US Citizen wife possible victim of marriage fraud

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I didnt say rich but def have a place to go...i would think.

Anyway doubt he would be announcing future treats to his wife if it was true.

Hes just trying to scare her.

I dont know why anyone cares where he is from.

People are curious. It does give a general idea of why he is saying certain things.

And if he were isis would he be homeless??

Do you mean to say that isis is a rich powerful organization? That's wrong. They are a group of violent poor people.

I think hes just trying to get a rise out of the OP.

Edited October 21, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Arslan12 20]

Yes I think so too. He has mental issues. He is saying things that he has heard growing up around him and on TV.

[Cathi 5,613]

Sadly many people comment without reading the posts.

She has a Personal Protection Order.

Also said:

No such thing as conditional for 5 years and breaching a PPO is MOST unlikely to result in deportation.

He has a 10 year GC and there have been plenty of cases of people with seemingly serious convictions not being deported, never mind someone who has not even been charged with anything.

I was thinking the same thing, there is no such thing as anything conditional for 5 years. Where do people get these crazy ideas? What many people in this thread do not understand and that you cannot simply "get someone out of the country", ESPECIALLY someone who has his 10 year GC. This man has never been arrested or charged with a single thing. For all of you saying to deport him, please explain how this is possible under the laws of our country? There isn't some toll free number to call to simply have a person deported, there are checks and balances to make sure innocent people are not deported because of a scorned spouse(I am not saying her husband is guilty or innocent). Good Lord people, common sense please.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

So right.

I also highly doubt he became the way he did by listening to people talk or watching TV.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

OP,

You need counseling to get over your addiction to a romantic fantasy that never existed except for in your mind.

People can have an addiction to 'love' or what they perceive to be love and like any other addiction you need help

by a professional.

Neurochemicals that play into the addiction game in the brain can be a very hard thing to overcome.

It is like a drug for some people and you are hooked.

Get help !

Stop analyzing how he could be his own evil twin, that just feeds the addiction. Stop the thoughts.

You will not understand everything in life to make sense in order to move on, some things you will never understand and

that fact needs to be accepted. Sometimes in life their is no answer to your questions. Accept it.

The question you should instead ask is this : Why do you think you do not deserve better than that ?

Why don't you love yourself enough to stop the merry-go-round ?

What does it matter how someone can be a Jekyl and Hyde ?

Why are you obsessed with understanding what makes him tick ?

Don't your kids deserve a good role model, stable and loving ?

Keep asking those questions that center on your own mental health and forget your why's and how's you

keep asking yourself about him.

Do make a call to the FBI and let them make the decisions they need to make.

There is no 5 year conditional anything whatever that was about.

Best wishes for your future, hope you will seek treatment from a professional who can actually help you.

Xanax sucks, be very careful with that drug.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

As for the beginning, yes, there were many red flags! My husband currently lives in DK, which has a smaller time gap (not by much) and we struggle to be able to find one hour a day to call each other, not to mention 5-10 hours a day on skype! At that point it looks like, his full time job was to get you to get him into the country.

I disagree with this point alone. I actually spoke to my now husband on Skype when he was in Denmark for 5+ hours a day. We still talk for hours a day because we like to talk. I actually think the less time spent talking is usually a red flag.

[Ban Hammer 12,845]

I dont know why anyone cares where he is from.

and that is why this thread is being actively monitored by moderation.

[Anna Frankovich 1]

Dear OP,

This is so sad and I am very sorry you are going through this nightmare...

You must stay strong for your sake and your kids sake...you must leave this guy for good because trust me he will never change...I dont know the law well and I dont know if he can be kicked from usa but I will tell you...there is nothing in life more important as long you are strong and healthy...you will find your self a true love just stay positive and self confident....

Come on...If Angelina Jolie can divorce Brad Pitt you can do it too:)

[MeAlone 158]

Dear OP, it hurts reading your story. Please, be strong. All advice here are really very good, I agree about Xanax, try to get out of medication, you need your clear mind now more than ever, maybe he needs to be on Xanax and control his behavior by chemicals, you need to see all things clear and think about your kids and yourself.

I also agree about the advice to call FBI, your husband said some strange things, please, think also about other people, if he is in some stuff, he can do lots of damage not only to you or kids, you need to be a responsible citizen and protect our country. Tell his story to the FBI and let them to study if it's true.

You, more time with kids, more time in nature and gym, all kind of physical activities, make yourself tired and try to forget him or at least to see it clear, he is NOT good for you

Tasha

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I disagree with this point alone. I actually spoke to my now husband on Skype when he was in Denmark for 5+ hours a day. We still talk for hours a day because we like to talk. I actually think the less time spent talking is usually a red flag.

I agree with you, more time is definitely better to get to know more about one another.

Less time is a red flag, not for everyone but why would you not want to skype more unless your hours absolutely

don't allow for it.

Of course there are scammers who do have full time jobs hanging online 24/7, moving from one to the next

talking romance and rainbows.

Overall though, the more time the better or some people will get a big surprise asking : who the heck are you !

[Dublindave 52]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I do have a couple friends with husbands from the same country, and the husbands both said that this behavior would never happen. Wives are treated very well usually. They think he's dangerous. The thing that throws me is how could he fake an awesome personality for 3+ years? I am still in love with MY husband, the one that was waiting forever to be with me forever to live happily ever after. I am feeling like, I am in mourning, like MY husband got murdered or something and this person stole his visa. I don't know this man. Same looks, but personality is horrible...and all he ever does now is beg me to forgive him, he accepts responsibility for his abusive behavior towards me and says he feels bad about it, and wants me to let him prove he will never do it again. But he's said it before...many times since he's been here the past 5 months now. I called ICE they said if he breaks his ppo he will be arrested, and to call them immediately, and they will proceed with removal; because he is still conditional for first 5 years after arrival...& there are certain things immigrants can be deported for, and violating a ppo is one of them. The thing is, that would be forever... but I want MY husband. Does everyone here really think this man can't be rehabilitated through the DV class therapy? How do I accept that THIS man really is MY husband, and scammed me this whole time??? Am I insane because I want to believe him, that he'll change? How can anyone do this to anyone? Should I call his family and tell them? He's threatened suicide. The first week he was here we went to a gun dealer, he found a semi-automatic black rifle they said he could buy for around $700, he had plans of buying it "for protection" ...until i added that in the ppo that they should ban his ability to purchase a firearm. Oh, btw...he used to follow islam. I wore hijab of my own free will while we were separated waiting for issue. After he got here, he made me stop wearing hijab, and wear tank tops and short shorts...we never prayed, nor followed Ramadan this year, never went to mosque, nothing islamic. He drinks alcohol now, occasionally. His family knows nothing. I haven't skyped with them for months, because I don't want to lie. I know, he sounds horrible. He even commented to me, laughing... that he would do a bomb like the one in new york, the pressure cooker one, in the dumpster if trump paid him, and made him disappear. He told me isis is hiring in his country...you pledge your life for 7 years, they pay you like a king, but at the end of the time you have to give your life as a suicide bomber, no exceptions, no way out. Why would he tell me these things? I seriously think whoever this guy is, is psychotic and possibly dangerous. BUT I don't know if he was just talking or... if it's possible he would do something. I don't know who this man is, but he looks like MY husband...how do I handle this, and being committed to marriage, shouldn't I give him a chance to prove he wants to be a good person by going to these DV classes? I know, I sound like I'm mental...but I'm devastated and feel like, wth is going on??? I have been going to therapy, talked to domestic violence advocates, my doctor put me on xanax, talked to the dr's office counselor, talked with friends....but I still feel sick. I believe he is a narcissist sociopath...but again, is this man really MY husband, and HOW did he pretend to have a completely different attitude/personality for over 3 years? Was is like a split personality? How do I get his old personality back? Was he possessed? Can anyone help me to make the connection? Thanks for any response.

This is the most heart breaking thing I think I've ever read. I just want to give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be alright. I was in a terrible relationship last year with a horrible person that used me and abused me and went off cheating on me and told lies all the time. It took every fibre of my strength to break free. I was physically ill for months pining after her and just kept thinking of the good times we had at the start and couldn't believe the person she became at the end. But you know what time heals all wounds even wounds from a broken heart.

Im sorry this is happening to you but keep yourself busy get out and hang out with friends and family because there is nothing worse then sitting around the house thinking about what ifs and maybes. This guy had his chance and blow it, You can do so much better then him.

Take care

[millefleur 5,037]

While it's probably intriguing for everyone to know where the OP's husband is from/what his motivations are, he is clearly mentally disturbed and dangerous.

I can understand if the OP feels sorry for him in this light, because sometimes people's craziness/mental issues might stem from something we don't understand and it can confuse us, or maybe we feel like it's our fault. It's not your fault, OP. You did nothing wrong. The reality is, he's mentally disturbed and you will never find answers/understand why he snapped and transformed into a different person. It's just unknowable and you're the victim of a very terrible accident of meeting/marrying someone like this man.

The feeling of loss is extremely hard. It's not something that just goes away immediately, but it will get better with time. Stay safe and close to those who love you to get through this mess. It's normal to feel sad and grieve during this time, but above all protect yourself and your kids.

Edited October 22, 2016 by millefleur

[Ban Hammer 12,845]

one post removed and member thread banned for failing to heed moderation direction.

post constructively or do not post. the country of the beneficiary is irrelevant.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

The man you loved never existed, you got married to a scammer/abuser.

Time to call FBI and believe me they will come to talk to you. Focus in the bad things he did and told you, the person who talked to you for 3 years is a con artist. He will not change.

Seek help for you asap,find a counselor or psychologist and take care of yourself.Forget about this scumbag and move on.

Edited October 24, 2016 by sandranj

[mariposa2 24]

I went through almost the same situation. but I was the immigrant he will not change, you did not know him well, life in skype is different is not real life. You do not know someone until you actually get to live with that person and get to know his real way to be.

I am sorry,but you have to move on. He is an abuser and you deserve something better.