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Daphne K

Is getting married becoming a 'technicality'?

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Hello all,

 

I do not post much on VJ but I do read a lot!

 

As you know, the visa process takes forever so that leaves a lot of time for thinking and reflection..😀 and reading through all the topics I have come to the realization that getting married seems to have become a means to a goal instead of the goal itself.

 

I know that when it comes to Immigration, getting married can be a game changer as it will mean the difference between being together or not, so I know that it can in a way be a 'technicality'. But getting married is (or should be) a huge commitment to the person you love, you promise to love and support this person for the rest of your life. It took me 43 years to find the person that I actually loved enough to marry, but that is just my silly thing.. I know that marriages don't always work out, no matter how hard you try and no matter how much time you have spent before getting married.

 

When I read posts here that people have never met before (but have talked online) and plan to propose on the first date, I just don't understand?! Some people are already even informing what would be considered proof of meeting each other to provide the USCIS with, before the actual meeting even takes place! Isn't that the wrong way around? 😵

I know it is hard to be apart and that it is a (financial, emotional, time) burden to travel back an forth for a long time but getting married is a serious thing to think about! Even if it seems to be your only 'ticket' to be with your loved one..(which does not aways have to be the case though..)

 

Please understand that I am not judging anybody or trying to be the morality police here.. I just realized that when it comes to Immigration, the getting married part seems to have become a mere 'hurdle' that some people are willing to take/have to take in order to be able together with their boy/girlfriend as soon as possible and is sometimes losing its romantic commitment character..

 

I hope I am not offending anybody, as this post is not about whether or not it is normal to get married on the first date, it is just a reflection on how different the constitution of marriage is when it comes to Immigration..

 


I-130 Sent :

2018-09-14

I-130 NOA1 :

2018-09-19

I-130 Approved :

2019-02-27

NVC Received :

2019-04-11

Received DS-261 / AOS Bill :

2019-04-15

Pay AOS Bill :

2019-04-15

Send AOS Package :

2019-04-26

Submit DS-261 :

2019-04-15

Receive IV Bill :

2019-04-15

Pay IV Bill :

2019-04-15

Send IV Package :

2019-04-26

 
   
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4 hours ago, Daphne K said:

people have never met before (but have talked online) and plan to propose on the first date

Marry in haste, repent in leisure.

4 hours ago, Daphne K said:

getting married can be a game changer

1.  The most dangerous food is Wedding Cake.

2.  Socrates died from an overdose of Wedlock.


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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The only place I have ever come across somebody marrying on first meet is on here, does not seem to happen in the real world.

 

Marriage as an institution is on decline in the western sphere for very good reasons, however one bulwark seems to be Immigration.

 

Would make an interesting study.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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All excellent observations.


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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7 hours ago, Daphne K said:

Some people are already even informing what would be considered proof of meeting each other to provide the USCIS with, before the actual meeting even takes place! Isn't that the wrong way around? 😵

While I agree a lot of what you said is getting ahead of things (even as someone who did propose the during second week we spent together...), if you do even a little homework before you meet your online foreign romantic interest the first time, you're going to realize that there pretty much aren't any practical ways to get your partner to the US to stay that don't involve marriage. And if you don't know they're very useful for evidence of a meeting, it's very easy to throw out boarding passes, not take pictures with both of you in them, and the like. So I don't think that one's problematic.


K-1                             AOS
NOA1 Notice Date: 2018-05-31    NOA1 Notice Date: 2019-04-11
NOA2 Date: 2018-11-16           Biometrics Date: 2019-05-10
Arrived at NVC:  2018-12-03
Arrived in Moscow: 2018-12-28
Interview date: 2019-02-14
Visa issued: 2019-02-28
POE: 2019-03-11
Wedding: 2019-03-14

 

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When I met my fiance we were only friends and nothing more. Played a game together for yrs. One night that change. 

I had 4 kids at the time. No way was I going to get into something and not have all my ducks in a row. I knew what I needed to do to get married and knew what would happen if things didn't work out. (Would I have to leave would I be able to stay. Wall those what if's) All of this was before we even met. Meeting was just to confirm our feelings and to make sure of those things. 

 

I do not believe that marriage is being just a tool to be together. Maybe for a few as they never pictured themselves the marrying type, but alas they found someone worthy to take that leap. 

 

As for getting married on the first date they have a whole TV show of ppl doing just that and immigration is not part of it. 

 

I don't see any harm in researching things before getting to serious. If you look into things to start with you don't have any surprises. 


Spoiler

Met Playing Everquest in 2005
Engaged 9-15-2006
K-1 & 4 K-2'S
Filed 05-09-07
Interview 03-12-08
Visa received 04-21-08
Entry 05-06-08
Married 06-21-08
AOS X5
Filed 07-08-08
Cards Received01-22-09
Roc X5
Filed 10-17-10
Cards Received02-22-11
Citizenship
Filed 10-17-11
Interview 01-12-12
Oath 06-29-12

Citizenship for older 2 boys

Filed 03/08/2014

NOA/fee waiver 03/19/2014

Biometrics 04/15/14

Interview 05/29/14

In line for Oath 06/20/14

Oath 09/19/2014 We are all done! All USC no more USCIS

 

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