For Brits - Living in the U.S. Can't Compete With the U.K. - Be "Warned"

[Cilllah 470]

Thank you for this thread.

 

I am starting to feel like this. I am from Australia and I only moved to the US in July. I have previously lived in the UK too and I hated it. You couldn't pay me to live in a terraced house again and eat the food but y'know we all have our preferences and what we are used to!

 

I know I am lucky to have moved here on my visa when I did. I was one of a handful of people who got their K1 approved in June as all of the embassies were closed. I try to remind myself of that but I am struggling. Moving is no joke but moving during a pandemic? I can't even try to do the things I wanted to do to help me adjust to my new country. I can't really go anywhere or do anything. The food that was fun to eat on holidays is now samey and repetitive. I want to make Australian food that I like but I am finding that I am always struggling to find an ingredient and import shops online are expensive. I am also struggling with boredom. I just want my combo card so I can get my license and a job! I have a house deposit gathering dust. I am so close to starting my life.

It is also hard as I brought my three year old with me and prior to the move we were living with my parents and she misses them too. So we are both adjusting the best we can. I can't put her in daycare to make friends and leave the house as it isn't worth the risk of COVID and so here we are just kind of wading through whilst we wait for our green cards and the pandemic to subside. 

 

There are things I miss about Australia - food, not being lonely, being able to drive etc, health care, I am liberal in a red state. None of it is a deal breaker though and I KNOW that once I get my green card things will get better. I do feel silly though. I cried the other day because I missed Aussie sausages and they just don't exist.

 

However, I am from a hot state and now I live in the cold Midwest where it snows half the year and is very cold. I think my emotions will take a dive there when I have to deal with that for the first time. It will be tough.

Edited September 23, 2020 by Cilllah

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

6 hours ago, Cilllah said:

Thank you for this thread.

 

I am starting to feel like this. I am from Australia and I only moved to the US in July. I have previously lived in the UK too and I hated it. You couldn't pay me to live in a terraced house again and eat the food but y'know we all have our preferences and what we are used to!

 

I know I am lucky to have moved here on my visa when I did. I was one of a handful of people who got their K1 approved in June as all of the embassies were closed. I try to remind myself of that but I am struggling. Moving is no joke but moving during a pandemic? I can't even try to do the things I wanted to do to help me adjust to my new country. I can't really go anywhere or do anything. The food that was fun to eat on holidays is now samey and repetitive. I want to make Australian food that I like but I am finding that I am always struggling to find an ingredient and import shops online are expensive. I am also struggling with boredom. I just want my combo card so I can get my license and a job! I have a house deposit gathering dust. I am so close to starting my life.

It is also hard as I brought my three year old with me and prior to the move we were living with my parents and she misses them too. So we are both adjusting the best we can. I can't put her in daycare to make friends and leave the house as it isn't worth the risk of COVID and so here we are just kind of wading through whilst we wait for our green cards and the pandemic to subside. 

 

There are things I miss about Australia - food, not being lonely, being able to drive etc, health care, I am liberal in a red state. None of it is a deal breaker though and I KNOW that once I get my green card things will get better. I do feel silly though. I cried the other day because I missed Aussie sausages and they just don't exist.

 

However, I am from a hot state and now I live in the cold Midwest where it snows half the year and is very cold. I think my emotions will take a dive there when I have to deal with that for the first time. It will be tough.

Yay another Aussie... 🙌🙌🙌🙌 Oh sweetie, I feel for you and totally understand... I got here in March right before lockdowns I guess my advantage is I visits hubby a bunch of times and knew what I was getting myself in for before getting stuck here cause of covid.

 

food... find you a good farmers market and Asian grocery store That should cover 50% of the food Aussies like.. I find SAMs the best place to find lamb, SNAGS, steak, ribs, seafood etc (fortunately I have the privilege of hubbies mates who supply all our crabs, prawns and my new found fav crawfish) but SAMs is still good.. then pop into Walmart for the rest.. don’t forget they call things weird names here for some reason lol google will give you the Aussie alternative.. 

 

lucky for your kid, you’re now in kid junk food heaven the stores are loaded with all the fast food options that aren’t normally available to us and it’s super cheap... just keep an eye on the sugar and fat levels everything here is super sweet or will put 5kg on you in the blink of an eye 😂

 

Driver licence check with your local Dept of Trans sometimes an affidavit from you or a letter from SS office saying you haven’t yet got ya SSN is enough to get your learners... 

 

Politics... don’t Be confused by Aussie liberal.. it’s kind of reversed here from what I see.. Aussie Labour Party are very similar to Democrat (Unions/Greenies etc) and Aussie Liberal is closer to Republican (Debt reduction, jobs, law and order) If that helps any.. and just an FYI Red States seem to be the sane ones in my opinion... 
 

ever lonely feel free to PM me.. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by Duke & Marie

[Orangesapples 1,954]

31 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

 

 

lucky for your kid, you’re now in kid junk food heaven the stores are loaded with all the fast food options that aren’t normally available to us and it’s super cheap... just keep an eye on the sugar and fat levels everything here is super sweet or will put 5kg on you in the blink of an eye 😂

 

 

Pretty sure it's the fat and sugar that makes junk food junk food, so indulging in junk food while keeping an eye on fat and sugar is kind of impossible. 

 

But yes, junk food is ridiculously cheap here and packed in giant bags. No wonder America has such a problem with... Well, you know what. 

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

57 minutes ago, Orangesapples said:

Pretty sure it's the fat and sugar that makes junk food junk food, so indulging in junk food while keeping an eye on fat and sugar is kind of impossible. 

 

But yes, junk food is ridiculously cheap here and packed in giant bags. No wonder America has such a problem with... Well, you know what. 

Yeah, but what I meant is the junk food here has way more sugar and fat in it than the same junk food back home e.g. Mac Donald’s.. even your bread here (And yeah I know not necessarily junk food) is super sweet by comparison to ours... I swear foods of the same brands coming from the same factory has extra added sugar than what we’re buying back home.. possibly due to our gov controlling fat and calorie content of foods more strictly

Edited September 24, 2020 by Duke & Marie

[TBoneTX 43,065]

14 hours ago, VadnVince said:

Your advise is a little irrelevant and irreverent in the context of MARRIAGE!  I'm afraid I take vows a little more seriously than that.  Admittedly, though, my inner "Popeye" has surfaced - 'THAT'S ALL THAT I CAN STANDS AND I CAN'T STANDS NO MORE!"  LOL

Well, then, I partially misunderstood your post.  However, I was reacting to the underlying tenet that you and I both share:  that marriage vows are to be taken more seriously than what you described.

 

Your "Popeye" observation, whether you intended thus or not, bears out my original point -- which, described another way, is that we can fruitlessly give and give until our emotional reservoir is exhausted, and then we have to decide whether we should ultimately cut things off.  (This happened to me twice.)  So I think that we agree more closely than it might have initially appeared.

14 hours ago, VadnVince said:

Refusing to assimilate will not work with her coming here or my living there.  

This is part of what I was trying to convey initially and just above:  if it's not going to work, then...

I sincerely sympathize with you, and I empathize with you to the extent that our situations parallel.

[VadnVince 24]

On 9/23/2020 at 11:00 AM, Duke & Marie said:

Lol my moms flat out using her mobile phone let alone the internet so I think I’m safe... and yeah hubbies very proud of himself about my growing a butt, me not so proud about it 😂😂 

 

what about retirement..? You mentioned your 60... is a retirement option in the uk any easier than employment visa, it’s a valid option being married to a uk citizen? I know from a health aspect you’d likely save a fortune on insurance given they’ve got a national health insurance system.. other than the rain and cold they do have so very lovely country towns and villages perfect for retirement and relaxation.. 

I don't have a pension or liquid cash to qualify for a UK family visa, still.  I'm actually starting a new career in insurance sales, here in the states where I'll be able to do telesales no matter where I'm located, as long as there is an internet connection.  So, I'll just return on a visitor's six month visa,  whenever I go back there.  MAYBE I'll apply for a family visa, down the line, just for the ability to qualify for NHC and eventual citizenship.  Where my wife lives (Walsall) is quaint, but boring.  I was able to visit Southampton, Bath & Bristol on my last visit and enjoyed my visits.  A previous visit to London reminded me too much of NYC!  LOL

[LukeU 413]

On 9/23/2020 at 11:30 AM, VadnVince said:

Good points - thanks for sharing.  Part of our dilemma is that we ARE "60!"  LOL  We got married at 50 so it can be assumed that folks are set in their ways by that age and international moving may be for "young folks only!"  LOL  You've started off with a great attitude and mindset.  No doubt because you're still young and open to new things.  

 

My wife was very happy when I made an attempt to see about immigrating there, this past winter.  But as you mentioned, the immigration process to the UK is near to impossible.  That's why we got the K-1 visa to America.  

 

I'm was born in DETROIT, btw. Tried to return there to live in 2018 after being gone since I was 12.  Nope.   That is definitely "the past!"

Although Iyou say I have a great mindset and that could be attributed to being younger for sure, I am also 29 going on 65 lol. I'm an old man in a lot of ways and my views on many things are normally found on someone older. 

 

Yeah immigrating back is much more difficult, costly and also the income in England (generally speaking) doesn't compare to the USA, then throw on house prices and sheer sqft availability and 'MURICA I STAY! 

 

Oh cool, I've been a few times (I work around 20 mins west of there), but mainly only because that's the easiest place for me to buy Lamb from regularly. We visit Chicago often, I take my hat off to you, it is not somewhere I think I could live either. Big city living is not my thing (see - old man, young man's body) 

[VadnVince 24]

On 9/23/2020 at 10:23 AM, Duke & Marie said:

Have you considered rotation? 6 mths here 6 there with both of you going back and forth? It could help the relationship and give her some form of regular familiarity and trips home to look forward to.. 
I know it sounds a little odd, but as ex military and ex mining A fly in fly out Type scenario isn’t impossible if you can find employment flexible enough..the internet is a fantastic creature for working remotely as many companies have recently discovered due to covid.. if like you said her family spoke about you being a lecturer, indicating some form of degree held by you a work visa/immigration visa could be a better option than visitor.. that is, if you really wanted to try fix things..

Actually, you've hit the nail right on the head!  I'm getting into the final expense insurance business that allows you to work from home via telesales.  And that is actually how I'm considering a compromise.  As long as I have an internet connection, I get leads through a phone app and can use Vonage to place sales calls from anywhere in the world.

 

My last visit to England was in trying TO get a work-visa.  I had an interview with Cunard (as a DJ) and was lured there by a brother-in-law for a potential interview with the London School of Science & Technology in B'ham.  Also was looking into a position at Walsall College.  The bad news was not getting any of the above and the good news was not getting any of the above!  Covid-19 hit and I left just in time before they locked down the borders!  My mother-in-law actually contracted the virus and was hospitalized, right after I left!  I would have been STUCK LIKE CHUCK with no possibly of prospects here OR there!  

 

I started studying for my insurance license, while there and took the exam back in July - so NOW I have options, working from home, abroad AND to make some money!

[VadnVince 24]

On 9/23/2020 at 11:00 AM, Duke & Marie said:

Lol my moms flat out using her mobile phone let alone the internet so I think I’m safe... and yeah hubbies very proud of himself about my growing a butt, me not so proud about it 😂😂 

 

Cheers to and for your husband, BTW 😆  Or as we say in the Hood parts of the States, "MY MAN!"  In the time my wife has been back in the U.K.  she's LOST butt.  I told her that this was NOT acceptable! LOL  COVID Quarantine for the past 6 months has helped her RESTORE restore her to original butt beauty like I found her!

Edited September 24, 2020 by VadnVince

[VadnVince 24]

11 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Well, then, I partially misunderstood your post.  However, I was reacting to the underlying tenet that you and I both share:  that marriage vows are to be taken more seriously than what you described.

 

Your "Popeye" observation, whether you intended thus or not, bears out my original point -- which, described another way, is that we can fruitlessly give and give until our emotional reservoir is exhausted, and then we have to decide whether we should ultimately cut things off.  (This happened to me twice.)  So I think that we agree more closely than it might have initially appeared.

This is part of what I was trying to convey initially and just above:  if it's not going to work, then...

I sincerely sympathize with you, and I empathize with you to the extent that our situations parallel.

We've got some clarity on both sides, here!  This is MY third marriage and the outcome is similar to the first two, as well!  The hardest part of western culture (UK OR USA)  is that it's ALWAYS THE MAN'S FAULT!  YOU are held accountable for "coming up short" of her expectations.  Many women have a quid-pro-quo concept of marriage.  She provides the cootchie and YOU just provide!  If what you provide is not to her liking, you're at fault.  In my first two marriages, I was lacking in material gain.  This one, I was busting ### to not allow that to be a factor and my country's system fell short!  One can't win for losing! Being a person of Christian faith makes it even more challenging because it's REALLY, "always the man's fault" - no matter what the woman is or is not doing!

[VadnVince 24]

31 minutes ago, LukeU said:

Yeah immigrating back is much more difficult, costly and also the income in England (generally speaking) doesn't compare to the USA, then throw on house prices and sheer sqft availability and 'MURICA I STAY! 

 

Oh cool, I've been a few times (I work around 20 mins west of there), but mainly only because that's the easiest place for me to buy Lamb from regularly. We visit Chicago often, I take my hat off to you, it is not somewhere I think I could live either. Big city living is not my thing (see - old man, young man's body) 

These are positive points about America that most Brits realize, but I came to realize getting married to someone whose 50, never been married or had children, lived in a small time all their life can result in a very naïve spinster for a wife.  All she knows is that little town in the West Midlands and talk of America being inferior to the UK in every way.  She's stubborn so living here was not able to change her opinions.  Although me contemplating divorce or just keeping her ####### there, permanently separated, lately has made her really reconsider her positions.  

[VadnVince 24]

22 hours ago, Cilllah said:

Thank you for this thread.

 

I am starting to feel like this. I am from Australia and I only moved to the US in July. I have previously lived in the UK too and I hated it. You couldn't pay me to live in a terraced house again and eat the food but y'know we all have our preferences and what we are used to!

 

I know I am lucky to have moved here on my visa when I did. I was one of a handful of people who got their K1 approved in June as all of the embassies were closed. I try to remind myself of that but I am struggling. Moving is no joke but moving during a pandemic? I can't even try to do the things I wanted to do to help me adjust to my new country. I can't really go anywhere or do anything. The food that was fun to eat on holidays is now samey and repetitive. I want to make Australian food that I like but I am finding that I am always struggling to find an ingredient and import shops online are expensive. I am also struggling with boredom. I just want my combo card so I can get my license and a job! I have a house deposit gathering dust. I am so close to starting my life.

It is also hard as I brought my three year old with me and prior to the move we were living with my parents and she misses them too. So we are both adjusting the best we can. I can't put her in daycare to make friends and leave the house as it isn't worth the risk of COVID and so here we are just kind of wading through whilst we wait for our green cards and the pandemic to subside. 

 

There are things I miss about Australia - food, not being lonely, being able to drive etc, health care, I am liberal in a red state. None of it is a deal breaker though and I KNOW that once I get my green card things will get better. I do feel silly though. I cried the other day because I missed Aussie sausages and they just don't exist.

 

However, I am from a hot state and now I live in the cold Midwest where it snows half the year and is very cold. I think my emotions will take a dive there when I have to deal with that for the first time. It will be tough.

I wish the best for you in strength with being a newlywed in a new country during this crisis!  Truthfully, you live in a place where most Americans (Red OR Blue) wouldn't care to live in!   My wife a friend who was from the UK and immigrated to Georgia.  A few years ago, her AFRICAN husband took a contracted job in the Dakotas during the boom.  I was born in the Great Lakes region and grew up in Mich, Wisc, & Illinois where there is cold and snow.  Still,  I wouldn't touch the Dakotas, even for a job!  LOL 

 

I'm sure you can order some Aussie cuisine through the internet.  It's just gonna cost ya'!  In most major cities there is a Word/Farmers market where you can get some of your home favorites.  

[Orangesapples 1,954]

37 minutes ago, VadnVince said:

We've got some clarity on both sides, here!  This is MY third marriage and the outcome is similar to the first two, as well!  The hardest part of western culture (UK OR USA)  is that it's ALWAYS THE MAN'S FAULT!  YOU are held accountable for "coming up short" of her expectations.  Many women have a quid-pro-quo concept of marriage.  She provides the cootchie and YOU just provide!  If what you provide is not to her liking, you're at fault.  In my first two marriages, I was lacking in material gain.  This one, I was busting ### to not allow that to be a factor and my country's system fell short!  One can't win for losing! Being a person of Christian faith makes it even more challenging because it's REALLY, "always the man's fault" - no matter what the woman is or is not doing!

I don't mean to be rude but if you've had 3 marriages that all had the same outcome, the only common variable in all of them is you. I wish all the best for you. 

[Ontarkie 13,918]

Moving to Arkansas, from Canada You probably know the place right on the Great Lakes SSM that was the biggest shock to the system one can have. I complained every single day about something or another. Heck I still complain after being here for 12 yrs. Like why on earth does your junk food suck. I miss ketchup chips and good Italian sausage, polish sausage/kielbasa. I fixed the sausage issue buy getting a meat grinder. No more gross sausage. 

 

The health care is crazy, but I do like being in a place that I can change doctors for any reason I like and I could be with a new one within days. Not like the 7 year waiting list for a doctor back home. Today that wait is 10ys.

 

I like the price of milk and gas here, I don't drink milk the kids do and the milk taste different and they got over it. We switched to the name brand as it does taste better they say.  Kraft dinner was better stuff in Canada and OMG Cheese Whiz! The stuff here is horrible, I don't know what they do to it here but it is yukky! I bring back 7 big jars back with me when I go HOME. 

 

I wouldn't want her to change her opinions, or assimilate.  I don't know about others but I will keep being me and not assimilate. That includes my spelling and my choice of words, what I expect from others and how treat others. 

 

And you're right I do expect my husband to provide. 

[Boiler 43,454]

Not sure I have ever heard Walsall called quaint.