Random question about 90 day fiance

[nautilus6122 2]

My Fiance and i Have been together for more than 4 years. Waiting since Covid that really kept us apart. Now that is all over and NOA2 is hopefully comig soon we have been discussing movig fwd about living together. Has anyone considered having the beneficiary live in a different house or a hotel  to help acclimate the reality of living together? We both have children that also need to go through this acclimation process so its not as easy as dealing with 2 adults learning to live together. Thoughts please?????

[Pinkrlion 2,610]

32 minutes ago, nautilus6122 said:

My Fiance and i Have been together for more than 4 years. Waiting since Covid that really kept us apart. Now that is all over and NOA2 is hopefully comig soon we have been discussing movig fwd about living together. Has anyone considered having the beneficiary live in a different house or a hotel  to help acclimate the reality of living together? We both have children that also need to go through this acclimation process so its not as easy as dealing with 2 adults learning to live together. Thoughts please?????

If you are not going to live together what’s the purpose of coming. 

[Boiler 43,517]

If you have been together for 4 years what has changed now?

[nautilus6122 2]

We have been together for weeks at a time. Usually on holiday. Fun Fun, fantasy land. Living together is real life.

[JeanneAdil 6,204]

the 90 days is not a trial period to help u decide /doesn't sound like u have made a decision

spend more time visiting and decide if marriage is what you want

take the kids and see how that goes 

[Crazy Cat 39,317]

Sometimes, it better to just "jump in with both feet".  

[Ontarkie 13,918]

~~MOved to Moving HEre and Your New Life, from K1 P&P - as the OP is asking about slowly merging/acclimating two families.~~

[Ontarkie 13,918]

You had 4 yrs to discuss all things needed to blend your two families. If she arrives at the border with a different address then you and they ask about why you all will be living seperate. You can bet your last dollar that she will be on the next flight out. If they catch any whiff of something off they will turn your fiance right back.

 

The visa as mentioned is to get married and adjust asap. They give you 90 days because sometimes it can be difficult to get a JP or someplace to get married. It is not a try before you buy visa. 

 

Kids will do better adjusting when they aren't living in a temporary place and then put into the next place and wondering what is next. I moved here with 4 kids ages 8-16 I can tell you for sure if we lived in a temp home first then moved to my then fiance's home it would still be just as much of a learning curve for all involved. It takes months, possibly years to adjust. 90 days will not cut it. 

 

Have you talked about expectations? Discipline? Bedtimes? From experience you discipline your kids and only your kids, do not step on the other parent's toes. The other parent handles their own kids. THis does not mean each other kids can be disrespectful at all. YOu two really need to come up with parenting plans. This can be easy or hard depending how you both handle things and the kids involved. If any have any type of learning, special needs, behaviour, disabilities and the other parent is not used to it that alone can cause issues. The way one handles a child who is not like the others can vary and many times if the other person has zero experience with things like that they will not understand. 

 

 

Check this forum too we have many posts like this about kids. 

[nautilus6122 2]

2 hours ago, JeanneAdil said:

the 90 days is not a trial period to help u decide /doesn't sound like u have made a decision

spend more time visiting and decide if marriage is what you want

take the kids and see how that goes 

Perhaps you should read my question again. We are not trying to decide if we want to marry and live together. We are concerned about the children acclimating to new life With new brothers and sisters and new parents. If you dont have kids , you cant possibly offer any help and should just scroll past these types of posts........

[Crazy Cat 39,317]

****@nautilus6122, it is a violation of the Terms Of Service here on VJ to tell others not to post.  We are all free to post just as we are all free to ignore advice.  Thanks.****

Restrict or inhibit any other user from using and enjoying the Forums.

-VJ Moderation

Edited October 29, 2023 by Crazy Cat

[Boiler 43,517]

I think you are the first person to mention such a situation in all the time I have been here so I guess that has confused members.

 

Apart from the cost, I guess such a situation would not occur to most people.

 

Personally I do not see what sort of benefits you get from delaying the inevitable.

[Lemonslice 4,561]

4 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

My Fiance and i Have been together for more than 4 years. Waiting since Covid that really kept us apart. Now that is all over and NOA2 is hopefully comig soon we have been discussing movig fwd about living together. Has anyone considered having the beneficiary live in a different house or a hotel  to help acclimate the reality of living together? We both have children that also need to go through this acclimation process so its not as easy as dealing with 2 adults learning to live together. Thoughts please?????

How much time have you all spent together in person? 

[nautilus6122 2]

4 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

How much time have you all spent together in person? 

Just a little over 1 year, but but children have never been together

Edited October 29, 2023 by nautilus6122

[nautilus6122 2]

9 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I think you are the first person to mention such a situation in all the time I have been here so I guess that has confused members.

 

Apart from the cost, I guess such a situation would not occur to most people.

 

Personally I do not see what sort of benefits you get from delaying the inevitable.

Its hard for me to believe that no one has ever brought this up. Its a little selfish to not consider the children involved in this. 

[nautilus6122 2]

Could someone with children, that has been through what I am talking about offer some advice please?