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What to do if we think a foreign wife might be in domestic trouble?


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My wife's friend is from Philippines and lives with her husband in Michigan who is a cop there. They went through k1 process and I believe the girl has been here for 1 year. Over the last few months, my wife told me how the girl kept mentioning issues with the husband being too controlling; not letting her work or send money to her family back home, or go outside, and forcing her to stay home to take care of his 2 kids, and she believes he also is still intimate with his ex wife. 


Well about a week and a half ago, she called my wife early in the morning while in tears. She was crying because her and the husband had a fight.  She said the husband admitted that he only brought her from Philippines to take care of his kids and that he's willing to get a divorce. I told my wife to tell her friend that we will help her if needed, and she could come and stay with us in California to get back on her feet. The friend seemed to be interested in the offer, but ever since that day we haven't heard from her.


My wife says her friend is usually online every day posting things but for the past week and a half she has gone M.I.A. My wife talked to her friend's sister in Philippines, and neither the sister nor family has heard from the girl. Wife also called her phone multiple times and it goes straight to voice-mail as if the phone is off. But one night, maybe a couple nights ago, the phone rung. No answer. The next day, wife called again and it was back to straight voice-mail. 


We're a little concerned because we know of a story in Colorado where another k1 fiance from Philippines went missing over a domestic dispute maybe a year ago. Her name was Jepsy Amaga Kallungi and till this day she has never been found. 


At this pont, what could our course of action be? I'm reluctant to call the police, because if she's with the hubsand it might cause more trouble for the girl. Mind you the husband is a cop. 

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*** Thread moved to from regional section (Philippines) to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits  


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“When starting an immigration journey, the best advice is to understand that sacrifices have to be made... whether it is time, money, or separation; or a combination of all.” - Unlockable

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US Embassies do welfare checks on USCs overseas when contacted by their relatives. 

Might be worth checking if the Phillipines consulates in the US provide the same service. If you have the address of the friend maybe try to see if someone living near her can check? 

ROC 2009
Naturalization 2010

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Haiti
1 hour ago, Jorgedig said:

Please call the non-emergency line of her local police department and ask them to do a wellness check.   You don’t have to reveal any details: the fact that her friends and family have not heard from her is enough for the police to do a check.

^^^ This. Anyone can do this.

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3 hours ago, GRANTMAN1987@GMAI said:

That's a good policy but if she ends up dead or missing I don't want to know that I could have done something and didn't. 

She was given a phone number and pamphlet what to do if she encounters domestic violence by the CO at he US Embassy in Manila when her interview was completed.


She also had to attend all day class called CFO by the Philippines Government, which is a class they go through to teach them how to handle and what do in case of domestic violence, being put in sex slave industry,  etc.



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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador

Two noncontributory posts have been removed.  Stick very narrowly to answering the OP's question.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

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01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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If there is a genuine case of domestic abuse here, then there are resources available to her. As has been stated above, the non-emergency line for the police is a good place to start. 

Does she not have any friends closer to Michigan than you? 

Have to say, at the moment all you have is hearsay that this is happening. And some of the things you have mentioned are not really abusive by the way you describe. He wants her to take care of his kids whilst he works? What exactly did she expect would happen when she agreed to become the stepmother to these children whose father works outside the home? Such things as childcare arrangements and whether she would work or be a SAHM are usually discussed before a couple gets married and one of them moves halfway round the world to be with the other. Likewise not letting her send money home - he’s the breadwinner and he has children to feed and clothe. If she’s not working what makes her think her family in the Philippines is his financial responsibility? Where is the money supposed to come from? It sounds like the communication between them is poor and they need to be clear with each other what they expect, want and need from the relationship. You talked about a woman who went missing, probably feared dead. I think this case is a long way from that.  

And he said he “only brought her from the Philippines to take care of his children”. Well she wanted to come, no one forced her. And that sounds like something that was said in the heat of the moment and was probably instantly regretted. We have all said stupid things in domestic arguments that we later regret.


Have they tried counseling? 

Edited by JFH

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