Non-immigrant male married to a drug addicted USC Wife

[malenonimmigrant 10]

Greetings Everyone!

I am a non-immigrant male, that came here to the United States, on a F1 Student Visa. Upon completing my OPT, I was sponsored for an H1b work visa. Met my wife in 2011. Were friends for 3 years as she was dating someone else at the time. When she broke up with her ex, we started dating in 2014, and after 1 year, we got married on Oct 1st, 2015. After she moved in with me, came to realize she was taking anti-anxiety drugs like Xanax and Valium because she said she suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. I thought nothing of it since I am not knowledgeable on mental health and anti-anxiety medication.

Long story short, she is apparently addicted to the pills, to the point where she has threatened me that if I don't help her to gain access to more pills, she will not show up to my green card interview. She has attempted to inflict pain on herself by cutting her wrists so as to make me afraid and make me feel guilty that she is suicidal because I as a husband have not met to her demands of helping gain pills illegally (buying them on the streets from a dealer). She has drawn money out of our bank account to go get the pills herself. I have suffered PTSD and depression from this whole ordeal as I did not realize that I married someone who became a drug addict to the point where they were affecting my well-being. I have seen a psychologist and sought therapy sessions because I am going through a rough time.

Meanwhile, I discussed this issue with my lawyer and he said to file a VAWA petition. And given that the lawyer represents the petitioner, my wife, he said he could not represent me because of "conflict of interest". Thus, I consulted with another immigration attorney, who happened to be a woman, and she said I had a weak case simply because I am male, and immigration officers tend to attend to more women-based acts of cruelty than men. She also said that my wife is simply a victim of drug addiction, and she does intentionally mean to harm me, but more so, she just takes it out on me. I argued, the same can be said of an alcoholic man who abuses his wife while drunk. No one says he's a victim of alcohol abuse, and thus, he didn't intentionally mean to harm his wife. So the lawyer says to fix my marriage, and just go to the marriage interview and suck it up. Well, I want to go to the interview, as my wife and I did have a "bonafide marriage", but how do I know she's not going to go through her mood swings, or decide not to show up last minute to the interview? How do I know she won't stumble on simple questions asked of her? I am living in fear and torment right now as I don't know what I should do. My friends said that the female lawyer was being sexist, and seems like she is just holding a bias opinion. I am open to thoughts from the public here on what your opinions and advice are. I appreciate some feedback.

My VAWA file so far:

1. Proof of bonafide marriage: marriage certificate, wedding photos, dating photos, photos from trips, joint auto-insurance, driver's license under same address, joint bank account, joint tax return, joint Roth IRA, joint COSTCO membership, affadavit letters from her dad, friends, my brother.

2. Proof of living together: letter from landlord, lease agreement, and joint renter's insurance with our address listed.

3. Good Moral Character: Police report from department that clears me.

4. Personal declaration letter: I outline how our relationship developed, why we married, how was living together, how the abuse started, what were the forms of abuse, and how I felt. Discussed my good moral character (volunteer work with children after-school tutoring).

5. Witness affadavits: my brother, friend.

6. Psychologist report outlining my emotional abuse and that I am diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Therapist sessions transcripts.

[NikLR 13,227]

~~moved to effects of family changes from what visa do I need with other VAWA discussions~~

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

It can be harder for a man, especially when there is no physical or sexual abuse documented by police. But that doesn't mean it is impossible. Has she been arrested for drug abuse/ procurement of drugs?

Are you still living together, trying to make it work, or have you filed for divorce?

[Rc123rc 528]

Let her doctor know what is going on. They need to re-evaluate her conditions and medications. Xanax and Valium are known for addictions.

Don't give into her threats. If she harms herself then call 911 and they'll put her on a 51/50 which will make everyone aware of her condition and behavior.

Keep yourself safe. Make sure you have adequate emotional support.

Not sure why you brought in lawyers. This is a medical/psychological crisis that needs to be worked on ASAP. Seems like you just want out of the marriage and trying to figure out your options.

I have a question. What are your goals? You seem to be doing a lot of work to build some type of case. You mentioned an interview. Is this an AOS interview?

[Ischnura 285]

Have you thought of getting your wife some help rather than just a divorce?

[jannapa 12]

do you love the person?

i apologize for a harsh response, but if i knew the person i love were addicted to anything, i would first try to help.

xanax and valium are addictive, but hardly ever do people take those for entertainment.

[russandraquel 86]

Get her help. Addiction brings out the worst in people, and it is hard to see your love for them when they are struggling with addiction.

[Ban Hammer 13,399]

3 posts removed for non constructive posts - i.e. unnecessary observations about the op, not answering the questions posed by the op, and so forth.
either post constructively or do not post. failure to do so will result in admin action.

[subwayguy 100]

Please stop moral calling OP, he asked a very specific question,so stop giving him unwanted lectures.

[Caryh 5,206]

If you have documented PTSD then you should have no issue going the VAWA route. As to the lawyer you saw, she's just one of many bad lawyers out there. Find a new lawyer and go forth via VAWA. If PTSD is something you self diagnosed yourself as having, then maybe you do need to listen to the second lawyer. There is a prejudice in the USA that men cannot be victims of abuse, only women can. So it is not a long shot to believe that the lawyer you spoke with is such a person. But be very honest with yourself on have you suffered mental trauma over this situation, as it would not be surprising to be dealing with others in USCIS with the same prejudice, requiring a higher burden on proof on your end.

[Caryh 5,206]

Well, this is a forum for immigration related issues, not a marriage counseling forum. He's on topic, you're not.

Exactly. We're not here to judge the relationship. Also there is no reason he cannot stay married and work on getting his spouse help if he gains a green card through VAWA. I would also be worried if some lawyer said he doesn't have a case for VAWA when he obviously does if he has all that evidence. He's dealing with a bad lawyer, of which there are many, and he needs to find a good one.

[Ontarkie 14,275]

~~Non constructive post removed along with one quoting it. Member thread banned for failure to heed mod warning. ~~

Here's a refresher of that warning.

3 posts removed for non constructive posts - i.e. unnecessary observations about the op, not answering the questions posed by the op, and so forth.
either post constructively or do not post. failure to do so will result in admin action.

[discoverusa 277]

If OP was a woman everyone would be screaming to call police, go to domestic violence shelter, etc. Double standard...

Good luck with your journey.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

If OP was a woman everyone would be screaming to call police, go to domestic violence shelter, etc. Double standard...

Good luck with your journey.

Call the police for what the OP has not said any violance has happen he said he belives she abuses drugs....she only threatened to not go to the interview per his statement Edited May 23, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[famictech2000 2]

Greetings Everyone!

I am a non-immigrant male, that came here to the United States, on a F1 Student Visa. Upon completing my OPT, I was sponsored for an H1b work visa. Met my wife in 2011. Were friends for 3 years as she was dating someone else at the time. When she broke up with her ex, we started dating in 2014, and after 1 year, we got married on Oct 1st, 2015. After she moved in with me, came to realize she was taking anti-anxiety drugs like Xanax and Valium because she said she suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. I thought nothing of it since I am not knowledgeable on mental health and anti-anxiety medication.

Long story short, she is apparently addicted to the pills, to the point where she has threatened me that if I don't help her to gain access to more pills, she will not show up to my green card interview. She has attempted to inflict pain on herself by cutting her wrists so as to make me afraid and make me feel guilty that she is suicidal because I as a husband have not met to her demands of helping gain pills illegally (buying them on the streets from a dealer). She has drawn money out of our bank account to go get the pills herself. I have suffered PTSD and depression from this whole ordeal as I did not realize that I married someone who became a drug addict to the point where they were affecting my well-being. I have seen a psychologist and sought therapy sessions because I am going through a rough time.

Meanwhile, I discussed this issue with my lawyer and he said to file a VAWA petition. And given that the lawyer represents the petitioner, my wife, he said he could not represent me because of "conflict of interest". Thus, I consulted with another immigration attorney, who happened to be a woman, and she said I had a weak case simply because I am male, and immigration officers tend to attend to more women-based acts of cruelty than men. She also said that my wife is simply a victim of drug addiction, and she does intentionally mean to harm me, but more so, she just takes it out on me. I argued, the same can be said of an alcoholic man who abuses his wife while drunk. No one says he's a victim of alcohol abuse, and thus, he didn't intentionally mean to harm his wife. So the lawyer says to fix my marriage, and just go to the marriage interview and suck it up. Well, I want to go to the interview, as my wife and I did have a "bonafide marriage", but how do I know she's not going to go through her mood swings, or decide not to show up last minute to the interview? How do I know she won't stumble on simple questions asked of her? I am living in fear and torment right now as I don't know what I should do. My friends said that the female lawyer was being sexist, and seems like she is just holding a bias opinion. I am open to thoughts from the public here on what your opinions and advice are. I appreciate some feedback.

My VAWA file so far:

1. Proof of bonafide marriage: marriage certificate, wedding photos, dating photos, photos from trips, joint auto-insurance, driver's license under same address, joint bank account, joint tax return, joint Roth IRA, joint COSTCO membership, affadavit letters from her dad, friends, my brother.

2. Proof of living together: letter from landlord, lease agreement, and joint renter's insurance with our address listed.

3. Good Moral Character: Police report from department that clears me.

4. Personal declaration letter: I outline how our relationship developed, why we married, how was living together, how the abuse started, what were the forms of abuse, and how I felt. Discussed my good moral character (volunteer work with children after-school tutoring).

5. Witness affadavits: my brother, friend.

6. Psychologist report outlining my emotional abuse and that I am diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Therapist sessions transcripts.

so whats your question....

go that route and if they deny you, they deny you.... and you wasted time and money... thats all.

the lawyer just gave her opinion doesnt mean you need to follow it....