Sigh.. I know this is not exactly K1 visa related but I just need to rant and get things off my chest and I honestly had no better idea where to go with my problems. Just need some advice how to stay positive when everything seems to suck.
I knew moving to the US and start a new life here would never be easy. Giving up my old life, job, family and friends and kinda starting from scratch, not being allowed to work and relying on my husband financially. But I guess our case is a bit more complicated than average I guess. And some days I honestly really struggle... And my husband does too. I don't struggle being with him at all, we love each other very much, but our circumstances are very depressing sometimes.
My husband went through a very rough divorce right around when we got to know each other and also filed bankruptcy less than two years ago with his ex wife. He lost his job shortly before I came to visit him for the first time and he decided a few months later to move back from the south to his home state to start over and try to find a job. So he had to move in with his father and stepmom and he started a year long job training program last September to change careers and he loves it. And I am really glad since he was miserable at his old job. I came here in September and we are staying with his parents since then until we are able to find our own place to live. I have no income of course since my EAD is still processing, my husband doesn't get paid for his training, only a housing stipend and he also gets a military disability since he is a disabled veteran, but his ex wife takes most of the money since he has to pay her alimony and child support.. And I am probably just gonna make 10-15$ an hour where we live with my education. I used to make over 30$ an hour at my old job, so coming here sometimes seem like a huge step down in quality of life. So it seems like we are not gonna be able to afford our own place any time soon.. We also need everything, we only own a bed that we bought when I got here, we need to purchase furniture etc and saving up money so far has not been successful since everything goes into bills, bankruptcy payments, child support, gas and fixing up the car we bought.
But we are very grateful for being able to live with my husband's parents for now.. But sometimes we struggle. His little teenage sister is a spoiled brat who manipulates her parents and most nights we get to listen to them fight and yell but she always gets her way in the end. And her parents wonder why she is such a brat when they tell her no but give in to her eventually. And that drama stresses us out. When I was a kid, we would never scream and fight with our parents. Me and my brothers fought between us like all siblings do but that was it. So I am not used to fighting like this. And my father in law is a difficult person. He is an angry miserable man who hates his life and is just angry at everything and seems to pick a fight with his teen daughter the rare moments when she is just minding her own buisness. He will complain about everything. He complains that me and my husband cost him money living with them and when we try to give him money to cover our electric expenses etc(which I think is totally fair of course, and I do housework around the house and cook dinner occasionally, but we can't really afford to feed 5 people all the time) he won't accept the money. He complains we eat food they prepare for everyone and he also complains when we make our own food. So there is no way pleasing him. And everything my husband does he does wrong in his eyes. My husband tells me he has treated him like that his whole life. And I hate it. Last night got extremely bad when my father in law had one of his hissy fits because my husband's sister made the comment that they always have the same stuff for dinner(she is a vegetarian so she limits her options a lot since they like meat and usually have sides of potatoes and beans, carrots or cabbage) and he just lost it and started yelling that nobody in this house appreciates anything he does, that she complains about the food, that me and my husband complain about the food(which we have never done BTW) and he just wishes everyone would vanish and everyone should off etc. He and his wife constantly get into fights about their daughter and they have talked about divorce. I honestly think she should leave him because she deserves better than that.
We just really want to have our own home, without all this stress and negative energy all around us. I hate not having a job. I do not function well without a routine. We live right outside a small town, not much to do here. And I don't have my own car yet, I don't like using the extra truck they have because my father in law will at some point about that. So I am pretty much stuck at the house doing nothing. I used to work about 200 hours a month and go to crossfit 5-6 times a week. I gave up crossfit shortly after we filed for my visa last year to save some money. And I loved doing it, finally found some kind of exercise that I didn't give up on and I lost a lot of weight, felt better, got stronger and more confident. I think about it every day how much I miss it. And I've been gaining weight for the last months since I turn to food when I am stressed out and feel down. I don't wanna go back to hating myself and be disgusted when I look in the mirror. Hopefully we will live somewhere near a crossfit gym. But we kinda live in middle of nowhere and my husband hates cities so we will never live in a city.
And my husband needs a back surgery, one of his discs is blown out and he started feeling pain last summer. His whole lower back is fused together due to a injury he got in the military. And a fusion will destroy the healthy discs remaining slowly over the years. He got a MRI in november and got a referral to a neurosurgeon who basically told him to off and that he is not gonna touch him and wouldn't meet him or even call him and nobody else bothered to call. He found out when he contacted the VA about a prescription refill. He got an appointment with pain management instead but I doubt they will do anything either, our state has a very strict narcotic policy. His appointment is at the end of the month, his pain gets worse by the day, we had to go to the ER two weeks ago because it got so bad. He need surgery and the ER doctor agreed and is gonna ask for a second opinion. But everything takes such a long time to process. And it's not gonna be a fun surgery. 8-12 weeks of healing and he won't be able to continue his program for that time and his monthly housing stipend is gonna disappear probably, limiting our income even more. I hate seeing him in so much pain and not being able to anything about it, I really wish I could.
And my husband's ex wife is a . They have two wonderful daughters together and she constantly uses them against him. They live 20 hours away since he moved back to his home state, she constantly makes up excuses why they can't talk on the phone and that Skype would not work on her phone etc. She is living with another man now and they bought a house together last summer, which is a good thing, he is actually a good man and seems nice, and we are glad she and the girls isn't living with her crazy parents anymore. But they are now calling their new stepfather daddy and it breaks my husband's heart of course. And she made it very clear to the girls they could NEVER call me mommy ever.. seriously. We are supposed to get the girls for the summer, that is the only time we get to see them since they are in school and get little time off and the travelling distance is so great. He only got them for 2 weeks last summer, they split the driving between them, but she said after she came to get them that they have to fly next time they come visit because they got so carsick(they were fine on the trip with my husband) and she won't allow a escort from an airline employee so her mother should fly with them. Yeah sorry we can't afford to fly a grown up person back and forth twice (unless she plans to stay with us for a few weeks LOL) and buy tickets for the kids.. So we have to figure out how to plan out the summer. And we want to have our own place by then because my husband's ex claims the girls have cat allergy and my inlaws have 3 cats(but they were fine staying in the house last summer). She just is a manipulative horrible person who only wants to suck money out of my husband(she doesn't work and never has, she always needs others to provide for her). And he just lets her walk all over him even though they are not married anymore. It sometimes makes me crazy..
So yeah.. pretty much my husband is the only positive thing in my life these days, and I am grateful to have him by my side. But he worries about me and says I don't smile very much and he worries I am just gonna give up and leave him. Which I never will, I know this will pass, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It just sucks for now.
Anyone in similar shoes? Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent.