Same sex couple and my parents have no idea.

[SerbCA 86]

I apologize in advance if I chose the wrong topic, just didn't know where to put it exactly.

 

So, a little background, 

 

We met online in 2015 and have been in an wonderfull relationship ever since, we have gone on two trips together and planing a vacation to Barcelona this summer while we wait for our k1 to be processed (december filer)

 

We would both really like for him to accompany me to the interview when it comes to that, and also meet my parents and younger brother, but there's a big catch. He is very big on family and would like to meet them at least once and get a picture with them to have as a keepsake. But, here's the problem.

 

Coming from a very conservative culture and background, my parents have no idea about me being gay, let alone being in a relationship and engaged to my fiance.

 

The explanation I gave them (and everyone else around me pretty much) is that I got an internship lined up, and that is why I am moving.

 

My Fiance's mom is very supportive of us, (we chat over skype often), as are all of his friends and familly. I have felt welcomed by them even though I haven't met them yet in person.

 

My worry is if during the interview the officer asks me what do my parents think of the relationship (I told them that a representative from the company I will be starting the internship in, will come for the interview)

 

I know telling them outright isn't an option (I'd prefer not to get kicked out of the house and shunned by my whole family), and I have a 12yo brother who I am quite close with, who I probably wouldn't be allowed to contact anymore if I "came out".

 

I am basically wondering how do I approach the question if it comes up?  You guys have been so helpfull in this whole process, and I am hoping the experience of some VJ members may help shine a light on my situation.

 

[canadian_wife 1,802]

"Although my parents have not fully come around yet, I am excited to start my new life in America with my fiance's family, his mother is fully supportive of us"

 

Good luck

[bakphx1 785]

My husband is from a homophobic country with religious parents and is here now with his parents thinking he scored a work visa. 

 

It never came up as far as our families' attitudes. He has met some of my family who is supportive. That may have helped as far as pictures are concerned, but I don't know his family. 

 

It likely won't come up, but if the issue is that  you are hiding being gay, you are hiding it regardless of who you are in a relationship with.  Whether someone local or foreign. 

 

Don't worry over it. We did before and it was wasted energy.  

[bakphx1 785]

If it does come up, I would just state that you are not out to your family. 

[mytruelove18 607]

5 minutes ago, NIkandDonnie said:

I apologize in advance if I chose the wrong topic, just didn't know where to put it exactly.

 

So, a little background, 

 

We met online in 2015 and have been in an wonderfull relationship ever since, we have gone on two trips together and planing a vacation to Barcelona this summer while we wait for our k1 to be processed (december filer)

 

We would both really like for him to accompany me to the interview when it comes to that, and also meet my parents and younger brother, but there's a big catch. He is very big on family and would like to meet them at least once and get a picture with them to have as a keepsake. But, here's the problem.

 

Coming from a very conservative culture and background, my parents have no idea about me being gay, let alone being in a relationship and engaged to my fiance.

 

The explanation I gave them (and everyone else around me pretty much) is that I got an internship lined up, and that is why I am moving.

 

My Fiance's mom is very supportive of us, (we chat over skype often), as are all of his friends and familly. I have felt welcomed by them even though I haven't met them yet in person.

 

My worry is if during the interview the officer asks me what do my parents think of the relationship (I told them that a representative from the company I will be starting the internship in, will come for the interview)

 

I know telling them outright isn't an option (I'd prefer not to get kicked out of the house and shunned by my whole family), and I have a 12yo brother who I am quite close with, who I probably wouldn't be allowed to contact anymore if I "came out".

 

I am basically wondering how do I approach the question if it comes up?  You guys have been so helpfull in this whole process, and I am hoping the experience of some VJ members may help shine a light on my situation.

 

well , i am an a hetero couple, and my fiance doesnt know my family, he went for a year and half on vacation, traveling 4 time a year and never met my family because a lot of reasons that i dont want explain now, nd on our interview they didnt ask for family or pictire with family.

in cse that thay asked our answer was going to be that he met some of my family on skype.

[SerbCA 86]

20 minutes ago, bakphx1@aol.com said:

My husband is from a homophobic country with religious parents and is here now with his parents thinking he scored a work visa. 

 

It never came up as far as our families' attitudes. He has met some of my family who is supportive. That may have helped as far as pictures are concerned, but I don't know his family. 

 

It likely won't come up, but if the issue is that  you are hiding being gay, you are hiding it regardless of who you are in a relationship with.  Whether someone local or foreign. 

 

Don't worry over it. We did before and it was wasted energy.  

Thanks, the whole waiting has had me just thinking of ways something might go wrong, so I've just been worrying about everything now

[bakphx1 785]

 

11 minutes ago, NIkandDonnie said:

Thanks, the whole waiting has had me just thinking of ways something might go wrong, so I've just been worrying about everything now

I know the feeling, trust me!  They don't seem to ask that except in countries where it is more pertinent and the beneficiary is female.  I wouldn't sweat it. 

[ineedadisplayname 449]

I am in the same boat as you. I didn't say anything yet, when i will have the visa on hand probably i will tell to my bother. He already met my fiancé like twice when he was visiting, but we didnt show any affection in front of him. Since my brother and I live in the same flat he might figured it out (skype every day, messages during the afternoon etc), but didn't say anything yet. I will tell my mother that I got a work visa... 

About the consulate... Since it's not legal to get married in Romania as a gay couple I don't think it would be an issue. I looked at interview questions just to be prepared. So be prepared, tell the truth, i think they should understand that you are not out to your family or friends. 

[Saiali 13]

6 hours ago, NIkandDonnie said:

I apologize in advance if I chose the wrong topic, just didn't know where to put it exactly.

 

So, a little background, 

 

We met online in 2015 and have been in an wonderfull relationship ever since, we have gone on two trips together and planing a vacation to Barcelona this summer while we wait for our k1 to be processed (december filer)

 

We would both really like for him to accompany me to the interview when it comes to that, and also meet my parents and younger brother, but there's a big catch. He is very big on family and would like to meet them at least once and get a picture with them to have as a keepsake. But, here's the problem.

 

Coming from a very conservative culture and background, my parents have no idea about me being gay, let alone being in a relationship and engaged to my fiance.

 

The explanation I gave them (and everyone else around me pretty much) is that I got an internship lined up, and that is why I am moving.

 

My Fiance's mom is very supportive of us, (we chat over skype often), as are all of his friends and familly. I have felt welcomed by them even though I haven't met them yet in person.

 

My worry is if during the interview the officer asks me what do my parents think of the relationship (I told them that a representative from the company I will be starting the internship in, will come for the interview)

 

I know telling them outright isn't an option (I'd prefer not to get kicked out of the house and shunned by my whole family), and I have a 12yo brother who I am quite close with, who I probably wouldn't be allowed to contact anymore if I "came out".

 

I am basically wondering how do I approach the question if it comes up?  You guys have been so helpfull in this whole process, and I am hoping the experience of some VJ members may help shine a light on my situation.

 

Its your life and live it. I understand where you are coming from because my parents severed my contact with my oldest brother when he came out. We manage to secretly stay in contact until I left home for college and didnt have to hide our communications anymore. My father has become more accepting over the years like 15. Ultimately I think u are going about this the right way because I remember being around your brothers age and my brother was not allowed to visit or even live in the same city as us for +5yrs. So if your family is ultraconservative like my parents not to mention my mom is one of those over the top super christian types; enjoy your relationship and life as it is. Surround yourself with those who love and support you. For me thats my dad and gay brother who supports me currently on my K-1 journey.  Mom is mom still closed minded. 

[Swissmiss82 1,620]

good morning and first of all: happy you found love!!!

 

if it was me, I would honestly not feel comfortable to no tell my family/parents. even if there is a fear that you could get in trouble

or they wouldn't want to stay in touch or something, I think I'd still tell them and let them know your intension.

I don't think you could enjoy the wedding the same way as if you hide from them.

no matter the outcome, being honest is always the best option.

 

one of my cousins has decided to tell his parents that he's gay and as the super Italians they had issues with that! it took

them a few days, and his dad accepted it immediately. his mom started to accept it after a little while and it may not be 100% the same

as before, but a parent who loves a child, will somehow learn to accept. I am pretty sure it would be the same also from your strong culture.

 

remember why you did this step and decided on K1, why you decided on leaving the country and move and picture what is

coming your way and how happy you life will be  

 

good luck and stay strong!!

[jakejon 1,196]

Hey, we are a gay couple. Love doesn’t limit any sex or boundary. I went on a trip that changed my whole life literally. So I come from the only part of the UK that doesn’t recognise gay marriage. I can tell you that Jake is my soul mate! No question. We filed for a a K1. I don’t think that they would get as personal about questions like that; I am confident that they are more interested in your relationship. Stand and feel for what your heart believes is right. Stay strong and we wish you all the happiness and success. J&Jake 

Edited January 22, 2018 by jakejon

[TNJ17 1,329]

I think you need to ask this question in a country oriented forum. Family support matters to some countries during the interview stage and people have reported here that they’ve had denials or a tough time during interview because the family wasn’t on board with the relationship. You need to check if your country is one of those countries and ask people from that country what their experiences were during the interview. One thing is you can’t lie to the CO. 

[TNJ17 1,329]

26 minutes ago, jakejon said:

Hey, we are a gay couple. Love doesn’t limit any sex or boundary. I went on a trip that changed my whole life literally. So I come from the only part of the UK that doesn’t recognise gay marriage. I can tell you that Jake is my soul mate! No question. We filed for a a K1. I don’t think that they would get as personal about questions like that; I am confident that they are more interested in your relationship. Stand and feel for what your heart believes is right. Stay strong and we wish you all the happiness and success. J&Jake 

Unfortunately that does happen for certain countries and it makes it really hard for approval if they have no family support. The UK is a pretty liberal country with no high fraud risk. 

[Ahoy01 31]

Well regardless if your family knows or not don't lie at the interview. Just be honest, if it comes up. I think the CO would be understanding of a gay relationship from a conservative country. 

[Khallaf 649]

17 hours ago, NIkandDonnie said:

I apologize in advance if I chose the wrong topic, just didn't know where to put it exactly.

 

So, a little background, 

 

We met online in 2015 and have been in an wonderfull relationship ever since, we have gone on two trips together and planing a vacation to Barcelona this summer while we wait for our k1 to be processed (december filer)

 

We would both really like for him to accompany me to the interview when it comes to that, and also meet my parents and younger brother, but there's a big catch. He is very big on family and would like to meet them at least once and get a picture with them to have as a keepsake. But, here's the problem.

 

Coming from a very conservative culture and background, my parents have no idea about me being gay, let alone being in a relationship and engaged to my fiance.

 

The explanation I gave them (and everyone else around me pretty much) is that I got an internship lined up, and that is why I am moving.

 

My Fiance's mom is very supportive of us, (we chat over skype often), as are all of his friends and familly. I have felt welcomed by them even though I haven't met them yet in person.

 

My worry is if during the interview the officer asks me what do my parents think of the relationship (I told them that a representative from the company I will be starting the internship in, will come for the interview)

 

I know telling them outright isn't an option (I'd prefer not to get kicked out of the house and shunned by my whole family), and I have a 12yo brother who I am quite close with, who I probably wouldn't be allowed to contact anymore if I "came out".

 

I am basically wondering how do I approach the question if it comes up?  You guys have been so helpfull in this whole process, and I am hoping the experience of some VJ members may help shine a light on my situation.

 

I can feel your pain, and I know that it is a little different between us, I got Married to an Egyptian man and it took nearly a year for me to tell me my, the whole time it weighed on me what she might think, how she might react. I know again our situations are not the same, but you might not be able to live knowing your carrying the weight bigger than the world on your shoulders, maybe after you have gone you want to tell them its up to you or not tell them also up to you.

 

I know that I felt tremendously better after I had made the confession to my mom.