Who pays for your immigration fees?

[Letspaintcookies 2,235]

There was a similar thread a while ago and I remember somebody saying something like: the immigrant should pay everything since they're the ones who benefit from it.

That seems pretty wrong to me. I mean it's not like I needed to be saved from my pretty decent life in Germany with a job, an apartment, health insurance for everybody and friends and family around 😂 I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my husband who just used to be American and couldn't quit his job as easy as I could quit mine. 

So far we have shared everything. He paid for the petition in the beginning, I paid for everything after in Germany and then he paid for AOS. And when time for ROC comes it will get paid from our account since we're in this together and I'm here because we both wanted it.

 

Like @Randyandyuni said: Whatever makes sense for you is the correct approach. 

 

[Rocio0010 5,573]

My husband and I don't split our costs like that.... It's not "your" money, it's OUR money, so for the immigration package I wouldn't be able to tell you who paid it because both of us did. 

To me, money management is a major issue and you need to be on the same boat, especially now that you're married and maybe planning on having a family. Not having the same parameters can be a red flag. But that's just me.

[andy78 178]

If I am the "immigrant", and if I have the money and income, then I will pay for it myself.  That's what I did, and I did not allow the issue to come up, or expect the other person to pay for anything.

[NikLR 13,220]

Hubs paid the bills, I did the paperwork.  

Kinda similar to now.  Hubs pays most of the bills, I pitch in (because I make 1/2 of what he does) and buy our extras and fun stuff.  Neither of us would be able to do what we do now alone so it's shared.  I do more housework, he pays more bills. In his opinion it's his job to provide for me. To make sure I have a roof and food.  I don't have to work and we would be okay, but it's nice to contribute to our lives financially. 

 

People should do what makes them feel comfortable as a couple and have those discussions as well.  Finances is a HUGE deal in marriage.  People get divorced and have arguments over finances and intimacy the most.  Open and effective communication is key. 

Edited April 23, 2020 by NikLR

[Scandi 3,979]

We have joint finances and share everything, so obviously both of us pay, together.

[MrsPLM 34]

My spouse has paid for most of my immigration costs. I pitched in by selling my car during the AOS. In our personal case, there was never an expectation for me to be the one covering the fees and I have been clear with him about costs since the beginning. He knows how much everything costs and when it must be paid and we prepare/adjust accordingly.

[Dxc 12]

I paid most of the fees so far and we used some of our Xmas money my mom gave us for aos. She has a job now and we both put all money in a joint account and she can spend whatever she wants as long as there is enough for the bills/food and some for savings. I’m a simple person So I don’t require much and have a hard time spending. Our bills/food comes to about 2200 a month and we make around 6k a month together. She buys some stuff but doesn’t go crazy and I’ve been wanting a $500 grill for about 4 months now and still haven’t brought myself to pull the trigger lol.

[Sparkle Sparkle 913]

My fiancee and I did a 50/50 split ...learning to work together on fiances 😁😁😁

[MarryMe987654 243]

14 hours ago, snowcat said:

For immigrants, I guess particularly those who immigrated through marriage, who pays for your immigration fees? Is it you (the immigrant) yourself, your US Citizen spouse, or do you split the cost? Just curious.

 

My husband has helped me pay for mine, but has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost since it's my immigration, not his (we both work full-time, though he earns a bit more than me). Just want to note that he's not an(removed) or anything 😅he's actually a great husband, and will help me pay for stuff if we discuss it, but that's just his rationale and I'm wondering how many other couples have the same argument lol.

K1 filing fee - he paid

Document requirements from Manila - I paid

Travel and lodging expenses - I paid

Medical - I paid

Air ticket to USA - I paid most of it, he contributed $500

 

Monetary gift money - I paid (supposed to be 50/50 but it's ok. It's just something that we talked about on the side but he was not able to follow through. His mom's still happy with the cash)

 

Marriage license - I paid

Marriage certificate and courthouse wedding - he paid (he got annoyed when I tried to pay. Lol)

Driving license - he paid

 

AOS and biometrics - he paid

 

Right now, our strategy is he pays all the debt he acquired before marriage and I will pay for all the bills, insurance and groceries. We have the same income. So far, this is working great and we're so close to being debt-free.

 

Managing finances is still a challenge for me as a couple as I am very strict with finances and has a completely different strategy than my husband. The great thing about him is he is always willing to talk to me and do 'financial meetings' with me and agree or disagree on my plans. I think in the beginning, our life kind of begins as working as a team and I trust him and have confidence with him as a mate. So I know that even our plans and decisions together or as individual may not be the best, I know he always have our best interest in mind.

 

Having said that, my husband will never say "it's yours..." or "it's mine..." and kind of get annoyed when I do that like when I object to putting my name on the house deed as it's "his house" and it should be passed down to his family line because it's an inheritance. He told me that he trust that when time comes, I will be fair and will know what to do.

 

I hope you guys figure it out and talk about things that matters.

 

 

 

 

[B&C2017 123]

14 hours ago, snowcat said:

For immigrants, I guess particularly those who immigrated through marriage, who pays for your immigration fees? Is it you (the immigrant) yourself, your US Citizen spouse, or do you split the cost? Just curious.

 

My husband has helped me pay for mine, but has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost since it's my immigration, not his (we both work full-time, though he earns a bit more than me). Just want to note that he's not an(removed) or anything 😅he's actually a great husband, and will help me pay for stuff if we discuss it, but that's just his rationale and I'm wondering how many other couples have the same argument lol.

I know everyone has there personal preferences when it comes to money in a relationship or marriage, but statements like your husband‘s would bug me!

 

My husband and I have only a joint account. No „yours“ and „mine“ here. We‘re a team!
He still has a US account only in his name but we never touch this unless we‘re on vacation in the US (due to exchange rate fees). And even then, we‘ll use the money for both of us and our kids.

Also why is it „your immigration“? He wants you to be with him, right? Then he could also support this move for y’all to be able to spend your lives together in the same country. 
 

[wtrav 34]

It was never a discussion for us. He paid for the petition, once I came to the US I transferred my savings to our joint bank account and paid the AOS. All future  expenses will also be paid from our bank account. I haven’t worked at all since I got here because we had a baby. So it will be taken care for with the money he earned. But he doesn’t look at it as “his money”. It’s ours because we’re a family.

[snowcat 58]

It's great to hear everyone's opinions on the matter.  Thanks for chiming in! 

 

Yes, it was a bit of a weird transition for us especially at the beginning of our marriage...  But as most of you have said, communication is key. We also sit down and talk about things that bother us, which this was one of, on my end. I took the time to explain the whole "we're a family now and we share costs" and he has definitely gotten better about it. On the flip side, when he was having financial trouble in the past, he didn't come to me for help or tell me that he's struggling. When I found out, I immediately paid for whatever he needed to pay for and he was so shocked and grateful. I had to explain yet again that hey, this works both ways - we help each other and we support each other. You don't have to carry the burden alone! I come from a family where we buy each other gifts and pay for each other's expenses, if we are able, without expecting anything back. And his family is quite the opposite, where his dad actually has an Excel spreadsheet of everything he owes him since his teenage years! Also, when we asked his parents if we can stay with them for a few months as we find a house of our own, they said yes but only if we pay rent! LOL 😮 That's ridiculous for me - my family would LOVE to have me (and my husband) live with them again for as long as I wanted for free (and that won't even be a discussion!). 

 

Anyway, it's interesting to hear everyone's take on it. I also would like to clarify that I'm not in any way troubled by this (at least, not anymore), as my husband and I do discuss this, among many other things. He does try to understand everything from my perspective as well. We have a healthy, happy relationship and I couldn't imagine anything better. I just wanted to open up the discussion because I was just curious of how other married couples deal with stuff like this. I'm not exactly asking for relationship advice here hehe. It's different for everyone!  

Edited April 23, 2020 by snowcat

[Zach2015 211]

I paid for everything, for my now wife. It was never discussed, I just knew I was going to pay for everything. Now that she works, she does help pay some bills. To each their own. 

[Ash.1101 1,755]

My husband paid for his K1 and AOS since I was not working at the time and he was providing for me. We both paid for ROC because we are both working and we share our money.

If I had been working I would have 100% helped out, I don't consider it -his- immigration. I consider it our family coming together. Living together with extra steps.

If it were me and I was told that it were -my- immigration therefore it's all on me, I would take a step back for sure. It would make me believe my SO felt that immigration my burden to hold alone and that I may be wanting to immigrate for other reasons.

Edited April 23, 2020 by Ash.

[PWB 213]

I consider that it is my responsibility to provide for my Fiance/Wife, so I pay all the fee's.  You had better get used to it because you have an agreement that they will never be a public charge.  I get a real good return on my investment with her unconditional love and understanding.  Sure hopes she reads this.......