I dont understand

[confused1313 1]

I know this appears to be my first post on this forum but it is not. I started a new account due to keeping my privacy intact. Here is my story, my husband came here, we got married. He left during the initial stages of the immigration process, He was just gone, I didnt know where he was or anything. After multiple threats to my situation and his own immigration status and lawyer's advise they advised me to cancel my sponsorship. Well, I did that and of course a few weeks later he comes back and I feel bad and immediately send and letter to USCIS saying i do not want to cancel, well what happened was they never opened the letter and we got denied. I paid for an appeal with my lawyer and the appeal got denied also. In that time my husband was in and out of the house. I am not totally blaming him for all the issues that would be unfair. It has been so rocky, but yet once again I gave it another try because truly I do love him. We decided we would do his while immigration status over. Of course since he feels it is all my fault because i cancelled the first time (not recognizing that i attempted to stop it) he says well i have to pay for it all again myself. Maybe I am stupid but i agreed, so we started the paperwork again. Well here we are and he tells me the marriage isnt going to work but would still like me to do his paperwork, to "help him". He wants to postpone the divorce until he gets his green card. He tells me If i am a good person I will do this and help him because i Have messed up his life. At first I feel guilty and think well maybe he is right, and my lawyer fills the paperwork out but also cautions me that there will be an interview and I need to realize that it will be hard to prove a bonafide marriage when we are not living together. He says he will do it because he is trying to understand why i feel the need to help, but I should really think about it. I then say to my husband i do not know if I can stay in a fake marriage for his status for many reasons. Some of the reasons are, how do i move on, it is illegal, and I really wanted a marriage not an arrangement. He then says well if you help me maybe i will work on the marriage with you, but first I need proof that you have filed my status. I sit here confused because I do feel guilty, I just dont know what to do. While i am thinking of all this and trying to clear my head and make the best decision he then tells me listen if you are going to do it do it now if not divorce me so I can marry another woman to do my status. I was shocked, not sure why, but i was. I asked my lawyer if this is possible and he said yes. This whole situation has me sick to my stomach. It is affecting every aspect of my life.

[SamanthaL 45]

Kick him to the curb!

[apple21 953]

The dude is clearly blackmailing you.

Throw him out, file for divorce and move on with your life.

Good luck.

[dm559 34]

Nothing to really think about. What he is asking you to do is a felony. If he truly loved you he wouldn't ask you to take the chance.

[Brc 14]

I read something once that has been immensely helpful to me. Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

And sometimes it's difficult the first time. But when we see it, then we know. And when we know who they are, then you'll know what to do. It will be clear when it's time.

[Cathi 5,614]

he walked out on you at the very beginning of the process, you had no idea where he was, what he was doing or if he was coming back. He obviously treats you like dirt and is guilting you into staying married until he gets his green card. And you feel guilty......seriously?????????? If you post something like this here and expect people to be sympathetic, I can't imagine many will. He obviously only married you to for a green card, he used you. WHY WHY WHY are you EVEN considering helping this man when he said he would just find another woman to marry to get a green card? Not to mention that you will be committing fraud because you know the second he gets his green card he is history. Have some self esteem, divorce him and let him figure it out by himself.

[nicolasandres 6]

Kick him to the curb!

[Treva 3]

I wouldn't do it. I'm sorry but it sounds like he does not love you.

You have not, are not, and will not benefit from being married to him. He makes you feel guilty simply because that makes him feel less guilty. Why you help him deflect the guilt onto yourself???!!! He messed it up, not you, when he walked out on you and you had no contact. He's admitting that he's using you but you still want to help him because you love him. That kind of love is not good for you!

Kick him out.

Do not give him any money.

He says he'll find someone else to sponsor him, good. Then he won't be your problem anymore.

[confused1313 1]

can he really do that? Just marry someone else? Almost like I was his ticket to get here? I always though if you came on a K1 you needed to adjust your status with that person.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

He left during the initial stage of the immigration process and you didn't know where he was or anything, but probably you believed that love could overcome everything,well he showed with his actions that there is no love in his heart at all!. You could not control what happened to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happened to you. Do yourself a favor and let him go,divorce and move on. You deserve better.

Edited February 8, 2013 by sandranj

[MedRoni 161]

What he is asking you to do is illegal. He is threatening to go do it to someone else if you don't.

Do you really see one ounce of love here on his part? No.

He said "Maybe I will work on it if you do this for me". Guess what... Maybe means he won't.

You deserve better. As others said - kick him to the curb and learn to love yourself first. Then you will be able to find a man that loves you, respects you and sees you are worth gold.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Grab yourself a big load of self respect and throw this loser out with the trash. YOU owe him nothing, zero , nada. He used you to get there , he wants you to lie to the government to keep him here and tells you to your face that it is only for a greencard. Don't listen , change the locks, change your phone number and get an new email account. Don't look back.

[Ontarkie 13,920]

can he really do that? Just marry someone else? Almost like I was his ticket to get here? I always though if you came on a K1 you needed to adjust your status with that person.

If he came here on a K1 then no he cannot marry someone else and adjust his status. He can marry anyone he wants but he will have to go home, and start all over. Let him try though then the can detain him and deport him. Since they will have his new address.

[belinda63 2,981]

Boot him out and let him find out the hard way he can only adjust status through you. That is probably what he found out the first time he left and is the reason he came back. He does not love, does not care about you AND if you pretend to have a real marriage for immigration purposes he will be deported but you will go to prison.

[Villanelle 4,121]

can he really do that? Just marry someone else? Almost like I was his ticket to get here? I always though if you came on a K1 you needed to adjust your status with that person.

Yes. Youre getting confused because the only way you can adjust from the K1 you came on is through the USC who sponsored you for the K1. But if your K1 expires or rather when your K1 expires you are an out of status K1 visa holder in the US with no status because you didnt file AOS. (so youre not in a period of auth stay) Youre as good as any other illegal loosely speaking. If you marry another USC, you can file a 130/485 through your marriage to them. Totally different basis for adjusting.

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Getting back to your situation. Brc posted an excellent quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Your husband has made it quite clear what he wants from you- a greencard. Hes made it quite clear hes willing to lie to you and offer you false promises in exchange for it. (I'll work on the marriage if thats what you want) Hes made it clear hes willing to use guilt to get what he wants. Hes made it clear hes not trustworthy and is willing to commit fraud. Hes made it clear he is willing to commit crimes. Hes made is clear he is willing to let you commit crimes that you could be caught and punished for, for his benefit.

This is not the kind of person you put yourself on the line for. This is not the kind of person you want in your life.