K1 visa decided not to marry anymore and go back to the Philippines

[missjane 1]

Good morning everyone. I am already now in United Stated of America as K1 visa holder. I just arrived last July 6th and I have been very happy and excited to see my fiance again that finaly we will be together forever for good and to get married. How ever for the past few days since I arrive here yes I am so very happy with him we go out meet his family and everything. But after that suddenly my feelings change and I can no longer feel any happiness and excitement. I have been so stress keep crying always and even hate myself now why this is happening. I know from my heart that my fiance is a very nice and good and respectful man. Nothing is really wrong with him and he is actualy doing everything for me and for both of us. The only problem is I cannot do it yet to get married with him because it was not easy for me to be able to transform and change into wife situation already. He has been divorced twice and I have been single for long with no any in a relationship and no any experience. When I meet him yes I am so happy and excited and wanting to get married and settle already. Now that I know God gave us this chance to be together again my feelings change and no any happiness and excitement anymore to marry him. All I feel now is conscience knowing all the efforts sacrifices and expenses that he have made and done for me to be able to be here in USA. The more that I stay longer here and the more I see his face everyday the more that I am so unhappy and really wanting to go back to the Philippines already and not to marry him anymore. I have approached him already about my feelings and I have ask forgiveness already that I know in my heart I cannot really make it yet to be able to transform into wife and that is why I have decided already to go back to the Philippines as soon as possible when I can have my flight ticket because the more I stay here see him and esp talk to him the more it become harder for me and I am tired of crying and I cannot sleep at night anymore and not even eat well because of my conscience and everything. The problem is he said he cannot affors yet to buy me a plane ticket going back home which I cannot wait anymore huhuhu please help. . Also my concern why I posted here is is there any possibility yet that my american fiance will still be able to petition me back incase that we will still love and continue our relationship?? Or can he still petition another woman incase we will be totaly decided to break up?? Please help. . . Thank you and God bless. .

[TBoneTX 43,058]

Thread is moved from the Introducing Our Members forum to the Effects of Major Changes forum, to be among similar threads.

[Michael and Ganna 103]

There has been stories like yours here on VJ. If you are not ready, then you are not ready. If talking to him about this problem is difficult, try writing him. I know if my wife is not happy, I am not a happy camper either......best of luck to you

[Cathi 5,610]

Sorry to hear about your situation. As far as not being able to afford a ticket home there is nothing anyone here can do for you, you will need to wait until he can save enough money.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,369]

I'd give it some time. Among other things you are probably going through major culture shock.

You have only been here for two weeks and you have 90 days.

You say he doesn't have money for a plane ticket. Use this as an opportunity to really examine your feelings. Maybe you do want to marry him, maybe you don't. You need to be absolutely sure which it is before either marrying or returning home.

If you are religious, ask advice from a priest/pastor. Ask your family for help figuring out your next step.

After marrying my husband I had episodes like this, too. I missed my family of origin that I left behind and sometimes I just wanted to run back to Hungary. At the end of the day, though, for me this is my family now and I made TX my home.

Edited July 21, 2016 by EM_Vandaveer

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

It has only been a short time, and you have a huge change and culture shock to deal with. Are you religious? if so, perhaps you could talk with a local pastor, or find some other Philippina to talk to?

On the practical aspects:

- I would suggest you don't go home till close to the 90 days are up, to make sure these feelings stay the same

- Ask your fiance when he will have the money; check with friends and family if they can lend you the money. If you do go home, be sure not to overstay the 90 days, as that will lessen the chances of getting another visa.

- Yes if you go home and then change your mind, your fiance can petition you again. You will have to start at the beginning, pay the fees again, wait again, and they will question why you didn't go through with it the first time, but it is not an automatic denial.

[Lee&Ana 88]

Why didn't you think about this before your fiancé spent all this time, money and energy to get you here? Contrary to popular belief, the streets are not paved in gold. Your fiancé paid a lot of money and spent a lot of time to bring you here. Additionally, he sacrificed a lot. I know I did. Just because this whole process for you was "Free" does not mean it was free for him.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

How long have you been here na? I know my asawa was really upset and had alot of emotions the first month she was here. She wanted to go home and I couldn't afford it at the time, so she stayed and now is glad that she did. You are more than likely just experiencing alot of emotions that you are not used too. So I would say give it time.

[chaka zulu 2]

why dont u consider all this before moving out of your country allowing some one to spent a whole lot of cash and you are now telling stories.please think big before you make any move

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

I think what you are feeling is pretty understandable. I am the USC and even I had a lot of uncertainty and even anxiety attacks at the time leading up to our wedding. Culture shock is a very real thing and it could be a big part of what you are feeling right now. While I am in no way advising you to stay in an unhappy situation, I am also cautioning you to make sure you have fully worked through this yourself and with your fiance before making any big decisions. Find yourself a good support system and it can be a huge help in the transition. Ultimately though you have every right to return to your home country once you are able to if that is what you feel you need to do.

Abandoning the K-1 will not prevent your fiance from ever filing another one again, but submitting a formal withdrawal request and explaining the situation will better his chances that it will not raise as many questions in the future. I will note that I believe if he files again within 2 years of when your current K-1 was approved, that he may need to request a waiver due to IMBRA rules. At least that's what the current I-129f guidelines seem to suggest.

Good luck!

Edited July 21, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[kris&me 572]

doesn't have money for a ticket ??? how did he plan to pay the $1070 for AOS???

i disagree with others

if you are not happy now, you never will be

this is suppose to be the courtship and romance time / to me the happiest of times

Marriage itself is a work in progress

if you don't want to work it out, then ask him to use the AOS money to buy your ticket

[Ksenia_O 695]

Why didn't you think about this before your fiancé spent all this time, money and energy to get you here? Contrary to popular belief, the streets are not paved in gold. Your fiancé paid a lot of money and spent a lot of time to bring you here. Additionally, he sacrificed a lot. I know I did. Just because this whole process for you was "Free" does not mean it was free for him.

It's not about money only. Besides don't you think that people, who are coming here on K or spouse visa are brave enough and sacrifice a lot, leaving their entire life behind.. leaving jobs, parents, friends.. and very often have to start form the very beginning here.. ??? You are HOME anyway, no matter what will happen to your relationship. So, I wouldn't even try to "measure" who sacrificed more or less..

Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't . And you never know until you try. It's a life decision, and the best thing you can do is to be completely honest - with your Fiancé and with yourself first of all. And this is what the OP is actually doing - trying to be honest.

[NuZayetsPogodi 117]

I'm living with my fiance now, hopefully up until his interview. I myself have gone through the same thing - panic attacks, uncertainty, etc. And I'm just visiting! Culture shock is no joke. I do think you should give yourself more time to make sure. For me, I started feeling like myself around 4-5 weeks after I got to Russia. You're worried about "becoming a wife." Well, what is a wife to you? You get to write that role. Sit down and talk with your fiance about what you're worried about. Talk with a marriage counselor. Are you worried about being a stay-at-home wife or mom, without having freedom to go out and work? Voice that! Start with saying what you expect out of a marriage and what you want to contribute. Ideally, both you and your fiance will expect what the other can contribute and will contribute what the other expects. Talk, talk, talk. Then you if you realize this is really not going to work, then you can go back home knowing you've done your best. Love is not a perfect process. There are many ups and downs, and it's perfectly normal to feel like "this will NEVER work!" when, really, all you need to do is give it more time and keep working at it.

This, of course, is all true as long as you have a respectful, loving partner. If you're having any doubts due to any type of abuse or suggestion of abuse, get out right away and never look back!

[zkt101 38]

If it doesn't work out, don't prolong the pain. You should ask your relatives back home wire you money or book a flight for you. If they don't have the money, ask your finance to take out a small loan to get you the ticket. You can pay him back when you return home. Next time, prepare yourself mentally and maybe financially before moving to a new country.

Good luck!

Edited July 21, 2016 by zkt101

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

doesn't have money for a ticket ??? how did he plan to pay the $1070 for AOS???

This. However, maybe he knows she might change her mind and doesn't want to shell out the money for a ticket only to change course and need to pay AOS.