Anyone consider a pre-nuptual?

[Holman come down 10]

Advice is good on this subject and each to his own or her own. But be very careful. To the OP, your future bride is very pretty. Does that scare you that later when she adapts to the US your Bacon is no good no more. Then, let her go. If you are afraid to look into the MIRROR.. Then let it go. Pre-nup or not, you are locked into a Contract either way.

Negative Vibes.. Always look for the worst and you will find it. Look for the good and it is posible it is there. Life is a chance.

Well that's pretty rude. Everyone is confident their relationship will last forever when they marry. It's a big decision and a man and womon have to be confident about their future to do it. BUT, somewhere around 25-50% (despite the rumors there are no real, reliable statistics on this) of those couples get divorced. It doesn't matter what you said in your vows and it doesn't matter what your faith is, the fact is it just happens. Getting a pre-nup isn't damning your marriage or predicting failure, it's just being smart about the probability of divorce and the protection of both parties.

[Krikit 1,163]

A number of posts violating the TOS have been removed, along with those quoting them. (Please hit "Report" if I've missed any.) One member has been banned from topic for derailing the thread and violations.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Krikit

[taal 28]

I agree with a majoriety of the comments above. I have known and love my husband. I signed a pre-nup. Its a sense of secuirty. I will inherit money and have a lot saved. I don't want it to disapear if god forbid something goes wrong. I've been happily married for a year now. It's just a good decision to make and not have it lurking in the back of your mind..

[WORMIEVADER 6]

We did a pre-nup at my urging. My husband, who is from a country where such a thing is unheard of, just shrugged his shoulders and said: "Well, we're not going to get divorced, and be together forever. So it doesn't matter what's in this paper. Where do I sign?"

I loved him even more after this statement!

Like somebody earlier said: A pre-nup is like insurance in case something goes wrong. You never expect to need it, but if the unthinkable happens, at least you're both protected.

It is certainly not a reflection on whether you're serious and love this person.

[SHUSS 11]

I am happily married to my husband and we did sign a pre-nup. I had actually forgotten about it until I saw your post. I do not think it is always necessary but it doesn't hurt. Ours was more to please our parents and for cultural reasons, but I do not see anything wrong with them. We do not intend for this document to ever be enforced so it really doesn't ever cross my mind.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

If I had anything to protect I would have. Everything my dad owned goes to mum, and mum will split it up with all us 4 kids. The inheritance would be untouchable as long as we didn't co-mingle it.

Also, we have a family trust that we can use if we're concerned about our spouses taking things. Which sounds a bit odd but it was set up before dad married the woman before mum and she TRIED to break it but failed. It's always just sitting there just in case.

As it stands right now everything I've earned has been since moving here... well sort of. Anything I had prior to coming here I basically sold, gave away or brought with me. My sister took a lot of my stuff, mum took my washing machine...

Anyway I'm lucky in that way but I think they're a good idea when they'll well written. As one posters spouse said, "We're never getting divorced so why would signing be a problem?". Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

[Vicomi 31]

I'm the beneficiary with a property in another country. Comparatively, the property does not hold much value. Fiance stands to inherit a big property. I suggested pre-nup and he happily agreed, even though we both intend to be married forever and a day. I've seen too many friends wanting to tear their hair out for not having a pre-nup. I have learnt from the mistakes of others.

[Alaska2012 462]

How would your fiancée respond to you making her sign a pre-nup? Have you talked about it already, what did she say?

We did not sign one but its very interesting to me to read about how other people do things.

I think,had my husband asked me to sign a pre-nup i would have been rather upset. I gave up everything in my country to live with him, moved my kids across the world for him. I have nothing left back home, not that it really matters it was a sacrifice i happily made, but it would have felt like an insult if he would have made me sign a paper after me doing all that for him...

[Leatherneck 693]

How would your fiancée respond to you making her sign a pre-nup? Have you talked about it already, what did she say?

We did not sign one but its very interesting to me to read about how other people do things.

I think,had my husband asked me to sign a pre-nup i would have been rather upset. I gave up everything in my country to live with him, moved my kids across the world for him. I have nothing left back home, not that it really matters it was a sacrifice i happily made, but it would have felt like an insult if he would have made me sign a paper after me doing all that for him...

Why would you have been upset, besides the reasons you stated? A prenup is like a go to 'rule book' as to how a couple will behave with regards to distribution of assets, property, one time large cash payments, child care and monthly support. Try to view a prenup from a different angle, not by what it might deny you, but by how it might protect you.

A properly and equitably prepared prenup can protect one and demonstrate that a spouse loves you enough to put in writing his/her willingness to provide for your well being in the event of divorce. The best time to deal with such matters is long before tempers flare, before anger replaces logic and irrational behavior takes the place of common sense and fairness.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

How would your fiancée respond to you making her sign a pre-nup? Have you talked about it already, what did she say?

We did not sign one but its very interesting to me to read about how other people do things.

I think,had my husband asked me to sign a pre-nup i would have been rather upset. I gave up everything in my country to live with him, moved my kids across the world for him. I have nothing left back home, not that it really matters it was a sacrifice i happily made, but it would have felt like an insult if he would have made me sign a paper after me doing all that for him...

The USC is actually incurring a lot of risk. They are forced to sign a form that is binding for a REALLY long time. They don't know you aren't using them to get to the US. They don't know that you aren't hoping to get a rich American out of the situation to then divorce and rob blind. They are basically taking you on blind faith.

Comparatively you don't know if your USC turns out to be an abuser, or that you'll be trapped here because you can't afford a flight back. You don't know if you went back to your country whether you'd be able to pick up where you left off.

Relationships are 50/50. I gave up a lot yes, but so did my husband. To assume he didn't give up anything, or sacrifice anything, would be extremely selfish of me.

A proper pre-nup protects BOTH parties. It could say "you need to give her 1/2 of everything". It could say "you are required to give her the money for a flight back - whether she chooses to go or not". It's actually a sign of love to WANT that protection for your other half (if you have the means that requires it of course). Sure some people abuse it and make them completely one-sided but as was stated above, those stand a better chance of being thrown out when it really counts.

It's rare for divorces to be totally amicable. It's better to make the decisions by way of a pre-nup while in love and happy, than angry and upset.

[Xanax 349]

I hope you get some more experiences / info / ideas.

Personally we didn't consider a pre-nup but I do think for some it is a smart idea.

Good luck OP!

[Ivy. 113]

We considered it, but we have nothing to protect at the moment. A bit of savings and a car, whatever. We are both willing to sign a nuptial in case an occasion arrises.

My country is a no-fault country and everything the couple gets during the marriage is shared 50-50. Any assets that we had before, were gifted or inherited stay with the owner. We both consider that fair and the marriage was "created" here, so I can ask for my law to have jurisdiction over the divorce.

If we had a prenup, I would want a clause in there saying the kids are mine in case of divorce and I can take them back home if I want. He would not sign that even if his life depended on it, so there was no point in a prenup for us.

I do like the idea of signing one with a clause that says she is entitled money for a ticket back, weather she uses it or not. Good one.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

We considered it, but we have nothing to protect at the moment. A bit of savings and a car, whatever. We are both willing to sign a nuptial in case an occasion arrises.

My country is a no-fault country and everything the couple gets during the marriage is shared 50-50. Any assets that we had before, were gifted or inherited stay with the owner. We both consider that fair and the marriage was "created" here, so I can ask for my law to have jurisdiction over the divorce.

If we had a prenup, I would want a clause in there saying the kids are mine in case of divorce and I can take them back home if I want. He would not sign that even if his life depended on it, so there was no point in a prenup for us.

I do like the idea of signing one with a clause that says she is entitled money for a ticket back, weather she uses it or not. Good one.

We have yet to consult with the lawyer in America, but I have this strange feeling that the family court judge probably just decides whatever he/she thinks is best for the children with not much weight put on pre or post nuptial agreements. I had wanted to put in that my husband and I would do joint legal and physical custody of the children and as long as he was paying some agreed upon expenses and so was I, that we wouldn't do child support in a traditional fashion. If we has some compelling reason to return to Denmark (or just wants to I suppose), we'd like it so any children could spend the summer and rotating holidays there and at the age of 16 could choose to live there. I'd also like alimony to only be based on the number of years that I'm a stay at home mom (which we both agreed to). It'll also exclude each other from any inheritances (which are normally joint property) and him from earning equity in our home if I used my assets to buy it.

I know it sounds harsh, but at the same time no one knows what the future will hold. In 10 or 15 years we may grow to really dislike each other, one of us may cheat, or one of us may go back on the promises we made when we married. I'm not naive enough to believe that perfect happiness and a great relationship will last forever just because we want it to, sometimes things are beyond your control.

[tinman 33]

Posted Yesterday, 09:36 AM

I filed CR-1 for my wife, she came her 3 years ago in Jan 2010, had many problems with her. She left me and went back to her country without telling me or my family after 7 months she immigrated to the U.S in Aug 2010, I accepted her back after reconciliation in Nov 2010 and we did a post-nuptial agreement. She left me again in June 2012 and went back to her country after an argument, one month after she received her 10 year green card. She filed for divorce in Sept 2012. On her divorce declaration, she lied about not knowing any English, no finance (she had $10000 in her possession when she left in June 2012 which I gave her), that she was in force in duress without legal counsel to sign the post-nuptial agreement, where she was living. What can I do with USCIS to have her investigated for fraud in order to gain access to the U.S and now trying to gain finance from me during the time we married? Thank you

Kind of what I had in mind when I asked the originally question. Although We don't know the circumstances here, it is still exactly the kind of situation I would want to avoid.

Best of everything for this fellow and his wife!..I hope everything can work out. My most solemn wish's!!

[ndu26 114]

interesting read. it seems only those who support pre nups are welcome and if you oppose it , people oppose your post sentimentally.