WIfe keeps threatening me that she will go to the battered shelter (merged)

[Sarge2155 4,570]

One thing you DO NOT want her to do is back you in a corner and you slip and do something stupid (like hit her) all it takes is one time you lay your hands on her (being the man) so you better grit your teeth pinch your arm  do anything but retaliate. You have already said you want out, well get out, you are going to have to stand up for yourself, just like they tell women to do when the shoe is reversed. You did not mention you had kids or I missed that part, be thankful there are none (AND DON'T MAKE ANY EITHER) at least not with her. Don't let her bully you, what did she waste, you petitioned her? Let her worry about her own immigration status, file the divorce and be done with it.

[andrewfromdenver 31]

buy her a ONE WAY ticket too the philippines.....tell her go visit family and blow off steam

 

chances are she will never be able to afford to come back

[Crazy Cat 39,351]

2 hours ago, rollitup said:

And also, am I trapped to support her with the affidavit of support even after the divorce?

Divorce does not terminate the obligations of an I-864.  A sponsor is obligated until:

1.  The immigrant becomes a US citizen or

2.  The immigrant accrues 40 quarters of credited work or

3.  The immigrant leaves the US and loses legal resident status or

4.  The immigrant dies.

 

[RO_AH 1,615]

11 minutes ago, andrewfromdenver said:

buy her a ONE WAY ticket too the philippines.....tell her go visit family and blow off steam

 

chances are she will never be able to afford to come back

I actually know of someone who did this. He told her it was just a vacation to visit her family. Once he got her home he flew back by himself. His ticket was round trip hers was one way.

[RO_AH 1,615]

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

So recently she left and I went to find her and bring her back.

Why??? Why in the world would you do that? Here is something you need to learn and think VERY hard about:

 

A person can only do to you what you allow them to do to you.

 

You have spent years accepting her behavior and you have created a monster. I love my Pinay wife with all my heart but, I would never accept her treating me the way that you describe. 

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

 Every time she gets mad she brings all her clothes downstairs from the room.

Do this to me and I would pull out suitcases and start packing them. I would asks if she would like a ride somewhere of should I call an Uber?

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

She gets explosively angry, tearing my shirt.

I would simply laugh. I am 2x her weight and 1 foot taller than her.

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

cant go in the front yard without a potential problem because she thinks I like the neighbors.

I would get a lawn chair and just go in front with an ice chest and hang out. Maybe invite some friends over.

 

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

I cant go into the bathroom with my phone because she thinks I will message a woman. 

You are saying you can't a lot...Why? You are a grown man and can do whatever you want to do. You relinquished all of your power to her. Like I said you allowed it and you created a monster. It may be impossible to get that power back.

 

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

But every time I don't agree with her she keeps threatening me that she will go in the battered woman's shelter. And she almost did it the last time.

If she want's to go let her. You should never be begging for someone to stay. Like I said before I love my wife with all of my heart but the minute she does not to be in the relationship she can go. I would never want someone that did not want me. No way to be in a relationship. 

 

4 hours ago, rollitup said:

so if I want a divorce she guilts me by saying I wasted 12 years of her life and she will fight for her rights.

It's 12 years of your life too not to mention a countless amount of money. 

 

You need to do a 180 in your way of thinking and the way you are in your relationship. NEVER reward bad behavior. NEVER. Grow a pair and remember. She will only do to you what you allow.

Edited May 9, 2022 by RO_AH

[Sarge2155 4,570]

@RO_AHOuch!

[andrewfromdenver 31]

52 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

I actually know of someone who did this. He told her it was just a vacation to visit her family. Once he got her home he flew back by himself. His ticket was round trip hers was one way.

well i would send her by herself......tell her go home and think about it

 

it may do wonders for her attitude when you dont send her spending money.....other than bus fare to get home

 

if she still wants to act up then let her come up with money to fly back and file for divorce..that would take her a lifetime

[Crazy Cat 39,351]

4 minutes ago, andrewfromdenver said:

well i would send her by herself......tell her go home and think about it

 

it may do wonders for her attitude when you dont send her spending money.....other than bus fare to get home

 

if she still wants to act up then let her come up with money to fly back and file for divorce..that would take her a lifetime

LOL!!! Where did you get your family law degree?  

[African Zealot 1,453]

In addition to everything you’ve been told, encourage her to get citizenship as soon as she’s eligible. You don’t need to give her the real reason why 😉😉😉

[Crazy Cat 39,351]

1 minute ago, African Zealot said:

In addition to everything you’ve been told, encourage her to get citizenship as soon as she’s eligible. You don’t need to give her the real reason why 😉😉😉

That is the best advice in this thread.......

Edited May 9, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[RO_AH 1,615]

7 minutes ago, African Zealot said:

In addition to everything you’ve been told, encourage her to get citizenship as soon as she’s eligible. You don’t need to give her the real reason why 😉😉😉

Citizenship can not be done quickly. Once she gets it he still could be forced to pay alimony and whatever else she may get in a divorce.

 

His best options are to grow a pair and correct the balance in the relationship if it's not too late, or send her home and file divorce here.

Edited May 9, 2022 by RO_AH

[Crazy Cat 39,351]

7 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

Citizenship can not be done quickly. 

But it is the fastest route to getting out from under a binding I-864.  A divorce does not change the obligation.

Edited May 9, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[RO_AH 1,615]

12 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:

A divorce does not change the obligation.

His obligation would be to support her in the USA, If she is in the Philippines I-864 doesn't apply. If she was in the Philippines when he filed it would be next to impossible for her to contest and he would get a default judgement.

 

I recommend trying to fix the relationship, but if he needs out and it's not repairable it is a route to consider. 

[Beth & Achraf 328]

5 hours ago, rollitup said:

What rights do I have as a man? and what can I do?

Her two year visa is up in September. 

My wife is unhappy with our marriage. When she is happy she does many things to help out, cooking, cleaning, ironing and I do appreciate all that but even then we had too many fights about how controlling she is. Now she's getting advice from a Filipina friend to just go to the shelter so she can start her new life. Every time she gets mad she brings all her clothes downstairs from the room. She gets so jealous and makes make believe stories in her head. If she hears the neighbors that she is jealous about laughing together she thinks they are laughing at her. She gets explosively angry, tearing my shirt. I cant go in the front yard without a potential problem because she thinks I like the neighbors. I cant go into the bathroom with my phone because she thinks I will message a woman. She's very controlling about one of my sisters that I have its always monitored conversations and questions when I do call my sister without her. She's injured my ribs, drilled my hand, punched me slapped me, etc.

 

So recently she left and I went to find her and bring her back. But every time I don't agree with her she keeps threatening me that she will go in the battered woman's shelter. And she almost did it the last time. Before when we would argue she would threaten me buy saying she wanted to go home forever.  After about 100 times of hearing that I finally agreed. She changed her tone and now I feel suffocated into going to that interview in September. It took years to get her the annulment and now married almost 3 years so if I want a divorce she guilts me by saying I wasted 12 years of her life and she will fight for her rights. 

I don't know what to do anymore, all I know is I am not happy at all. 

 

Hire a divorce attorney, change the locks, protect yourself financially, and keep a phone handy with a video camera

Stay away from her as far as possible If you have to see her, make sure people are around you to witness her actions.

Move on and very best wishes for you.

[Crazy Cat 39,351]

Just now, Beth & Achraf said:

change the locks

You cannot legally lock someone out of their own home.