Bored wife

[fcchief 1]

Wel my wife has been here since Dec 18th, we got married 31 Dec 2018.  Have had a couple episodes of homesickenss, and one tampo. She as of late does nothing but some housework and cook dinner, the rest of the day she lies on the couch on her phone, either watching videos (Filipino) on facebook or playing games. She said to day she is bored, nothing to do and wants to go home. She has had a couple bouts like this. I am at a loss, I am retired and our age difference is 10 yrs (she is 53, me 63). Prior to coming here she had a job on a naval base in Japan and worked as a counter attendant 6 hrs a day. A lot of her free time was playing Pachenko. I have asked what she would like to do, day trips, meet other filipino's (I don't want, she said), also if she wanted to get a part time job, but she said no. We have Filipino television stations, we eat a lot of fish, adobo, dinuguan, shrimp and visit asian stores a couple times a month. I got her to start a vegetable garden letting her pick the veggies, even ampalay and long beans. She talks to family in Philippines and to her daughter and son in Japan, although she just got in touch with her son and wondering if that call yesterday triggered feelings of being back in Japan. He is 13 and she would see him once a month since the father has custody.  I am trying to find a place to teach her to drive even though she had universal drivers license in Japan when she was married but that was 15 yrs ago. I am clueless as to what to do, maybe hoping this will pass after a day or so?? Any help? Oh she has  a Japanese friend but she is on vacation in Japan. She takes my wife out shopping, lunch once or twice a month.

[TBoneTX 43,058]

Thread is moved from the Effects forum to the Philippines regional forum, where the highest concentration of knowledgeable responses should be.

[Commish10 427]

My fiancee is coming soon and I fear the same thing. There is a large Filipino community in our area so i'm hopeful she will meet some friends quickly. She loves animals so she expressed interest in volunteering for some animal shelters. Perhaps your wife would get some fulfillment form volunteer work. The hospitals are always looking.

[fcchief 1]

I wish she would want to meet other Filipino's but whenever I ask her she just says she does not need. I have asked her several time what would you like to do? What activity would you like to participate in? I have asked if she has any hobbies (I already knew the answer to this one). Her former life was wake up, have coffee breakfast then go play Pachenko all day (if she was off work that day) or go play until before work then go to work, go home, maybe stop have a Chu-Hai at a little place which we visited and had made friends (mostly Japanes but owner was Filipina). She has not talked to me and has ignored me for the last 24 hrs. Tampo setting in again it seems.  I love her and told her so and that I want her happy but don't want to lose her. Just frustrated!

[Carpe Vinum 2,310]

Quality Filipina friends are the key. Not just any Filipina. For OP.... she is 53 and probably used to doing the same things everyday. As we get older it is harder to adapt to new things for some. It is easy to see that you are a caring man. I wish you the best...

[coa24 69]

With my late wife (Filipina) meeting other Filipinas was key to her boredom and homesickness. She also used FB to call home often. It really helped her. Homesickness passes, be supportive and understanding. Perhaps try to do more things together that gets her out of the house and new things. Short trips, etc...all these helped me when my late wife was still living and in the USA. My new wife, may go through the same thing, but her difference is she can easily adapt and make chika chika easily. Good luck....doing more things with her would help, because sometimes it is a cry for more attention as I found out with my late wife.

[fcchief 1]

Thanks for the suggestions. I will make every attempt to get her out more often, even if it is just for a drive. As far as Filipna's there are a lot here in the area but just one community group made up of mostly 60+ Filipino's. Not sure she would take to them but am going to try and get her to go to one of the events they have each month. In the meantime, silence prevails, almost Tampo (already went thru that once) but at least she asked if I wanted to eat and if I wanted tocino, rice, asparagus. Since then no words, patience will be key I guess.

 

[JMPM 507]

23 minutes ago, fcchief said:

Thanks for the suggestions. I will make every attempt to get her out more often, even if it is just for a drive. As far as Filipna's there are a lot here in the area but just one community group made up of mostly 60+ Filipino's. Not sure she would take to them but am going to try and get her to go to one of the events they have each month. In the meantime, silence prevails, almost Tampo (already went thru that once) but at least she asked if I wanted to eat and if I wanted tocino, rice, asparagus. Since then no words, patience will be key I guess.

 

I hope things work out well.

Communication is key. When i was dating my wife she started with her tampo while we were on a side trip when i first visited her.. I didn't know what it was until i researched more cause despite we having similar culture I am Hispanic. I didn't understand the silent treatment I was getting at the time. So I read up on some blog of an aussie dude and his filipina wife and he talked about the tampo. I was like oh no way this isn't going to happen. I marched up to her, and I was like "If this tampo thing is a thing. I am going to make my way to the port and wait for the next boat and find my way back to Cebu and fly back home." sure enough following through of me collecting my things and marching out of the door the tampo stopped she didn't want me to go, and that's when we had a deep conversation about communication. Good or bad, feelings need to be verbalized otherwise we aren't mind readers. I'm not sure if this will help, or an extreme (I wouldn't go that far in your shoes) like this, my wife is much younger than yours so its easier to stop those destructive behaviors. Idk how that has become a thing in the Philippines. She's a lot more open about expressing herself now. 

I wish you the best though keep communication even if it's writing a letter and expressing yourself.  

[Hank_ 9,173]

Ya I am with you.   Tampo ?  That dog don't hunt around here.

[Commish10 427]

What is Tampo?

[Just Paul 4,591]

1 hour ago, Commish10 said:

What is Tampo?

Just google Filipina Tampo   It is a real thing and sooner or later it will arrive.  We have only had one bout of it - I still don't have a clue what I did.  

 

My wife came in on a spousal visa and we lived in Mexico before coming to the US.  She just started working in healthcare and before I tried to keep her busy meeting other Filipinos I know and doing things with  my family and in a training program.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Tampo -  sort of acting like a spoiled child.

[Carpe Vinum 2,310]

Search for it on Youtube. There are some good videos. Thank God we have a tampo free home...

[Hank_ 9,173]

  

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

10 hours ago, Commish10 said:

What is Tampo?

Basically acting like a teenage kid that didn't get their way.

 

That doesn't fly in my house either. We have a close knit of Pinay here and my wife thank God was able to find them. Unfortunately now almost every other week either she or both of us have to attend some kind of function, this weekend it is a confirmation at the local Filipino church.