CR1 visa issue

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

Your partner is going to have to have a direct discussion with his parents and sort this out. Better now than later. Kicking the can down the road is just going to make things worse.

[African Zealot 1,454]

11 hours ago, jadmac said:

Essentially because I am on a CR1 I am wondering what my rights are in terms of if I make a stronger stand against this? For example, what if I refused and our relationship turned sour? 

What are my rights etc? 

You have all the rights of a human being in a marriage in the USA without immigration status coming into play. End of story. You should not evaluate this from an immigration standpoint AT ALL because it is not. 
 

Good luck.

[Bob in Boston 665]

17 hours ago, jadmac said:

What options are available to me? Do I have to just accept this? 

You can refuse to leave, its your home. Not theirs.

You have to decide if this is the way you want to live your life.

If it was me and I couldnt work out a resolution to this I would leave and move on. You cant force people to accept your lifestyle. 

This is not a immigration issue, you already have your greencard, this is a relationship issue and should be delt with accordingly. Dont let your spouse make it into one.

 

[Verrou 1,945]

just wondering...what is ur husband's tought / stance about this situation ? i read all the comments but it seems u didnt write about how's he handling this issue

 

if i were you, i ain't leaving the house. unless the parent has share on the house that's why they seems dictacting terms

[mam521 1,974]

15 hours ago, jadmac said:

They know, but don't know about any details of relationship status etc 

Do they know what he sponsored you to come to the USA?  That's a pretty big thing and not like it happens overnight. 

 

12 hours ago, ROK2USA said:

How long are you expected to leave the house? Is it for an afternoon or several days?

Were you aware your life would be like this before moving to the US or did you partner only tell you about this set up after you move?

 

You have several options open to you:

1.) Keep everything the same and leave your own home whenever the parents visit. (this is your life now... and you're allowing your partner to prioritize his parents over you).

2.) Tell your partner your home is not open to his parents. They can stay at a hotel when they visit and your partner can meet them on neutral territory.

3.) Your partner should travel to his parents (and their home) whenever he wants to see them. 

 

You have no relationship with his parents. I might be stubborn. But, I wouldn't upend my entire life for people who don't even know I exist. 

Your partner probably had it easy during the long distance portion of your relationship as he was able to compartmentalize the different parts of his life. 

But, he has to put his big boy pants on and figure out how to keep you happy, and maintain a relationship with his parents (if he wants to maintain a relationship people who don't support a very central part of his life).

 

Have a heart-to-heart with your partner. Tell him how you feel, and the tell him he needs to remember you share a home now. You are no longer a visitor. 

 

 

 

I agree.  It's his parents that have the issue.  He has chosen to unite with you in marriage.  Marriage is supposed to be forever.  If he is unwilling to defend the relationship, then what else is he unwilling to do for you?  

 

4 minutes ago, Misscloud said:

just wondering...what is ur husband's tought / stance about this situation ? i read all the comments but it seems u didnt write about how's he handling this issue

 

if i were you, i ain't leaving the house. unless the parent has share on the house that's why they seems dictacting terms

I'm curious, too.  Where's the defense of the partnership and why is this even an issue?  

[Beth & Achraf 328]

18 hours ago, jadmac said:

Essentially because I am on a CR1 I am wondering what my rights are in terms of if I make a stronger stand against this? For example, what if I refused and our relationship turned sour? 

What are my rights etc? 

This is not a immigration question, you need to contact a lawyer for protecting your rights.

[jadmac 8]

So first all thanks for everyone's responses. 

Second of all, I'd just like to clarify that in my mind it is related to CR1 since I only hold a conditional green card, so I feel insecure in my current situation for that reason, hence why I posted it here. 

Second of all, obviously being the foreigner and on a conditional green card I don't feel like I can rock the boat too much. 

[From_CAN_2_US 1,106]

18 hours ago, jadmac said:

I am not worried about being deported, I am a permanent resident and we are otherwise in a very happy relationship. 

However, essentially, it seems that his parents are precedent over the relationship atm. 

Right now I just feel that I am worried about forcing my position or at least being strong on it since I am on a CR1 visa (permanent resident) i.e. I am feeling a little secure about being to aggressive. 




 

OP, you are conflating several things:

 

1. As others have advised, you are not on a visa. You are a permanent Resident. The CR1 is relevant though, because if you entered less than 2 years ago, you are on a conditional green card, not 10 year green card.

 

2. Now I am guessing from some of your posts you are wondering what would happen to your status and future in the US, should things turn sour between you and your spouse due to these personal issues with regard to his parents. As you probably know you will need to apply for removal of conditions 1 year 9 months after your entry into the U.S. At this time you would need to prove that your marriage is ongoing. Should things go sour and you divorce, you can still be successful in removing conditions and getting a green card, by submitting a divorce waiver. This would also impact your timeline to file for citizenship, because you would be applying under the 5 year rule, because you would not be living with your spouse.
 

3. About what you should on a personal level about dealing with your spouse and his parents, that is not an immigration matter, and is beyond the scope of this forum. You are advised to seek marriage counselling or other experts in relationships.

Edited June 13, 2022 by From_CAN_2_US

[From_CAN_2_US 1,106]

14 minutes ago, jadmac said:

So first all thanks for everyone's responses. 

Second of all, I'd just like to clarify that in my mind it is related to CR1 since I only hold a conditional green card, so I feel insecure in my current situation for that reason, hence why I posted it here. 

Second of all, obviously being the foreigner and on a conditional green card I don't feel like I can rock the boat too much. 

Thanks for clarifying, OP.

 

You need not worry about your immigration status. Even with a divorce, you would be able to keep your green card and eventually become a citizen. There is no reason for you to tolerate ill treatment or remain in an unhappy relationship, for the sake of your immigration status, as it is not in danger.

 

On the immigration side of things, key is that the marriage was real while it lasted, and that’s what you will need to prove, should it dissolve. So best to document everything. But rest assured, USCIS can understand that marriages don’t always last. 

[Ontarkie 14,134]

 

Is it your husband who is pressuring you to leave because he thinks it would make it easier for his parents while visiting? 

If this is coming from your husband and not the in-laws then he needs to suck it up. It's him he is worried about not them. If they are coming to visit their son who they know is in a same sex marriage then they are not the ones with the issues. He is and he needs to learn how to be the son and husband as an adult not a child of his parents. They seem to be open enough to want to visit. That says a lot and they probably want to get to know you also and see how happy their son is. 

 

Now if this is the in-laws that are requesting this then all bets are off. Their son is in a same sex marriage and they need to overcome their stuffiness or not visit. 

 

Now for a little very short story. 

I have a friend with a very toxic mother in law. She does pack up and gets out of dodge when she comes around. She tried for years and took so much abuse from this woman it is crazy. My friend's husband will not cut his mother out of their lives so she leaves and takes a little vacation while he struggles with his mother and the 3 kids. The mother in -law  will turn everything around to be about her and blame my friend. Her husband has stood up to his mother and she has stormed off, made all kinds of woe is me stuff on FB to make my friend out to be the bad guy and how she turned her son out against her. They even moved across country to get away from her and she still pulls this stuff. See why my friend takes a vacation  she needs it. Anyway, this is not your situation and you want to be around. You just need to find out what is the right path for you. Like my friend and her husband you said you also have a great relationship the rest of the time. So once or twice a year to my friend a little break is no big deal. 

[jadmac 8]

5 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

 

Is it your husband who is pressuring you to leave because he thinks it would make it easier for his parents while visiting? 

If this is coming from your husband and not the in-laws then he needs to suck it up. It's him he is worried about not them. If they are coming to visit their son who they know is in a same sex marriage then they are not the ones with the issues. He is and he needs to learn how to be the son and husband as an adult not a child of his parents. They seem to be open enough to want to visit. That says a lot and they probably want to get to know you also and see how happy their son is. 

 

Now if this is the in-laws that are requesting this then all bets are off. Their son is in a same sex marriage and they need to overcome their stuffiness or not visit. 

 

Now for a little very short story. 

I have a friend with a very toxic mother in law. She does pack up and gets out of dodge when she comes around. She tried for years and took so much abuse from this woman it is crazy. My friend's husband will not cut his mother out of their lives so she leaves and takes a little vacation while he struggles with his mother and the 3 kids. The mother in -law  will turn everything around to be about her and blame my friend. Her husband has stood up to his mother and she has stormed off, made all kinds of woe is me stuff on FB to make my friend out to be the bad guy and how she turned her son out against her. They even moved across country to get away from her and she still pulls this stuff. See why my friend takes a vacation  she needs it. Anyway, this is not your situation and you want to be around. You just need to find out what is the right path for you. Like my friend and her husband you said you also have a great relationship the rest of the time. So once or twice a year to my friend a little break is no big deal. 

It's not very clear tbh. 

Basically, they know he is gay and they know I am a friend but they do not know we are married. 

I feel he is extremely close to his parents, who are obviously Christian and conservative. I wouldn't say they are necessarily toxic or aggressive, I'd just say he doesn't want to disappoint them. I'd say that is the main motivation in all of this. 

So, I think he just wants me to leave temporarily while they visit to save face as he doesn't want to face the issue and instead would rather have the best of both worlds e.g. time with his parents and then I'd return. 

Obviously I am not happy about the situation, but at the same time I am finding myself in a very difficult situation. Firstly, I do not want to drive a wedge between him and his parents, or feel like I am applying pressure, but at the same time I feel I need to assert my own boundaries and maintain my self respect. 

Ultimately, I would not be willing to live like this long term, so my main reasoning for posting it here was to see where I stood in terms of immigration law and maintaining my green card....I have sacrificed a lot and I also don't want to sacrifice my own values over fear of losing my status etc. 












 

[Ontarkie 14,134]

1 minute ago, jadmac said:

It's not very clear tbh. 

Basically, they know he is gay and they know I am a friend but they do not know we are married. 

I feel he is extremely close to his parents, who are obviously Christian and conservative. I wouldn't say they are necessarily toxic or aggressive, I'd just say he doesn't want to disappoint them. I'd say that is the main motivation in all of this. 

So, I think he just wants me to leave temporarily while they visit to save face as he doesn't want to face the issue and instead would rather have the best of both worlds e.g. time with his parents and then I'd return. 

Obviously I am not happy about the situation, but at the same time I am finding myself in a very difficult situation. Firstly, I do not want to drive a wedge between him and his parents, or feel like I am applying pressure, but at the same time I feel I need to assert my own boundaries and maintain my self respect. 

Ultimately, I would not be willing to live like this long term, so my main reasoning for posting it here was to see where I stood in terms of immigration law and maintaining my green card....I have sacrificed a lot and I also don't want to sacrifice my own values over fear of losing my status etc. 












 

That makes perfect sense. Still sucks but now I understand better. 

He hasn't even told them about you. That hurts, and I think he is putting too much focus on their so called Christian/conservative beliefs. They didn't walk away from him when he came out, then he needs to give them a chance to figure out their own thoughts about being married. Stop putting his own fears of how his parents will react and let them figure it out on their own. Sorry not what you asked. 

 

Yes immigration wise you are safe. Talk to your husband and explain to him that he needs to have a heart to heart with his parents.

[jadmac 8]

18 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

That makes perfect sense. Still sucks but now I understand better. 

He hasn't even told them about you. That hurts, and I think he is putting too much focus on their so called Christian/conservative beliefs. They didn't walk away from him when he came out, then he needs to give them a chance to figure out their own thoughts about being married. Stop putting his own fears of how his parents will react and let them figure it out on their own. Sorry not what you asked. 

 

Yes immigration wise you are safe. Talk to your husband and explain to him that he needs to have a heart to heart with his parents.

Yeah I've tried...I feel like it getting to the point where I am having to beg almost, which doesn't feel good...I guess at some point it's a choice for him to make! 



 

[Ontarkie 14,134]

1 hour ago, jadmac said:

Yeah I've tried...I feel like it getting to the point where I am having to beg almost, which doesn't feel good...I guess at some point it's a choice for him to make! 



 

That is so sad. Hopefully soon /hugs

[beloved_dingo 1,973]

OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. Your husband needs to realize that keeping your marriage secret is not sustainable, not fair to you, and puts unneeded pressure/strain on your relationship. Marrying you means you are also his family now. He made that choice, and should accept everything that comes with it. Perhaps his parents will react badly once they know, but the sooner they are aware the sooner you can both work through the issue together instead of forcing you to shoulder this burden. I don't think lying to them/omitting the truth is going to help matters at all.

 

Good luck going forward, and as others have said, you don't need to worry about your immigration status.