My daughter recently married a foreign student

[MistyEyed 10]

Hello everyone, my husband and I are distressed concerning our daughter's spouse being upset because we've decided not to co-sponsor his Green card application.

 

They dated for a couple of years and were married last month.  Now they're in the process of applying for his ten-year GC.  Our daughter is also a student and doesn't make enough money to sponsor him on her own.  

 

Initially, we were willing to help, but we are about a decade away from retirement, and after reading the I-864 form, we don't feel comfortable signing.  The financial risk is what concerns us. 

 

He said if we don't sign the application, he can't work and is very upset.  We feel terrible and unsure how to proceed.

[Boiler 45,660]

It would be a 2 year GC.

 

And it would be likely 8 months or so before he could work

 

Sounds like she need a job

[MistyEyed 10]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

It would be a 2 year GC.

 

And it would be likely 8 months or so before he could work

 

Sounds like she need a job

Thank you for the response.  Our daughter is employed but fell short of the financial requirement.

 

Do they require a co-sponsor for a two-year GC?

[Boiler 45,660]

I 864 is the same, so sounds like she needs more income or a co sponsor.

[Boiler 45,660]

Or just delay matters, he is here legally, presumably he will work on OPT after he graduates, she graduates gets a full time job and is good to go.

[JeanneAdil 6,554]

i would delay the process 

let them finish college 

he returns home and they apply CR1 /it would take almost 2 years to get to interview and then she could have  a decent career

 

you don't have to feel guilty for saying No  , they made AN ADULT decision to marry 

 

[MistyEyed 10]

5 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

i would delay the process 

let them finish college 

he returns home and they apply CR1 /it would take almost 2 years to get to interview and then she could have  a decent career

 

you don't have to feel guilty for saying No  , they made AN ADULT decision to marry 

 

I'm feeling so much better about this situation; we thank everyone for the responses!  He was rather upset that they've already spent something in the neighborhood of $1000 on getting the process started and we felt guilty in not helping them. 

 

 

 

 

[EmilyW 1,452]

I would agree with Jeanne's advice not to feel guilty.  They have made an adult decision to marry, hence they are responsible for making sure they do all the adulting things necessary to fulfill that adult decision.  If that means another job or another sponsor, then that's what they have to do.

[JeanneAdil 6,554]

its $1225 to AOS

but the burden is  on them 

the decision to marry is so important and needs to be thought out completely and sorry,   to say,  doesn't seem like they did

i married 2nd year of college and had twins in 3rd year and it wasn't easy

it can be done 

but if i  could go back,   i would wait (just 2 years ) and graduate to make this life changing move

BTW i love my twins 

wishing them the best 

 

Put it this way

one way the son in law resents the decision

the other way u resent being forced 

either way someone is at odds with the other party

no winner here

Edited November 7, 2021 by JeanneAdil

[MistyEyed 10]

13 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

its $1225 to AOS

but the burden is  on them 

the decision to marry is so important and needs to be thought out completely and sorry,   to say,  doesn't seem like they did

i married 2nd year of college and had twins in 3rd year and it wasn't easy

it can be done 

but if i  could go back,   i would wait (just 2 years ) and graduate to make this life changing move

BTW i love my twins 

wishing them the best 

 

Put it this way

one way the son in law resents the decision

the other way u resent being forced 

either way someone is at odds with the other party

no winner here

We're trying to avoid the "no winner" statement.  He's been such an enjoyable young man until this situation, we understand that he's upset, but his reaction is so out of character.

[SalishSea 17,928]

38 minutes ago, MistyEyed said:

I'm feeling so much better about this situation; we thank everyone for the responses!  He was rather upset that they've already spent something in the neighborhood of $1000 on getting the process started and we felt guilty in not helping them. 

 

 

 

 

Don't feel guilty.  You are being responsible and assessing your accountability if you sign that form - many, many do not do that.

 

I am in your age group, and apart from my spouse or one of his kids, I would not sponsor anyone.

[Adventine 3,201]

It is your right to say NO to something you don't feel comfortable with, especially when it comes to money.

 

Your daughter and son-in-law have many other solutions to their problem:

 

- they can earn more money

- they can ask someone else to co-sponsor. It doesn't have to be family. Just needs to be someone who meets the income requirements.

- the son-in-law can go back to his home country at the end of his current authorized stay, he applies for a spousal visa at the embassy, and he returns as a green card holder in 1-2 years. That gives your daughter more time to finish school and find a higher-paying job. They can visit each other in the meantime.

 

Also, if they continue to pressure or guilt trip you into becoming a co-sponsor, consider that a big red flag. The sponsorship requirements are something they needed to have considered before they started this immigration process. It's part of being a responsible adult.

 

[Coco8 1,042]

If they are both students, they can keep studying. There is no need for him to go back to his country ASAP. Also, if he is on an F1, he would have OPT could means that after he finishes his degree he can work for 1 or 2 years (it depends on whether he is in a STEM career or not).

 

To be honest, the financial risk of sponsoring someone who is your family is not high. I guess the material is what is supposed to be, a responsibility, but nobody has had their house taken or their savings taken, because they sponsored someone's green card. I don't know what you think is going to happen.

 

That said, they can find someone else to sponsor them and it's their problem, not yours. They made the decision and they could also move to his country of origin. 

 

[igoyougoduke 1,662]

10 hours ago, MistyEyed said:

Hello everyone, my husband and I are distressed concerning our daughter's spouse being upset because we've decided not to co-sponsor his Green card application.

 

They dated for a couple of years and were married last month.  Now they're in the process of applying for his ten-year GC.  Our daughter is also a student and doesn't make enough money to sponsor him on her own.  

 

Initially, we were willing to help, but we are about a decade away from retirement, and after reading the I-864 form, we don't feel comfortable signing.  The financial risk is what concerns us. 

 

He said if we don't sign the application, he can't work and is very upset.  We feel terrible and unsure how to proceed.

tell him to get a job and make money. You are under no obligation to a grown up baby man who cant even think through marriage and responsibilities. 

 

You are not guilty of anything. Immigrants should know better about immigration rules. 

[African Zealot 1,455]

I will just look at it from a probability standpoint. The probability that a college educated pleasant young son in law will become financially delinquent and a sign up for benefits which you as the financial sponsor will be on the hook for is very very very small. Not only are the educated immigrants who claim benefits a small subset, but also the chances that the government comes after you if they do benefits is also small. Thus it is overall an outcome with minuscule probability.

 

In our community that’s what we do, many many people have financially sponsored people who were not even family. That said you’re perfectly good entitled to your decision.