Age Gap - Messy Timeline

[Niblet & J 0]

Hi everyone! 

I recently read a thread about an age-gap case and it has got me really worried. My husband is 30 years older than me and I don't think the Dhaka embassy gets many couples with such a large age-gap if at all.

Let me briefly outline our relationship and some of the areas I think may be red flags for a visa officer:

 

1. We met in Dhaka on August 2019. He was consulting on my family's business and we met twice on that trip. We were stuck in the car for 6 hours on the second day and we realised we shared a love of books,  same morals, beliefs etc. We started communicating via email and then Whatsapp after that.

 

2. Dec 2019 - My brother accidentally discovered our emails while using my laptop. Now we both knew that due to our age difference my family would have a hard time accepting our relationship. My brother didnt tell any one else but discouraged me to take it any further. I deleted my emails and Whatsapp history (lost evidence of our chats from then) and started using Signal (better security). We also decided that we needed to meet in-person. I was planning on doing PhD so I applied to universities close to him. 

- potential gap in communication evidence

 

3. He was supposed to visit for a consultation on March 2020 but by then COVID was pretty serious and we never got to meet that year.

 

4. In April 2020, I received a full scholarship from the university nearest to him. Unfortunately embassies were closed worldwide and my deadline to enter the US expired in Oct 2020. I had filled up the application for student visa online but never got to book an interview. I had contacted the university several times. My parents were unaware of my relationship with John and they tried to contact the embassy too through the Foreign Ministry. We even got a letter from the embassy telling us to try Thailand or India (even though the borders were closed -_-). I lost the scholarship and in my desperation I told my family in the hope they might agree to sponsor my studies so I could defer entry to Jan 2021. I was wrong.

- I dont know whether I should submit papers related to this? 

 

5. I knew they would be angry but I didnt expect them to take away my passport, my phone and my laptop. Threatened my husband, threatened me. Safe to say it was a mess. After 2 months of this, I pretended to cool things off with John so that I could get my passport back. We decided then that we would marry in secret. (and yes even at 30, I was living with my parents - we only leave the house once we are married)

 

6. March 2021 - we got married in secret. He was here for 5 days. (We have only a few photos from the trip). 

 

7. April 2021 - We filed our i130 AND K3. The lawyer my husband hired only submitted our marriage papers but didnt submit any photos, chat records, his travel history etc. She said it is only needed at the NVC stage.

-Is she correct? I found it odd.

 

8. June 2021 - I left home without telling anyone and turned off my phone. My husband came over to Bangladesh for 3 weeks. We stayed at an Air BNB and travelled around the coast (Have lots of photos - but it's only the two of us) By the end of the second week I turned my phone back on and after a lot of phone calls, my family agreed to accept him. During one of the phone calls things got pretty heated and they threatened to have him arrested with false charges. My husband notified the embassy in case they were serious (the embassy told him to go to the local police -_-). 

 

9. After things cooled down a bit we agreed to meet up with them and they arranged a formal wedding with family and friends )have lots of photos with different people). Soon after, my husband went back to the US. He was planning on coming to stay with me again but he tested positive for COVID and he cannot travel yet. He is okay, he only has mild symptoms. He is planning on staying here as much as possible till my visa gets approved.

 

Based on our crazy timeline do you have any suggestions on how we could provide proper evidence of our relationship that can help explain the mess? He changed his personal bank account so now it's jointly in our name after our lawyer suggested 'shared financial assets'. And most of the bills on this recent trip were paid from that account using the card under my name. Before the account, he sent me money through a send money app. It was just for gifts. He doesnt need to support me as I have a job. (Sorry this post is so long)

[JeanneAdil 6,539]

For a 30 year age gap,  your husband will need to prove that he has done all he can to mingle finances

1.  your petition is April of 2021  ,  so interview will be 2022 (about 18 months from now)

2.  he is married so has to file 2021 taxes as married,  he can file joint and add you by following IRS webpage for non resident alien spouse / this gives you a ITIN  Direct him to this site (https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/nonresident-alien-spouse)

3.  he can add you to his current health care with the ITIN when it comes

4. the 2 of you can write wills in favor or the other

5. you can send him a POA so he can do business in your name

6.  He can add you to credit card

7.  He may not have the IRS tax returns by time of your interview so he may need to send copy of his 1040,   W2 and any 1099 forms he has for the income section of the 2nd step (NVC stage)

8.  he is 30 years older and you are 30 makes him 60,  he may be ready for retirement,  60 is old age here and he is a senior citizen,  so be prepared to answer strange questions about the age like "Are you willing to care for this old man?"  (a sample)6.  5.  Marriage will give you a green card so be prepared to work after he retires to be able to have health care insurance on your own (as when he is 65 he can not add you to medicare)  / or make sure he can afford the insurance on his own/  this may sound invasive for you to do,  but it is important that the 2 of you talk about his income and all it means for him to retire and you are married and need to know

9.  it is more normal for an older man to marry younger woman and not the other way around/  if Co mentions age during interview,  tell them an important man named Larry KIng married a woman 28 years younger and u and your husband don't think it is so abnormal in the US

6.  you did not mention religions /   this is important / Any differences in religion?

7.  When he is covid free and has had the vaccination,  he should visit as much as possible to show the relaitonship is real

Good luck gf 

and keep the timeline up to date and keep us posted

Best to you both

Edited July 18, 2021 by JeanneAdil

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

I wouldn’t worry about the age gap in your situation and no need to explain the messy timeline. You don’t need evidence of prior to your marriage- focus on your date of marriage and going forward.  Like the above poster mentioned you need to commingle your life. He should be filing taxes as married next year, add you to a bank account if possible, joint credit cards, beneficiary on retirement account etc. If he does go and live with you that is very strong evidence. He just needs to make sure he can meet the financial requirements/domicile when the time comes. It sounds as if your family is now accepting. It is more of a red flag when the gender is the other way around- most American men 30 year olds don’t marry women in their 60s. 

[carmel34 3,639]

Evidence of time spent together, the more in-person visits the better, and financial co-mingling, help to overcome the age gap issue.  Make sure that all the additional evidence is submitted at the NVC stage, from the date of marriage until uploading it via CEAC as an "additional document" we did a compressed PDF.  To document time spent together, send passport stamps, hotel and Airbnb  receipts, original boarding passes, etc.  Don't wait to submit bona fide marriage relationship evidence until the visa interview, as they are not obligated to look at it and typically make a preliminary decision before the interview, with all evidence sent with the I-130 or uploaded at the NVC stage.  My husband and I have a 27-year age gap and were approved, 8 visits all documented and lots of financial co-mingling evidence, so you can do it too.  Good luck!

[pushbrk 12,969]

8 hours ago, JeanneAdil said:

For a 30 year age gap,  your husband will need to prove that he has done all he can to mingle finances

1.  your petition is April of 2021  ,  so interview will be 2022 (about 18 months from now)

2.  he is married so has to file 2021 taxes as married,  he can file joint and add you by following IRS webpage for non resident alien spouse / this gives you a ITIN  Direct him to this site (https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/nonresident-alien-spouse)

3.  he can add you to his current health care with the ITIN when it comes

4. the 2 of you can write wills in favor or the other

5. you can send him a POA so he can do business in your name

6.  He can add you to credit card

7.  He may not have the IRS tax returns by time of your interview so he may need to send copy of his 1040,   W2 and any 1099 forms he has for the income section of the 2nd step (NVC stage)

8.  he is 30 years older and you are 30 makes him 60,  he may be ready for retirement,  60 is old age here and he is a senior citizen,  so be prepared to answer strange questions about the age like "Are you willing to care for this old man?"  (a sample)6.  5.  Marriage will give you a green card so be prepared to work after he retires to be able to have health care insurance on your own (as when he is 65 he can not add you to medicare)  / or make sure he can afford the insurance on his own/  this may sound invasive for you to do,  but it is important that the 2 of you talk about his income and all it means for him to retire and you are married and need to know

9.  it is more normal for an older man to marry younger woman and not the other way around/  if Co mentions age during interview,  tell them an important man named Larry KIng married a woman 28 years younger and u and your husband don't think it is so abnormal in the US

6.  you did not mention religions /   this is important / Any differences in religion?

7.  When he is covid free and has had the vaccination,  he should visit as much as possible to show the relaitonship is real

Good luck gf 

and keep the timeline up to date and keep us posted

Best to you both

Ugg!  Where to start??  I guess I'll keep it short.  The above is MOSTLY over-reaction, in my opinion.  60 is old age in the USA?  Nonsense.  He can't even draw Social Security yet.  The current and last US Presidents are in their 70's.  Yes, you CAN do the things suggested, but that does NOT mean they are all necessary.

My suggestion would be to provide a letter from you explaining the evolution of your relationship, just like you did here, but with some more about how the relationship developed and WHY...YOU...wanted to marry him.

You may face some tough questions but the fact that your family approves now and is involved, will go a long way.

 

Yes, your attorney should have provided evidence of relationship up front, but you can provide it at NVC too.  Your best evidence seems to have not existed until after you filed.

 

 

Edited July 18, 2021 by pushbrk

[Cathi 5,770]

10 hours ago, JeanneAdil said:

For a 30 year age gap,  your husband will need to prove that he has done all he can to mingle finances

1.  your petition is April of 2021  ,  so interview will be 2022 (about 18 months from now)

2.  he is married so has to file 2021 taxes as married,  he can file joint and add you by following IRS webpage for non resident alien spouse / this gives you a ITIN  Direct him to this site (https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/nonresident-alien-spouse)

3.  he can add you to his current health care with the ITIN when it comes

4. the 2 of you can write wills in favor or the other

5. you can send him a POA so he can do business in your name

6.  He can add you to credit card

7.  He may not have the IRS tax returns by time of your interview so he may need to send copy of his 1040,   W2 and any 1099 forms he has for the income section of the 2nd step (NVC stage)

8.  he is 30 years older and you are 30 makes him 60,  he may be ready for retirement,  60 is old age here and he is a senior citizen,  so be prepared to answer strange questions about the age like "Are you willing to care for this old man?"  (a sample)6.  5.  Marriage will give you a green card so be prepared to work after he retires to be able to have health care insurance on your own (as when he is 65 he can not add you to medicare)  / or make sure he can afford the insurance on his own/  this may sound invasive for you to do,  but it is important that the 2 of you talk about his income and all it means for him to retire and you are married and need to know

9.  it is more normal for an older man to marry younger woman and not the other way around/  if Co mentions age during interview,  tell them an important man named Larry KIng married a woman 28 years younger and u and your husband don't think it is so abnormal in the US

6.  you did not mention religions /   this is important / Any differences in religion?

7.  When he is covid free and has had the vaccination,  he should visit as much as possible to show the relaitonship is real

Good luck gf 

and keep the timeline up to date and keep us posted

Best to you both

Huh?? Mumbo jumbo.

Ummmmmmm.....60 years old is NOT considered "old age" or a "senior citizen" in the U.S. A different religion is not difficult to overcome.

OP: I am 21 years older than my husband and we didn't have a single issue getting approved. Same as far as religion, he's Muslim, I'm Catholic. It's difficult to co-mingle finances before you move to the U.S and the consulate is well aware of that. Just make sure you have lots of evidence of a bonafide relationship-time spent together in real life. Evidence of time spent in person IE: boarding passes, pictures, hotel/air bb receipts ect...and joint U.S tax returns.

Good luck

 

[Rocio0010 5,579]

Just to say that K3s are obsolete. Better go through K1 or CR1. Only a handful of K3s have been granted in recent years.

[Diane and Chris 651]

1 hour ago, ra0010 said:

Just to say that K3s are obsolete. Better go through K1 or CR1. Only a handful of K3s have been granted in recent years.

K-1 will not work. They are already married. 

[Rocio0010 5,579]

4 minutes ago, Diane and Chris said:

K-1 will not work. They are already married. 

I stand corrected. Then CR-1

[Murph4865 597]

7 hours ago, Cathi said:

Huh?? Mumbo jumbo.

Ummmmmmm.....60 years old is NOT considered "old age" or a "senior citizen" in the U.S. A different religion is not difficult to overcome.

OP: I am 21 years older than my husband and we didn't have a single issue getting approved. Same as far as religion, he's Muslim, I'm Catholic. It's difficult to co-mingle finances before you move to the U.S and the consulate is well aware of that. Just make sure you have lots of evidence of a bonafide relationship-time spent together in real life. Evidence of time spent in person IE: boarding passes, pictures, hotel/air bb receipts ect...and joint U.S tax returns.

Good luck

 

talking with my tax accountant he can not file taxes as married cause of no SS number, i have not been able to file on my wife cause of the same issue. Co-mingling finances is very hard to do be worlds apart.

[Rocio0010 5,579]

1 hour ago, Murph4865 said:

talking with my tax accountant he can not file taxes as married cause of no SS number, i have not been able to file on my wife cause of the same issue. Co-mingling finances is very hard to do be worlds apart.

He absolutely can. If you use TTax, he’ll get to a screen where he can get an ITIN for her, I believe. In fact, he shouldn’t file as “single”

Edited July 19, 2021 by ra0010
Wrong word

[Mike E 11,740]

20 hours ago, Niblet & J said:

My husband is 30 years older

60 vs 30 is a lot different than 48 vs 18.  I don’t see it as an issue, especially given the efforts you two have taken to meet and comingle finances.  
 

Quote

 

7. April 2021 - We filed our i130 AND K3.

That is unusual   In wonder why your lawyer suggested that? Ask your lawyer how many K-3s she successfully files each year.  Going for K-3 doesn’t help and with USCIS having such long backlogs, arguably slows down your case. 
 

Quote

The lawyer my husband hired only submitted our marriage papers but didnt submit any photos, chat records, his travel history etc. She said it is only needed at the NVC stage.

-Is she correct? I found it odd.

it is incorrect.  See 

>> The USCIS now requires that when filing an I-130 for a spouse that you include evidence of a bonifide marriage

 

And for the I-129F (required for K-3) basic information and  evidence of at least one meeting is also required.  
 

I am afraid your legal representation is inept.  

The grain of truth is that more evidence of bonafide relationship will be required by the time you get to the consular interview.  
 

And regardless, some  of us, and that includes me, believe that front loading evidence at the USCIS processing stage both increases the odds of a successful consular interview.  I documented around ten meetings, and provided tax transcripts in my I-129F.  The requirements placed on my then fiancée were for documents to bring to the interview were unusually low.  

Edited July 19, 2021 by Mike E

[Mollie09 1,543]

3 hours ago, Murph4865 said:

talking with my tax accountant he can not file taxes as married cause of no SS number, i have not been able to file on my wife cause of the same issue. Co-mingling finances is very hard to do be worlds apart.

nononononononononononono

Fire the accountant

If you are married you MUST file as married. You can paper file and write "NRA" in the SS field or get an ITIN. DO NOT FILE AS SINGLE IF YOU ARE NOT SINGLE, if you do, you'll have to amend.

[Murph4865 597]

1 minute ago, Mollie09 said:

nononononononononononono

Fire the accountant

If you are married you MUST file as married. You can paper file and write "NRA" in the SS field or get an ITIN. DO NOT FILE AS SINGLE IF YOU ARE NOT SINGLE, if you do, you'll have to amend.

My accountant i have had for over 18 yrs now and never had a problem and have filed single since i was married to my filipina wife for 2 yrs now and have had refunds each yr and no problems what so ever as of now.

[Rocio0010 5,579]

2 hours ago, Murph4865 said:

My accountant i have had for over 18 yrs now and never had a problem and have filed single since i was married to my filipina wife for 2 yrs now and have had refunds each yr and no problems what so ever as of now.

Get rid of that accountant that you’ve had for 18 years now. If you are married, you ABSOLUTELY have to file as married. You can’t file as single. PERIOD. What you should have done is -if you filed by paper- write NR on the SS field. Or if you filed with TurboTax, it would have promoted you to create an ITIN number. So now you’ll have to amend two years of tax returns. 
plus, why doesn’t your Wife have a social by now?