Step child parent not wanting child to go to US

[mniceguy16 184]

Since you are at nvc stage, just allow it there and keep renewing each year till you finally reach an agreement with the mom or till she turns 18 and can travel without parental consent.

[jeanita68 231]

2 minutes ago, Nina2330 said:

Wow I hope everything works out for you from what you're saying she sounds selfish. Maybe the grandmother can talk to her daughter, but maybe she's thinking if her child remains there she can visit her ( providing she wants to) because it's harder to get a tourist Visa to visit her here. I think your best bet is through the court system.

Yes..but she barely visit DR 3x in 7 years. Only for 2-3weeks. Plus we would bring the child for vacation n holidays to visit her grandmother n my husband family 

[Daisy.Chain 317]

Here are your options to be together with your husband:

 

- You negotiate successfully and bio mom signs the paper. I like the idea of you flying her there regularly so her mom can visit and she can see her grandma. Stepdaughter could even petition for her mom sometime far in the future after turning 21 (if that procedure is still around)

- Husband goes through the court to try to get sole custody

- Husband comes without stepdaughter

-You move to the DR

-You try to get stepdaughter in without the letter (almost certainly won't work and has big bad repercussions!)

 

I hope the first one works out!

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

1 hour ago, QueenComley said:

When it comes to immigration, deciding who makes the move is clear cut to me where children are concerned. You move to where the child is. I never dreamt of leaving the UK. 

That's easy to say when you live in a first world country. Very different when you don't.

Edited August 25, 2019 by SusieQQQ

[jeanita68 231]

14 minutes ago, Daisy.Chain said:

Here are your options to be together with your husband:

 

- You negotiate successfully and bio mom signs the paper. I like the idea of you flying her there regularly so her mom can visit and she can see her grandma. Stepdaughter could even petition for her mom sometime far in the future after turning 21 (if that procedure is still around)

- Husband goes through the court to try to get sole custody

- Husband comes without stepdaughter

-You move to the DR

-You try to get stepdaughter in without the letter (almost certainly won't work and has big bad repercussions!)

 

I hope the first one works out!

She said she will sign the paper but only for visit, my husband told her it doesn’t work that way. She said she doesn’t want her to come because she doesn’t know how to cook. Because we will be working and leave her home alone... excuses. she has no intention of going to DR to visit the child. When we bring her for visit it will be to her grandmother 

[USS_Voyager 1,971]

1 hour ago, jeanita68 said:

 I love that little girl like she is my own she is apart of my life, and if moving to DR comes sooner than later than it shall be. 

I might come to that. But maybe it’s just a temporary move. How old is she now? 10? It’s only 8 more years before she can make the decision on her own. The other way to look at this is just a temporary move to DR.

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

8 minutes ago, USS_Voyager said:

I might come to that. But maybe it’s just a temporary move. How old is she now? 10? It’s only 8 more years before she can make the decision on her own. The other way to look at this is just a temporary move to DR.

That's a good point if they can't do it now. OP can still petition for husband and the girl as a stepchild at that stage with both as IRs, correct? So they could both get visas same time and daughter would no longer need parental permission.  

[jeanita68 231]

8 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

That's a good point if they can't do it now. OP can still petition for husband and the girl as a stepchild at that stage with both as IRs, correct? So they could both get visas same time and daughter would no longer need parental permission.  

My husband already have the visa. I petition for his daughter 3 months after I petition him. She is now at NVC stage. We just have to pay the fees. We been married for 3 yrs n he has ir1 visa

[MJMH 5]

3 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

The mother lives in another country. So how can he take her to court. He will go and talk to a lawyer on monday

It does not matter. You take her to court for custody. If she does not respond, then he should be awarded full custody. Just make sure she has not left an authorization for the grandma to care for the child in her absence. He has rights as well. Is he on the child's birth certificate? That helps a lot, many men are not, especially if the couple was not married.

If he is granted full custody, then he will be able to bring her to the USA. Also, I know in many Latin American countries they have started to take into account what the child wants. So make sure you have a forensic psychologist (one that works for the DR justice system) do a full psych report on her, how she relstes to her mother, to her dad, grandmother, etc. The fact that the mom has not even visited in the oast two years could also count against her. While it is not uncommon for women to leave their kids to their mom while they go to "work" in other countries, it could also count as abandonment.  You'll know more when you speak to the attorney. Also, see if in the DR they have public defenders for children. I know in my country, Paraguay, they do, and they were an awesome help to me when I was going through a divorce and fighting for child support and alimony. Use all the means available to you.

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

9 minutes ago, jeanita68 said:

My husband already have the visa. I petition for his daughter 3 months after I petition him. She is now at NVC stage. We just have to pay the fees. We been married for 3 yrs n he has ir1 visa

I understand- but if you move to DR he will lose that visa (it will expire) or any green card he gets after he immigrates (green card has US residency requirements to keep it) and you will have to apply again ahead of a move to the US. Or roll over as some people say you can do, I don’t know details of that.

[dentsflogged 352]

9 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

Yes I know I said that early on.. that I wouldn’t let my kid go either. But that child is so attached to her father. Now she will not have a father or a mother full time. She was so excited and happy to be coming live with us. All she been doing is crying she doesn’t want to lose her father. It’s breaking my heart. She hasn’t seen her mother in 2yrs. But my husband and I just talk and I told him. Let it go we will just visit when we can and try to bring her for a summer vacation. She has another child that left to US with her father many years ago (11yrs) and hasn’t seen that child since.

The father that she... doesn't live with? 

And given the example you posted can you blame her for not wanting a repeat of it? 

 

 

 

[Diane and Chris 651]

6 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

Yes but he spends a lot of time with her, sometimes she spends the weekend, sometimes when grandma not well she stays with him for weeks. He sees her every single day. She is so spoiled she is a daddy’s girl. N he loves her so much, he doesn’t want to leave her

Looks like daddy has some tough choices to make. Perhaps you could relocate to DR?  

[fip & jim 452]

6 hours ago, MJMH said:

If he is granted full custody, then he will be able to bring her to the USA. 

This is not true. Custody does not give a person the right to remove a child from one jurisdiction to another. Dominican Republic is a Hague Convention country. This treaty ensures that children that are internationally abducted by a parent are returned to their country as quickly as possible.

 

You need a specific court order to remove a child from one jurisdiction to another. I did this for my child. I did it before we filed our immigration petition. I represented myself in court and made a comprehensive proposal detailing how immigrating was in the best interests of my child. I detailed how I would ensure my child could continue relationships with people from the home country. This is the only way you can obtain a visa for a child that is a citizen of a Hague Convention country. The first thing they ask you at the consulate interview for the visa is if you have permission to permanently remove the child from the country and they want the original paperwork (court order or signed permission from the other parent) to prove it. 

 

If the mother won't give permission then you will need to get a court order. Personally, I wouldn't be content with only a signed permission as people can and do change their mind. If you apply for a court order they usually insist that all parties attend mediation to resolve any issues before appearing in court and finalizing either permission or denial. If the mother won't attend then a decision will be made in her absence. Given that the grandmother is caring for the child too then that will need to be resolved. There's been a lack of planning here. There's been a lack of research about the process and the requirements. The alternatives haven't been thought through. It's not enough to hope for the best where children are involved. The child needs to maintain relationships with the people that are currently in her life. Immigration is tough. Assimilating in to another culture is tough. The laws are there to protect children. People often mistake parental responsibility for parental rights. The child has rights, the parent has responsibility. A judge will look at facts about who has behaved responsibly and make a judgement (based on the factual evidence presented) on what is in the best interests of the child. 

 

I would offer mediation (with a qualified mediator) to see what can be resolved. If the grandmother is elderly then that needs consideration too (what if she got sick or died in the current situation?). Detail, in minute detail, your proposal (e.g. I offered my child's other parent pay less child support so there was funds for visitation. I detailed exactly how much plane tickets to and from the US are, etc.). In my opinion this situation needs sorting out regardless of immigration. Informal agreements often leave children vulnerable if something goes wrong. Once your husband has left the Dominican Republic and has become a permanent resident of the US it will be even more difficult to negotiate an arrangement for his child. This needs sorting ASAP. Leaving this until 8 days before he is planning to leave does not bode well for proving responsibility and forward planning if he wishes to bring her to the US. 

 

 

 

 

[Unlockable 7,306]

18 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

What if we just proceed with the process and get her visa and take her anyway?

No, no, no, no, no!

 

Get this out of your head immediately. Take this from someone who has gone through the Dominican process and know a little about the permission. If you proceed with that plan, all it takes is the other parent to file against you. You may think you will be safe in the US. I am telling you, the worse problem you can have with this immigration process is doing something like this with children.

 

And not just the legal aspect of this, morally this is the worse thing you can do. Think about if you were in the other parents shoes. What if your ex took your child to another country?

 

You are thinking very selfishly right now. For now, your safest and best bet is make alternate plans.

 

Think long and hard about this.

[Unlockable 7,306]

18 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

Yes I can understand that, we are heart broken and so is his daughter, she is so close and attached to her father, he has her so spoiled. Now she will not have a father or a mother in her life full time. She hasn’t seen her mother in 2 yrs. she is about to be 10 so she is going to that age where she needs her mother, n now to lose her father too. I told my husband to just let it go. We jus try to bring her for vacation if we can. He will go and talk to a lawyer on Monday to see if anything he can do legally 

 

17 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

Yes. She says the child can only visit us in the US, but can’t live with us, but the mother lives in another country. And she only comes to DR sees the child like every 2 yrs on average. 

 

15 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

She left the child with her grandmother, when I met my husband I told him take her to live with him and he said he has no rights. The mother didn’t want her living with him. But he picks her up from school every day, he pays for the school he provides food and every thing so i never understood why he didn’t just take her. He was always afraid the child mother would make trouble for him. She tried to control him even when we brought a house in DR she was mad because he sold his apartment for us to invest in a bigger house. 

 

12 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

The mother lives in another country. So how can he take her to court. He will go and talk to a lawyer on monday

 

11 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

Thank you... she is living in Trinidad for the past 7 yrs. the child doesn’t even really know her, jus of her that she is her mother. But she calls like once a month and tells her mother what to do n not to do, but my husband sees his daughter every day, and provides everything n take the child every where he spends lots of time with her. I think the mom is jus being selfish. I could understand if she was there caring for her child and didn’t want her to leave, that’s understandable, but even her grandmother thinks the child should go with us, because she says she is getting old and her health not so good but her daughter doesn’t want to take the child with her to Trinidad because she says she is not working. But she doesn’t want us to have her either. 

 

11 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

Yes..but she barely visit DR 3x in 7 years. Only for 2-3weeks. Plus we would bring the child for vacation n holidays to visit her grandmother n my husband family 

 

10 hours ago, jeanita68 said:

She said she will sign the paper but only for visit, my husband told her it doesn’t work that way. She said she doesn’t want her to come because she doesn’t know how to cook. Because we will be working and leave her home alone... excuses. she has no intention of going to DR to visit the child. When we bring her for visit it will be to her grandmother 

@jeanita68,

 

Don’t take this the wrong way, but it sounds like neither of you did your due diligence in this. I went through all the post about your stepchild’s mother and basically everything you said would have been a slam dunk case for your husband to gain primary custody of his daughter. The DR may be a developing country but they have similar child and family laws as the US. You don’t need her to be in the DR to file a custody claim. In fact, the fact that she is not in the country would have played in her favor. Your husband saying, “ he has no rights” is the most ignorant thing I have ever hear. Of course he has rights, he is her father. Unless there was a previous legal decision of him not being able to claim her, he very well has every right to have custody. 

 

I It may seem like we are coming down on you, but I have to echo the fact that this should have been investigated beforehand. Never take someone’s when they agree. Get it in writing or have a legal back up plan. 

 

The better news is your husband can go to court now with all the evidence on his ex not being in the child’s life and gain custody. I am willing to bet his ex will not have the capability to prove otherwise.

 

Edited to add: I honestly think the mother is in another country illegal (without status). Which may answer a lot of questions about coming not seeing the child. If this is the case, this further improves your husbands chance at custody.

Edited August 25, 2019 by Unlockable