fip & jim

I was just making the comment because I didn't want anyone feeling like things can be ignored in here. If you find bullying please report it, the mod team can't read every post or thread. 

How about everyone of any gender behave professionally at work?

now my feelings are hurt
i tried to help in so many ways 
and you yell at me
but i will get over it 

@Pooley begin their life together tomorrow. It hasn't been the easiest journey for them & has been nerve wracking at times. So wishing them all the best as they embark in the next chapter. 

@Pooley begin their life together tomorrow. It hasn't been the easiest journey for them & has been nerve wracking at times. So wishing them all the best as they embark in the next chapter. 

Each consulate has their procedures for this stage. You have to make sure the advice pertains to the country you're in for this part. The embassy in another country will have different procedures. That's why packet 4 is on VJ timelines - some embassies do require information to be physically sent. London doesn't. For this stage you need the correct information for Knightsbridge and UK US Embassy. 

The beneficiary receives a physical copy in the mail. The petitioner receives some of the information prior to that via their email. The packet has more information in it though, like your case number and your rights as an immigrant and instructions for booking the medical and embassy appointment. 
 
You don't have to send anything back. You make an online account once you've got your London case number. You book your medical. You need to leave at least 10 days between your medical appointment and the embassy appointment if you're ready to book them once you've got a case number. You need an ACRO police certificate which can take a couple of weeks. If your petition has been approved then I'd get on with applying for an ACRO now while you wait for the embassy packet. You need the ACRO certificate for the medical and the embassy interview. 
 
If your unsure of this part of the process here's the flow chart: https://www.visajourney.com/content/k1flow/
 
Step 10 is not applicable for UK applicants. That's done online now, as previously mentioned. 

Packet 3 is the envelope you receive from the embassy providing instructions for K1 visa applicants once the case file has been received at the embassy from NVC. It gives you your case number (starts LND). Packet 4 is an appointment packet but that's irrelevant for UK applicants as that stage is all done online now.

It would help if you could talk through your situation with someone to gain some clarity. https://www.virginiaimmigrantrights.org/contact-us/ can point you in the right direction and offer advice. You can message them via the link.
 
I understand how difficult it is to think under pressure. Whatever you decide you need to build a support network to enable you to get through this. Because you are in a bad situation doesn't mean you have to go back to a situation you don't want either. I can't emphasise enough what a precarious situation you are in. Reach out to get support before things escalate any further. Research what support is available in your home country with the aim of recovering and being in control of your own life in the future. Make a plan. Many, many people have started over with virtually nothing. It is achievable. Don't allow fear to influence your decision making. Have hope that your life can improve and accept help. Wishing you all the best. 
 
 

I just checked as an add-on to my previous post. Uber is available in your area, and Dulles international airport is only at most 30 miles from where you are. I have already saved the airport in my Uber account, so when your ready, pm me an address and time and I'll schedule a pick-up. I hate to see someone suffer after giving up so much to come here. 

Many people in this situation are sill concerned about their status in the US, that’s the entire reason the U and T visas exist, to remove the fear or retribution. Even if the situation isn’t ideal, sometimes people want to stay. Other times it’s not just about staying in the US, but making sure they have legal status and don’t have to worry about getting picked up by ICE. Human traffickers often use threats and fear mongering to keep their victims from speaking up. I had a recent case of a restaurant owner who would play news footage and share reports about the camps people are being held in and told his victims that’s that where they would end up if they ever went to the authorities.
 
So yeah, I don’t think her asking about her immigration concerns (ON AN IMMIGRATION FORUM) make this story any less believable. I work for one of the smallest US Attorneys Offices in the country, and we get multiple cases like this every year.

I'm going to stand up for @laylalex because it sickens me to see this victim blaming in real life . It's none of anyone's damn business. Your privilege blinds you to your patronising attitudes. In your opinion it's up to the female to prove she needs an abortion. Well, aren't you darn lucky that the onus will never be on you to prove "virtue". Holding doors open for the pretty ladies doesn't make you a decent " chivalrous" person. You have shown plenty of what you are. Hissy fit my (removed).  I'm old enough to be your mother you cheeky little g£t.

I'm going to stand up for @laylalex because it sickens me to see this victim blaming in real life . It's none of anyone's damn business. Your privilege blinds you to your patronising attitudes. In your opinion it's up to the female to prove she needs an abortion. Well, aren't you darn lucky that the onus will never be on you to prove "virtue". Holding doors open for the pretty ladies doesn't make you a decent " chivalrous" person. You have shown plenty of what you are. Hissy fit my (removed).  I'm old enough to be your mother you cheeky little g£t.

Debated is fine, I quite like a vigorous back and forth. Throwing a tantrum because a man has an opinion about lady bits, then storming off in a huff because the reaction was exactly what the person was trying to evoke... there's a word commonly used on the internet for that, but I've been issued a warning for outright saying it, so I'll just leave the trip-trapping for somebody else.

Perhaps it is because your "humor" is lacking?  No one here is arguing that women shouldn't have abortions, either.  Your experience with "the rest of the evil males trying to take away your autonomous right to refuse the right of a fetus to life" won't really apply in this forum, I promise you.

I'm English, and even I don't get your humour. Best your done with this "debate" though, thank you for the entertainment.

Well looky here, a female with an opinion on circumcision that doesn't have a #######.
 
Why shouldn't I have an opinion on abortion, especially if I'm married to the female? All decisions are joint decisions in a marriage, contraception included. As far as regulating women's body, I don't think I said that. What I did say, however, was that women should be more responsible with their bodies.
 
"Cue outraged comments from males......"
 
Which is what you were really after, wasn't it?

Thank you so much!!! I'm so excited and can't wait to see him tomorrow!

@Pooley begin their life together tomorrow. It hasn't been the easiest journey for them & has been nerve wracking at times. So wishing them all the best as they embark in the next chapter. 

Well looky here. A person without a uterus having an opinion about a person that does have a uterus having autonomy over their body. 
 
Vasectomies are reversible. Why not make all men have them? And then, if they are truly ready to be a father, they can undo them. You have problems with this? Yeah, isn't it awful to try to regulate men's bodies this way. 
 
Cue outraged comments from males......
 
 

I was making a point by drawing parallels about how females are actually treated. I get that some of you don't get my English humour. I was showing how ridiculous it would be to treat boys this way. I don't believe in forcibly neutralizing males. I was switching it up to, hopefully, illustrate how women are treated. I'm done with this "debate". 

This is not true. Custody does not give a person the right to remove a child from one jurisdiction to another. Dominican Republic is a Hague Convention country. This treaty ensures that children that are internationally abducted by a parent are returned to their country as quickly as possible.
 
You need a specific court order to remove a child from one jurisdiction to another. I did this for my child. I did it before we filed our immigration petition. I represented myself in court and made a comprehensive proposal detailing how immigrating was in the best interests of my child. I detailed how I would ensure my child could continue relationships with people from the home country. This is the only way you can obtain a visa for a child that is a citizen of a Hague Convention country. The first thing they ask you at the consulate interview for the visa is if you have permission to permanently remove the child from the country and they want the original paperwork (court order or signed permission from the other parent) to prove it. 
 
If the mother won't give permission then you will need to get a court order. Personally, I wouldn't be content with only a signed permission as people can and do change their mind. If you apply for a court order they usually insist that all parties attend mediation to resolve any issues before appearing in court and finalizing either permission or denial. If the mother won't attend then a decision will be made in her absence. Given that the grandmother is caring for the child too then that will need to be resolved. There's been a lack of planning here. There's been a lack of research about the process and the requirements. The alternatives haven't been thought through. It's not enough to hope for the best where children are involved. The child needs to maintain relationships with the people that are currently in her life. Immigration is tough. Assimilating in to another culture is tough. The laws are there to protect children. People often mistake parental responsibility for parental rights. The child has rights, the parent has responsibility. A judge will look at facts about who has behaved responsibly and make a judgement (based on the factual evidence presented) on what is in the best interests of the child. 
 
I would offer mediation (with a qualified mediator) to see what can be resolved. If the grandmother is elderly then that needs consideration too (what if she got sick or died in the current situation?). Detail, in minute detail, your proposal (e.g. I offered my child's other parent pay less child support so there was funds for visitation. I detailed exactly how much plane tickets to and from the US are, etc.). In my opinion this situation needs sorting out regardless of immigration. Informal agreements often leave children vulnerable if something goes wrong. Once your husband has left the Dominican Republic and has become a permanent resident of the US it will be even more difficult to negotiate an arrangement for his child. This needs sorting ASAP. Leaving this until 8 days before he is planning to leave does not bode well for proving responsibility and forward planning if he wishes to bring her to the US. 
 
 
 
 

You're talking about when it's acceptable to abort. That's a different issue. So when is it acceptable for you? It is actually very difficult to get an abortion. It's also not something that is done casually. I don't know of any woman or girl that hasn't suffered greatly from being in a place where they have to consider abortion. 
 
 
Um... do you pay attention to what's happening in America? Georgia, Ohio, Kentucky, Mississippi and Louisiana have passed bills which prohibit abortion after about six weeks - before many people even realize they are pregnant. How was that possible? I'm pretty sure it's to do with some men that passed these laws. That's men keeping women, but not only women as girls get pregnant too, from obtaining safe and legal abortions. 
 
Since you guys have strong opinions about what females can choose happening to them I'd like your opinion about a case in Ohio. An 11 year old girl was repeatedly raped by a 26 year old male and was subsequently pregnant. Under the new Ohian bill the girl would not have access to safe and legal abortion. There are no exceptions for terminations for pregnancies resulting from rape or incest. 
 
 
 
 
 

This is not true. Custody does not give a person the right to remove a child from one jurisdiction to another. Dominican Republic is a Hague Convention country. This treaty ensures that children that are internationally abducted by a parent are returned to their country as quickly as possible.
 
You need a specific court order to remove a child from one jurisdiction to another. I did this for my child. I did it before we filed our immigration petition. I represented myself in court and made a comprehensive proposal detailing how immigrating was in the best interests of my child. I detailed how I would ensure my child could continue relationships with people from the home country. This is the only way you can obtain a visa for a child that is a citizen of a Hague Convention country. The first thing they ask you at the consulate interview for the visa is if you have permission to permanently remove the child from the country and they want the original paperwork (court order or signed permission from the other parent) to prove it. 
 
If the mother won't give permission then you will need to get a court order. Personally, I wouldn't be content with only a signed permission as people can and do change their mind. If you apply for a court order they usually insist that all parties attend mediation to resolve any issues before appearing in court and finalizing either permission or denial. If the mother won't attend then a decision will be made in her absence. Given that the grandmother is caring for the child too then that will need to be resolved. There's been a lack of planning here. There's been a lack of research about the process and the requirements. The alternatives haven't been thought through. It's not enough to hope for the best where children are involved. The child needs to maintain relationships with the people that are currently in her life. Immigration is tough. Assimilating in to another culture is tough. The laws are there to protect children. People often mistake parental responsibility for parental rights. The child has rights, the parent has responsibility. A judge will look at facts about who has behaved responsibly and make a judgement (based on the factual evidence presented) on what is in the best interests of the child. 
 
I would offer mediation (with a qualified mediator) to see what can be resolved. If the grandmother is elderly then that needs consideration too (what if she got sick or died in the current situation?). Detail, in minute detail, your proposal (e.g. I offered my child's other parent pay less child support so there was funds for visitation. I detailed exactly how much plane tickets to and from the US are, etc.). In my opinion this situation needs sorting out regardless of immigration. Informal agreements often leave children vulnerable if something goes wrong. Once your husband has left the Dominican Republic and has become a permanent resident of the US it will be even more difficult to negotiate an arrangement for his child. This needs sorting ASAP. Leaving this until 8 days before he is planning to leave does not bode well for proving responsibility and forward planning if he wishes to bring her to the US. 
 
 
 
 

Hi Zoe, 
 
I don't have all the answers to your questions. No doubt others will/ can answer. I'll just offer my own experience. We bought our house 6 weeks before we emigrated so the timing is different to yours and obviously my (now) husband dealt with all the mortgage stuff before we got here. I kept my UK bank account (informed them before I moved). My husband got me a credit card as soon as I got here. I got added to my husband's bank account so it became a joint account after we got married. I got a SSN 2 weeks after arriving (crucial for getting a bank account, among other things). We looked in to getting my name on the deeds but instead we waited to re-finance our mortgage this year and then I was added to it all as part of that process (our house increased in value this past year so we got a better deal by re-financing). 
 
You won't be able to get any credit history until you can get a credit card once you're here (I'm not keen on having credit cards as I'm not the best at keeping track of my spending). Then get a joint account. I should think it would be highly unlikely that you'll be able to be included on a mortgage application as a new, unemployed immigrant. I even had difficulty getting included on a car loan after I had my green card. But I may be wrong. Those are some of the options I know of. If you're keen to get on the housing ladder you could buy something now with Herschell's credit with a view to moving and upgrading in the future. I don't know how long your AOS processing times will be. I'm fortunate as Detroit was relatively fast. I got my green card in March and got a job last month, exactly a year after moving. But the mortgage re-finance wasn't dependent on me working as it was before I got a job. 
 
Hope that helps in some way. 
 
P.S. For the re-financing the mortgage they wanted ID. I had driver's licence and green card by then. I don't know if I would have been accepted for it if I only had my UK ID. For the car loan they specifically asked for my green card.