USC being threatned with VAWA.

[African Zealot 1,452]

If all you’re saying is true, you’ve be played. But such is life, you win some and you lose some. You’ve been given all the information you need here. No control over her green card, responsible financially for her for ten years (per government rules if she claims government benefits).  She sounds like one who will claim benefits if just to spite you.

 

Meanwhile proceed with a divorce as you would normally. Get a good divorce attorney because this lady appears to want to shake you down for the last penny. You really plucked a shark out of the foreign waters. Tough.

[Boiler 43,450]

To get the full picture read the above.

 

This obviously is a Divorce Lawyer situation and it likely to be very costly.

[BadAmmoWitch 208]

I'm a nice guy, and would never abuse a woman in any way. That being said, I've pondered scenarios like this should they happen to me. This is not necessarily immigration-related, but to protect myself from false claims of verbal or physical abuse, I would invest about $500 in cameras inside the home. I have Nest cameras outside, and they're great at recording people and conversations. It would be the ultimate proof of the absence of abuse, as it logs dates and times also. I think some might see this as a bit over the top, but that's what I would do if false claims of abuse were headed my way. 

[Boiler 43,450]

Just look what happened to Johnny Depp.

[geowrian 22,335]

1 minute ago, BadAmmoWitch said:

I'm a nice guy, and would never abuse a woman in any way. That being said, I've pondered scenarios like this should they happen to me. This is not necessarily immigration-related, but to protect myself from false claims of verbal or physical abuse, I would invest about $500 in cameras inside the home. I have Nest cameras outside, and they're great at recording people and conversations. It would be the ultimate proof of the absence of abuse, as it logs dates and times also. I think some might see this as a bit over the top, but that's what I would do if false claims of abuse were headed my way. 

You would have to check local and state laws if this is viable.

Personal security cameras are not an issue, but intent can be determined relevant if they are designed to invade one's privacy. A landlord can't just put a bunch of cameras in your apartment to watch you. They may or may not be able to place them in certain areas as a security measure.

Where they are located is important. Generally, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc. would have a higher expected level of privacy associated with them.

 

It wasn't stated if they would be hidden cameras or not (i.e. does the other occupant know about them?). Several states (my own included) require dual/all party consent. Basically, you can't record somebody without their notice and permission in an area in a private space / basic level of privacy. Essentially, anything in one's living space without their knowledge is a no-go. Audio recording is significant as well.

If the cameras would be with their knowledge, they 1) may be considers too invasive, and 2) likely would just do whatever action outside the cameras' view (i.e. in a private space like the bedroom).

[carmel34 3,531]

Another divorce situation, not immigration.  Seems there are a lot of these happening right now, it so sad to hear but sometimes divorce is the best solution.  Hire the best divorce attorney you can afford and move on.  Good luck to you!

[BadAmmoWitch 208]

1 minute ago, geowrian said:

You would have to check local and state laws if this is viable.

Personal security cameras are not an issue, but intent can be determined relevant if they are designed to invade one's privacy. A landlord can't just put a bunch of cameras in your apartment to watch you. They may or may not be able to place them in certain areas as a security measure.

Where they are located is important. Generally, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc. would have a higher expected level of privacy associated with them.

 

It wasn't stated if they would be hidden cameras or not (i.e. does the other occupant know about them?). Several states (my own included) require dual/all party consent. Basically, you can't record somebody without their notice and permission in an area in a private space / basic level of privacy. Essentially, anything in one's living space without their knowledge is a no-go. Audio recording is significant as well.

If the cameras would be with their knowledge, they 1) may be considers too invasive, and 2) likely would just do whatever action outside the cameras' view (i.e. in a private space like the bedroom).

I know nothing about the laws surrounding this issue in California, but I'd find it crazy that I couldn't put cameras inside my own home. Then again, the lawmakers in California often go off the deep end.

 

Not hidden cameras, they'd be in full, plain view, and I would make it clear to anyone in the home that the cameras are there. My goal would not be to build a case against any individual, but rather to protect myself from false claims. 

[Sparkle Sparkle 913]

7 hours ago, Timona said:

She wants $3000 before she moves? Document this just in case. But this sounds like blackmail.  Rest assured, she'll take the money and ask for more tomorrow. 

NC requires 1 year separation before divorce? Why then wait for your 1 year anniversary? Does it add better stats to your plate? The answer is NO. The sooner you file for divorce,  the earlier this process gets finished. I'll file for it in the morning and just chill quietly. Another option is to move to another state eg Texas. Be a resident for 6 months then file. Divorce here is 60 days. That saves you 3/4 months compared to NC. I know you've mentioned you have kids. They can stay with their mom for the 8 months that you're out. You can still visit them anyway. 

Why care about her at this point like where she stays? She clearly doesn't care about you as she's already called the cops. And with her throwing VAWA around, seems she was well coached in this sector. 

Summary:

1. File for divorce in the morning so that the one year separation period starts. Then move to another apartment. 

2. Move to another state eg Texas as reasoned above. Some VJ member did it a while back. 

3. Regardless of 1 and 2 above, I would move out of that house ASAP now that she's started mentioning VAWA. Seems like she doesn't have your best interests at heart. You risk loosing more staying with her. What happens if tomorrow she cuts herself and claims it's you? 

4. I wouldn't dare evict her. Some state laws may play against you. Rather, I'd just pack my stuff while she's out and peace out - easier option. On my way out, I'll cancel the lease by agreeing to pay in advance to break it. As soon as I'm way far, I'd just send her notice saying she has upto a certain date to vacate the apartment or if she doesn't want to, she can go to the leasing office and make an arrangement with them to continue staying there, albeit on her own. 

 

I concur, kimme79 count your losses now and just leave her....move away.....you are risking alot staying under one roof with her.

[Eric&Mirella 367]

 

OP

You need to find a good divorce attorney,

keep records of all your interactions (if any).
  Have you thought of breaking your lease early? 
 The 3k sounds  like blackmail (keep record of it). 
If you had any cards together cancel them. 
I’d avoid interactions with the other person. 

It’s terrible you’re going through this. 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Eric&Mirella

[geowrian 22,335]

2 minutes ago, BadAmmoWitch said:

I know nothing about the laws surrounding this issue in California, but I'd find it crazy that I couldn't put cameras inside my own home. Then again, the lawmakers in California often go off the deep end.

 

Not hidden cameras, they'd be in full, plain view, and I would make it clear to anyone in the home that the cameras are there. My goal would not be to build a case against any individual, but rather to protect myself from false claims. 

Gotcha.

Then it would depend on placement, if audio is recorded, etc. Again, local laws are key.

Knowledge is one element, consent is another. Remember that this is a resident of the household, not a visitor. They have a legitimate expectation of privacy (to some degree) and don't have reasonable option to not provide consent (being forced to move out is probably not considered a reasonable response). It's not like a visitor who can just say "I don't want to be here if I'm going to be recorded"...a resident is afforded additional protections so that they are not put into an environment where they are essentially being removed without a legal eviction.

 

Anyway, this is just some food for thought. I don't want to get too sidetracked. The key is to check local laws to ensure any cameras comply with local law. You don't want to get yourself in trouble when the goal is actually to protect yourself.

I've done a number of security camera deployments for various institutions and these issues are a recurring concern. I have security cameras on my own home as well.

[Orangesapples 1,954]

1 hour ago, BadAmmoWitch said:

I know nothing about the laws surrounding this issue in California, but I'd find it crazy that I couldn't put cameras inside my own home. Then again, the lawmakers in California often go off the deep end.

 

It's not just your own home though, it's also the other person you're living with home.

[The_Empyrean 733]

My .02

 

I agree with everyone else. Move out ASAP. Or else you'll just end up in jail for false claims that you'll have no way of defending yourself against.

She's throwing VAWA already, so likely, that was her plan all along.

You weren't listening from the beginning, and you got yourself to this situation where cops were called ON YOU. Which could've been prevented when you pull your I864.

So far, you not listening to advices you ask for, is getting you in trouble, not her. 

 

You're being abused and blackmailed, and still try to find a way to work it out, versus her already giving up on you, and trying to mess your life as much as she can.

Abusers NEVER change. And i mean that.

 

Since she isn't on a lease, you can call cops on her (check your local laws) and get her evicted as she isn't suppose to be there. Make sure when you do that, there are people to witness the whole thing as she can and probably will start accusing you of abuse. 

 

Camera is a good thing to protect yourself against false claims, but all recordings can be thrown out in court if they violate her privacy. Again - local laws.

 

The longer you wait and sympathize with her, the more she screws with you, and plans ahead. Move-the-hell-out as soon as you can. Like right now. Pack your stuff and go, before you get arrested and get Domestic Abuse charges on your record. 

 

Document every conversation where she asks for $3000 and go to police station and show that to them. Tell them the whole story and ask them for help.

 

hopefully you'll listen this time. 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

15 minutes ago, The_Empyrean said:

 

Since she isn't on a lease, you can call cops on her (check your local laws) and get her evicted as she isn't suppose to be there. 

 

. 

100% wrong. A person doesn't need to be on the lease in order to be considered a tenant in the legal sense and you can't just kick them out. Especially if you happen to be married to them. 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Orangesapples

[geowrian 22,335]

Note that I think we are talking about extortion, not blackmail. Blackmail is requiring compensation in order to not disclose information. Extortion is requiring compensation (or actions) in response to force or a threat.

 

That said, I don't believe there is technical extortion going on here. If she were to say "Give me $3000 or else I'll say you hit me.", then that would be extortion. But saying "Give me $3000 in exchange for leaving on my own free will" would not qualify. That is a transaction/agreement where each side is providing something in order to get something. He is providing $3000 and gets the benefit of her leaving. She is getting $3000 but is voluntarily giving up her (rightful) claim to residence. Basically, each side is gaining something of value in exchange for something they believe to be of equal or greater value.

 

Whether such an arrangement is a good idea or not is something to consider. Maybe it's better to go through the court to get the eviction. Maybe it's better to just pay the $3000 and avoid the court. But I don't see it as extortion.

 

13 minutes ago, The_Empyrean said:

Since she isn't on a lease, you can call cops on her (check your local laws) and get her evicted as she isn't suppose to be there. Make sure when you do that, there are people to witness the whole thing as she can and probably will start accusing you of abuse. 

Cops are not judges. They cannot order an eviction, only enforce one.

She is a resident/tenant. I don't know the housing arrangement to know if she is residing there legally or not, but it is her residence either way. An eviction is necessary to remove them against their will.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Yeah this isn’t blackmail, guys. Also, going to echo the suggestion AGAINST putting cameras in the house. Not sure if there is any chance minor children will be at your residence, but an Extra big no to the cameras if so.

 

Really your best bet is to just find another place and start setting yourself up independently.