Bored wife

[apple21 953]

Ever brought her to a casino?

[fcchief 1]

Well if she would be willing to meet other FIiipinos that would be great but she doesn't. (The filipino community center is used by mostly elderly 60+ filipinos, not her cup of tea)  I know now she does not like not being able to just go on her own outside (meaning into town etc) We are in the outskirts of our city, bus service is mariginal at best. She stated on FB only go out 1,2 3 times a month to get groceries. Can't go anywhere alone. Board. Well we have gone out more than what she stated, but she is definitely missing Japan. Now that weather is changing will try to get her out and get her practicing driving. She had an international license in Japan when she was married, other than driving on the other side most everything else would be the same. We will see. Also she is afraid of losing her Japanese permanent residency. Which could very well happen if she stays and gets her green card.  Apparently she did not think this through completely.  Going to discuss sending her back and following her at later this year since as her spouse I could get a resident card. And work would not be required since I am retired.  So going to try a couple options first and if she is dead set on going back to Japan, will send her. Have not discussed divorce as she is staying pretty much to herself and avoiding me.

[Just Paul 4,591]

14 minutes ago, fcchief said:

She had an international license in Japan when she was married, other than driving on the other side most everything else would be the same.

Mary is quite a bit younger but she didn't want to drive at first in the US even tho she drove in our small town in Mexico.   I got her setup with a driving school, with a female instructor, and she really warmed up to it.  I even got her extra lessons because after passing the practical test she still didn't feel good on the freeways.  She has been driving herself to work, shopping and events like playing volleyball with other Filipinas.  The other Filipinas are mostly K1 and can't drive.  She gets to strut her stuff and drive for them. 

 

I remember your other post - still wish you the best of luck with her.

[Scott Br 164]

Thank you VJ for giving me a name to the sulking episodes.  I just thought it was my wife but now I know that Tampo is a cultural thing.  Knowledge is power and glad I'm not alone in this!  Pray for us husbands that the Tampo time will be short 😊

[Prisonmate 93]

I never knew about Tampo. We were penpals (writing letters). The first two trips I chalked up to me, feeling the heat, the time difference, air travel. Could not be her, my sweet beautiful wife at 22 years old.  However, day 2 after arrival in the USA, due homesickness and her age, it was Tampo everyday. It destroyed our marriage.

 

Some older Filipina will change their ways. The smart ones will. Otherwise prepare to live in hell.

 

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

7 hours ago, Scott Br said:

Thank you VJ for giving me a name to the sulking episodes.  I just thought it was my wife but now I know that Tampo is a cultural thing.  Knowledge is power and glad I'm not alone in this!  Pray for us husbands that the Tampo time will be short 😊

If you let it in your house then good for you. But my wife learned that I don't cater to that attitude at all. If you want to be treated like a adult then act like one.

[theresaL 408]

This Tampo thing sounds exactly like my EX-husband and he is an American from Nebraska. 

[Elle29 52]

Thank God I don’t have that tampo anymore or my husband will enroll me to a drama school 😂  

kidding aside, OP, I do understand where your wife is coming from but coming from someone who came here on a K1 visa, if she’s really unhappy in here and refuse to make a life in here with you, you have to let go of her. Easier said than done, I know. On my first month in here, I refused to go out and mingle with our roommates or other people until 1 day, I just got bored and went out. I made my husband worried sick 😁 Now, I take the bus, went to apply for my ssn and state ID on my own without my husband taking me.

It’s not fair on your part to suffer like this. Clearly, you’re hurting and she’s obviously not trying to play her part on your marriage. Best wishes to you bro. Withdraw her AOs and let her go. 

[fcchief 1]

3 hours ago, Elle29 said:

Thank God I don’t have that tampo anymore or my husband will enroll me to a drama school 😂  

kidding aside, OP, I do understand where your wife is coming from but coming from someone who came here on a K1 visa, if she’s really unhappy in here and refuse to make a life in here with you, you have to let go of her. Easier said than done, I know. On my first month in here, I refused to go out and mingle with our roommates or other people until 1 day, I just got bored and went out. I made my husband worried sick 😁 Now, I take the bus, went to apply for my ssn and state ID on my own without my husband taking me.

It’s not fair on your part to suffer like this. Clearly, you’re hurting and she’s obviously not trying to play her part on your marriage. Best wishes to you bro. Withdraw her AOs and let her go. 

Thank You,  we finally talked today or rather I did most of the talking. I told her I could not read her mind and this Tampo is not doing either of us any good. I asked here, what is it you want from me? She say I want to go home to Japan (even though she is pinay). I said you know what, I want you to be happy, so I will send you home. She still was very bummed, and I told her that I warned her before coming that you could not just walk to stores, shops etc. I asked if she wanted me to follow later, she said "Up to you, just don't want to see your face everyday" That told me everything I needed to know. Hard but I love her. Got her a ticket back, she will fly later in May.  Then she started drinking Jinro and Ulong tea chu hais Got pissed and accessed my FB account and was deleting all her family and her accounts, I shut the computer down. I know I made the right decision, and I know she will at one point try to get hold of me, tell me she needs $$ to help pay her health insurance, or rent. I told her that is it no money. You can use the dependent ID card (Retired Navy) until the divorce is final, and that there is a 90 day "cooling down' period here in WA. After that, well she is on her own.  When I said would cancel her AOS also which she could care less about.  Now she is passed out on the couch, had to tuck her in.  Live and learn! She probably would of been fine if I had just gone there and gotten married since she is a permanent resident, but cost was just a litte too steep unless I wanted a 2 room apt 500 or so sq ft! To thank you!

  A truly appreciate the comments, suggestions, thanks and now to dust myself off, get back on the horse and ride again!  Thanks, Maraming Salamat

[Hank_ 9,173]

3 hours ago, fcchief said:

Thank You,  we finally talked today or rather I did most of the talking. I told her I could not read her mind and this Tampo is not doing either of us any good. I asked here, what is it you want from me? She say I want to go home to Japan (even though she is pinay). I said you know what, I want you to be happy, so I will send you home. She still was very bummed, and I told her that I warned her before coming that you could not just walk to stores, shops etc. I asked if she wanted me to follow later, she said "Up to you, just don't want to see your face everyday" That told me everything I needed to know. Hard but I love her. Got her a ticket back, she will fly later in May.  Then she started drinking Jinro and Ulong tea chu hais Got pissed and accessed my FB account and was deleting all her family and her accounts, I shut the computer down. I know I made the right decision, and I know she will at one point try to get hold of me, tell me she needs $$ to help pay her health insurance, or rent. I told her that is it no money. You can use the dependent ID card (Retired Navy) until the divorce is final, and that there is a 90 day "cooling down' period here in WA. After that, well she is on her own.  When I said would cancel her AOS also which she could care less about.  Now she is passed out on the couch, had to tuck her in.  Live and learn! She probably would of been fine if I had just gone there and gotten married since she is a permanent resident, but cost was just a litte too steep unless I wanted a 2 room apt 500 or so sq ft! To thank you!

  A truly appreciate the comments, suggestions, thanks and now to dust myself off, get back on the horse and ride again!  Thanks, Maraming Salamat

 

OUCH!!     

[RO_AH 1,615]

Sorry to hear how it turned out. In the end you did the right thing. You do deserve to be happy.

[martinezjosei 0]

My Filipino wife's friend who WAS also homesick told her that having a baby was her solution!!! It keeps her so busy no time for homesickness!  

[bubblyheather 60]

On 4/25/2019 at 1:27 AM, fcchief said:

Thank You,  we finally talked today or rather I did most of the talking. I told her I could not read her mind and this Tampo is not doing either of us any good. I asked here, what is it you want from me? She say I want to go home to Japan (even though she is pinay). I said you know what, I want you to be happy, so I will send you home. She still was very bummed, and I told her that I warned her before coming that you could not just walk to stores, shops etc. I asked if she wanted me to follow later, she said "Up to you, just don't want to see your face everyday" That told me everything I needed to know. Hard but I love her. Got her a ticket back, she will fly later in May.  Then she started drinking Jinro and Ulong tea chu hais Got pissed and accessed my FB account and was deleting all her family and her accounts, I shut the computer down. I know I made the right decision, and I know she will at one point try to get hold of me, tell me she needs $$ to help pay her health insurance, or rent. I told her that is it no money. You can use the dependent ID card (Retired Navy) until the divorce is final, and that there is a 90 day "cooling down' period here in WA. After that, well she is on her own.  When I said would cancel her AOS also which she could care less about.  Now she is passed out on the couch, had to tuck her in.  Live and learn! She probably would of been fine if I had just gone there and gotten married since she is a permanent resident, but cost was just a litte too steep unless I wanted a 2 room apt 500 or so sq ft! To thank you!

  A truly appreciate the comments, suggestions, thanks and now to dust myself off, get back on the horse and ride again!  Thanks, Maraming Salamat

This was painful to read. We all have our struggles. I felt bad for both of you. I wish you both find happiness eventually. 

 

[fcchief 1]

6 hours ago, bubblyheather said:

This was painful to read. We all have our struggles. I felt bad for both of you. I wish you both find happiness eventually. 

  Well she changed her mind but in Aug 2019 again she said she wanted divorce, even pulled my hair from behind me. I told her I would get divorce papers in morning but once filed it would take 90 days to finalize. She didn't quite grasp that since in Japan you could do it in an hour if both parties agreed. I went to bed, she decided to start drinking, (had a 12 pack of Corona in the fridge). She came in twice to bedroom and wanted to talk, but I refused said she was in no shape to have a conversation, she pulled our wedding pics off the wall and smashed them on the floor and left. In morning I got up and she was out on the Futon. I tried to get on my laptop but she had yanked all the cables out of the modem, router and my desktop. Once she woke she went into kitchen to get coffee and came out with a large cheese knife waving around me (I was on the couch) saying "I am Crazy, I am crazy". I stood up and told her no you are not, just put the knife down, which she finally went back into kitchen and put it away. I went outside to let her cool down and she locked me out of the house. Would not let me in and I told her let me in so I can get my car keys, she said F**k you and I told her I would call the sheriff, she said F the police. Well I called them, they took her to jail. She went to court which I was not allowed to attend. I paid her bail and a Japanese friend (her only friend here) picked her up. She stayed in the house and I stayed at a friends house. One day I went to take some groceries to her and she was standing on the side of road in her house dress and slippers. I pulled into driveway and walked over and asked what was she doing. All she said was I can't find my ID , I can't find it. Basically she was looking for her Philippine ID, said she wanted to take bus. I said where? She said she did not know. I stayed with her for a few hours and then left, later she was picked up by sheriff  and taken to jail again because she was in 500 ft of my residence even though I told the prosecutor and her attorney she could stay there. I went to prosecutor and explained again, they released her but it was cold and raining. Found her walking soaking wet.  Anyway I got sick with pneumonia and she was not happy, I sent her back to Japan in Nov 2019. In March 2020 I heard from her friends there she had a stroke and was in the hospital. also found out she had incurred 3 strokes(brain) before she even arrived here and was in early dementia. They let her out of hospital after a Japanese friend got her on Japanese Welfare. Ended up in a home for disabled due to her right hand and leg still not 100%, a month after getting out of hospital had another stroke. She ended up in hospital near Tokyo for 9 weeks. June of last year she was put in a Disable assisted living apartment. But welfare won't tell anyone where she is due to privacy, not even her family in PI. I called and they said no they cannot release that. She posts on FB but will never tell me where she is. Much of it is gibberish and does not make sense. I feel if I would of known of her prior strokes which she must of passed off as just being overworked or whatever, I probably would have never brought her here. Or if I had known while here, would of gotten scans done and treatment for her.  It is sad and I feel sorry for her, all her friends gone, her closest family member, her sister passed last October.  We never know in life that is for sure. Now I cannot get divorced until I save up in order to do a Notice by Publication in Japan Times since there is no way to serve her papers or if she would even understand them.  All I can do is pray. Thank you for the kind words. Hope this is a lesson for all, make sure you understand the person your are marrying, getting visa for. Ensure you know their whole history, I learned other things about her after the fact, her marriage to a Japanese man and how he treated her, etc  Better to find out now than to go thru the pain and sorrow later! 

 

 

[Lemonslice 4,553]

1 hour ago, fcchief said:

[...] Hope this is a lesson for all, make sure you understand the person your are marrying, getting visa for. Ensure you know their whole history, I learned other things about her after the fact, her marriage to a Japanese man and how he treated her, etc  Better to find out now than to go thru the pain and sorrow later! 

good lesson also to call the ambulance next time someone needs treatment. Sad.