Was just told he was arrested...

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

35 minutes ago, Mollie09 said:

You're doing a K-1 so after he comes to the US, there's going to be a potentially months-long period when he won't be able to work, travel, or drive. Is that going to be frustrating to him? Is he likely to deal with it poorly and drink?

 

All things to consider...

This is so important to consider. Many addicts, even recovering ones, struggle when they aren't occupied with something productive to do. As others have advised, you owe it to yourself to start attending AlAnon meetings. They're going to give you a lot of information on how to deal with a loved one who has a substance addiction. Good luck.

[Elif_and_Greg 164]

Wow, my fiance in Turkey right now is afraid just to sneeze on account that her visa may be denied. And here, your partner is getting drunk and getting into fights and then not telling you about it until a month later. I know you're here looking more for visa rather than relationship advice, but I'll say this anyway. People who drink to such a level that they get into fights when they're drunk and turn into liars....it is likely this man will never stop drinking and he will lie more and more to conceal that fact from you. Lying may even be one thing, but he kept from you a fact that very well could impact if/when you two get to be together. 

 

To be fair, I think people should be free to make mistakes in their lives and it shouldn't mean they can't come to the U.S. altogether on account of that. But are you certain this is his only arrest and could he have be convicted of anything else? If you decide to continue this relationship and go through with the visa, you really better make sure there's nothing else he's concealing from you. 

[NYCruiser 423]

11 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Thank you for your information and timely reply. I know you took some of your time to get that info for me. Yes, that's why I was so worried because the Korean Embassy does ask for their criminal record report at the interview. I'm so pissed it would have been a clean slate until 4 weeks ago. Anyways, my fiance also said something about the arrest case not being "finished" or closed and something about finding a lawyer for help so I don't know specifics about the arrest and circumstances either. I want to know more, but right now I'm so upset with him and he said he was busy trying to do that anyways. I really hope that it goes like you said because that would be better than just a flat out denial. Thank you for your wishes for us too.

Hello. I feel very badly for you about this. A thing to be very careful about is this. Spending a lot of time on the process will take time for you to step back and ask yourself a very important series of questions.

 

...how long has this 'drinking' going on?

...you know it will not stop when he comes to the USA...right? 

...and you deal with this or worse when you and he marry?

 

Maybe I would step back and assess? 

[NYCruiser 423]

10 hours ago, Nat&Amy said:

It seems that you are actually dealing with two problems. One, as you promptly identified, is the situation of the K1 visa once the arrest is disclosed. Let's assume, however, that the visa gets approved and your fiance is able to move to the US. Does he have a strong support network in the place where you are both planning to live? Friends, family? Are you both prepared for him to be unable to work, or to travel, or to gain a relative level of independence from you for several months? 

 

The whole immigration process will go far beyond the K1 interview so it would be wise of you to have a serious conversation with your fiance when you feel less frustrated and disappointed. The AoS phase is not an easy one, and the challenges of adapting to a new culture and a new routine are tough even for those that do not have a problem with substance abuse. The fact that he turns violent when he overdrinks might pose a threat to your own wellbeing, so please don't overlook it. We tend to let emotions cloud our judgement because we are so anxious to have our beloved ones close to us, but in immigration we need to use reason. It's a long, tiring, expensive process, so make sure to consult with a specialist if you feel overwhelmed, and plan ahead (financially and emotionally) to avoid bad surprises in the future.

Very good advice...I don't know if it is possible, but can you afford (time/money etc) to visit him again in S.Ko? Observe him carefully to see whether this is a relationship you really want? Someone said people who drink a lot tend to lie (I have two relatives who always lie about drinking until the liver tests came back signalling liver issues. They lied to their doctor and never telling her that they drink.

 

 

[WaterLeaf 199]

Would he ask if he can get alcohol in the US? Just a thought... or ask him if he will consider getting one while in the US?

 

(I've never been a drinker so I don't know exactly how all that work, but I've not been exposed to many of those kind of peoples other than a few that are seriously taken over by alcohol and I know 1 recovered well.)

[GMvietnam 28]

12 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

Doesn't seem like he cares about you guys' future as much as you do.  You gotta slow down and think about the kind of responsibilities if and when hes approved for the visa.  Are you going to quit working and babysit him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid?  He can't control himself when he knew the big day (interview) is coming....Good luck.

[implife 318]

13 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent

You have a much bigger problem than K-1 process. This is dangerous. You should be concerned about your future life and health with that person, not with K-1 process.

[mytruelove18 607]

13 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

Your fiance has a problem a big problem and alcohol and violence.

Open your ayes, those problem do not get resolve with promises.

Get preper when he moves to USA, he will drinks because he is homesick or any reson.

Alcohlism is a real problem.

Look at your words :" he promised stop drink so much" that mean he continue drinking.

I hope he can be out from alcohol, but be aware that stop drink is no that easy.

 

[Dan2023 23]

14 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

Julie. Listen it's not just K1 question. Its a question about his life and yours.

 

People have rightly shared what they have been through on this thread.

 

My example. eventhough i don't drink or smoke. just passing over those  first 6 months were brutal for me.

 

I had a full time well paid job back in my country and resigned came here and was jobless for 6 months when adjusting status.

 

my advice is not to leave him mid way as well and from reasoning perspective and looking at current situation. would CR1 be a better route for him ??

 

that way you have time for him to improve and when he comes here he can have a job and life.

 

think about it. it's not matter of couple hundred dollars. its matter of your and his life.

[Hank_ 9,173]

 

(do not make his problems yours to bear.)

[CrisBR 30]

18 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

I understand your frustration and, as you said, all the time, energy, money and dreams you’ve invested in this relationship. 

However, think of all the responsibility which will be on your shoulders and think if it’s worth it. 

[DanArl 4]

22 hours ago, Julie & Jae said:

Hi guys. I don't know, I just need some emotional support right now.

 

My fiance JUST told me he got arrested about 4 weeks ago from drinking and then starting a fight. This is after he promised me and his family he'd stop drinking so much because this has become a trend when he overdrinks and becomes violent. So hearing this news, I was pissed off beyond..JUST BEYOND. HE PROMISED. I reminded him many times about not drinking too much. So I know this is something he KNOWS he shouldn't have done. I am so mad he hid this from me and also because we are at the K-1 visa interview step in the process and were so close... How could he be such an idiot? We put so much time, money, and energy into all of this and now he may get denied because of this.

 

I just yelled at him so much and then I'm so devastated and just in shock; sobbing. I had all these dreams about our new life together, how happy we'd be, and we were so close. All of the sudden those dreams may not ever be able to come true?

 

Will he definitely get denied because of this arrest now? Does anyone else have experiences with a fiance with a criminal past? Any support or words or advice would be welcome....

Never try to fix anybody. It doesnt work. 

[Ontarkie 13,917]

I'm going to leave the personal stuff alone and tell you that yes this recent charge can cause a problem.

Even if he doesn't get flagged in the medical where he needs to disclose how much he drinks he can very well be denied for alcohol abuse. 

It has been seen here before where a guy was charged for DUI that was over 10yr old but they found him ineligible for alcohol abuse and he had to do a waiver. Provide proof he stopped drinking it was a long process and took over a year. 

[randomstairs 270]

To just narrow it down to visa approval chances: it depends on the charges. If this is his only arrest and if there are no assault charges then most likely he'll be fine. For DUI arrests they tend to require passing a medical test to eliminate the alcohol abuse issues. The test can be scheduled within days or weeks and the embassy has the list of local doctors who can perform the test. But if this is not the only arrest and if the previous ones were also alcohol related, then he may get bared for several years or until he can prove that he is addiction free. 

 

 

[randomstairs 270]

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

I'm going to leave the personal stuff alone and tell you that yes this recent charge can cause a problem.

Even if he doesn't get flagged in the medical where he needs to disclose how much he drinks he can very well be denied for alcohol abuse. 

It has been seen here before where a guy was charged for DUI that was over 10yr old but they found him ineligible for alcohol abuse and he had to do a waiver. Provide proof he stopped drinking it was a long process and took over a year. 

If he was applying for a visa from abroad then the embassy must have requested the medical exam. That's very unusual for cases more than 5 years old so it's possible that the embassy had other information about him that led them to believe that he was still abusing alcohol. It could be that he actually failed the initial exam (they test for liver enzymes, the levels of which take a while to recover to normal in serious abusers, if ever). Normally a single DUI, as serious as this crime is, does not trigger inadmissibility on medical grounds.  

Edited August 16, 2019 by randomstairs