Visa cancelled and in a bad dilemma

[Coldshot 6]

I wholeheartedly wish this was a dream.😞😞😞I posted a snippet of my ordeal last week but I took it down. Please my thoughts are gonna be everywhere. I’m emotionally distressed. How do I move from here? I don’t know what I’m looking for maybe an advice. My spirit is immensely broken. I met my fiancé in 2021 when I was 26 and he just turned 40. We are from different races and I knew deep in my heart that he was the man for me and I for him. Although, he professes his love everyday; I thought his love was rock solid. He provides accordingly and gives me his time and “loyalty”. I gave him my heart and loyalty entirely hoping that I’d give him much more as we start a new life as husband and wife in America.

Apparently, we have had our fair share of relationship problems. He told me that he had been inconsistent in his teens with relationships but he promised to make this work. We have been in a LDR for almost 4 years and during those times, there had been series of emotional abuse. I thought that things are going to get better when we eventually close the distance— but I was wrong. I wish he gave me the chance. One of my toxic trait is I have a high tolerance to endure abuse especially from someone I love deeply.

 

First of all, He was convicted of a crime and he served his term in prison. He suffered from the trauma and we have been there to give him our support. 

Fast forward to when we filed our k1 application, It hasn’t been easy. Our k-1 petition took almost 3 years before we were approved from start to finish. After the approval; flight was booked, preparations were made and he was already getting things in order for my arrival. To be honest, he has anger issue. His mom and sister tried to warn me—they told me to leave him that he has always hurt girls during his late teens but I assumed they didn’t want me to marry him. He knew about it, told me he was willing to make our relationship work. 
Fast forward to this month, 3 weeks after my visa approval, and few days to my visa pickup; we had the most silliest conversation that involved calling what he said as disgusting and dehumanizing. He told me that I’m gonna <word removed> and <word removed> as a duty when I come to America. Normally, I would laugh and make silly comments about it but that day I was going through hormonal changes due to PMS and it affected my mood. I got little upset but never raise my voice when he starts to put his fingers down when I was asked to mention what I’m gonna offer him if it’s not to <word removed> and <word removed>.  
Each time I’ve always tried to tell him politely that I have way more things to offer than just to <word removed> and <word removed>. I tried mentioning things that are my duty as a wife but he  keep saying no to my answers. After that video call, I told him I felt disgusted and dehumanized on text. He read it the next day; told me he was canceling my flight and I never thought in a billion years he would cancel our visa that was still at the embassy awaiting collection. He blocked me everywhere( that’s his pattern whenever he’s stressed and doesn’t want to talk to me). I’ve been abused emotionally but the love I have for him made me stay and I thought things were going to get better when we eventually close the distance— I thought the distance was the problem. I tried to accommodate his temper but I ended up broken with a lot of emotional baggages. 

I went to pick up my passport on Friday and I was told it’s on administrative processing. I knew there was a problem because people that I had interview with were already picking up their passports. After sometime, I logged into my case tracker and I found out my visa has been cancelled. He tried reinstating the visa before the collection day but the deeds had been done. Few days ago we got a response email from the embassy saying that my visa has been revoked and it’s been sent to uscis. I’m beyond devastated and depressed. He tried minimizing his mistakes by saying that he doesn’t want to have children due to his family’s autistic gene blah blah. That I wanted children he cannot give me. He called himself toxic and I deserve better. He never mentioned about not having children until after late January 2025.—We have always wanted to have babies of our own. 
On January 2025, he got so impatient due to the current immigration Policy and our case being stuck at NVC for 12 months. He decided to call our relationship a quit due to the distance( not the first or 3rd time). I had to transfer my case immediately to a different country in order to get an interview date. I went through hell traveling from my country to a different country for two failed residential permit, police report and getting my medical done for interview. He ghosted me for weeks until our k1 application arrived at the new embassy. 

After the most excruciating journey of our lives and when I finally thought we are closing the distance, he cancelled the visa. I feel like dying. I can’t breathe and I’m devastated and depressed. Words cannot describe how much pain, Betrayal, grief and loss i feel. 

During our uscis stage, I literally begged him to relocate to my country or any country of his choice and he refused. We were traditionally married.

For what it’s worth, aside his temper problem, he has been the most amazing man I ever had. I love him so very much with all my heart and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think our relationship will ever survive this.( it never survived💔💔💔) To clear his conscience, he offered me money to start a new life. 
Is this how heartbreak hurts? Is this what pain feels? I’m going through soul-shattering sorrow. 
He sent me a text that I should move on and start something new and beautiful with someone else. 😭😭😭😭😭

To add salt to the injury, His mother got to hear about it. She wrote and sympathized with me few days after but when I told her on text that I’m beyond devastated and having suicidal thoughts due to the devastation and pain. In her words she says “ I’m so disappointed in you and also disappointed in my son. My son isn’t the only ####### in the world. There are thousands of women going through problems. I am an 80 year old woman and I’m not ready for any drama. I have gone through pain and hurt in my life. I am leaving to Mexico as soon as I can and if you still choose to kill yourself “ May your soul rest in peace and May God forgive you ” I am blocking you now for ever.
 
When I read her text; reality struck and I was numb from my head to toe. How could she dismiss my pains and depression like that. We were really close. We discussed literally everything we were going to do together when I come. 

My marriage is over. I’m left with a broken heart, in despair, sorrow.  I have been beating and bawling my eyes out, haven’t eaten in days, sleeplesss nights, tears and sorrow. 

I can only put my feelings in one word as the ultimate pain.  I am beyond shattered. Please any advice or help to salvage this situation will be highly appreciated.😞😞😞😞

Edited Sunday at 11:54 PM by Ryan H
Reason for edit: to remove alternate spellings of profanity

[smilingstone 503]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

Take time to heal and move on. You acknowledge this man hurt you. This marriage would not have ended well.

[milimelo 4,689]

Definitely dodged a bullet. Count your blessings. 

[MalloryCat 693]

I'm sorry but there is no salvaging this situation.

you have every right to be hurt, disappointed, sad. But try to see it from another perspective. what if you had a best friend who was going through this? Would you be telling them to try to salvage it? probably not.

 

you are still young, with plenty of life left to live. you deserve someone who treats you like you are the most precious thing on earth no matter what. someone who genuinely cares doesn't block you and ghost you when they get a little upset.

 

you dodged a plethora of bullets. you would have been miserable with this person in the US.

 

 

take your time to grieve, 4 years is a long time with a person, but block them and move on to better and brighter things. 

[Boiler 47,262]

2 minutes ago, smilingstone said:

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

Take time to heal and move on. You acknowledge this man hurt you. This marriage would not have ended well.

I was thinking the same

[JeanneAdil 7,032]

To read your ordeal is heart-rending 

To put faith in another and go years for the visa process is something we all have done but this disappointment is beyond anything we can really understand

 

You have my payers and please do not think to commit suicide 

My prayers go out to you as only God can bring you thru this

 

I often think someone getting into marriage (especially those who do LDR) should do a back ground check on the mate

 

His mother's reaction makes me believe her culture does not like woman to show weakness 

I found this out in Moroc too as i was upset once and his aunt said "do not cry-the man will think you are weak"

 

You did dodge a bullet as marriage to this man would have been a nightmare 

 

salvage the situation?  please if you love a man who does not want you,  let him go/  if he comes back , its only because he was not wanted wherever he went 

so, if he tries to come back,  kick him away (let the door hit him in the butt on his way out)  

you have understanding of what a good wife is,  so you don't need someone who doesn't

[Coldshot 6]

41 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

To read your ordeal is heart-rending 

To put faith in another and go years for the visa process is something we all have done but this disappointment is beyond anything we can really understand

 

You have my payers and please do not think to commit suicide 

My prayers go out to you as only God can bring you thru this

 

I often think someone getting into marriage (especially those who do LDR) should do a back ground check on the mate

 

His mother's reaction makes me believe her culture does not like woman to show weakness 

I found this out in Moroc too as i was upset once and his aunt said "do not cry-the man will think you are weak"

 

You did dodge a bullet as marriage to this man would have been a nightmare 

 

salvage the situation?  please if you love a man who does not want you,  let him go/  if he comes back , its only because he was not wanted wherever he went 

so, if he tries to come back,  kick him away (let the door hit him in the butt on his way out)  

you have understanding of what a good wife is,  so you don't need someone who doesn't

Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s been really so hard because I envisioned growing old and dying with him. I beat myself up everyday for what happened. I keep thinking of the “what ifs”. This is the pain I will have to live with for the rest of my life.😞😞😞😭😭

[Coldshot 6]

50 minutes ago, MalloryCat said:

I'm sorry but there is no salvaging this situation.

you have every right to be hurt, disappointed, sad. But try to see it from another perspective. what if you had a best friend who was going through this? Would you be telling them to try to salvage it? probably not.

 

you are still young, with plenty of life left to live. you deserve someone who treats you like you are the most precious thing on earth no matter what. someone who genuinely cares doesn't block you and ghost you when they get a little upset.

 

you dodged a plethora of bullets. you would have been miserable with this person in the US.

 

 

take your time to grieve, 4 years is a long time with a person, but block them and move on to better and brighter things. 

I appreciate your time and advice. Something that should’ve been the happiest day of our life turned into my worst nightmare. It hurts so so bad but no need of crying over a split milk. 

1 hour ago, smilingstone said:

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

Take time to heal and move on. You acknowledge this man hurt you. This marriage would not have ended well.

😞

[OldUser 9,491]

~ Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits as it is a difficult situation for a K-1 applicant ~

[ineedadisplayname 528]

Nothing to salvage here.

Block him too and move on.

 

I understand that in the long run it might help you and your family for you to be in the USA, but does it worth for you to be abused all day every day? He def has issues beyond something you can not fix even with your best intentions. He is a walking red flag

[KMG 210]

3 hours ago, Coldshot said:

I wholeheartedly wish this was a dream.😞😞😞I posted a snippet of my ordeal last week but I took it down. Please my thoughts are gonna be everywhere. I’m emotionally distressed. How do I move from here? I don’t know what I’m looking for maybe an advice. My spirit is immensely broken. I met my fiancé in 2021 when I was 26 and he just turned 40. We are from different races and I knew deep in my heart that he was the man for me and I for him. Although, he professes his love everyday; I thought his love was rock solid. He provides accordingly and gives me his time and “loyalty”. I gave him my heart and loyalty entirely hoping that I’d give him much more as we start a new life as husband and wife in America.

Apparently, we have had our fair share of relationship problems. He told me that he had been inconsistent in his teens with relationships but he promised to make this work. We have been in a LDR for almost 4 years and during those times, there had been series of emotional abuse. I thought that things are going to get better when we eventually close the distance— but I was wrong. I wish he gave me the chance. One of my toxic trait is I have a high tolerance to endure abuse especially from someone I love deeply.

 

First of all, He was convicted of a crime and he served his term in prison. He suffered from the trauma and we have been there to give him our support. 

Fast forward to when we filed our k1 application, It hasn’t been easy. Our k-1 petition took almost 3 years before we were approved from start to finish. After the approval; flight was booked, preparations were made and he was already getting things in order for my arrival. To be honest, he has anger issue. His mom and sister tried to warn me—they told me to leave him that he has always hurt girls during his late teens but I assumed they didn’t want me to marry him. He knew about it, told me he was willing to make our relationship work. 
Fast forward to this month, 3 weeks after my visa approval, and few days to my visa pickup; we had the most silliest conversation that involved calling what he said as disgusting and dehumanizing. He told me that I’m gonna f**k and s**k as a duty when I come to America. Normally, I would laugh and make silly comments about it but that day I was going through hormonal changes due to PMS and it affected my mood. I got little upset but never raise my voice when he starts to put his fingers down when I was asked to mention what I’m gonna offer him if it’s not to f**k and s**k.  
Each time I’ve always tried to tell him politely that I have way more things to offer than just to f**k and s**k . I tried mentioning things that are my duty as a wife but he  keep saying no to my answers. After that video call, I told him I felt disgusted and dehumanized on text. He read it the next day; told me he was canceling my flight and I never thought in a billion years he would cancel our visa that was still at the embassy awaiting collection. He blocked me everywhere( that’s his pattern whenever he’s stressed and doesn’t want to talk to me). I’ve been abused emotionally but the love I have for him made me stay and I thought things were going to get better when we eventually close the distance— I thought the distance was the problem. I tried to accommodate his temper but I ended up broken with a lot of emotional baggages. 

I went to pick up my passport on Friday and I was told it’s on administrative processing. I knew there was a problem because people that I had interview with were already picking up their passports. After sometime, I logged into my case tracker and I found out my visa has been cancelled. He tried reinstating the visa before the collection day but the deeds had been done. Few days ago we got a response email from the embassy saying that my visa has been revoked and it’s been sent to uscis. I’m beyond devastated and depressed. He tried minimizing his mistakes by saying that he doesn’t want to have children due to his family’s autistic gene blah blah. That I wanted children he cannot give me. He called himself toxic and I deserve better. He never mentioned about not having children until after late January 2025.—We have always wanted to have babies of our own. 
On January 2025, he got so impatient due to the current immigration Policy and our case being stuck at NVC for 12 months. He decided to call our relationship a quit due to the distance( not the first or 3rd time). I had to transfer my case immediately to a different country in order to get an interview date. I went through hell traveling from my country to a different country for two failed residential permit, police report and getting my medical done for interview. He ghosted me for weeks until our k1 application arrived at the new embassy. 

After the most excruciating journey of our lives and when I finally thought we are closing the distance, he cancelled the visa. I feel like dying. I can’t breathe and I’m devastated and depressed. Words cannot describe how much pain, Betrayal, grief and loss i feel. 

During our uscis stage, I literally begged him to relocate to my country or any country of his choice and he refused. We were traditionally married.

For what it’s worth, aside his temper problem, he has been the most amazing man I ever had. I love him so very much with all my heart and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think our relationship will ever survive this.( it never survived💔💔💔) To clear his conscience, he offered me money to start a new life. 
Is this how heartbreak hurts? Is this what pain feels? I’m going through soul-shattering sorrow. 
He sent me a text that I should move on and start something new and beautiful with someone else. 😭😭😭😭😭

To add salt to the injury, His mother got to hear about it. She wrote and sympathized with me few days after but when I told her on text that I’m beyond devastated and having suicidal thoughts due to the devastation and pain. In her words she says “ I’m so disappointed in you and also disappointed in my son. My son isn’t the only ####### in the world. There are thousands of women going through problems. I am an 80 year old woman and I’m not ready for any drama. I have gone through pain and hurt in my life. I am leaving to Mexico as soon as I can and if you still choose to kill yourself “ May your soul rest in peace and May God forgive you ” I am blocking you now for ever.
 
When I read her text; reality struck and I was numb from my head to toe. How could she dismiss my pains and depression like that. We were really close. We discussed literally everything we were going to do together when I come. 

My marriage is over. I’m left with a broken heart, in despair, sorrow.  I have been beating and bawling my eyes out, haven’t eaten in days, sleeplesss nights, tears and sorrow. 

I can only put my feelings in one word as the ultimate pain.  I am beyond shattered. Please any advice or help to salvage this situation will be highly appreciated.😞😞😞😞

Ghosting during this process is unacceptable.  You deserve better than this nonsense.  Take some time to heal. As others have said, block him, and move on. You are only 26- don't play with someone who does not want kids.  

[Lance27 32]

You want to salvage things even after the way you were treated? I agree with others here, you definitely dodged a bullet. I for one would never want to be part of such a family if I was treated that way. Are you sure this guy is 44? I know 3 and 5 year olds who are a lot more emotionally mature that your former fiance. Best to move on and find someone who truly appreciates you.

[Sam Burns 194]

Please seek out a therapist, you need help to understand why you have a high tolerance for abuse.

[Lemonslice 5,200]

This person was abusive to you.

You recognize that you are not good at protecting yourself.

 

Here is what I would tell my little sister, or my best friend: Please RUN away from him.  

 

A fiancé visa would have put you in a very dependent situation where an abuser is going to abuse you.  He has already shown you who he is, believe him. 

 

----

Take the time to heal.  You will find someone respectful, loving, and nice to you.  

 

A few good reads: 

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/

Why does he do that? (pdf)

[Coldshot 6]

3 hours ago, Sam Burns said:

Please seek out a therapist, you need help to understand why you have a high tolerance for abuse.

I may have exaggerated a little but I tend to tolerate or ignore things people consider a big deal. It doesn’t mean I have no respect for myself, it’s just that I cut slacks and give reasons for people’s behavior.