Live separately affects AoS?

[Lisa93 0]

3 minutes ago, Pengunista said:

So I get separating the kids, but why does it have to be that far? If you guys just want to  separate the kids then you could have move easily to an apartment like a mile or two away.  Your distance to your husband right now is very questionable to an IO. 

 

I think I told but, I live in Hawaii island which doesn’t have train and bus, but expensive apartments for family. It’s hard to find a room without job and I don’t have a car, car is so expensive like $2,000 for almost dampened. I have many friends in Honolulu, Oahu island which has buses and a lot of cheap apartments. Some of my friends is willing to help us to live together. I don’t have to get a car, cheap rent.

[Hawksquill 151]

14 minutes ago, Lisa93 said:

It’s like 45minutes flight. 

Wait I'm confused.  The situation with the boys is unfortunate, but why not just live in two apartments in the same building, or at least the same town?

 

Choosing to live a flight apart and only seeing each other once per month is not going to come across well.  If this is your last chance to file after a previous denial, I would wait until the relationship looks more legitimate.  Get the kids in counseling, move closer together, see each other more often than once a month.  

 

Ask yourself if you'd approve your own application if you were the IO.  I know I wouldn't. 

[Nitas_man 3,100]

54 minutes ago, Lisa93 said:

I know.... but my husband is actually an counselor... that’s why he doesn’t want to get counseling and we decide to live separately to see for our kids. 

But thank you for your advice. 

A counselor who can’t manage his own kid isn’t worth a thing.  What a failure.

Small wonder you want to live an island away but your AOS is in deep trouble if this is your situation.
 

[Georgia16 2,858]

Is he the one adjusting? 

 

Im kind of really suspicious about this whole thing. 

[Villanelle 4,121]

6 hours ago, missileman said:

I would expect a LOT of scrutiny for this "marriage" arrangement ........5 or 6 years apart?    I would seriously seek another solution.......just my opinion......

 

EDIT:  I am not judging your relationship.  I am saying that your solution seems to be highly unusual.......and it could generate a lot of scrutiny about the nature of your relationship......and "pretending" is not a good way to deal with immigration.

👍

In 5-6 years instead of 2 teenage boys it will be 2 ADULT MEN who still want to kill each other and never learned necessary skills. 

[Zoeeeeeee 795]

I hate to say this, but if I was the officer reviewing your AOS request, there is no way I’d believe you’re in a genuine relationship (and to be honest, it doesn’t sound like you are, if you’re both choosing to live on separate islands because your children can’t be taught/counselled to behave appropriately for their age).

 

It sounds like you have a marriage certificate, not a marriage...so I don’t think it’s likely your AOS will be approved on those grounds (and rightly so)...

[Pinkrlion 2,607]

Reads like immigration fraud. You can get in home family counseling to address the issue. Because your children do not get along is not a reason to not have a bonafide marriage. 

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Counseling. Please. Regardless of the situation with immigration, those boys need help. That much aggression isn’t healthy and I really hope you and your husband aren’t just chalking it up to “boys just being boys” and hoping they grow out of it without being taught better ways to deal with their issues. Violent, angry boys grow into violent angry men. And please ignore the earlier suggestion of force as a means to getting them to behave. There is so much research out there now about the negative results of parental violence, even as a means of punishment/behavior. But if your husband is a counselor he should know all this and it’s frankly concerning from a professional standpoint that he is letting all this occur.

 

A lot of this seems almost moot if you’ve been living so far away from each other for so long, and you seem pretty set on keeping it that way regardless of what we are telling you. You save you have a support system, can your son stay with someone else for the time being and you and your husband love together in the area around him? You can visit and stay with your son often as long as you maintain a permanent residence with your husband. That seems like the most sensible option? Much more sensible than living a 45 minute flight away. There are couples here that haven’t even gotten their visas yet that live closer...

[Mollie09 1,543]

It sounds like one (or both) of you isn't prioritizing your marriage. These are teenage boys and you were putting them in the same room when they didn't get along? And your response is to move to a separate island and see each other once a month instead of trying to get more space? Or get counseling? Or figure out what's going on? How does the cost of keeping two households and fly to see each other not justify a bigger place so you could all live together?

 

You still haven't answered what the RFE that you didn't respond to was, but this is sounding like not a real marriage.

[Lisa93 0]

7 minutes ago, Mollie09 said:

It sounds like one (or both) of you isn't prioritizing your marriage. These are teenage boys and you were putting them in the same room when they didn't get along? And your response is to move to a separate island and see each other once a month instead of trying to get more space? Or get counseling? Or figure out what's going on? How does the cost of keeping two households and fly to see each other not justify a bigger place so you could all live together?

 

You still haven't answered what the RFE that you didn't respond to was, but this is sounding like not a real marriage.

I wrote why I we decided to live separately and cant get more space... 

 

tHE RFE is just a small mistakes that we missed the signature on it. 

[Lisa93 0]

1 hour ago, MorganandMichael said:

Counseling. Please. Regardless of the situation with immigration, those boys need help. That much aggression isn’t healthy and I really hope you and your husband aren’t just chalking it up to “boys just being boys” and hoping they grow out of it without being taught better ways to deal with their issues. Violent, angry boys grow into violent angry men. And please ignore the earlier suggestion of force as a means to getting them to behave. There is so much research out there now about the negative results of parental violence, even as a means of punishment/behavior. But if your husband is a counselor he should know all this and it’s frankly concerning from a professional standpoint that he is letting all this occur.

 

A lot of this seems almost moot if you’ve been living so far away from each other for so long, and you seem pretty set on keeping it that way regardless of what we are telling you. You save you have a support system, can your son stay with someone else for the time being and you and your husband love together in the area around him? You can visit and stay with your son often as long as you maintain a permanent residence with your husband. That seems like the most sensible option? Much more sensible than living a 45 minute flight away. There are couples here that haven’t even gotten their visas yet that live closer...

I will get a counseling just for me and my son first. 

[Lisa93 0]

1 hour ago, Villanelle said:

👍

In 5-6 years instead of 2 teenage boys it will be 2 ADULT MEN who still want to kill each other and never learned necessary skills. 

Boys are trying to handle their anger focusing other things for over 1 year but that made themselves worse. We shouldn’t have involved them in our marriage. 

[belinda63 2,981]

My question during the interview would be....if the two of you aren't living together why do you need a green card, you could have this kind of marriage with you in your home country.

[Lisa93 0]

2 minutes ago, belinda63 said:

My question during the interview would be....if the two of you aren't living together why do you need a green card, you could have this kind of marriage with you in your home country.

Because my husband is US citizen and he never want to live abroad. 

[belinda63 2,981]

My point is that the two of you aren't living together now so why do you need to be in the US?