Was just told he was arrested...

[Julie & Jae 16]

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

[geowrian 22,335]

Is he the petitioner or beneficiary?

[Julie & Jae 16]

Just now, geowrian said:

Is he the petitioner or beneficiary?

Beneficiary

[geowrian 22,335]

8 minutes ago, Julie & Jae said:

Beneficiary

It will come up in his police check (PCC), and it may or may not be an issue for the medical. There's no way to know beforehand, but it may be deemed a substance abuse issue. He will likely be referred to a psych exam.

 

It is not something that cannot be overcome or anything like that. It may or may not extend the timeline, though.

I wish I had more firm answers, but I really don't know how the panel physician will view it, nor the specifics of the charges and circumstances (fighting alone is not a CIMT, but the specific circumstances can be...meaning a waiver would be needed if so).

 

Best wishes. I really hope things work out for the best for both of you.

Edited August 15, 2019 by geowrian

[Julie & Jae 16]

4 minutes ago, geowrian said:

It will come up in his police check (PCC), and it may or may not be an issue for the medical. There's no way to know beforehand, but it may be deemed a substance abuse issue. He will likely be referred to a psych exam.

 

It is not a permanent bar or anything like that. It may or may not extend the timeline, though.

I wish I had more firm answers, but I really don't know how the panel physician will view it, nor the specifics of the charges and circumstances (fighting alone is not a CIMT, but the specific circumstances can be...meaning a waiver would be needed if so).

 

Best wishes. I really hope things work out for the best for both of you.

Thank you for your information and timely reply. I know you took some of your time to get that info for me. Yes, that's why I was so worried because the Korean Embassy does ask for their criminal record report at the interview. I'm so pissed it would have been a clean slate until 4 weeks ago. Anyways, my fiance also said something about the arrest case not being "finished" or closed and something about finding a lawyer for help so I don't know specifics about the arrest and circumstances either. I want to know more, but right now I'm so upset with him and he said he was busy trying to do that anyways. I really hope that it goes like you said because that would be better than just a flat out denial. Thank you for your wishes for us too.

[databit 328]

Please go to an ALANON meeting right away. They are for people whose loved one is an alcoholic. All your pleas and his promises will not help the situation. 

[gregcrs2 1,777]

Unfortunately, your fiancé cannot undo an arrest, even if charges are dropped.  The DS-160 asks about arrests, not about convictions.  The question also comes up again during Adjustment of Status.  You may want to take some time to reflect on this situation.  Alcohol and violence is a terrible combination and can get much worse over time without getting help.

[Nat&Amy 623]

It seems that you are actually dealing with two problems. One, as you promptly identified, is the situation of the K1 visa once the arrest is disclosed. Let's assume, however, that the visa gets approved and your fiance is able to move to the US. Does he have a strong support network in the place where you are both planning to live? Friends, family? Are you both prepared for him to be unable to work, or to travel, or to gain a relative level of independence from you for several months? 

 

The whole immigration process will go far beyond the K1 interview so it would be wise of you to have a serious conversation with your fiance when you feel less frustrated and disappointed. The AoS phase is not an easy one, and the challenges of adapting to a new culture and a new routine are tough even for those that do not have a problem with substance abuse. The fact that he turns violent when he overdrinks might pose a threat to your own wellbeing, so please don't overlook it. We tend to let emotions cloud our judgement because we are so anxious to have our beloved ones close to us, but in immigration we need to use reason. It's a long, tiring, expensive process, so make sure to consult with a specialist if you feel overwhelmed, and plan ahead (financially and emotionally) to avoid bad surprises in the future.

Edited August 15, 2019 by Nat&Amy

[bakphx1 785]

I have to agree with the above.  Alcohol is the reason for do many relationships going off the rails once the person comes here.  Maybe you’re finding out in time.  It’s very disappointing to think the person who is the love of your life is actually a problem drinker but better to know sooner than later.  There are plenty of posts on VJ about marriages ending rather quickly because the immigrating spouse couldn’t control their drinking.  If he picks fights, you seriously risk domestic violence.

 

If you’re in direct competition with alcohol for your partner’s attention and to be the priority in his life you have to realize that alcohol will always win.  

 

[R&OC 349]

The  K1 process is one issue. The long-term one is this and I hope I am not overstepping boundaries.

 

You as a petitioner take over responsibility for him in a financial sense and this can not be undone once the AOS process is completed. Trust me, problems do rarely disappear by themelves. Your fiancé seems to have a hard time handling alcohol and controlling his impulses. What makes you think this will not be a problem down the road towards you or your future children together? My husband has a father that was violent and couldn't control his anger. It leaves scars forever. 

 

And if the K1 process is equally important to him than it is to you, would he have done the same? I, for instance, hate driving in the US because I am super worried about making a mistake and having issues with my GC when up for renewal. I would never risk my husbands, my family's future for selfish mistakes. 

 

I would like to ask you: If you were your daughter and she came to you with advise regarding her fiancé being in the same situation as you are in right now, what would you advise? Would you be concerned?

 

I am concerned and I apologise for providing unsolicited advise beyond the immigration question you had.

[Hank_ 9,173]

6 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

"signs of things to come" ?      My first thought was - Do you want to be married to an abusive/violent alcoholic?   

 

Time pull back and reflect ?

[Mollie09 1,543]

9 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

You're doing a K-1 so after he comes to the US, there's going to be a potentially months-long period when he won't be able to work, travel, or drive. Is that going to be frustrating to him? Is he likely to deal with it poorly and drink?

 

All things to consider...

[Nat&Amy 623]

7 hours ago, bakphx1 said:

 

If you’re in direct competition with alcohol for your partner’s attention and to be the priority in his life you have to realize that alcohol will always win.  

Yes, this.

 

You said he had promised he would not overdrink. Sadly, promises are easy to make but hard to keep. Ask him instead, what concrete actions he is planning to take to address the issue. He might need to seek professional help, is be willing to? Alcohol is not something one simply drops at will, not when there is a history of abuse. Again, please take time to study the next steps of the immigration process because the K1 visa is just the first of many and your relationship will need to be as strong as it can possibly be to survive all the stress that comes with them.

Edited August 15, 2019 by Nat&Amy

[JeanneAdil 6,191]

you got some good advice above from so many

as alcohol problems and violence can cause so much heartache and Money

Are you prepared to pay attorney fees when he has trouble here?

It was pointed out he will not be able to work for some time/ this causes boredom 

are you prepared to pay the high cost of auto insurance for someone with drinking problems?

 

So many issues here

Think really hard with your head and not the heart 

and thank God you found all this out now

 

I probably overstepped too and i apologize but i was once married to a man who drank way too much and i loved him way too much

i had to finally move out for the sake of my sons

[geowrian 22,335]

Just as a note....I'm glad others came in and covered the non-immigration issues. I appreciate it~ ❤️