My Girlfriend married another man to apply for green card

[A new guy 4]

Hello,

I met my GF just over a year ago. Things were great except I was not in a hurry to get married, wanted to wait (for no real reason other than I did not think it was important to get married) and didn't see how important her status was to her. She is here on a work visa and wants to get her green card.

The problem is we started having tough times after I said I would not marry her yet and she got married to a friend of a friend. That marriage happened 2 months ago and now she regrets getting married to him. Now, I understand how important this is to her and I'm willing to marry her. She has not started any of the paperwork for the green card yet. If she divorces him and marries me, will that raise red flags and cause problems for her green card application?

I don't believe she is using me to get her green card. I truly love her and I believe the love is mutual.

Thank you for the advice.

[Jahwaree 83]

So dude was this a consumated marriage ? How could she just up and marry if U both in love?

unless it was business (which is illegal& a fraud) how U know she's not wanting this GC by any means

necessary, no doubt you love her but please read some of the horror stories here, go slowly, of course

even though she did not file paper-work she still have to send in divorce papers and she will be asked

about it, good luck on this journey.

[verysadguy 170]

Right from the mouth of a 30 year immigration agent..."Never marry an alien"

I made the huge mistake and so have many others. Love is great, but don't get married.

Like others have said, just read the horror stories on here. Or go read my thread

"fiance' cheating while pregnant" for some real entertainment.

[lierre 224]

That is an incredibly sad story. But, it does put alarm bells.

How sure are you that she really wants to marry you for love? How sure are you about wanting to marry her for love and not because you want to "rescue" her from the problem she is now in?

Your country's immigration laws were put in place to protect you, too. Remember that once you become the petitioner for someone's visa application, you are liable for anything and everything she does.

[Karee 4,190]

Hello,

I met my GF just over a year ago. Things were great except I was not in a hurry to get married, wanted to wait (for no real reason other than I did not think it was important to get married) and didn't see how important her status was to her. She is here on a work visa and wants to get her green card.

The problem is we started having tough times after I said I would not marry her yet and she got married to a friend of a friend. That marriage happened 2 months ago and now she regrets getting married to him. Now, I understand how important this is to her and I'm willing to marry her. She has not started any of the paperwork for the green card yet. If she divorces him and marries me, will that raise red flags and cause problems for her green card application?

I don't believe she is using me to get her green card. I truly love her and I believe the love is mutual.

Thank you for the advice.

Just a guess on my part, but if you go through with this I'm betting we'll see you back here in ~2 years saying she scammed you for a green card and what should I do now?

All this marrying, divorcing, and marrying again is going to look suspicious as well.

[A new guy 4]

In my best attempt at being unbiased, I don't 'know' for sure she doesn't want to marry me for her green card and I was a little cautious about her motives when we started dating but there are a few things that removed my concern.

1) about a month after we started dating, she told me she had a marriage set up to help her get her green card but she cancelled it because of our relationship. It seemed like she was telling me with the best intent of not hiding things and trying to be honest. We talked about it and she was able to give me some pretty convincing details that led me to believe she was telling the truth.

2) the first time she brought up marriage with me, I said I was not in a hurry to get married (because my parents are divorced) and didn't see what would change because she was practically living with me 5-6 days a week. She mentioned that it would help her get her green card and that would relieve some pressure/worries she has about keeping her work visa. I asked her if she was only interested in getting her green card and offered to get married to her if that's what she was interested in me for but otherwise I thought we should wait longer. She agreed it would be better if we waited to get married.

3) Once she got married to this guy, she would have no incentive to stay with me but our relationship has improved dramatically.

We had started having problems when she brought up her desire to get married and I expressed my desire to wait. She felt I was just dragging her along and I thought she was pushing to hard. We started seeing each other less and less for about 2 months because I was trying to teach her the lesson that she can't always get her way. Then one day she broke down and told me she had gotten married. It wasn't until then that we really had a talk about what this meant for her and why it was important to her. She thought I had no intention of staying with her and thought I was wasting her time.

Do I want to 'rescue' her from this situation, YES. I know it's an ugly situation for a relationship that has numerous red flags screaming GET OUT NOW and reading the other stories on here contribute more red flags.

From the aspect of getting her green card, how much trouble would a divorce and remarry cause if it went like this:

-dated me for just over a year

-she married a couple months ago

-has not filed any paperwork other than getting married

-got a divorce (lets say 3 months into the marriage)

-remarried me (at whatever timeframe would be reasonable/best)

Even if I was getting duped and didn't know it, the background on us is legitimate. Would that legitimacy mean anything to the investigators, knowing she married/divorced so quickly?

Thank you for time and if you think the best thing for me is to GET OUT NOW, I appreciate your imput and sometimes the truth hurts. There are many sad stories on here and I'm sure most of them started with someone who thought it wouldn't happen to them.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I think she is desperate to get a green card to stay in US by hook or by crook.

"she told me she had a marriage set up to help her get her green card but she cancelled it because of our relationship." showed that she would go along with plan if you didn't show up in her life.

In fact, she did find "a friend of a friend" to get married when you didn't want to jump into her plan of marriage for green card.

Now she has buyer's remorse, probably hoping you would bail her out which you are now trying to do.

If she truly loves you (not just for green card purposes), let her clear out her own mess first.

Then wait and let the relationship develop, take the "getting her a green card to stay" out of the equation, even if it means that she has to return home after her work visa expires.

You could always petition for her to come back to US as fiancee / spouse later on.

I was on a work visa too when I met my BF (now husband).

I never thought of pressuring him to get married asap because "hey honey, my work visa is expiring soon!!!".

Instead I went home, and developed the relationship over long distance and different zone.

I hope you don't get manipulated into doing something you might regret later in your life. If in doubts, don't do it.

Edited January 3, 2013 by Merrytooth

[caly 48]

Wow! What a mess indeed!

If she truly loves you (not just for green card purposes), let her clear out her own mess first.

Then wait and let the relationship develop, take the "getting her a green card to stay" out of the equation, even if it means that she has to return home after her work visa expires.

You could always petition for her to come back to US as fiancee / spouse later on.

I hope you don't get manipulated into doing something you might regret later in your life. If in doubts, don't do it.

This, this.. absolutely this.

Please don't let her rush you into anything you might regret later!

[A new guy 4]

Merrytooth, thank you for your advice. That is very meaningful.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

In my best attempt at being unbiased, I don't 'know' for sure she doesn't want to marry me for her green card and I was a little cautious about her motives when we started dating but there are a few things that removed my concern.

1) about a month after we started dating, she told me she had a marriage set up to help her get her green card but she cancelled it because of our relationship. It seemed like she was telling me with the best intent of not hiding things and trying to be honest. We talked about it and she was able to give me some pretty convincing details that led me to believe she was telling the truth.

2) the first time she brought up marriage with me, I said I was not in a hurry to get married (because my parents are divorced) and didn't see what would change because she was practically living with me 5-6 days a week. She mentioned that it would help her get her green card and that would relieve some pressure/worries she has about keeping her work visa. I asked her if she was only interested in getting her green card and offered to get married to her if that's what she was interested in me for but otherwise I thought we should wait longer. She agreed it would be better if we waited to get married.

3) Once she got married to this guy, she would have no incentive to stay with me but our relationship has improved dramatically.

We had started having problems when she brought up her desire to get married and I expressed my desire to wait. She felt I was just dragging her along and I thought she was pushing to hard. We started seeing each other less and less for about 2 months because I was trying to teach her the lesson that she can't always get her way. Then one day she broke down and told me she had gotten married. It wasn't until then that we really had a talk about what this meant for her and why it was important to her. She thought I had no intention of staying with her and thought I was wasting her time.

Do I want to 'rescue' her from this situation, YES. I know it's an ugly situation for a relationship that has numerous red flags screaming GET OUT NOW and reading the other stories on here contribute more red flags.

From the aspect of getting her green card, how much trouble would a divorce and remarry cause if it went like this:

-dated me for just over a year

-she married a couple months ago

-has not filed any paperwork other than getting married

-got a divorce (lets say 3 months into the marriage)

-remarried me (at whatever timeframe would be reasonable/best)

Even if I was getting duped and didn't know it, the background on us is legitimate. Would that legitimacy mean anything to the investigators, knowing she married/divorced so quickly?

Thank you for time and if you think the best thing for me is to GET OUT NOW, I appreciate your imput and sometimes the truth hurts. There are many sad stories on here and I'm sure most of them started with someone who thought it wouldn't happen to them.

Sounds like you already know what this is. The relationship you are in looks like a game of Stratego, with no blue flags on the board, all red. What's crazy is YOU KNOW THIS and you are still trying to convince yourself to ride this train wreck without getting hit. I'll keep it simple, break up with her and move on.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

In my best attempt at being unbiased, I don't 'know' for sure she doesn't want to marry me for her green card and I was a little cautious about her motives when we started dating but there are a few things that removed my concern.

1) about a month after we started dating, she told me she had a marriage set up to help her get her green card but she cancelled it because of our relationship. It seemed like she was telling me with the best intent of not hiding things and trying to be honest. We talked about it and she was able to give me some pretty convincing details that led me to believe she was telling the truth. This tells you that the GC is extremely important to her. Important enough she was willing to commit marriage fraud which also shows you she's the type of person to do whatever it takes to get her way (read: divorcing her would be ugly!). She cancelled it because she started dating you. She started dating you after telling you she was interested in a greencard. This doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but this is her driving force and you are an American. She stands a better chance of getting the GC if the relationship is legit, which is why she is with you. This is no different to a girl telling you she expects a Mercedes out of the relationship. There is a difference between telling you her visa status, and telling you she wants a GC and will get one, no matter what. Once she has it, she has no need for you.

2) the first time she brought up marriage with me, I said I was not in a hurry to get married (because my parents are divorced) and didn't see what would change because she was practically living with me 5-6 days a week. She mentioned that it would help her get her green card and that would relieve some pressure/worries she has about keeping her work visa. I asked her if she was only interested in getting her green card and offered to get married to her if that's what she was interested in me for but otherwise I thought we should wait longer. She agreed it would be better if we waited to get married. Of course she told you it was better to wait because she realised if she told you "yes the GC is important" that you would dump her. So she decided to wait a little longer

3) Once she got married to this guy, she would have no incentive to stay with me but our relationship has improved dramatically. She had incentive to stay with you because she's not actually in a relationship with the guy she married. She's just using him (and he's probably getting money or something else out of it). She wants her cake and to eat it too. If you told her "I'm not going to marry you for at least X years" she may tell you fine, but she'll process her GC with this other guy. Then she'll leave that guy. Just because she also wants to get a GC with you doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but it still makes you a means to an end... and it also shows you her character.

We had started having problems when she brought up her desire to get married and I expressed my desire to wait. She felt I was just dragging her along and I thought she was pushing to hard. We started seeing each other less and less for about 2 months because I was trying to teach her the lesson that she can't always get her way. Then one day she broke down and told me she had gotten married. It wasn't until then that we really had a talk about what this meant for her and why it was important to her. She thought I had no intention of staying with her and thought I was wasting her time. Wasting her time means she should marry someone else for a GC? She wants that GC, that's all she wants. You KNOW she's committing fraud and so, as part of VJ TOS you need to report her for immigration fraud... thought they won't listen without evidence.

Do I want to 'rescue' her from this situation, YES. I know it's an ugly situation for a relationship that has numerous red flags screaming GET OUT NOW and reading the other stories on here contribute more red flags.

From the aspect of getting her green card, how much trouble would a divorce and remarry cause if it went like this:

-dated me for just over a year

-she married a couple months ago

-has not filed any paperwork other than getting married

-got a divorce (lets say 3 months into the marriage)

-remarried me (at whatever timeframe would be reasonable/best)

Even if I was getting duped and didn't know it, the background on us is legitimate. Would that legitimacy mean anything to the investigators, knowing she married/divorced so quickly?

Most everything you've said helped you see she "isn't" scamming you, are signs that she is.. sort of. Responses in red above.

Honestly, it will look suspicious. She's screwed herself by marrying this guy. She needs to prove the marriage is legit to get a GC through him.

If she were to divorce him she wouldn't be able to marry you until at least a year (that's my guess) later to make it look less suspicious, and even if she didn't wait to marry you, she'd at least need to wait a while before filing for the GC.

It's a mess honestly. I'm sure you really like her but there are so many reasons not to stay with her. I'm not one to say NEVER date and alien, but I have before in Australia. I never thought about his status at all. I knew he was there on a student visa, I never thought about how he'd stay. I think if we'd stayed together and he was going to leave shortly I might have married him to keep him in the country... but knowing what I know now - h*ll to the no (have you read the I-864 that you'll need to sign?)

I suggest you leave her to deal with her own immigration issues. Don't get involved because it can end up real ugly. Take the time apart to think about whether you'd really want to stay in a relationship with someone who has no issues committing fraud (i.e. breaking the law) to get what she wants. That shows her character right there.

That's my opinion anyway. You might not be being used ENTIRELY for a GC, but she started dating you because you were American and she COULD get a GC.

[Caryh 5,206]

My own view is, to her getting a green card was more important than her relationship with you. Now she's made a mess of things, and isn't happy with her choice to marry for a green card. Lord knows what her husband is thinking about this relationship. Did he marry her just so she could stay, or is he wondering what the hell is wrong with his wife and where is she going to? This is a relationship ready for a day time talk show! Do you really want to be living your life with the type of drama she's creating? What if her husband does want her and finds her hanging with you? Who the heck knows what drama that will create, but there's some crazy people out there that you don't want to deal with. My own advise would be to back off, and let her figure out her own life and what she wants out of it. If someday you come back together when her life is no longer a mess, then so be it. But I wouldn't want to touch the current mess with a 10 foot pole.

[cdneh 3,112]

Once she got married to this guy, she would have no incentive to stay with me but our relationship has improved dramatically.

Really? She is married to another man and you have a relationship with her? I cannot imagine why a man in your situation would even be considering marrying this woman.

If she divorces him and marries me, will that raise red flags and cause problems for her green card application?

Absolutely it will. Are you willing to assist her to commit fraud in order to get her what she wants? And all she does want is her green card. You are nothing more than a ticket to get her there. She's already demonstrated quite clearly the lengths she is willing to go to to stay here. Do not become a victim to this act.

[Sandra G. 5,051]

You could not convince one single person here that she is not trying by all means to get a green card, man how do you suppose to convince immigration ?No way...no how...You will get in trouble with her in the immigration aspects and in your private life as well. She is a fraudster and she is a liar as well,she got married with someone and just told you after the marriage? Do you really think she has values to be a great wife and i good mother? I don't think so, when you are not a good citizen,when you break law/rules you are a not good person in general.Actions speak louder than words.She said she loves you,but her actions showed someone without values. There is no way immigration will believe in your marriage , they will think she got married and divorced and she was so desperated to get a Green card that she got married with you in a matter of days/weeks...really?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You could always petition for her to come back to US as fiancee / spouse later on.

I was on a work visa too when I met my BF (now husband).

I never thought of pressuring him to get married asap because "hey honey, my work visa is expiring soon!!!".

Instead I went home, and developed the relationship over long distance and different zone.

Exactly. NORMAL people who aren't in it for the GC would do this. Unfortunately the girl the OP is seeing doesn't want to go home. She WANTS the GC and she'll do whatever she has to to get it (as her behaviour has shown).