Struggling with new life in US while AOS

[usmsbow 796]

2 minutes ago, adil-rafa said:

she is homesick / means misses her country and home 

not see the downside of the US like the homeless here

she needs encouragment to see our better sides

 

Well ok.. Had the opposite effect on my wife. Made her feel good, made her feel like she was helping people. Also made her more grateful for her situation.  Each to his/her own though! 

[RLA 323]

3 minutes ago, adil-rafa said:

she is homesick / means misses her country and home 

not see the downside of the US like the homeless here

she needs encouragment to see our better sides

I agree that volunteering at a homeless shelter might not help Iris.  Or it might help her after all, to see people who have it even worse than she, or to see that she can make a contribution and meet new people.  That's for her to decide, so it's good if she has complete information about what she would be allowed to do and what would not be allowed.  

 

Me personally, I'm going to volunteer at a soup kitchen or similar.  I'm not planning on being useless for > 3 months.  That sounds like risking a serious depression.  

[Lemonslice 4,556]

2 hours ago, Irisandjoel said:

I have my reasons for my opinion of that woman, believe me. I agree with you about bad mouthing people, but the children are never exposed to it from me and my husband, unlike her and her parents who talks about him in front of the kids(and probably me too), he has had his daughters ask him multiple times why he is a bad person etc.(and they do it publicly on social media too! When I first met her she had a one on one talk with me, understandably, and she offered me a place to stay if I would move here and the relationship would not work out LOL. Two days later she and her parents were posting stuff about me on Facebook calling me a ####### only looking for a green card) She constantly uses the kids against him. Divorce is not easy and of course people are gonna have their differences, but you should keep that between you and not ever expose the children to it like she does. Especially to such young children(they were 4 and 6 during the divorce). 

 

Well she didn't sacrifice anything for her kids, she has never had a job her whole life way before actually having children. She drops out of school etc and has never intended and never will intend on getting a job, she is always dependent on other people, like my husband, her parents and now her new boyfriend. She constantly complains about now having enough money for the kids which I don't believe. Both children are in school now, how about finding a job if you are in need of money. I'm sorry if my opinions seem harsh, I just have a hard time with women who are weak, lazy and can't provide for themselves and always look for somebody else to do it.

She and her boyfriend bought a house together last summer and are engaged, in their divorce papers it is stated as  soon as she is living with another man she loses her right to get alimony.

I just want to say your posts here can be viewed by anyone - You provided enough details to be found by his ex, or someone who knows her, your spouse or yourself.  

 

Other points: trailer in Maine, if cheaper, will be $$ to heat. I'll PM you to check in your Maine general location to see if my family and contacts could be useful to you.

 

[Irisandjoel 52]

13 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

I just want to say your posts here can be viewed by anyone - You provided enough details to be found by his ex, or someone who knows her, your spouse or yourself.  

 

Other points: trailer in Maine, if cheaper, will be $$ to heat. I'll PM you to check in your Maine general location to see if my family and contacts could be useful to you.

 

Good point, that didn't cross my mind, thank you. 

Yes it has been so terribly cold lately here, I can't imagine trying to keep a trailer warm in this weather!

 

[Boiler 43,450]

5 minutes ago, Irisandjoel said:

Good point, that didn't cross my mind, thank you. 

Yes it has been so terribly cold lately here, I can't imagine trying to keep a trailer warm in this weather!

 

Depends on how well insulated it is.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

38 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

I just want to say your posts here can be viewed by anyone - You provided enough details to be found by his ex, or someone who knows her, your spouse or yourself.  

 

 

This, years ago someone actually messaged my family member with some things I said about her on here.  They weren't anything I would have said to her face or even to anyone else, but that is how it goes.

 

23 minutes ago, Irisandjoel said:

Good point, that didn't cross my mind, thank you. 

Yes it has been so terribly cold lately here, I can't imagine trying to keep a trailer warm in this weather!

 

We live in one of the coldest parts of the country, usually on par with Alaska and people do live in trailers here.  You have to be careful to keep the pipes under the trailer heated.  

 

3 hours ago, Irisandjoel said:

I have my reasons for my opinion of that woman, believe me. I agree with you about bad mouthing people, but the children are never exposed to it from me and my husband, unlike her and her parents who talks about him in front of the kids(and probably me too), he has had his daughters ask him multiple times why he is a bad person etc.(and they do it publicly on social media too! When I first met her she had a one on one talk with me, understandably, and she offered me a place to stay if I would move here and the relationship would not work out LOL. Two days later she and her parents were posting stuff about me on Facebook calling me a ####### only looking for a green card) She constantly uses the kids against him. Divorce is not easy and of course people are gonna have their differences, but you should keep that between you and not ever expose the children to it like she does. Especially to such young children(they were 4 and 6 during the divorce). 

 

Well she didn't sacrifice anything for her kids, she has never had a job her whole life way before actually having children. She drops out of school etc and has never intended and never will intend on getting a job, she is always dependent on other people, like my husband, her parents and now her new boyfriend. She constantly complains about now having enough money for the kids which I don't believe. Both children are in school now, how about finding a job if you are in need of money. I'm sorry if my opinions seem harsh, I just have a hard time with women who are weak, lazy and can't provide for themselves and always look for somebody else to do it.

She and her boyfriend bought a house together last summer and are engaged, in their divorce papers it is stated as  soon as she is living with another man she loses her right to get alimony.

 

Sorry, it sounds like a lot of drama all the way around from everyone involved.  I don't think I could marry into that.  My ex-in-laws are respectful of my husband, but we are all immigrant families, so we kind of have an understanding of what it takes to make it in a new country. 

 

Well, if she is receiving money not entitled to her per the agreement, then he needs to file a motion with the court, not ask her politely to stop receiving it.  Usually alimony ends when the person remarries, but whatever their agreement says is the rule.  

 

[Irisandjoel 52]

3 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

This, years ago someone actually messaged my family member with some things I said about her on here.  They weren't anything I would have said to her face or even to anyone else, but that is how it goes.

 

We live in one of the coldest parts of the country, usually on par with Alaska and people do live in trailers here.  You have to be careful to keep the pipes under the trailer heated.  

 

 

Sorry, it sounds like a lot of drama all the way around from everyone involved.  I don't think I could marry into that.  My ex-in-laws are respectful of my husband, but we are all immigrant families, so we kind of have an understanding of what it takes to make it in a new country. 

 

Well, if she is receiving money not entitled to her per the agreement, then he needs to file a motion with the court, not ask her politely to stop receiving it.  Usually alimony ends when the person remarries, but whatever their agreement says is the rule.  

 

Yes there is a lot of drama, and everyone around me were like: you really want to deal with all of this? And I don't blame them I guess. But I made this choice and so I have to deal with it the best I can. But it seems to me that everyone in the US deals with some kind of family drama to some point.. at least everyone I have gotten to know so far. 

 

She knows that he is being nice to her to keep paying alimony even though she is living with her fiance which automatically stops her having the right to demand alimony, it was set up like that in their divorce agreement. And he told her he will keep paying that amount as long as we can so she knows it's not gonna be forever, and now we have reached our limit and he needs to have that talk with her and I bet it's gonna get ugly either way. In her eyes everything he does is wrong and it will always be like that sadly.

[Boiler 43,450]

7 minutes ago, Irisandjoel said:

Yes there is a lot of drama, and everyone around me were like: you really want to deal with all of this? And I don't blame them I guess. But I made this choice and so I have to deal with it the best I can. But it seems to me that everyone in the US deals with some kind of family drama to some point.. at least everyone I have gotten to know so far. 

 

She knows that he is being nice to her to keep paying alimony even though she is living with her fiance which automatically stops her having the right to demand alimony, it was set up like that in their divorce agreement. And he told her he will keep paying that amount as long as we can so she knows it's not gonna be forever, and now we have reached our limit and he needs to have that talk with her and I bet it's gonna get ugly either way. In her eyes everything he does is wrong and it will always be like that sadly.

Not how it works, he needs evidence and needs to get his Lawyer to get it sorted.

[MyJourney 276]

1 hour ago, Irisandjoel said:

Yes there is a lot of drama, and everyone around me were like: you really want to deal with all of this?

To begin with you guys need to get out of that place. You may have hardships and problems for a little while, but, it will be your own family's problems and even though they are not any less difficult, they will be easier to deal with at a mental level. 
I myself got out of a long marriage, had kids, house, etc. I also, like your husband, had to give up so many material things, on the top of missing my kids and becoming a "part-time dad". She, like your husband's ex also forcing my kids to call the crook she married a "father". I completely understand your husband's situation and feelings, because I am experiencing pretty much the same stuff. 
We are renting, yes, we count pennies to make ends meet, but we are standing out our own feet after all this, and we are grateful and proud. It hurts sometimes and sometimes poverty seems closer to my own shadow that seems to never leave me alone from now on.....
Me and my new wife also dream about buying our own house and live peacefully. But it is still a distant dream because, I am still paying off legal fees for divorce that I owe. We are barely making ends meet let alone saving for a house down-payment and such...on the top of that, my credit score is crushed to the bottom after all this....I won't yet qualify for a decent financing even if I wanted to buy a house.  
But we are together, this woman is fully supporting me and that gives me a hope for the future. 
Your situation is very similar to mine minus the in-laws nagging and drama. That is why I am telling you to get out of there and keep a good distance from all those people. 

[Irisandjoel 52]

3 hours ago, MyJourney said:

To begin with you guys need to get out of that place. You may have hardships and problems for a little while, but, it will be your own family's problems and even though they are not any less difficult, they will be easier to deal with at a mental level. 
I myself got out of a long marriage, had kids, house, etc. I also, like your husband, had to give up so many material things, on the top of missing my kids and becoming a "part-time dad". She, like your husband's ex also forcing my kids to call the crook she married a "father". I completely understand your husband's situation and feelings, because I am experiencing pretty much the same stuff. 
We are renting, yes, we count pennies to make ends meet, but we are standing out our own feet after all this, and we are grateful and proud. It hurts sometimes and sometimes poverty seems closer to my own shadow that seems to never leave me alone from now on.....
Me and my new wife also dream about buying our own house and live peacefully. But it is still a distant dream because, I am still paying off legal fees for divorce that I owe. We are barely making ends meet let alone saving for a house down-payment and such...on the top of that, my credit score is crushed to the bottom after all this....I won't yet qualify for a decent financing even if I wanted to buy a house.  
But we are together, this woman is fully supporting me and that gives me a hope for the future. 
Your situation is very similar to mine minus the in-laws nagging and drama. That is why I am telling you to get out of there and keep a good distance from all those people. 

Yes I agree, we are working on our plan to move out asap. Thank you for your input, I wish you all the best.

[Eros99 35]

Wow! This is very touching, like everybody else said hang in there things will improve from here on you just have to wait few more weeks for your EAD to come through.

 

Have you thought about expediting the EAD process? Contact your local congressman/woman and explain to them what’s going on and I’m sure they will help you speed up the process.

 

As far as volunteering is concerned, look into a non profit organization and see what they have to say about letting you volunteer or join a local Lions Club and go to their meetings and events and whatnot. This will also help you make friends.

 

And to the lovely people who live in Washington State (Seattle area) our door is always open, you are welcome to stop by for a chat or just to escape boredom, madness etc.

 

Goodluck.

Edited January 13, 2018 by Eros99

[gibbersome 152]

On 1/10/2018 at 4:08 PM, Irisandjoel said:

Yes I agree, we are working on our plan to move out asap. Thank you for your input, I wish you all the best.

To add to this thread already, create a game plan to get things moving as soon as you get an EAD:

 

1. Look for jobs/positions that you will apply for.

2. Use your degree, is your education easily transferable?

3. Look for education opportunities that will help increase your salary. The ex-wife cannot come after your income. There's nursing, radiation tech, perfusion tech, most make $100k plus.

4. Find a stable work with benefits, you may get a good health insurance and retirement benefits, perhaps moving income as well.

5. Move out, and get yourself and your husband out of that toxic environment.

6. Look after yourself, once the money starts coming in, join cross-fit and do the things that make you happy. Travel back to Iceland and live it up!

7. Wait for things to get better, your income will grow, your husband will get back on his feet, the ex-wife will get married, the girls will turn 18, you'll have your own family. File a restraining order against the ex if you have to.

8. Create a loving and peaceful home!

 

[Irisandjoel 52]

11 hours ago, gibbersome said:

To add to this thread already, create a game plan to get things moving as soon as you get an EAD:

 

1. Look for jobs/positions that you will apply for.

2. Use your degree, is your education easily transferable?

3. Look for education opportunities that will help increase your salary. The ex-wife cannot come after your income. There's nursing, radiation tech, perfusion tech, most make $100k plus.

4. Find a stable work with benefits, you may get a good health insurance and retirement benefits, perhaps moving income as well.

5. Move out, and get yourself and your husband out of that toxic environment.

6. Look after yourself, once the money starts coming in, join cross-fit and do the things that make you happy. Travel back to Iceland and live it up!

7. Wait for things to get better, your income will grow, your husband will get back on his feet, the ex-wife will get married, the girls will turn 18, you'll have your own family. File a restraining order against the ex if you have to.

8. Create a loving and peaceful home!

 

Thank you for your input and ideas.

 

1. I already have a job lined up that will be waiting for me, just a 10 minute drive away from where we live currently.

2. I have a so called journeyman degree as a professional baker, the journeyman degree seems to be a much more detailed and extensive than the culinary training here in the US. I have all my school transcripts with me to show for my degrees.

3. and 4. I doubt there is much education opportunities to add to my profession, apart from studying business to open my own business some day. I have health insurance through my husband who was in the military, so we got that going for us thankfully.

5. We found an apartment 2 weeks ago! We will meet with the landlord soon and sign the lease and pay the deposit and will move in March 1st, we are very excited and it will be such a positive change for us and eliminating some stress factors. 

6.+7.+8. yes I will, this all takes time but it will get better. 

[gibbersome 152]

49 minutes ago, Irisandjoel said:

Thank you for your input and ideas.

 

1. I already have a job lined up that will be waiting for me, just a 10 minute drive away from where we live currently.

2. I have a so called journeyman degree as a professional baker, the journeyman degree seems to be a much more detailed and extensive than the culinary training here in the US. I have all my school transcripts with me to show for my degrees.

3. and 4. I doubt there is much education opportunities to add to my profession, apart from studying business to open my own business some day. I have health insurance through my husband who was in the military, so we got that going for us thankfully.

5. We found an apartment 2 weeks ago! We will meet with the landlord soon and sign the lease and pay the deposit and will move in March 1st, we are very excited and it will be such a positive change for us and eliminating some stress factors. 

6.+7.+8. yes I will, this all takes time but it will get better. 

 

You original post was a month ago, I'm so happy to see that things are looking up!

 

Health insurance can be a huge headache so I'm glad you don't have to worry about that! You have a very versatile skill and ambition, opening a bakery sounds a great idea!

 

I wish you guys the best!

[TBoneTX 43,061]

What a relief for you.  Congratulations on the positive accomplishments.