Beneficiary's family do not support the engagement/marriage

[Banana9ieue 26]

I'm the foreign fiancee and for a long while now my family have tried causing me trouble in my engagement to my US fiancee. They have all met him but the trouble is that my dad has told my family members lies about my fiancee. My dad sneeringly looks down on him and me because we are committed Christians and both want to live a simple life away from the cities. He went so far to tell my family that my fiancee is in poverty. When confronted with this from my Grandparents I carefully explained that my fiancee has his own house and plot of land without a mortgage, earns a good wage, has a well furnished, modern and comfortable home. Currently I am living at my parents' house so it has been a true struggle for me over the past year or so since they met him. My dad is a compulsive liar and has my family members wrapped around his fingered they eat up every word his says... no matter how much I set them straight on what is true.

My dad's and my family's world view is that a woman has a career first, money is the focus of life and she might get married (like some of them did) when they are well in their 30s. It is very sickening when someone else tries to suffocate your own dreams and desires. Sure if there are ladies who want to wait that is fine too... me and my soon to be husband want building a happy little family to be the focus of our efforts. 

 

My concern is that at the interview the CO might ask about how my family feel about me getting married, are they coming to our wedding etc...

Will it be a problem that I will have to say outright that they don't approve and no they are not coming we are going to a courthouse to marry alone because they have caused so much grief and torment for us?

 

(Sorry for the rant)

Edited April 21, 2019 by Ella and James

[Going through 5,668]

One good thing is that you're from the UK, where parental approval is not any sort of significant expectation (as in some MENA countries).

 

Marrying in a courthouse is not a cause for concern either.

 

Likely the CO will just ask if you've met his family/he's met your family.  You don't have to volunteer any information about your family's views about your fiancee, but if asked be truthful. 

 

 

Edited April 21, 2019 by Going through

[Wuozopo 4,285]

Why would you air your grief to the officer?

--Say they're not coming because it's really expensive and you plan to marry at the courthouse to get on with Adjustment of status asap.

--Say you don't know because this process is so vague on how long it will take that nobody has made plans yet. 

There's a lot of things you can say besides blurting out they hate your fiancé. It's just a chat with a friendly person.

 

Edited April 21, 2019 by Wuozopo

[LukeU 413]

1 hour ago, Ella and James said:

I'm the foreign fiancee and for a long while now my family have tried causing me trouble in my engagement to my US fiancee. They have all met him but the trouble is that my dad has told my family members lies about my fiancee. My dad sneeringly looks down on him and me because we are committed Christians and both want to live a simple life away from the cities. He went so far to tell my family that my fiancee is in poverty. When confronted with this from my Grandparents I carefully explained that my fiancee has his own house and plot of land without a mortgage, earns a good wage, has a well furnished, modern and comfortable home. Currently I am living at my parents' house so it has been a true struggle for me over the past year or so since they met him. My dad is a compulsive liar and has my family members wrapped around his fingered they eat up every word his says... no matter how much I set them straight on what is true.

My dad's and my family's world view is that a woman has a career first, money is the focus of life and she might get married (like some of them did) when they are well in their 30s. It is very sickening when someone else tries to suffocate your own dreams and desires. Sure if there are ladies who want to wait that is fine too... me and my soon to be husband want building a happy little family to be the focus of our efforts. 

 

My concern is that at the interview the CO might ask about how my family feel about me getting married, are they coming to our wedding etc...

Will it be a problem that I will have to say outright that they don't approve and no they are not coming we are going to a courthouse to marry alone because they have caused so much grief and torment for us?

 

(Sorry for the rant)

First of all I'm sorry regarding the troubles being caused by spiteful family members. 

 

However during my interview the CO did not even ask about my family, only where we'll be living when I move to the US and if I had met Courtney's (USC) family and where they are located. Nothing with regards to my own family etc.

 

If they do ask, sadly I imagine they hear family conflicts on a regular basis and families who outright disagree with it for a large number of reasons (age, class, ethnicity, religion, distance, the list of reasons may go on). I honestly, can't imagine it ever being an issue, as long as your relationship is legitimate and the two of you know that, that's all they're interested about. 

 

It only takes 2 people to have a happy marriage, all the rest is just a small plus  

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

2 hours ago, Ella and James said:

I'm the foreign fiancee and for a long while now my family have tried causing me trouble in my engagement to my US fiancee. They have all met him but the trouble is that my dad has told my family members lies about my fiancee. My dad sneeringly looks down on him and me because we are committed Christians and both want to live a simple life away from the cities. He went so far to tell my family that my fiancee is in poverty. When confronted with this from my Grandparents I carefully explained that my fiancee has his own house and plot of land without a mortgage, earns a good wage, has a well furnished, modern and comfortable home. Currently I am living at my parents' house so it has been a true struggle for me over the past year or so since they met him. My dad is a compulsive liar and has my family members wrapped around his fingered they eat up every word his says... no matter how much I set them straight on what is true.

My dad's and my family's world view is that a woman has a career first, money is the focus of life and she might get married (like some of them did) when they are well in their 30s. It is very sickening when someone else tries to suffocate your own dreams and desires. Sure if there are ladies who want to wait that is fine too... me and my soon to be husband want building a happy little family to be the focus of our efforts. 

 

My concern is that at the interview the CO might ask about how my family feel about me getting married, are they coming to our wedding etc...

Will it be a problem that I will have to say outright that they don't approve and no they are not coming we are going to a courthouse to marry alone because they have caused so much grief and torment for us?

 

(Sorry for the rant)

 

 

With the UK, probably not an issue honestly. My husband never revealed he was gay nor in a relationship.. they never asked. Can be a bit different for same sex couples, but doubt it will be an issue for you honestly.

[Illiria 980]

Didn’t want to pass without letting you know my experience. I did K1 through London and wasn’t asked about my family meeting him or if they were going to the wedding. I was asked at the adjustment of status interview in America why my parents didn’t attend the wedding - we did it at the Las Vegas commissioners of marriage office - and just explained that my parents couldn’t go as they cared for my grandparents and so weren’t able to leave them. It wasn’t a big deal - just be confident in your explanation 

[yuna628 9,530]

OP: K1 through London shouldn't be an issue for you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and seeing as you are living in your father's home right now, I will assume your new spouse will be living there too? That's a little concerning if you do not have his support or he is being emotionally abusive in that way. Assuming you have enough to financially support your fiancé through his K1 process, have you considered moving out sooner rather than later, so that you will be able to provide a more stable and free living situation for the both of you?

 

 

[Letspaintcookies 2,208]

2 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

OP: K1 through London shouldn't be an issue for you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and seeing as you are living in your father's home right now, I will assume your new spouse will be living there too? That's a little concerning if you do not have his support or he is being emotionally abusive in that way. Assuming you have enough to financially support your fiancé through his K1 process, have you considered moving out sooner rather than later, so that you will be able to provide a more stable and free living situation for the both of you?

 

 

OP is the beneficiary so at least no worries about that.

 

I'm sorry for your situation. Hope everything will turn out fine for you. 

[yuna628 9,530]

17 minutes ago, Letspaintcookies said:

OP is the beneficiary so at least no worries about that.

 

I'm sorry for your situation. Hope everything will turn out fine for you. 

I missed that part  Blame the lack of coffee this morning.

[fip & jim 452]

This won't be an issue for your interview or AOS. I'm in a similar position but for the opposite reason - my in-laws are extremely religious and pious and don't approve that my husband got divorced and then married me. They have never met me or acknowledged our relationship and no longer speak to my husband. They have also influenced my husband's son to do the same. I feel your pain. 

 

I had prepared for if this came up at the interview and rehearsed a simple answer without going in to much detail. It never came up. For AOS we didn't have much evidence, just a few wedding cards from friends and extended family, and the usual financial co-mingling evidence. We had a very simple courthouse wedding attended by my husband's grandpa and aunt and my son. It wasn't a problem and we were approved. So try not to worry about that aspect of things.

 

If you are issued the visa and move to the US it will put physical distance between you and your birth family. That will help you draw some boundaries and you will be away from their toxic behaviour. I know how hurtful it is to be judged and rejected because of someone else's ideology or beliefs. Your parents should love and accept you and respect your life choices. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case and it takes courage to break free from the influence of someone that tries to control you. It's good that you recognise that your father's behaviour oversteps the line. His attitude won't have any influence over whether you are issued your visa, neither will it affect your AOS. 

[Islandlifer 30]

Why would you say this stuff outright and make trouble for yourself? 

[JFH 12,189]

The interview is a total anti-climax. You'll be an unusual case if you spend more than 10 minutes at the CO's window. It's not the Spanish Inquisition. I spent longer than most at the window because of my husband's criminal record and the fact that COs are obligated to ensure that I am fully aware of the full details. And even I was there around 15 minutes max. You're dreaming up scenarios that are not going to happen. And even if it's a slow day at the embassy and the CO decides to waste some time asking you about the wedding plans, you're both adults. You don't need your family's approval or involvement with anything you do. Stop reading embassy reviews from people from MENA countries and India, etc where people often have to marry someone that the family approves of. The U.K. doesn't think like that. 

 

 

[Ontarkie 13,917]

For some countries it might be questioned. You being in the UK I cannot see it even being asked. 

 

If asked keep things short and sweet. 

[Tommal 28]

In my country, they asked me whether my relatives attended the wedding. I said "no" they didn't approve my marriage with a foreigner so I didn't invite them.  That was the truth.  This is a personal issue that can be happened in anywhere in the world.

[Lemonslice 4,555]

I do not think it will be a problem at the interview, however I can see how some parents' worries could be legitimate.  Will your spouse be able to provide for you until you're able to work? Do they have the funds to help you file your AOS? Get medical insurance [especially if you're already planning to expand your family.]

 

Does not excuse your father's behaviour though.

Edited April 21, 2019 by Lemonslice