US Citizen wife possible victim of marriage fraud

[milimelo 4,220]

Call FBI if he's talking about bombs, ISIS and assault rifles.

[kkk1 42]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. If I were in your shoes, I'd do research about how men treat women in his home country and about their rights. Sure, there will be some things that say women are treated well but you should also find things that validate the things he said to you. If you know others (not related to him) from there, talk to them as well. If you get a better understanding of the cultural norms you'll be less likely to believe that he will change. It will also help you realize that there's nothing you could have done to change the way he treated you. And go see a counselor. You deserve better and you need someone who will affirm your value. Also get a divorce and put some legal space between the two of you.

I am sorry for your marriage. You are not alone with whome this happened. It's seems to me he might have some psychological issues, that's why he is like this. Never be with abuser that's what I learned from my previous marriage. We love them but they will treat you like a trash. Believe me this type of relationship will not be of worth. It takes time but you will get over it. Make yourself strong to leave him and fight with your emotions. He will cry and beg but he will never change. If he would have been nice he wouldn't have done this to you. Best is divorce and move on. Find the way to make yourself happy. Love yourself enough that you don't have to depands on other for love.

[JenniferNangel 137]

I am so sorry you are going through all this especially after waiting 3 years for him.

I want to give you some advice as a survivor of dv(domestic violence) the behavior may change temporarily but it won't be permanent. Dv classes won't help my ex was arrested for assault,started the classes and a few months later he violated protective order after he tried to come back into my life. Depending on what orderof protection you have he is not allowed to contact you and if he does that's a vop and he will be arrested. I really hope it gets easier for you and if you ever need someone to talk to send me a message

[Kolewenoik31 57]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I do have a couple friends with husbands from the same country, and the husbands both said that this behavior would never happen. Wives are treated very well usually. They think he's dangerous. The thing that throws me is how could he fake an awesome personality for 3+ years? I am still in love with MY husband, the one that was waiting forever to be with me forever to live happily ever after. I am feeling like, I am in mourning, like MY husband got murdered or something and this person stole his visa. I don't know this man. Same looks, but personality is horrible...and all he ever does now is beg me to forgive him, he accepts responsibility for his abusive behavior towards me and says he feels bad about it, and wants me to let him prove he will never do it again. But he's said it before...many times since he's been here the past 5 months now. I called ICE they said if he breaks his ppo he will be arrested, and to call them immediately, and they will proceed with removal; because he is still conditional for first 5 years after arrival...& there are certain things immigrants can be deported for, and violating a ppo is one of them. The thing is, that would be forever... but I want MY husband. Does everyone here really think this man can't be rehabilitated through the DV class therapy? How do I accept that THIS man really is MY husband, and scammed me this whole time??? Am I insane because I want to believe him, that he'll change? How can anyone do this to anyone? Should I call his family and tell them? He's threatened suicide. The first week he was here we went to a gun dealer, he found a semi-automatic black rifle they said he could buy for around $700, he had plans of buying it "for protection" ...until i added that in the ppo that they should ban his ability to purchase a firearm. Oh, btw...he used to follow islam. I wore hijab of my own free will while we were separated waiting for issue. After he got here, he made me stop wearing hijab, and wear tank tops and short shorts...we never prayed, nor followed Ramadan this year, never went to mosque, nothing islamic. He drinks alcohol now, occasionally. His family knows nothing. I haven't skyped with them for months, because I don't want to lie. I know, he sounds horrible. He even commented to me, laughing... that he would do a bomb like the one in new york, the pressure cooker one, in the dumpster if trump paid him, and made him disappear. He told me isis is hiring in his country...you pledge your life for 7 years, they pay you like a king, but at the end of the time you have to give your life as a suicide bomber, no exceptions, no way out. Why would he tell me these things? I seriously think whoever this guy is, is psychotic and possibly dangerous. BUT I don't know if he was just talking or... if it's possible he would do something. I don't know who this man is, but he looks like MY husband...how do I handle this, and being committed to marriage, shouldn't I give him a chance to prove he wants to be a good person by going to these DV classes? I know, I sound like I'm mental...but I'm devastated and feel like, wth is going on??? I have been going to therapy, talked to domestic violence advocates, my doctor put me on xanax, talked to the dr's office counselor, talked with friends....but I still feel sick. I believe he is a narcissist sociopath...but again, is this man really MY husband, and HOW did he pretend to have a completely different attitude/personality for over 3 years? Was is like a split personality? How do I get his old personality back? Was he possessed? Can anyone help me to make the connection? Thanks for any response.

Sis many people have fallen into the same situation as you have. What I have seen is a good percentage of these foreigners suffer with NPD {Narcs}. I have heard this story over and over and over it's growing. I can say that if God is not in his heart and he hasn't fully surrendered HE will never change. If you inbox me I can share my personal story with you. I fear not so much for the personality issues although they are serious but the other things about the bomb and Isis....that's serious stuff. Now as far as him pretending for 3 years, yeeees they will do whatever it takes to sweet talk you until their goals are met. You fell in love with a person online without really knowing him. Anyone can play a role on a computer screen. you were not able to study him in everyday life, so once he got here you couldn't recognize him because you didn't know him. He told you all the things he wanted you to hear. Trust me I feel for you and I know personally first hand what you are going through. I am so sorry. That man that you see now is.....your husband, a stranger. Please inbox me if you like I can share with you a story...

[Mary Lou 673]

My ex threatened suicide often. It's a form of physiological abuse to keep you in check. I'll save you from the nightmare I went through and tell you to keep up therapy, morn the loss of the dream he had you fall for as it is a loss.

He didn't have to fake who he was for long you weren't with him 24/7 but yes ppl can do that and have done that, members have posted about how they got fooled by their spouse for years.

The only time an abusive person changes is if they really want to change and that change cannot be because they are being forced. I've also personally seen more times then not that those abuse classes just teach them how to get away with it more.

My ex also did the suicide threats, and i was tricked also thinking he was a man i wanted to spend my life with. But he only could keep his charade up for 1 year, then the "real" person came out. He had me thinking i was losing my mind, we did marriage counseling, individual counseling, he sat there and lied. All the promises ect, nothing changed and i knew it never would. My life was turned upside down for 3 years AFTER our divorce!! They promise you the world hoping you will agree to get back together, and how he will change. I know you want your husband back, but unfortunately that person he presented himself as to you really never existed . I am so sorry you are going through this.

[abhi_meli 150]

Forget about giving him a chance.If he talked about cutting your head and bombing if someone pays him etc,he should be reported to the FBI.You never know what he is capable of doing.A normal person in his right sense will never talk about bombing,looking for assault rifles for protection and telling his wife about cutting her head off.He is a manipulator and god knows what are the plans in his mind to do here in the USA.

[randomstairs 270]

He's probably a drama queen but also seems a lot like a common profile of an Islamist terrorist that we read about nowadays (drinking and all included, since these are especially "permitted" for potential jihadists). This case is not for ICE but rather for FBI to handle. If any of the this is true he must, at the very least, be deported. You are a victim of delusion. Stay safe and be strong. Report him to FBI.

[millefleur 5,037]

I'm so sorry OP. You deserve better than someone like him. Stay strong and heed the advice given here. Don't be afraid to reach out to your family and friends in real life, too....it might be hard to tell your story but in the end you need the support of those who love you.

[Dal&Rose 45]

As you feel guilty for not giving him a chance - ask yourself one question.

Do you want your children around a man who has already demonstrated to have a violent streak?

If you can't do it for yourself right now, since they will take time, do it for your children. In time, you will realize getting a divorce and staying away from him is the best option. People are victims of fraudulent visas all the time. He's just exceptional at it. Looking at it as your husband has passed may be the way to start moving on. Do what you need to do to keep your children and yourself safe!

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

You feel bad (miss) for him because you are not a bad person and although he has put you through hell....you did love him.

I have been there. You will eventually be able to cope. Hopefully you can give yourself the chance to love again. It hard to trust again but you deserve the best.

Sorry I hope your heart can heal.

Edited October 21, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[yunnipie 6]

I have to agree with everyone on here; he won't change, he is a danger to you and your family, and is a danger to the country.

I've been in a similar situation, just not with the terror threats and my ex was American. They are really good at putting on a false front, part of being a sociopath. And the threats, it always starts with casual comments. Then it escalates. The fact that he 'knows' what ISIS requires is a bad sign.

You need to call the authorities about the threats, and you need to divorce him. I've read that the visa is only good as long as you're still married, but I'm certain you can find out for sure. You will go through a mourning process because you did lose a man you loved, whether he was real and genuine doesn't matter, because in your heart he was. But, if you don't take action now it will likely have a very bad outcome. I'm so sorry for your situation ?

[Teddy B 17,251]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I do have a couple friends with husbands from the same country, and the husbands both said that this behavior would never happen. Wives are treated very well usually. They think he's dangerous. The thing that throws me is how could he fake an awesome personality for 3+ years? I am still in love with MY husband, the one that was waiting forever to be with me forever to live happily ever after. I am feeling like, I am in mourning, like MY husband got murdered or something and this person stole his visa. I don't know this man. Same looks, but personality is horrible...and all he ever does now is beg me to forgive him, he accepts responsibility for his abusive behavior towards me and says he feels bad about it, and wants me to let him prove he will never do it again. But he's said it before...many times since he's been here the past 5 months now. I called ICE they said if he breaks his ppo he will be arrested, and to call them immediately, and they will proceed with removal; because he is still conditional for first 5 years after arrival...& there are certain things immigrants can be deported for, and violating a ppo is one of them. The thing is, that would be forever... but I want MY husband. Does everyone here really think this man can't be rehabilitated through the DV class therapy? How do I accept that THIS man really is MY husband, and scammed me this whole time??? Am I insane because I want to believe him, that he'll change? How can anyone do this to anyone? Should I call his family and tell them? He's threatened suicide. The first week he was here we went to a gun dealer, he found a semi-automatic black rifle they said he could buy for around $700, he had plans of buying it "for protection" ...until i added that in the ppo that they should ban his ability to purchase a firearm. Oh, btw...he used to follow islam. I wore hijab of my own free will while we were separated waiting for issue. After he got here, he made me stop wearing hijab, and wear tank tops and short shorts...we never prayed, nor followed Ramadan this year, never went to mosque, nothing islamic. He drinks alcohol now, occasionally. His family knows nothing. I haven't skyped with them for months, because I don't want to lie. I know, he sounds horrible. He even commented to me, laughing... that he would do a bomb like the one in new york, the pressure cooker one, in the dumpster if trump paid him, and made him disappear. He told me isis is hiring in his country...you pledge your life for 7 years, they pay you like a king, but at the end of the time you have to give your life as a suicide bomber, no exceptions, no way out. Why would he tell me these things? I seriously think whoever this guy is, is psychotic and possibly dangerous. BUT I don't know if he was just talking or... if it's possible he would do something. I don't know who this man is, but he looks like MY husband...how do I handle this, and being committed to marriage, shouldn't I give him a chance to prove he wants to be a good person by going to these DV classes? I know, I sound like I'm mental...but I'm devastated and feel like, wth is going on??? I have been going to therapy, talked to domestic violence advocates, my doctor put me on xanax, talked to the dr's office counselor, talked with friends....but I still feel sick. I believe he is a narcissist sociopath...but again, is this man really MY husband, and HOW did he pretend to have a completely different attitude/personality for over 3 years? Was is like a split personality? How do I get his old personality back? Was he possessed? Can anyone help me to make the connection? Thanks for any response.

What you've described in your husband's behavior are the exact definitions of a narcissist/sociopath. They do have split personalities. They start with the nice & loving personality to manipulate people into doing what they want, then when the victim catches on and stops giving in, out comes the evil twin. They can flip it on & off like a light switch. There is no cure for sociopathy/narcissism, it is a mental disorder and no amount of counseling will ever change it. The best thing anyone can do when they realize they are the victim of a sociopath is to get as far away from that person as soon as you can. It is hard to let go of someone you love, but you need to take care of yourself and your children first and foremost.

Good luck to you.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

You can submit an anonymous tip to the FBI here: https://tips.fbi.gov/

[NYCruiser 423]

Call FBI if he's talking about bombs, ISIS and assault rifles.

Thank you. I was wanting to type the same thing. If you SEE something, SAY something. This thread needs to be reported to the FBI, moderator please. I am keeping a copy of my recommendation.

[NYCruiser 423]

You can submit an anonymous tip to the FBI here: https://tips.fbi.gov/

It might be better she does this rather than the moderator but maybe that is also your/our readers/ responsibility.