Rejected

[Boiler 43,546]

32 minutes ago, clw654321 said:

I will agree with this only because of the kids. 

I'm amazed that you can say that you're amazed anyone can be ready to marry someone after one visit. I'm pretty sure lots of others on here have only visited once. It can be really tough to go half-way around the world many times when someone has a full time job and limited vacation. I think that is not a good thing to judge people on when going through this tough process.

Maybe in those circumstances a long distance relationship is not the obvious choice?

[Calicolom 265]

Older men, younger Women, always instant love.Older Women younger men, always instant love.  

[mushroomspore 3,043]

3 hours ago, Dana89 said:

When you know you know that's it its just a love and you can't explain to somebody People are get marry to person that they lived together for over two or more years and get married but finally divorced I can understand him his feelings 

Actually I would argue it is even MORE important to take your time with a romantic partner if you have children. It's a very delicate situation to introduce your children to a new partner. Kids naturally crave stability in their family and house. It confuses them if they see their parent go through many romantic partners but none stick around or fully accept the co-parent role. It shapes how they perceive and behave in their own relationships as they grow up into adults. The kids' feelings should be taken into account too. Pretty selfish for a parent to not do so and just rush into relationships because "omg my feelings."

 

1 hour ago, Calicolom said:

Older men, younger Women, always instant love.Older Women younger men, always instant love.  

Huh?????

[Dana89 6]

26 minutes ago, mushroomspore said:

Actually I would argue it is even MORE important to take your time with a romantic partner if you have children. It's a very delicate situation to introduce your children to a new partner. Kids naturally crave stability in their family and house. It confuses them if they see their parent go through many romantic partners but none stick around or fully accept the co-parent role. It shapes how they perceive and behave in their own relationships as they grow up into adults. The kids' feelings should be taken into account too. Pretty selfish for a parent to not do so and just rush into relationships because "omg my feelings."

 

Huh?????

Surely you're right about children also I'm sure that they knew what they were going to do and with conditions as I can see not because of feelings of course 

[JFH 12,189]

3 hours ago, clw654321 said:

I will agree with this only because of the kids. 

I'm amazed that you can say that you're amazed anyone can be ready to marry someone after one visit. I'm pretty sure lots of others on here have only visited once. It can be really tough to go half-way around the world many times when someone has a full time job and limited vacation. I think that is not a good thing to judge people on when going through this tough process.

And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high among certain national groups who come here on fiancé visas. If I had a dime for every thread I've read that says "since she got her she's changed..." Nope. You just didn't know her properly in the first place. 

 

I realise my 40+ visits with my husband prior to immigrating are probably almost a record here, but there's no way I'd give up my job, my house, leave my family and friends behind for a man I'd met once. I wouldn't even do it for a man from my hometown if we'd only spent a few weeks together. And I certainly wouldn't put my children in a home with a man they'd met on.y once. But, I wasn't chasing a green card or trying to escape a bad situation.

[debbiedoo 2,339]

10 minutes ago, JFH said:

And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high among certain national groups who come here on fiancé visas. If I had a dime for every thread I've read that says "since she got her she's changed..." Nope. You just didn't know her properly in the first place. 

 

I realise my 40+ visits with my husband prior to immigrating are probably almost a record here, but there's no way I'd give up my job, my house, leave my family and friends behind for a man I'd met once. I wouldn't even do it for a man from my hometown if we'd only spent a few weeks together. And I certainly wouldn't put my children in a home with a man they'd met on.y once. But, I wasn't chasing a green card or trying to escape a bad situation.

between the 2 of us, paul and i have had at least that many.

 

no way would i marry or subject my child to a man i didnt even KNOW. and KNOWING someone takes time IN PERSON.

 

@JFH and I really are probably the outliers in this area, though....

Edited September 22, 2018 by debbiedoo

[clw654321 159]

I can see where you both are coming from on how definitely some people should have more than one visit or lots of visits in certain situations. Especially involving children. But there are some not as fortunate to travel multiple times a year. And if there are kids, doubts, or things of the sort involved then you shouldn’t even try a LDR if you don’t have more time to travel. 

 

But I personally know 6 real friends and coworkers that have been through this journey. All but one of them made only one visit before marrying and they have all been happily married for over 8 years. The only one that made 4-5 visits first, there are kids involved. All of them go back every year now to visit family.

 

Therefore I don’t believe for one minute that only one visit is not enough for all situations but should be required for some. I’m not trying to argue. I just don’t want others to feel down that also could only make it for one visit before marrying.

[mushroomspore 3,043]

37 minutes ago, clw654321 said:

I can see where you both are coming from on how definitely some people should have more than one visit or lots of visits in certain situations. Especially involving children. But there are some not as fortunate to travel multiple times a year. And if there are kids, doubts, or things of the sort involved then you shouldn’t even try a LDR if you don’t have more time to travel. 

 

But I personally know 6 real friends and coworkers that have been through this journey. All but one of them made only one visit before marrying and they have all been happily married for over 8 years. The only one that made 4-5 visits first, there are kids involved. All of them go back every year now to visit family.

 

Therefore I don’t believe for one minute that only one visit is not enough for all situations but should be required for some. I’m not trying to argue. I just don’t want others to feel down that also could only make it for one visit before marrying.

8 years is a long time and things have changed drastically since then, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. 8 years ago, social media was barely taking off and dating apps weren't as widespread. There were and still are websites, but with apps, the activity of "looking for someone" has gotten even easier since your connection to people sits in your pocket and/or hand. It may have been alright back then to do this process with only one visit under your belt. But that's not really the case anymore. I'm not sure if OP met his fiancee online or not but because it's so widespread, IO's and CO's have adjusted their attitudes with adjudicating immigration cases.

 

I know it's tough to travel long distances to see your significant other. But this process needs to involve some self-awareness. OP and his fiancee have a 20+ age difference. While not grounds for denial by itself, it is a red flag and most definitely contributed to the denial. Plus only one visit? I'm not surprised at the outcome. What can overcome the CO's doubts of their relationship?? More face time. If they have conceded beforehand that they will need more face time before taking action on the immigration process, this denial could potentially have been avoided. Now it is only clearer that they will HAVE to travel more before filing again.

 

Edit: btw just wanna make it clear I'm not trying to argue either...just expressing my opinion on this particular situation.

Edited September 22, 2018 by mushroomspore

[clw654321 159]

8 minutes ago, mushroomspore said:

8 years is a long time and things have changed drastically since then, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. 8 years ago, social media was barely taking off and dating apps weren't as widespread. There were and still are websites, but with apps, the activity of "looking for someone" has gotten even easier since your connection to people sits in your pocket and/or hand. It may have been alright back then to do this process with only one visit under your belt. But that's not really the case anymore. I'm not sure if OP met his fiancee online or not but because it's so widespread, IO's and CO's have adjusted their attitudes with adjudicating immigration cases.

 

I know it's tough to travel long distances to see your significant other. But this process needs to involve some self-awareness. OP and his fiancee have a 20+ age difference. While not grounds for denial by itself, it is a red flag and most definitely contributed to the denial. Plus only one visit? I'm not surprised at the outcome. What can overcome the CO's doubts of their relationship?? More face time. If they have conceded beforehand that they will need more face time before taking action on the immigration process, this denial could potentially have been avoided. Now it is only clearer that they will HAVE to travel more before filing again.

 

Edit: btw just wanna make it clear I'm not trying to argue either...just expressing my opinion on this particular situation.

Yes definitely. That’s a big age gap and lots has changed in years

[clw654321 159]

4 hours ago, mushroomspore said:

8 years is a long time and things have changed drastically since then, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. 8 years ago, social media was barely taking off and dating apps weren't as widespread. There were and still are websites, but with apps, the activity of "looking for someone" has gotten even easier since your connection to people sits in your pocket and/or hand. It may have been alright back then to do this process with only one visit under your belt. But that's not really the case anymore. I'm not sure if OP met his fiancee online or not but because it's so widespread, IO's and CO's have adjusted their attitudes with adjudicating immigration cases.

 

I know it's tough to travel long distances to see your significant other. But this process needs to involve some self-awareness. OP and his fiancee have a 20+ age difference. While not grounds for denial by itself, it is a red flag and most definitely contributed to the denial. Plus only one visit? I'm not surprised at the outcome. What can overcome the CO's doubts of their relationship?? More face time. If they have conceded beforehand that they will need more face time before taking action on the immigration process, this denial could potentially have been avoided. Now it is only clearer that they will HAVE to travel more before filing again.

 

Edit: btw just wanna make it clear I'm not trying to argue either...just expressing my opinion on this particular situation.

Exactly!!! I went off topic a little on this thread, but as far as this particular situation you are dead on!!!! And yes... I do not think any of us are trying to argue. some are opinions and just trying to help. 

Edited September 23, 2018 by clw654321
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[Olisant 65]

11 hours ago, clw654321 said:

I can see where you both are coming from on how definitely some people should have more than one visit or lots of visits in certain situations. Especially involving children. But there are some not as fortunate to travel multiple times a year. And if there are kids, doubts, or things of the sort involved then you shouldn’t even try a LDR if you don’t have more time to travel. 

 

But I personally know 6 real friends and coworkers that have been through this journey. All but one of them made only one visit before marrying and they have all been happily married for over 8 years. The only one that made 4-5 visits first, there are kids involved. All of them go back every year now to visit family.

 

Therefore I don’t believe for one minute that only one visit is not enough for all situations but should be required for some. I’m not trying to argue. I just don’t want others to feel down that also could only make it for one visit before marrying.

My love get 2weeks leave a year in his job and I last saw him in January and we sent our petition in march but we love each other

[araliadam 11]

On 9/22/2018 at 3:29 AM, JFH said:

I’m just amazed that anyone can be ready to marry someone after one visit. And that someone can be sure that someone else is a suitable step-parent for their children after one meeting. This aside from all the immigration matters. 

 

How good is her English? Or do you speak Russian? Have you petitioned anyone before? Was she married to the father of her children? If so, how long ago did that marriage end? 

I am shocked when some of y'all are here just to judge people. You have to understand one thing this is a support group for all of us, not a place to go about judging each other. It  works for everyone differently so please before you say something irrelevant think about all factors involved...Show some respects and compassion...

[Wcalmt1 34]

3 minutes ago, araliadam said:

I am shocked when some of y'all are here just to judge people. You have to understand one thing this is a support group for all of us, not a place to go about judging each other. It  works for everyone differently so please before you say something irrelevant think about all factors involved...Show some respects and compassion...

 Thank you much you  Where did what I was thinking very well. Yes I own I met my fiance in person wants we were talking for about 6 months prior to that, We communicate daily multiple times throughout the day, When I met her in person she's the only person in My entire life that has met me feel comfortable completely and utterly. Her daughters are incredible as well one has even gone as far as to claim 1 of my cats as her own. I'm not sure how this will pan out I can only hope for the best

[Boiler 43,546]

I may have missed it, how long was your visit.

[clw654321 159]

43 minutes ago, araliadam said:

I am shocked when some of y'all are here just to judge people. You have to understand one thing this is a support group for all of us, not a place to go about judging each other. It  works for everyone differently so please before you say something irrelevant think about all factors involved...Show some respects and compassion...

Thats the point I was trying to make. I should have made it more simple like you did lol