Divorce in peace

[Dantrolene 15]

 I have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a 3 yr old daughter. We lived in WA. I am moving to another state in midwest for work. She is not moving. Things in life happened.  We decided to divorce in peace. She is older and makes more money. I make minimum wage. Should I get a lawyer for settlement? How custody would work in this case being us living in two different states? How child support works in our case ? I haven't done any of that before but I am willing to read from resources to learn more and make it fair for everyone. 

[NikLR 13,220]

These are family law questions not immigration questions.  You should retain a lawyer because you have a child.  Unless you are absolutely positive that your spouse and yourself can come to an agreement on custody.  But if you ever want to pursue citizenship, you'll need to pay child support if you're not the primary caregiver, even if your wife makes more than you.  I suggest a lawyer even if you two plan on being very equitable. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by NikLR

[Dantrolene 15]

8 minutes ago, NikLR said:

These are family law questions not immigration questions.  You should retain a lawyer because you have a child.  Unless you are absolutely positive that your spouse and yourself can come to an agreement on custody.  But if you ever want to pursue citizenship, you'll need to pay child support if you're not the primary caregiver, even if your wife makes more than you.  I suggest a lawyer even if you two plan on being very equitable. 

I heard lawyers do nothing sometimes. If I am good at searching and filing in papers etc. Why not do it by myself ? Is there a reason why lawyer is better ? Besides the fact I heard crazy amount of money like 10k or so at least. We don't own stuff together. It's mostly her stuff. We just have a baby together...that's it. And I want to make sure I am not getting screwed and be able to see my baby, by living in another state. She mostly probably will get custody but i want to make sure at least I get half or quarter custody too. Btw, I will be a citizen before the divorce.

Edited November 21, 2019 by Dantrolene

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

15 minutes ago, Dantrolene said:

I heard lawyers do nothing sometimes. If I am good at searching and filing in papers etc. Why not do it by myself ? Is there a reason why lawyer is better ? Besides the fact I heard crazy amount of money like 10k or so at least. We don't own stuff together. It's mostly her stuff. We just have a baby together...that's it. And I want to make sure I am not getting screwed and be able to see my baby, by living in another state. She mostly probably will get custody but i want to make sure at least I get half or quarter custody too. Btw, I will be a citizen before the divorce.

This is why you should have a lawyer. 
I read in another post you filed for citizenship based on 3 years of marriage to your US spouse? It you are divorcing then you can’t obtain citizenship this way. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by Luckycuds

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

21 minutes ago, Dantrolene said:

I heard lawyers do nothing sometimes. If I am good at searching and filing in papers etc. Why not do it by myself ? Is there a reason why lawyer is better ? Besides the fact I heard crazy amount of money like 10k or so at least. We don't own stuff together. It's mostly her stuff. We just have a baby together...that's it. And I want to make sure I am not getting screwed and be able to see my baby, by living in another state. She mostly probably will get custody but i want to make sure at least I get half or quarter custody too. Btw, I will be a citizen before the divorce.

Unfortunately a family law case.. 

 

in ref to the custody thing, you’re the one voluntarily leaving the state, she’s not taking the kid from you.. of course it’s likely to go against you, you can’t find work and somewhere to live closer to the kid? Now’s the time to put child first... or if not careful might you’ll end up with half school holidays and alternate Xmas visits once the child reaches school age

 

highly recommend reconsidering interstate... go see a lawyer

Edited November 21, 2019 by Duke & Marie

[SalishSea 16,794]

19 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

Unfortunately a family law case.. 

 

in ref to the custody thing, you’re the one voluntarily leaving the state, she’s not taking the kid from you.. of course it’s likely to go against you, you can’t find work and somewhere to live closer to the kid? Now’s the time to put child first... or if not careful might you’ll end up with half school holidays and alternate Xmas visits once the child reaches school age

 

highly recommend reconsidering interstate... go see a lawyer

I agree.  I would  carefully consider your plan to relocate.  Jobs here in Washington are plentiful, and the wages here are much higher than in the midwest.  Even minimum wage in Seattle is $16/hour.

 

If you want to be an equal part of your child's life and he/she is very young, it will be difficult to do that from so far away.  Also think about the impact to your kiddo, not having you around?

 

A cheaper way to go about doing a divorce (and potentially avoid going to court) is to enlist the services of a mediator to help you hash out the parenting plan details.  If you do not own joint assets, the focus of the divorce will be on arrangements for the care of your kid.

[Dantrolene 15]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I need to mention that the reason behind me moving to another state is because I am receiving a training that I couldn't find here. So it's not just a regular job. It's like a school training has to be done to be a professional and it's for 3 years, after that I can move back to Washington.  So in this case, would that help make things in my favor when I want to split custody ? Can my daughter comes to live with me in a different state in the summer months and would that be considered half custody ?   I want to see my kid more often and meanwhile not stuck with 75% or more of child support. I want to make it fair 50 50.  In regards to assets, it's her house and her car, so obviously no disputes in that matter, even though the law in WA is 50 50 when it comes to divorce, no matter assets falls under any spouse name.  I hope that gives you more perspective about my case. 

[SalishSea 16,794]

19 minutes ago, Dantrolene said:

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I need to mention that the reason behind me moving to another state is because I am receiving a training that I couldn't find here. So it's not just a regular job. It's like a school training has to be done to be a professional and it's for 3 years, after that I can move back to Washington.  So in this case, would that help make things in my favor when I want to split custody ? Can my daughter comes to live with me in a different state in the summer months and would that be considered half custody ?   I want to see my kid more often and meanwhile not stuck with 75% or more of child support. I want to make it fair 50 50.  In regards to assets, it's her house and her car, so obviously no disputes in that matter, even though the law in WA is 50 50 when it comes to divorce, no matter assets falls under any spouse name.  I hope that gives you more perspective about my case. 

Can the professional training not be done here in Washington?

 

The community property aspect of assets in Washington refers to assets attained after marriage.  The assets/portion of the assets your wife had before marrying you will be seen as her separate property.

 

Whatever amicable arrangement you two arrive at regarding the parenting plan/custody arrangement will generally be approved by the courts.  And child support is calculated based on a formula that includes income, but residential time with the child can be factored in as well.  

[Villanelle 4,121]

The child lives in whatever state she is currently living in with the mom. You are probably not going to be able to get 50-50 custody being in another state unless you are right across the border type situation. 50-50 means the child would live with you 1/2 the time and thats simply not reasonable when theres a huge distance. 

[Dantrolene 15]

31 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Can the professional training not be done here in Washington?

 

The community property aspect of assets in Washington refers to assets attained after marriage.  The assets/portion of the assets your wife had before marrying you will be seen as her separate property.

 

Whatever amicable arrangement you two arrive at regarding the parenting plan/custody arrangement will generally be approved by the courts.  And child support is calculated based on a formula that includes income, but residential time with the child can be factored in as well.  

Unfortunately the professional training can't be done in WA.  But again after 3 yrs I can move back to find a job here easily. 

 

So 3 yrs can be huge in determining things like custody etc. So just to make sure, things can be changed at anytime if situation changed right?  Like if she has fully custody now, in 3 yrs I can have half custody when I come back correct ? I just want to make sure things won't be forever the same if I agreed to something initially. She may get a lawyer for custody and child support to obtain as much as she wants. She is planning to get full custody and daycare and college and child support and maybe even alimony. She is steep and serious when it comes to that part espy my job salary is 6 figure and I will be making more than hers at some point. 

[Villanelle 4,121]

yes.

 

Custody and support amounts can change. It sounds like you will need an attny if your ex is how you described. Doesnt sound like this is something you guys will be able to come to an agreement on... Child support is based on how much you are earning but there are minimums. Some states allow for college expenses and other things of that nature, some do not. Alimony is a different subject, probably NA since you havent been married that long and she is working. 

[Dantrolene 15]

5 minutes ago, Villanelle said:

yes.

 

Custody and support amounts can change. It sounds like you will need an attny if your ex is how you described. Doesnt sound like this is something you guys will be able to come to an agreement on... Child support is based on how much you are earning but there are minimums. Some states allow for college expenses and other things of that nature, some do not. Alimony is a different subject, probably NA since you havent been married that long and she is working. 

What can attorney do ? Court should be fair when it comes to custody and child support, aren't they? So my understanding attorneys are just costly and mostly worthless.  As you said it's calculated based on income, situations, etc. 

 

A question, if we decided to get a divorce eventually, should we do it sooner before I move out of state, or after when things get settled down for me financially ? 

 

 

 

 

[Ontarkie 13,918]

31 minutes ago, Dantrolene said:

What can attorney do ? Court should be fair when it comes to custody and child support, aren't they? So my understanding attorneys are just costly and mostly worthless.  As you said it's calculated based on income, situations, etc. 

 

A question, if we decided to get a divorce eventually, should we do it sooner before I move out of state, or after when things get settled down for me financially ? 

 

 

 

 

Ok you seem hung up on what the attorney can do. The lawyer sets the stage for just how much your wife can take advantage of you. 

Get a lawyer because if your wife has one she will get everything she wants and you will get nothing. This is the time for a lawyer. Trying to undue things you do not want once they are set in court is very difficult. 

 

Get a lawyer, because the minute your wife finds out you want joint custody she will flip, joint custody is most likely what the judge will grant. Yes you want joint custody, do not let her just tell you it's better if she has sole custody.  At the 3 yrs old visitations will be rough so you need a lawyer to make sure you have court appointed times to video chat and phone calls. You aren't going to get weekend visits/summers or winter breaks. But a good lawyer will set the stage to set those up now so you don't have to go to court later. So say at 6 she can go see you out of state with you picking her up and bring her back. Or something along that line that the two of you can agree on. Also plan what happens during school breaks, the more you can settle now and get in the custody agreement the better.

 

Changes on support and visitation can change when there is a significant change. So you moving back and new job/increase pay = a reason for change. 

[Lemonslice 4,562]

While custody arrangements can change (can be changed), once there is a situation set up for a few years (3 years of training),  the court might decide that it is in the best interest of the child to keep the situation as is/change it minimally.  Again, a consultation with a lawyer NOW might save you a lot of trouble later.  

[R&OC 355]

I am chiming in although this isn't a divorce forum. The courts look at the child's well-being.

 

For one, the courts may question why someone would move so far away especially with a young child. The younger a child is, the more constant and predictable visitation ought to be. Hence, by moving that far away you are signalling priorities that are deviating from the well-being of your child. Which brings me to the mother: If the mother has been and continues to be the source of stability and constant care, she will likely receive sole custody.

 

As it stands, you may want to consider finding a job closer by, and supporting your wife (then ex-wife) in bringing up your child together. Perhaps help her out with watching your child while she is at work, or figure out a system in which you both work hand in hand but are no longer married. 

 

So far, I have missed that perspective in this ongoing debate. Your child is very young and Skype nor Facetime can not replace personal interaction. You are risking any kind of relationship with your kiddo.