How do people cope

[Soof2016 5]

We travel every 2 months. But we can both visit one another  which makes it easier. 

[Loo1 91]

We try to see each other every 10-12 weeks, this has been the longest time apart since we've been together, we're at 14 and a half weeks but he's arrives in the morning. We take turns of him coming to Ireland and me going to the states. Its so hard, but it will all be so worth it in the end 

[BugsBunny88 3]

19 hours ago, Gojo said:

This might be out of topic but not really. My question is, How often are us citizens visiting their spouse while going thru this whole process. I visit mines every 3 months or so but i think it may mess up my income as I have no joint sponsor at the time. Is every 3 months too much?  I know it depends on people’s financial situation but just wanted to see how everyone else is managing. I can’t stand to be away from my spouse for so long😩 

It’s been 10 months since we got married and He has visited twice so far. Distance totally sucks. Be patient

[The_Empyrean 733]

we saw each other every 4-6months mostly. Later times, 6-8months as i got promoted at work and was busier, she was finishing up her bachelors.
I mean.. we spent 4 years going back and forth like that and never complained,  we chose it and we knew consequences and difficulties ahead. It was hard, but we never really complained that "if you didn't live blablabla and lived here it would be much easier".

If you focus just on the distance, it's gonna be a nightmare. Don't. Focus on the relationship and each other. Be supportive, be interested, explore YOURSELF during that time apart (find new hobbies, meditate, update your looks, read something new etc). Support whatever your Fiance/Spouse wants to do, let her/him live her life. Don't get over the top on each other, don't be controlling, and don't be a crybaby everytime you call each other. One has to be stronger. Distance is tough but you gotta man-up from time to time. What i did? I told her that it's tough but never actually elaborated, and directed my "pain" to my best friend, he helped us a lot with that. If you keep pouring all negative feelings into other person, he's gonna associate the relationship as negative. Meaning it might unconsciously start thinking that everytime you talk, it will be sad, upsetting etc. Do opposite, be upbeat, tell whats happened during the day, even stupid things (played xbox with this dude and it was hilarious, hear me out..)(Learned to play a new song, wanna hear it?) That kind of things. 

I'd say most arguments that occurred during the 4 year period, 95% of them were because of distance and not being able to read body language, tone and general misunderstandings cause by distance. One of You has to let it go and move on, don't hold grudge for long.

And most important, don't talk too much or be on the phone too much. You'll have nothing to say and it's gonna be a chore later. Talk preferably twice a day for an hour or 30mins. Early morning and evening. Tell how'd you sleep, and what happened during the day. 

DO NOT DROOL OVER THE DISTANCE AND LONG PROCESSING TIMES. Could be worse than it is. Be happy that you have each other.  

 

[Bengoj 133]

34 minutes ago, PaulMac said:

we saw each other every 4-6months mostly. Later times, 6-8months as i got promoted at work and was busier, she was finishing up her bachelors.
I mean.. we spent 4 years going back and forth like that and never complained,  we chose it and we knew consequences and difficulties ahead. It was hard, but we never really complained that "if you didn't live blablabla and lived here it would be much easier".

If you focus just on the distance, it's gonna be a nightmare. Don't. Focus on the relationship and each other. Be supportive, be interested, explore YOURSELF during that time apart (find new hobbies, meditate, update your looks, read something new etc). Support whatever your Fiance/Spouse wants to do, let her/him live her life. Don't get over the top on each other, don't be controlling, and don't be a crybaby everytime you call each other. One has to be stronger. Distance is tough but you gotta man-up from time to time. What i did? I told her that it's tough but never actually elaborated, and directed my "pain" to my best friend, he helped us a lot with that. If you keep pouring all negative feelings into other person, he's gonna associate the relationship as negative. Meaning it might unconsciously start thinking that everytime you talk, it will be sad, upsetting etc. Do opposite, be upbeat, tell whats happened during the day, even stupid things (played xbox with this dude and it was hilarious, hear me out..)(Learned to play a new song, wanna hear it?) That kind of things. 

I'd say most arguments that occurred during the 4 year period, 95% of them were because of distance and not being able to read body language, tone and general misunderstandings cause by distance. One of You has to let it go and move on, don't hold grudge for long.

And most important, don't talk too much or be on the phone too much. You'll have nothing to say and it's gonna be a chore later. Talk preferably twice a day for an hour or 30mins. Early morning and evening. Tell how'd you sleep, and what happened during the day. 

DO NOT DROOL OVER THE DISTANCE AND LONG PROCESSING TIMES. Could be worse than it is. Be happy that you have each other.  

 

Thank you. Reading this, makes me self reflect.  

[Greekwife 58]

We also meet every three months.It is difficult but what can you do ? 😖

 

[MrandMrsAlexander 44]

It’s a hard/long journey. I see my husband every 2-5 months. We’re now awaiting an interview date and I’m hoping to go bring my man home by mid April. 8 months ago I changed to a part-time schedule so I could visit whenever. I’m a nurse so that gives me flexibility and in between traveling I work as much as I can so my income hasn’t been drastically affected. The things we do for love😀

[Jenny17655 283]

After my initial meeting with my then fiance, I never got to see him again until our interview 1 year later.  That was the most miserable year of my life!!! Happily married now so thank God that's over!!!!

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

My fiancee was in Costa Rica and I in NY, so it's not too far, about 5 hours nonstop.  And back in 2007-2008, it was fairly cheap so I was down there every 3 months while dating and monthly while engaged waiting for the paperwork to go through.  

 

But like you said it depends on people's financial situation and obviously distance.  I wouldn't want to fly 8-12 hours each way monthly.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

I met up with my husband about a year after we got married for a couple of weeks, then a few months later moved here on the CR-1. We both didn't have much spare money, he only had 5 days of PTO per year vs my 25, and I was also worried about being seen as visiting too often by CBP. I remember before my visit to the US, I wrote on the British Expats forum about whether it would be okay to visit the US with a pending immigrant visa since he couldn't visit the UK and the advice I received from a senior member was for him to try not being poor. Never thought of that idea 😮

 

But yeah, the visit actually went quite well and that time apart is a time I barely remember now. I've been here for over 4 years and it feels like I've been here forever.

[MongolianPanda 7]

My fiancee and I were together in the US for 2 years.. and then she departed back to her country when she finished school.. I then applied for the K1 visa and during the 10 months apart, we did not see each other for various reasons.. but we would communicate everyday via chat/call/video.. that kept us connected.. and knowing that we will soon be together for the rest of our lives kept us sane.. Just keep reminding yourself that this little sacrifice (wait time) will be all worth it for the rest of your lives. Good luck with the journey!

[Applepie CI 7]

On 2/13/2019 at 11:51 AM, Gojo said:

This might be out of topic but not really. My question is, How often are us citizens visiting their spouse while going thru this whole process. I visit mines every 3 months or so but i think it may mess up my income as I have no joint sponsor at the time. Is every 3 months too much?  I know it depends on people’s financial situation but just wanted to see how everyone else is managing. I can’t stand to be away from my spouse for so long😩 

My husband and I are apart from each other from the 11th of January 2019 and he already planning on visiting me soon because its been the hardest thing to do. Being apart from each other is so painful and stressful for us, don't why it takes so long for a US citizen to have they spouse with them. It is also very costly for us to be apart. 😭😓

[Bengoj 133]

5 minutes ago, Applepie CI said:

My husband and I are apart from each other from the 11th of January 2019 and he already planning on visiting me soon because its been the hardest thing to do. Being apart from each other is so painful and stressful for us, don't why it takes so long for a US citizen to have they spouse with them. It is also very costly for us to be apart. 😭😓

It’s horrible. I just left Turkey I’m Jan 23 and now I’m counting the days to see him in May. In 2018, I’ve traveled 4 times alone to see him.  How do they expect to prove a bona fide marriage AND maintain income. It’s so expensive and hard. 

[Applepie CI 7]

1 minute ago, Gojo said:

It’s horrible. I just left Turkey I’m Jan 23 and now I’m counting the days to see him in May. In 2018, I’ve traveled 4 times alone to see him.  How do they expect to prove a bona fide marriage AND maintain income. It’s so expensive and hard. 

It is the hardest thing to do emotionally and financially, from 2015 we traveled 6 times each yearly to see each other. Now it's is getting harder now.

[Bengoj 133]

7 minutes ago, Applepie CI said:

It is the hardest thing to do emotionally and financially, from 2015 we traveled 6 times each yearly to see each other. Now it's is getting harder now.

This will all come to an end soon. 🙏