Random question about 90 day fiance

[PaddyGirl13 75]

I moved here with my then 13yr old son to live with my USC husband and his 2 kids. We started seeing each other, long distance, in 2011. Before we got married in 2014 we had introduced the kids to each other, spent vacations together, planned the future with them, it wasn't until 2016 were we able to move here and live together. I certainly wouldn't have moved here let alone got married unless I knew the kids, all 3 of them, were well acquainted and I knew the parenting style of my hubby. 

 

In this journey we all take leaps of faith of varying degrees, your level comfort with this risk is yours not ours. 

 

Good Luck.

[top_secret 2,106]

My theory goes like this.  If you are serious about the whole thing then the kids ARE going to have to adjust.  As children, the younger they are, the faster and more completely they adjust, with the least amount of effort and hardship.  Therefore, you are running against a clock that is constantly ticking towards more difficult adjustment. Ease of adaptation and adjustment is VERY age dependant. Young children adapt way faster than older children and teens probably have an even harder time.  So ANYTHING that prolongs it is making things harder on the kids.  If it is something they are going to have to do no matter what anyways, then going all in, all at once, at the earliest possible time it the easiest way for the kids.

Edited October 30, 2023 by top_secret

[JeanneAdil 6,244]

16 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Could someone with children, that has been through what I am talking about offer some advice please?

my 3 stepchildren were French Canadian and came to live with American father (my late husband ) when mother was killed in accident

so,  we were thrusted into the situation with no warning  so  i do know about combining families and dealing with 4 sets of  grandparents and all else that  is involved

 

but for the immigration part of this ,  how do u plan to explain his addresses at AOS appointment(s)?

and will immigraition know?   yeah,   on a K1 you have to financial provide for them even for the medical insurance

enroll the kids in school with address of the apartment

 

and for the kids ,  you want them to come here and if it doesn't work out,  go back? WOW  that's really unfair

[Marieke H 2,336]

I agree that the children should have had a chance to meet and get to know each other even before there was any talk about marriage and visas. And I don't think it would be helpful for your fiancée and her children to live at a temporary place before moving in with you. They are having to leave their home to travel to a country they don't know; the least you can do is provide them a place to call home instead of a temporary place. Putting them in a temporary house will make them feel like you are not sure yet if you are going to accept them as your stepchildren. If your house is big enough to accommodate the whole family, start working with your children on making it a home for their stepsiblings. This will also help the children to get to know each other better, finding out their interests.

[Boiler 43,720]

I thought they had met, gone on holidays together.

[Marieke H 2,336]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I thought they had met, gone on holidays together.

 

17 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Just a little over 1 year, but but children have never been together

 

Sounds like only the parents have been on holidays together and the children have never met each other.

[Boiler 43,720]

Sorry have a like, that is odd.

[Pinkrlion 2,611]

Sounds like a red flag to me. If it is a problem now then it will be a problem during the marriage. 

[nautilus6122 2]

19 hours ago, Daphne . said:

It seems that this didn’t happen in your case. 

Wow, thats rather Snippy!  No that didnt happen in my case. I  dont know where to begin but wont waste my time on addressing all of these judgmental comments. I thought we were here to provide solutions for each other?. This is all hard enough with USCIS.  As there are no perfect parents nor children....... Do you suggest consulting with children between the ages of 4-6 about your marriage plans? Do you think perhaps there is an ex-spouse involved that may not agree to taking the children off to far away countries? I am thankful for those of you sharing your experiences but some members need to get off the pedestal before you fall off........I won be asking anymore advice . Thank you all for a horrible experience with my first post on this forum . 

[TBoneTX 43,419]

Thread is locked at OP's indication.