What a bunch of hoops to be with someone you love..
Okay I'll try to give as much information as possible and hopefully in a structured format.
Me: 31 year old guy living and working in the Netherlands (IT). Divorced a few years ago, no kids, nothing special (medical, criminal, etc).
She: 31 year old from the USA. Currently finalizing a divorce (domestic violence, but trying uncontested divorce to minimize impact on kids). Has 3 kids (2, 8, 10) of which at least one has special needs. Has some medical complications. She's currently searching for a house safely away from her 'ex', and looking for work there as her contract ends on January 1st.
She's been in a way of separation for years, but nothing official. Has had a protective order against him for a year somewhere along the way. Some more details in that whole thing, but I doubt its useful for this case.
We met online end of spring this year. First time, and our 'official' date is in July this year. I have visited two more times after, visiting for longer periods. Since the divorce is finally going through we are looking at our path to our future. At first the Netherlands was on the table, but given that he would still want to see his kids, we are opting for the USA to minimize the general impact on the kids. Originally I wanted to go for H1B, but with recent changes that looks less likely. So from what we have read we see two options.
1. CR1 - Either a marriage abroad or the Utah-online marriage.
2. K1 - Coming over with the intend to marry.
From what I saw about the current times, they both are freaking long, which already causes some issues.
The thing we are planning right now:
She moves away from him safely, currently looking at Charleston (SC) as she has family there. Which is expensive. Hopefully she has found someone willing to work with her (as her credit due to the relation is bad and on paper it doesn't look good) but sadly we aren't in the clear yet. Then she's also applying for jobs there, some interviews and some follow up interviews, nothing guaranteed yet.
Given she could get the place she has been talking to our situation would be that I support her financially. I can crash on someone's couch, yes I know it might become a long one, and support plenty for at least the rent. She will get some more things in place and there should be child support. Things by our calculations should be fine, with money to put aside for emergencies, visa filings, my visits, etc.. But the situation is far from ideal. Either day care is going to take a big chunk of the money she makes, or she'd have to work less or find a work-from-home job due to the kids age and time they would be at home.
Ideally I would move to the states, be there for household and working from the states paying taxes there instead of in the Netherlands.
Our question is, would the CR1 be better or do you think the K1 would be faster. It's difficult to get accurate time frames on both of them. With that we could see what would be more feasible (me not being able to work, but she working more and me being allowed in the USA for helping in the household so no day care is needed vs me working longer from the Netherlands but spending more money on daycare etc.) so we can make the right decision.
Also looking for recommendations when it comes to visits during both their waiting times. I have my ESTA which should be fine for visiting friends and family. I would still work in the Netherlands so need to go back, also for my dentist appointments etc. But does that just mean only short visits? Any visits as long as you can proof you have a return ticket and for example these appointments planned? How does that work.
I wish things were easier. But us battling through all of this does make me look positively at anything being thrown at us later down the road.
Tdore
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12:42 am December 7, 2025
