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VadnVince

For Brits - Living in the U.S. Can't Compete With the U.K. - Be "Warned"

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This fall will make my 9th anniversary with my British bride.  It will also make the 3rd anniversary since she returned home to look after her mum.  I think that our VisaJourney started off beautifully and romantically!  It's sorta landed with a thud, 11 years later, since we've first met.   I don't think that her traveling to America for to get married was what she dreamt it would be.  The trip to home to care for Mum has also been a convenient way to STAY at home and not make any concrete plans (with me) to return.  All has been placed back on me to prepare for her to return as I prepared for her initial arrival.  The problem was that during the time of being her, she was never really content, or as she put it, "comfortable" as she was at home.  I'm realistic to realize that we're never as comfortable as we are at home.  Especially if "home" is in another country.  But I also know that it on the part of the K=1 visa holder to realize that they are making a conscious move to a new home and must also make a conscientious effort to make it home.

 

I recently read a post from "Howins/NYC" by a bride who was homesick for the U.K. and not adjusting to American living.  If I didn't know better, I'd believe that it was written by MY wife.  Over the past 8.5 years, the prevailing theme has been, "It's not how it's done in the U.K."  No matter what I've done to make her comfortable, it's never as good as, "how it's done in the U.K." Obviously, nothing will ever by done as it is in the U.K. BECAUSE IT'S THE U.S.A!  Something I don't think immigrants consider when living home.  Whether you're from a third world or first world country - HOME IS HOME and you're going to have to make necessary adjustments to BE married in a new home and not just GET married on a "romantic" K-1 visa.  The parallels between the U.K. & the U.S.A. are more than the differences.  And yes, last year I considered trying to make a go of it in the U.K.  BUT, immigration to the U.K. is filled with red-tape and is expensive.  No, I don't really want to live there because our business sector systems are easier here than in the U.K.  Being an entrepreneur is challenging in the U.K. compared to the U.S., as well as as finding a job.

 

Today, I have sincere regrets after spending the past decade trying to make someone happy (& comfortable) my priority.  Only to have it constantly thrown back at me that, "It's better in the U.K." 

 

 

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Wales
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It is different, UK has also changed so what are you comparing, UK now UK 20 years ago 40 years ago what?

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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8 minutes ago, Pooley said:

This is true. My hubby loves his family but was never super close with them and his friends weren't the greatest of friends either and had trouble saving money (pretty much since he was never tough to manage it well in the first place). He had it tough so since coming here, my family has welcomed him with open arms, he's finished his schooling by getting his GED, quite smoking, started the job he set out to get (an electrician) and is also in college for apprenticeship, has made super close friends and we just bought our first house together so he's what he calls "chuffed" lol.  

Wow, that's an amazing set of achievements - well done him! Chuffed to bits, I bet! :)  

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: United Kingdom
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4 minutes ago, yoda one for me said:

Wow, that's an amazing set of achievements - well done him! Chuffed to bits, I bet! :)  

Yeah I think so too! He's worked his butt off since he's got here and done so well 🥰

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Another Brit here...

I get where she might be coming from as a homebody myself. I miss certain things about the UK- the culture, food and of course family. It’s a tricky situation and it can take years for people to settle. I had family move from the UK to Australia and they always say it took over 10 years to feel completely settled. It takes time for each person. If you truly love her, then be patient and just understand it takes others longer than some. But also, she should be compromising with you. 
 

good luck and I hope you can figure it all out. 

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Thailand
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This is a fascinating thread. If I were to look at my own wife's situation, I could imagine her feeling similarly homesick. To be fair, if something like this could happen to a UK expat, it could certainly happen to others. I suppose this risk exists at some level for all USC's.

 

The culture differences between here and Asia are even bigger, so I find it interesting that someone would struggle with the differences between the UK and USA. To each his/her own, though. Just thought I'd stop by to offer a perspective from outside the Anglo Saxon sphere of influence.

K1 visa journey: 107 days from NOA1 to visa in hand

Spoiler

01 Oct 2016    Mailed I-129F packet (27 pages)
12 Oct 2016    NOA1 SMS and e-mail
03 Nov 2016    NOA2 SMS

24 Jan 2017    Interview
27 Jan 2017    Visa in hand
09 Feb 2017    POE Philadelphia, PA

 

AOS journey: 256 days from NOA1 to GC in hand

Spoiler

06 Apr 2017    Mailed I-485/I-131/I-765 packet (83 pages)

12 Apr 2017    I-485/I-131/I-765 packet delivered

26 May 2017    Biometrics appointment

25 Aug 2017    EAD/AP card approved

07 Dec 2017    AOS interview

18 Dec 2017    Conditional (2 year) GC in hand!

 

ROC journey: 374 days

Spoiler

09 Sep 2019    Mailed ROC packet via USPS Priority Mail (ETA 11 Sep)

20 Sep 2019    NOA1/18-month extension letter received

23 Jan 2020    Biometrics appointment

17 Sep 2020    Case approved without interview

 

Citizenship journey

09 Sep 2020      Submitted N-400 online

10 Dec 2020      Received biometrics reuse notice

20 Apr 2021      Received interview notice

25 May 2021      Interview - RFE for marital evidence

26 May 2021      RFE response submitted online

 

Cumulative number of pages sent to USCIS: 632

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3 minutes ago, JFH said:

Another Brit here... I’ve been here almost 4 years and I still get homesick for small, trivial things. And I also find myself thinking “but that’s not how we do things in the UK” on a regular basis. I don’t think I’ll ever stop that but it doesn’t have to be a problem. It’s normal to compare things and look for the familiar, even if your search is in vain. Things are different. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.

 

I’ve never been a “Disney Brit” who thinks life in the US is all warm weather, theme parks, 24-hour shopping and all-you-can-eat buffets. When I tell people back home how much snow we get in WA they are shocked -“that’s not what America is like, surely?”. To them it’s all homes with pools, t-shirt weather all year round. People even think I should be “disappointed” that I met an American but he lived in the Pacific Northwest, as if the sole basis of our relationship is a new life in the sun for me. Some of us like winter!
 

I guess I had a helping hand in settling here. My husband tried to get a visa for the UK but it was denied with a lifetime ban. So if I didn’t make it work here we would have a problem on our hands. I try to ignore the location and focus on the fact that I am spending the rest of my life with my favorite person in the world and the geography is irrelevant. We make our own happiness. 
 

I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. I hope you can both find happiness, wherever that may be. 

Denied with a lifetime ban?? Can I ask why? So he’s not allowed to go there at all and visit with you? That sounds hard.
 

My mum is from the UK. I wonder if I have citizenship through her (I was born in Canada)? 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
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11 hours ago, VadnVince said:

I have sincere regrets after spending the past decade trying to make someone happy (& comfortable) my priority.  Only to have it constantly thrown back at me that, "It's better in the U.K." 

You did what you could.  We can't want something for somebody more than she wants it for herself.

11 hours ago, VadnVince said:

she was never really content, or as she put it, "comfortable"

Let her have her comfort in the UK, then.  Quit throwing good effort after bad, if indeed you still are.

Free yourself, and look for someone native to here, assimilated, or willing to assimilate.

Just some thoughts from a fellow Colonist.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Sorry to hear your story. Moving across the world is complex and everyone is different mentally and emotionally. Are you not able to spend some time visiting her out there? Whatever happens, I hope your can move forward with your life. 
 

We actually moved back to England in 2008 (I was an exchange student in 2005, moved as a K1 in 2006) luckily before they changed the U.K. immigration laws so my husband has his U.K. citizenship. After about 5 years there we realized we wanted to return to California for good and we moved in 2016. I think living in both countries and each spending time in each other’s homelands really helped us as a family blend our cultures and traditions. I mean he’d never trade fish and chips for an In and Out burger but he does miss England too. 
 

I still say we don’t do that in England lol but I love it here and so do our kids - they are so invested in school and their sports which their peers in England don’t seem to be (just my experience and seeing friends kids etc, I’m sure this isn’t the case for everyone). We are in our own fixer upper now and have applied for my parents to move over!

 

09/20/05 NOA1 received
11/22/05 NOA2 received (65 days)
12/05/05 NVC received application! (say 2-4 week wait)
12/13/05 Found out forms were sent to London on 12/08/05!
12/20/05 Packet 3 received!
01/11/06 Medical - Knightsbridge London
01/18/06 Sent back packet 3!
02/15/06 Received packet 4!

02/13/06 INTERVIEW DATE 03/22/06 AT 10.30AM!! - APPROVED

Married July 29th 2006!!

08/17/2006 Filed for AOS and EAD
08/26/2006 NOA1 received for both (dated 08/24/06)
09/06/2006 RFE email.....not sure what for yet!
9/07/2006 Biometrics completed
10/13/2006 Transferred to CSC!!
11/02/2006 Approval email received!!
11/08/2006 Welcome to USA letter arrives!

11/13/2006 GREEN CARD RECEIVED - NO MISTAKES!!!!

06/06/08 Family moved back to UK!!

Husband gained UK citizenship September 2015

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Family relocating back to California

06/27/2016 I-130 Spousal Visa application sent to London Embassy

07/05/2016 NOA 1

08/31/2016 NOA 2 - case transferred to the Immigrant Visa Unit at the embassy

09/13/2016 3rd Letter received with LND number

10/14/2016 Medical

10/31/2016 Embassy interview

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