Spouse Caught Cheating After Filing N400

[duitta2g15 26]

Hello Everyone,

I am in my worst times as write this. Prior to Christmas, I uncovered that my wife of six years has been cheating on me with numerous guys. I am an immigrant that was married to her and was granted 10 years green card based on marriage last year. 

I had the thought that this marriage was for lifetime, but now, my whole life has been shattered by this cheating not only with one guy but numerous guys. I have gone days without eating because I can't believe that she could do something so betraying to me. I am just crying all day asking why did she do this. After I asked why she was chatting and meeting with numerous guys, all she could tell me was she was looking for attention. Up until now she still denies sleeping with any of the guys she met.  Moreover, after all the evidence regarding the conversation of meeting and having sex, she is still denying it. She and some of her boyfriends even played mockery out of me during their conversations. She told numerous of the guys in her conversation that she still loves them and wants to be with them. She went further by tearing me apart saying that she married the wrong person. I have been nothing, but a good guy to this lady. I have been providing for she and her kids since we have been together. I don't have a kid and both of us haven't been lucky to a kid together. I pay all the bills and do everything she request of me but this whole situation is killing me. I feel like a ####### and have been played. I told her if she believes she hasn't slept with any of these guys since we married, she should take a lie detector test. I told her that I don't trust her anymore, and only thing that can regain a little bit of trust will be the lie detector test. She refusing to even do the lie detector test. I am very heartbroken and can't believe someone I trusted was able to do this to me. I am confused and don't even know what to do. 

 

Question Regarding N400

We filed our N400 based on the 3yrs married rule. I am currently thinking about getting a divorce, because I don't trust her anymore. I told her if she wants to save our marriage, she should do the lie detector but she's refusing to do it.  I have given my all to this marriage but only to be betrayed in a way I could never imagine.  Can I leave N400 to process or should I withdraw my application since I want to consider divorcing her?

[geowrian 22,335]

I'm only responding to the immigration question here as the events surrounding it are obviously still ongoing events of a very personal and very emotional level.

 

10 minutes ago, duitta2g15 said:

Can I leave N400 to process or should I withdraw my application since I want to consider divorcing her?

The USCIS policy manual was updated just this year to reflect their stance that the requirements under the 3 year rule are:

1) Must remain married to the USC until the oath is taken.

2) Must have been in marital union only until the date of filing the N-400.

 

Policy update memo: https://www.uscis.gov/policymanual/Updates/20181012-MaritalUnion.pdf

Edited December 28, 2018 by geowrian

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

geowrian always gives the best advice.

 

Sounds like you already qualify on point 2 to continue the case, and you need to time the finalization of a divorce to occur after an oath ceremony to qualify on point 1.

[aleful 1,905]

hi

 

as said you have 2 choices, or withdraw your application and wait until you have been a gc holder for 5 years, or you wait until you become a USC after you have taken your oath and have your certificate of citizenship

 

 

[Going through 5,668]

1 hour ago, duitta2g15 said:

Question Regarding N400

We filed our N400 based on the 3yrs married rule. I am currently thinking about getting a divorce, because I don't trust her anymore. I told her if she wants to save our marriage, she should do the lie detector but she's refusing to do it.  I have given my all to this marriage but only to be betrayed in a way I could never imagine.  Can I leave N400 to process or should I withdraw my application since I want to consider divorcing her?

If she took a lie detector test and failed, you'll never fully trust her again because it would be proven she slept with other men.

 

If she took a lie detector test and failed, you'll still never fully trust her again because it would remain proven that she did everything else BUT sleep with other men. (talked to them all lovey-dovey, met up with them, back-stabbed you, lied to you, had secret conversations, talked badly about you, etc.)

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm sorry it was all exposed to you right before the holidays as an added kicker.

 

Along with the immigration advice given, I would advise you to forget the lie detector test---and instead get a medical test for possible STDs.

[jhon30 28]

just stay married for couple months get your citizenship and divorce her ,

good luck 

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

Just go ahead further with the N400 and you will be fine in that regard. You can divorce her if you so choose that route with no issues at all immigration wise. 

 

Listen from personal experience in regards to something like this from my ex-wife. I know it is hard right now and it hurts like hell but you will get through it. You will be stronger from this hurt in the long run.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Cyberfx1024

[duitta2g15 26]

31 minutes ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

Just go ahead further with the N400 and you will be in that regard. You can divorce her if you so choose that route with no issues at all immigration wise. 

 

Listen from personal experience in regards to something like this from my ex-wife. I know it is hard right now and it hurts like hell but you will get through it. You will be stronger from this hurt in the long run.

Thank you so much! Right now, I can’t even concentrate right. I hate to even see the ground she’s walking on. I get so irritated knowing that I have been doing my best for she and her kids to be treated in such a cruel way. I have been homesick for the past few days now. I am off from work until the 2nd of January. She is currently working but now, I have to stay home watching her kids while she goes to work. I am not even sure if she’s actually going to work. It hurts so bad watching the kids knowing that their is mom is such a hoe. I don’t just want to turn my back on her kids because I have been in their life for the pass 6years.  I have been trying to even hide my emotions but it’s hard.

Edited December 29, 2018 by duitta2g15

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

13 minutes ago, duitta2g15 said:

Thank you so much! Right now, I can’t even concentrate right. I hate to even see the ground she’s walking on. I get so irritated knowing that I have been doing my best for she and her kids to be treated in such a cruel way. I have been homesick for the past few days now. I am off from work until the 2nd of January. She is currently working but now, I have to stay home watching her kids while she goes to work. I am not even sure if she’s actually going to work. It hurts so bad watching the kids knowing that their is mom is such a hoe. I don’t just want to turn my back on her kids because I have been in their life for the pass 6years.  I have been trying to even hide my emotions but it’s hard.

Just do not do anything rash at all that could later bite you in butt. I would highly suggest that you either sleep in separate rooms or in a location all together. I know you may be level headed on a good day but sometimes you may get so mad and do something you will regret later.

Trust me, it happened to me after I found proof my wife was cheating on me. We got into a huge argument a few days later which went downhill quickly and she filed false DV charges on me. Luckily they were later dismissed and I was able to move on and get a great paying job 

[duitta2g15 26]

9 minutes ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

Just do not do anything rash at all that could later bite you in butt. I would highly suggest that you either sleep in separate rooms or in a location all together. I know you may be level headed on a good day but sometimes you may get so mad and do something you will regret later.

Trust me, it happened to me after I found proof my wife was cheating on me. We got into a huge argument a few days later which went downhill quickly and she filed false DV charges on me. Luckily they were later dismissed and I was able to move on and get a great paying job 

Thanks so much! I am not an aggressive person. I know how to avoid getting into trouble. We currently not sleeping in the same room. I am even thinking about moving to a friend’s place until I can be in the right state of mind. I am really hurt.

[Going through 5,668]

3 minutes ago, duitta2g15 said:

Thanks so much! I am not an aggressive person. I know how to avoid getting into trouble. We currently not sleeping in the same room. I am even thinking about moving to a friend’s place until I can be in the right state of mind. I am really hurt.

A little distance between you two would probably be best right now---ask your friend if you can stay with them.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

13 minutes ago, duitta2g15 said:

Thanks so much! I am not an aggressive person. I know how to avoid getting into trouble. We currently not sleeping in the same room. I am even thinking about moving to a friend’s place until I can be in the right state of mind. I am really hurt.

+1 with this as well and good luck.

[bakphx1 785]

You’re at a point where you want to lash out and let her know how she hurt you and make her feel the same.  Continue with the N400, pretend to go with the flow but plan for later.  In the end you’ll be the one who’s better off...things have a way working out that way.  Best to hold your cards close to your chest and bide your time.  

[carmel34 3,529]

12 hours ago, duitta2g15 said:

Hello Everyone,

I am in my worst times as write this. Prior to Christmas, I uncovered that my wife of six years has been cheating on me with numerous guys. I am an immigrant that was married to her and was granted 10 years green card based on marriage last year. 

I had the thought that this marriage was for lifetime, but now, my whole life has been shattered by this cheating not only with one guy but numerous guys. I have gone days without eating because I can't believe that she could do something so betraying to me. I am just crying all day asking why did she do this. After I asked why she was chatting and meeting with numerous guys, all she could tell me was she was looking for attention. Up until now she still denies sleeping with any of the guys she met.  Moreover, after all the evidence regarding the conversation of meeting and having sex, she is still denying it. She and some of her boyfriends even played mockery out of me during their conversations. She told numerous of the guys in her conversation that she still loves them and wants to be with them. She went further by tearing me apart saying that she married the wrong person. I have been nothing, but a good guy to this lady. I have been providing for she and her kids since we have been together. I don't have a kid and both of us haven't been lucky to a kid together. I pay all the bills and do everything she request of me but this whole situation is killing me. I feel like a ####### and have been played. I told her if she believes she hasn't slept with any of these guys since we married, she should take a lie detector test. I told her that I don't trust her anymore, and only thing that can regain a little bit of trust will be the lie detector test. She refusing to even do the lie detector test. I am very heartbroken and can't believe someone I trusted was able to do this to me. I am confused and don't even know what to do. 

 

Question Regarding N400

We filed our N400 based on the 3yrs married rule. I am currently thinking about getting a divorce, because I don't trust her anymore. I told her if she wants to save our marriage, she should do the lie detector but she's refusing to do it.  I have given my all to this marriage but only to be betrayed in a way I could never imagine.  Can I leave N400 to process or should I withdraw my application since I want to consider divorcing her?

Your situation is heartbreaking and I am so sorry for all you are going through.  Divorces take a long time, depending on your state of residency, so the N400 that you filed in March 2018 will be approved well before the divorce is finalized.  So my advice, if you have decided on a divorce, is 1. get a good attorney (as soon as you can) experienced with divorce and family law, an attorney you can really trust, 2. protect your financial assets without breaking any laws where you are--follow your attorney's direction on what to do, 3. preserve all evidence of your wife's infidelity, collect documents you will need to complete the N400 process and put everything in a bank safety deposit box that only you have access to, 4. once 1-3 are done, move out, to your friend's or a temporary rental place while the divorce process plays out--this could be months to a year or more, 5. be as respectful as you can to your soon to be ex, try not to let emotions get in the way, but fight for your rights every step of the process, be good to yourself, and soon all of the misery will be long in the past and you can move forward and make a better life in the future.  Good luck!

[victorf2 0]

You should move out of the house as soon as possible, You do not want any kind of problem with the law at this point of your N400/