and works with a certain people-group that does exactly this). And as others above have mentioned, kids are born into situations where they aren't necessarily wanted (like rape) or they are a mere means to an end (expedite processes, anchor babies).  

 

It sucks that the kids have to pay for all that in the end :-/

Edited by YecaCruz

A Tale of Two Dakotaraguans

K1 Journey - 78 Days

 

Sent I-129F - 11/16/15 [Day 1]
NOA1 - 11/18 (Hard copy: 11/24) [Day 2, Day 8]
NOA2 - 12/18 (Hard copy: 12/26) [Day 32, Day 40]
NVC received file: 1/05/2016 [Day 50]
Obtained NVC invoice number, paid visa fee, filled out DS-160: 1/06 [Day 51]
Fiancé's medical: 1/12 9:00am [Day 57]
Interview: 1/22 9:30am, Approved! [67 days] (F)
Visa status = "AP": 1/25, "Issued":01/27, "In Transit: 2/02"
Visa packet in hand: 2/03 [Day 78]
POE: (Houston) 2/04, North Dakota arrival: 2/05

Married (civil): 2/05/16 (L)

AOS - 55 Days

 

I-485, AP, EAD sent : 3/03/2016 [Day 1]

Delivered: 3/04 [Day 2]

Electronic NOA1: 3/08 [Day 5]

NOA1 Hardcopy: 3/12 [Day 9]

Biometric Notification snail-mail: 3/26 [Day 23]

Biometrics Appt: 4/06 in Fargo, ND [Day 33]

Notification(s): "Your new card is being produced" (Green Card) 4/23 [Day 48]

"Your case was approved" (lol backwards) 4/26 [Day 51]

"Your card was mailed on 4/27" 4/28 [Day 53]

Green Card in Hand: 4/30 [Day 55]

D-day ("Dress day"/I do...again Day/wedding reception): 9/10/16

ROC

Spoiler

Window opens: 1/24/2018

Package sent: 1/26, Delivered: 1/29 at 11:17am to CSC - [Day 1]

Check cashed: 1/31 [Day 3]

NOA1: 1/29 [Day 1]

NOA snail-mail: 2/02 [Day 4]

Biometrics snail-mail: Sent 5/5, received 5/12 [Day 107]

Biometrics appt: Not required

Email: 5/25 "We are still reviewing your case and there are no updates. We last took action on 3/16" [Day 120]

Email 6/8, 6/22, 7/6, 7/20, 8/3 "Still reviewing your case blah blah" [Day 134, 148, 162, 176]

18 Month extension letter received, dated 8/18: 8/24/18

Citizenship

Spoiler

Window opens: 01/24/2019

 

 

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So many parents on VJ abandoned their (young) kids at home, with ex-spouse or other relatives - I've seen it done by parents from developing countries and countries as industrialized as the US. Didn't matter they left...  So apparently, for many, kids aren't more than a minimal part of their life. 

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