Uninformed Opinions Outsiders

[C&AH 104]

1 hour ago, Loren Y said:

I agree with everyone else on here. @narakthisud is right, I have had many of my friends tell me my Thai Fiancee is in it for the money, she is just using you for a green card, I don't see that at all, but they just assume. I just received my NOA2 on my K1 and am hoping to have her here with me in November. I just ignore the haters, and most of my friends don't bring it up much other than to ask how it is going, so I think they are coming around to the fact I don't care what they think. My fiancee in Thailand keeps listening to her friends over there how she is never going to get a visa, it is impossible, you should go work in New Zealand with me, etc. etc. I tell her not to listen to all her " Friends", I always ask when did they apply for a visa to the US. Oh, they just know a friend of a friend of a friend or some thing like that. It bothers me more than her I think, but things have gotten better now. She knows we got the I129F approved, and is extremely happy and back on track, she is studying for the interview, and improving her English some more ( I sent her to school so it isn't that bad). So tell your friends to keep their opinion to themselves, I have no problem that they think it is a bad idea, and I know they are just waiting for that point things go bad and they can hit me with the " I told you so" speech, but I try not to let it bother me. Some of them have gone thru a few wives here, so I bust on them for having 2-3 divorces on the books themselves, but I guess they don't count if you marry a US citizen. LOL

Yes,  my wife has a friend like that. She said in my presence that the process is exactly the same for citizens as resident petitioning for their spouses. Of course, she has never been throughthe process. I asked my wife later that evening to please ignore her becauseshe doesn't know what she is talking about. 

[C&AH 104]

1 hour ago, Loren Y said:

I agree with everyone else on here. @narakthisud is right, I have had many of my friends tell me my Thai Fiancee is in it for the money, she is just using you for a green card, I don't see that at all, but they just assume. I just received my NOA2 on my K1 and am hoping to have her here with me in November. I just ignore the haters, and most of my friends don't bring it up much other than to ask how it is going, so I think they are coming around to the fact I don't care what they think. My fiancee in Thailand keeps listening to her friends over there how she is never going to get a visa, it is impossible, you should go work in New Zealand with me, etc. etc. I tell her not to listen to all her " Friends", I always ask when did they apply for a visa to the US. Oh, they just know a friend of a friend of a friend or some thing like that. It bothers me more than her I think, but things have gotten better now. She knows we got the I129F approved, and is extremely happy and back on track, she is studying for the interview, and improving her English some more ( I sent her to school so it isn't that bad). So tell your friends to keep their opinion to themselves, I have no problem that they think it is a bad idea, and I know they are just waiting for that point things go bad and they can hit me with the " I told you so" speech, but I try not to let it bother me. Some of them have gone thru a few wives here, so I bust on them for having 2-3 divorces on the books themselves, but I guess they don't count if you marry a US citizen. LOL

Congrats on your approval. 

[Chris&Ale 153]

5 hours ago, narakthisud said:

OP, I'd follow what most have already said here and tell your "friends" to politely mind their own business. Many of my so-called friends thought my relationship with a Thai woman was odd and they also told me she was just in it for the money. Can you imagine how that felt? Anyway, the point is, people will have their opinions about your relationship, immigration stuff, etc. only if you give them enough information to let them form an opinion. It also helps to trust in your relationship and know that it's real. Everything else is just the "small stuff." 

It's really quite an insult for even a friend to tell you (and folks like myself) that our fiances, the love of our lives, are just marrying us to get to the US, for money, etc...

 

I'm half-tempted to respond that is surely why their wife (or husband) married them as well. LOL

[JoelThai 313]

6 hours ago, Loren Y said:

My fiancee in Thailand keeps listening to her friends over there how she is never going to get a visa, it is impossible, you should go work in New Zealand with me, etc. etc. I tell her not to listen to all her " Friends",

 

Same here....  I am constantly telling my fiancee to "Not listen to the stupid people."    Also I tell her to be careful what she tells to the "stupid people" because it will only create gossip and problems for her later on.  

 

I try to manage her expectations with respect to the K1 timeline and keep her updated on our progress.   But, her "stupid" friends and family (there are some smart ones fortunately) cast doubt because the process takes so long....  and they claim that I must be lying to her because "nothing takes this long".   But even before we applied, I had a pretty good idea how long this would take and set her expectations early on, so she has been pretty understanding and patient.    And, as far as improving her English skills, she now has a strong understand of what "Need to wait" means.     

Edited July 9, 2018 by JoelThai

[debbiedoo 2,339]

i dont have critical people in my life. I go to great effort to keep only those that love me, love Paul (with few exceptions, they have all met him), and are supportive and understanding of our situation. Paul does the same.

 

Neither one of us has any reservations cutting someone from our lives that fail to meet those criteria. 

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

Not to mention... most of the time, when someone thinks they have a clue because they "know someone who knows someone who's done this or that".... the situation is ENTIRELY different and has absolutely nothing to do with your situation. Some people are very ignorant when it comes to immigration and think all immigration processes and visas are just one big process, and it doesn't differ based on situation, intent, type of visa, etc.

 

I think everyone's experienced the overly opinionated folks at some point. I have people who made comments while we were waiting on Paul to get his visa and even be able to enter the US make comments about how I could have found someone American by now. Or joke about how I had to "outsource" to find a husband. I also have relatives who were less humorous and more hurtful, and those people are no longer privy to our life or our process. I simply detach from those who breed too much negativity, or simply don't let us live in peace.

 

At the end of the day, it's nobody's business what your situation is or how you are going about it. Ultimately, no one will ever understand unless they have been there, in the EXACT same circumstances, themselves directly. So try not to take it personal, or to heart.

[Going through 5,668]

When I was going through my ROC phase, a work acquaintance kept insisting and arguing that I was filling out all the forms, submitting evidence and fees and going through interviews, biometrics etc. over the years all for nothing and repeatedly stated that I "didn't need to do all of this---just tell them you are married to a US citizen!"

 

What still amazes me is how many people are surprised to find out that one doesn't become an automatic citizen upon marriage.

[NYCruiser 423]

18 hours ago, C&AH said:

Hello. Forgive me if this isn't the right forum to post this slight vent but how many people you know have given opinions to you about this process?

 

Today, I reconnected with an old friend who asked what I've been up to lately. Without going into detail,  I just told him that I'm spending time with my wife in the DR on and off until we get her home to the States.  "Good luck with that," he replied then went on to say that he has a sister in law who has been 8 years trying to get her husband to the US from Morocco and a friens with a wide in tge Philippines that has bee. 7 years with no luck. That was one of several opinions. 

 

A pastor told me it took a friend 3 years (turns out the petitioner friend is a US resident).

 

A coworker said it took her US citizen brother 3 years to get his wife from Colombia. 

 

Other coworkers are constantly asking if my wife is here yet amd can't seem to understand why not. 

 

Quite honestly, I don't want to talk to anyone about this (fellow VJers excepted because you understand). 

 

The last thing I need right now is negativity.  It is difficult enough as it is. Most people who share opinions are usually those who have no clue what they are talking about and will offer those opinions without being asked.

My spouse if from Kenya. I cannot tell you the number of times I have been asked by his Kenyan friends about why it is so difficult to get a B2 visa to come to the US. Thy assert racial reasons etc...usually asking further questions the REAL reasons come up that have compromised the application.

I always tell them not to listen why so-and-so got the Visa etc....

Best advice, keep your immigration situation private. (Most Americans born here haven't a clue anyway)

[C&AH 104]

3 hours ago, Paul & Mallory said:

Not to mention... most of the time, when someone thinks they have a clue because they "know someone who knows someone who's done this or that".... the situation is ENTIRELY different and has absolutely nothing to do with your situation. Some people are very ignorant when it comes to immigration and think all immigration processes and visas are just one big process, and it doesn't differ based on situation, intent, type of visa, etc.

 

I think everyone's experienced the overly opinionated folks at some point. I have people who made comments while we were waiting on Paul to get his visa and even be able to enter the US make comments about how I could have found someone American by now. Or joke about how I had to "outsource" to find a husband. I also have relatives who were less humorous and more hurtful, and those people are no longer privy to our life or our process. I simply detach from those who breed too much negativity, or simply don't let us live in peace.

 

At the end of the day, it's nobody's business what your situation is or how you are going about it. Ultimately, no one will ever understand unless they have been there, in the EXACT same circumstances, themselves directly. So try not to take it personal, or to heart.

You're right about people being opinionated. When I was at the health department getting my birth certificate for us to get married, I asked the worker for information on how to obtain an Apostille. She replied,  "Couldn't you find an American to marry?" (They always ask for a reason you need your birth certificate). I replied, "Yes, and that is precisely why I'm marrying a Dominican." (No offense to any American ladies here. It is just that she had that one coming).

Edited July 9, 2018 by C&AH

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

1 hour ago, Going through said:

When I was going through my ROC phase, a work acquaintance kept insisting and arguing that I was filling out all the forms, submitting evidence and fees and going through interviews, biometrics etc. over the years all for nothing and repeatedly stated that I "didn't need to do all of this---just tell them you are married to a US citizen!"

 

What still amazes me is how many people are surprised to find out that one doesn't become an automatic citizen upon marriage.

This! People are so ignorant to the reality of immigration. I lost count of the people who told me to "just get knocked up" since day one. Or to just get married in Sweden, or somewhere else, because that apparently magically makes him a citizen lol. And the genuine shock when I have to tell them none of that is true.

 

 

2 minutes ago, C&AH said:

You're right about people being opinionated. When I was at the health department getting my birth certificate for us to get married, I asked the worker for information on how to obtain an Apostille. She replied,  "Couldn't you find an American to marry?" (They always ask for a reason you need your birth certificate). I replied, "Yes, and that is precisely why I'm marrying a Dominican." (No offense to any American ladies here. It is just that she had that one coming).

Yep! Heard that one so many times. I get people say it comically but it gets old. And it's slightly rude. Most of us didn't seek this out, to marry someone from another country. It just happens sometimes. I definitely didn't intend on meeting my husband when I did - I have a blog and had just posted a piece about a relative of mine who was dying of cancer. Paul happened to find me through Twitter mentions and caught that particular post on the blog. We struck up a pretty philosophical conversation, became email pen pals for a long time. I never in my wildest dreams imagined this stranger commenting on my blog from across the world would become my husband. But life happens when you're busy making other plans.

 

I consider us the lucky ones. Our soulmates were put in the most difficult to find places throughout the world, and we managed to defeat the odds to find them.  

[geowrian 22,336]

3 hours ago, Going through said:

When I was going through my ROC phase, a work acquaintance kept insisting and arguing that I was filling out all the forms, submitting evidence and fees and going through interviews, biometrics etc. over the years all for nothing and repeatedly stated that I "didn't need to do all of this---just tell them you are married to a US citizen!"

 

What still amazes me is how many people are surprised to find out that one doesn't become an automatic citizen upon marriage.

I get people not understanding the immigration process. it can be quite complicated. But people have some hard-set "facts" about how it works when the reality is they know practically nothing based in facts.

 

I've heard the same thing about becoming a USC upon marriage many times...I have no idea where that thought started, but I doubt it will ever end.

[Teemo 252]

20 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I've heard the same thing about becoming a USC upon marriage many times...I have no idea where that thought started, but I doubt it will ever end.

It's because most Americans don't understand the difference between an LPR and a citizen, because they've never had to deal or think about it. My wife still keeps saying "when you get citizenship" and I have to correct her to "permanent residency."  The difference doesn't register in her head because from her perspective it simply doesn't matter to her, and she is so new to all this, so the only word that she has a grasp on is "citizen" so she uses that as a catch-all for anyone trying to live in the US. 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

11 hours ago, Chris&Ale said:

It's really quite an insult for even a friend to tell you (and folks like myself) that our fiances, the love of our lives, are just marrying us to get to the US, for money, etc...

 

 

I think this is the normal first thought that crosses most people's minds, whether they voice it or not probably depends on their level of concern.  I'd mention it to someone if it appeared like it might be the case.  If your friends and family can't tell you the truth or express to you their worry over your behavior, who can?

 

[Going through 5,668]

26 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I get people not understanding the immigration process. it can be quite complicated. But people have some hard-set "facts" about how it works when the reality is they know practically nothing based in facts.

This lady was, to be blunt, a complete dolt.  She literally thought that all I had to do was pick up the phone and call "the government" to let them know I was now married to a USC and some (magical unseen governmental) person would just mail out something declaring me a US citizen from then on.

 

It's one thing to not understand the process---I can see that.  But to think there's NO process at all?  Like I said, though, in all fairness she was a complete dolt.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

2 minutes ago, Going through said:

This lady was, to be blunt, a complete dolt.  She literally thought that all I had to do was pick up the phone and call "the government" to let them know I was now married to a USC and some (magical unseen governmental) person would just mail out something declaring me a US citizen from then on.

 

It's one thing to not understand the process---I can see that.  But to think there's NO process at all?  Like I said, though, in all fairness she was a complete dolt.

 

Eh, it is kind of an old-fashioned idea, I think.

 

My mother married an immigrant and all they had to do was walk into an "immigration" office near her house and register after moving to America together.  She couldn't understand the current process at all.