Meeting Filipina - Need Help!

[Commish10 427]

15 hours ago, dnavinnie said:

I went thru a 2 year relationship with a girl from Mindanao. I spent around 2 months over 2 trips. We were supposed to get married there. I ended up sending her money for support and finally for a big wedding. One month before the supposed wedding she finally claimed she went for the CENOMAR and said she didn't realize she was married to a Muslim. She said I needed to send her a large sum of money to get it annulled in the Muslim church. The red flags finally hit me in the face! 

I has a similar situation with sending a large some of money for a wedding. At one point I did not hear from her for about 2 weeks. Then I get a message that she was kidnapped and needed a large sum of money for ransom. 🤣  After some investigating online, I told her good luck with all that. 

[Tacos 69]

1) Tread lightly, cautiously optimistic 

2) NEVER send money unless you’ve been in a relationship for a while

3) Have multiple escape plans 

4) Trust your friend’s judgment, if they don’t feel good about it, bail out. People let their emotions get in the way of seeing the truth.

[dnavinnie 132]

9 hours ago, Hank_ said:

Yup there are scammers out there ... and they are good at it for sure.   But things are all better for you now!    

 

"annulment in muslim church" .. they are the only ones that are allowed to divorce.

She was very smart. I should have seen some of the red flags along the way like "someone stole my phone" and "I don't have any money for a birthday" and "my father's scooter broke down and he needs it to work". I don't care now because I was patient and found the love of my life now.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Its all about the path one must follow to reach their destination...   

[dnavinnie 132]

1 hour ago, Commish10 said:

I has a similar situation with sending a large some of money for a wedding. At one point I did not hear from her for about 2 weeks. Then I get a message that she was kidnapped and needed a large sum of money for ransom. 🤣  After some investigating online, I told her good luck with all that. 

There was another red flag when mine said she was in the hospital with dengue fever and needed 30k php for treatment. 

[Fogi 91]

On 2/18/2020 at 5:49 AM, Hank_ said:

1.  Majority of people here (Philippines forum) met their spouse online, nothing unusual there.   Age gap ..  most have an age gap, my wife and I have a larger age gap than you two .. and yes my wife looks much younger than her actual age so leave age gap at the curb as long as you are both comfortable with it.   Do know you will drag some attention at times   over time you won't notice.

 

2.  Sending money. Everyone on here will tell you "asking for money" is the #1 RED FLAG to be watchful for, and yes some may use a "ploy" rather than outright asking.   If you are sending money .. STOP!   Take money off the table and out of this "relationship", if she keeps playing the "poor mouth" card then pay attention to this RED FLAG and back away.  Remember she was living her life before you came along, and part of living her life may be scamming guys out of money .. just don't be one.  If when you stop sending money she stays true then move forward.

 

3. Sexual partners.  The Philippines is, for the most part, a very conservative country ..  a "very beautiful woman" may have never had sexual partners at all, so I would not automatically call "foul" that she has only been with one person ... I wouldn't wear blinders either.  Its good that you are being cautious .. 

 

4.  Who of us is "getting any younger"?  I understand what you are saying, but again .. an ounce of prevention and worth a pound of cure.  I tend to be a blunt as a post kind of guy, and that is what I suggest .. don't be putting on your "dating face",  what you would not tolerate later you should not tolerate now .. and you need to look past her "dating face" as well.  I actually did a few things that seriously annoyed my wife just to push things and see where it all goes .. after all couples do bang heads at times, good to know if TAMPO shows up quickly or what.

 

You go to visit, you meet ALL her family (my wife had most of her immediate family at the airport BTW) ..  you two hit it off .    Once again I will use "most"  .. Most only meet once before getting engaged and starting the visa process (K-1), so don't let that weigh on you either.   But I would suggest as a few others have to look serious at getting married in the Philippines and completing the CR-1 spouse visa, there are so many benefits to this .. I wish I had known more back "when" as I would have for sure did the CR-1 instead of the K-1.  Yes the K-1 is quicker, but a few months, but once your special someone arrives in the states is when the CR-1 really shines!   Besides if you two have a genuine relationship a few months isn't a big deal.

 

I will give you a link to the petition process.   https://www.visaconnection-philippines.com/uscis-petition-process.html   There are pages to cover all phases of the visa process, but for now when things get serious stay with the USCIS info.

 

There is no EXPEDITE route, except that the K-1 is slightly faster.  The CR-1 is just "smarter" (and cheaper)  But you two will decide this  .... IF!

 

And remember!  Never let the little head do the thinking!

OP Follow this!^ 

 

Hank is always spot on. 

 

Talking about sex is still a little taboo in the Philippines. I have only been with one Filipina, but my experience working in the Philippines is that they are just as promiscuous as American woman. They just don't broadcast it like western women. Judgement free here, everyone should practice as much safe sex as they want.  I would advise everyone anywhere not to care how many partners someone had before they met you, all that matter is you're their only partner now. You have to trust that someone you care about cares enough about you to make sure they're not giving you an STD. 

 

My now wife and I were only together for about 6 months before we got pregnant, so of course I sent money for that. But in those 6 months she tried to pay for everything., or we went dutch. She hates the white knight stereotype. If she is constantly in need of money, that's a red flag. If she is short 1k php every now and then, that seems pretty normal. If she didn't have money for Christmas gifts, that also seems weird to me. They have 13th month pay laws in the Philippines that specifically boost pay around Christmas time. Some companies offer 14, 15, and 16 month pay. Did you constantly give money to girlfriends in the USA? Probably not. If she has a job, she should live within those means, unless of course you're wealthy, then stop being so cheap.  "Budget" is literally the only thing my wife and I argue about. I am super conservative with money. Why eat out? Why buy new clothes when these still fit? We've booth had to budge on this one. i occasionally get a new shirt and try new restaurants, she doesn't complain about our 12 YO car.

 

We did the K1 because I wanted her here faster. While our child is a US citizen, he was there with her, so I wanted him here sooner too.  If there was no kid, I would have done the marriage visa. 

[jeanieCZ 228]

On 2/18/2020 at 5:42 AM, Spheres said:

yes I am young looking for my age but then so is she -- so we still look about 1/2 a generation apart if not a little more.  It doesn't bother me at all, but I don't want it to be an issue for her -- like if it's frowned upon by her family/friends.

Is it an issue for her? Maybe you should talk about that TO HER and her family, instead of asking people pn the forum to give you an answer for your girlfriend (?).

 

Quote

 

Regarding B), I'm not sure her experience 'matters' -- only that it's difficult to believe because she's so beautiful.  It would be like if someone driving a Mercedes told you they didn't have much money... it wouldn't really add up.  But then maybe it's the norm in the Philippines to not date a lot (as you described), or maybe I find her more attractive than other people do? LOL

 

So it's not possible for a beautiful woman to not have had many boyfriends or to be a virgin? Come on, seriously. 

 

Quote

 Yes she claims even as a full time worker that she doesn't make much per month.  And she claims she is responsible for food on the table (even though her parents work?).  So I don't really understand the whole thing, but I know I don't want this to become fiscally motivated.  At the same time, I realize that Philippines is very poor country, so I won't judge too harshly.

 

So maybe you should go there, learn about the culture and what life is like there. Ask her, learn where she lives, what school she went to, what was her childhood like, what do her parents do, how much does a can of coke cost there, what exactly is her job and what does she do at work all day, her colleagues, etc etc etc. Again: talk TO HER. 

Nobody on this forum can tell you if she's a scammer or genuinly interested in you. You need to talk to her and see if things add up, just like you would do with any other potential future girlfriend. 

 

Quote

 that's a bit disheartening to hear that you feel most people lie in the Philippines.  I will have to take that into consideration then, because trust is a very difficult thing to earn no matter what country you're in (this is my first time trying to date a Filipina) -- so if it's especially prevalent in the Philippines then maybe I need to reconsider things.

I think this is ridiculous. One cannot judge a person or a nation like this. Don't insult Philippinos. Imagine being in her shoes, how would you like being judged like that?

 

Quote

Wouldn't it just be easier to buy the chocolates in the Philippines rather than taking a suitcase full of it?

Bringing something from the country of your origin seems nicer to me, bring them things they (probably) do not know. Would you want your visitor from the other side of the world to bring you something they bought in the CVS a block from your house?

But you are certainly correct - it would be easier to buy chocolates there after you land. Make your choice. 

----------------------------------------

 

I understand you are worried and looking for advice, which is a good thing. Have you had any experience with long-distance dating? 

There are many signs that can tell you she's committed to the relationship. Obviously no guarantees, but can be signs of her wanting to do things for you.

(You mentioned "things" on camera....so both of you (I assume) did "things" which both of you (I assume) enjoyed and now you judge her because of that? That seems quite off to me, friend. If one's thinking they way you are thinking, does that mean that YOU are so willing to do "things" on camera and you have done it with hundreds of women?)

 

1. Timezone difference.

There's a 12-or-more-hour difference between the Philippines and the USA. Consider this when you talk to her on the phone or text with her. Is she getting up early or staying up late because of you? Does she re-schedule her daily routines to be able to talk/text with you? Do you do the same?

 

2. Family and friends.

Does she talk about them at all? Does she tell you what she did with her friends? Does she mention you to them? Does she name specific people, mentions their names, what they do, how they became friends etc?

 

3. Gifts. 

A gift doesn't need to be something expensive. Make it cute and personal, show her that you know her. Not every girl wants diamonds or loves shopping clothes etc. Infuse your gifts with meaning. Try and see if she appreciates those. Does she gift you anything?

 

4. Trust. 

Definitely the most important brick in the wall of love. You cannot start building without having it. 

I'm definitely not suggesting you "test" her or try to catch her lying. But. Does she live up to her promises? If something goes wrong and she cannot, does she explain to you why? 

Talk to her as much as you can, learn as much about her as you can. That will take time, but you need to invest some time to see what she's like, how she handles all kinds of situations, are there discrepancies in her behaviour or her words that could mean she isn't telling you the truth. 

 

Good luck in getting to know her and with your relationship. 

 

[Kby175 115]

23 hours ago, boris64 said:

...and don't build anybody any houses or piggeries on those two trips)

All too true! Sadly I know someone who has done both, thank goodness it was not me. 

[Fogi 91]

23 hours ago, boris64 said:

...and don't build anybody any houses or piggeries on those two trips)

hahaha

 

Don't buy any fridges or ACs also. I seem to see that one a a lot. 

[Spheres 1]

On 2/18/2020 at 6:34 PM, Kby175 said:

It will say on the bag where they were made, if you purchase for example Hershey's kisses from the US they will most likely come from Hershey, PA. If you buy a bag of Hershey Kisses from the Philippines it will have a Philippines city and address. Also, the bags of chocolate are much smaller.

As for your statement earlier if she is earning 500 pesos per day this above the average, the normal wage is closer to the minimum wage of 300 pesos per day.  

 

My advice if you care to hear it at all it's fine if you don't want to hear it. Do not be in a rush, I speak from experience I met a girl on a dating site, went to visit her once came back applied for the K1 she was with me in the US in less than a year. Things just went bad, this is life and went through the fun of a divorce. I did fall in love with the country and the people of the Philippines so 4 years ago I met my current wife. I was planning on retiring in the Philippines in the next 3 years but right now that won't be possible due to having to care for my elderly mother. I have been visiting the Philippines twice a year for the past 4 years until my mother got sick, so now I am getting ready to file a spousal visa to bring her and our 10 month old baby over.  

 

If at all possible take a couple of trips to get to know her and her family better and enjoy the Philippines and it's people.  If you need any advice or help about the Philippines let me know I have been traveling there since 1998.

 

Thanks I'll take that advice and try to slow things down and keep a level head.  Good luck on your situation too.  I'm curious if having a child with her makes your visa process more difficult?  (I'll definitely take you up on your offer and will shoot you a message when I'm closer to my trip date for some Philippines advice!)

 

[Spheres 1]

On 2/19/2020 at 1:24 PM, Tacos said:

1) Tread lightly, cautiously optimistic 

2) NEVER send money unless you’ve been in a relationship for a while

3) Have multiple escape plans 

4) Trust your friend’s judgment, if they don’t feel good about it, bail out. People let their emotions get in the way of seeing the truth.

Thanks, yes 1) I tend to be cautious in general anyway, so cautiously optimistic is exactly how I feel now.  2)   Too late... already sent some.   3)  By escape plans you mean from the relationship, or do you mean from physical harm??  4)  Good point -- my friends have already weighed in with their opinions, too.

[Spheres 1]

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

Is it an issue for her? Maybe you should talk about that TO HER and her family, instead of asking people pn the forum to give you an answer for your girlfriend (?).

First let me say thanks for your detailed response!  I appreciate you taking the time.  I have talked to her about it and she claims it isn't an issue.  But I wanted to hear other people's experience as well.  A single person can lie to you... but if a group of people say "Oh yeah, that's pretty normal actually" then it helps to give confirmation.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

 

So it's not possible for a beautiful woman to not have had many boyfriends or to be a virgin? Come on, seriously. 

Of course it's "possible", but for a nearly 30 year old and beautiful woman to have 1 partner isn't common -- at least in the States (unless they get married to that person).  And it's also possible I'm being lied to and scammed, thus the original reason for my post.  If the other posters here had said "Oh that's a common lie in the Philippines", that doesn't mean she's lying but it would raise more suspicion for me.  Instead, the posters said that it can be common because some Philippine areas are very conservative, so that helps put my mind at ease.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

 

So maybe you should go there, learn about the culture and what life is like there. Ask her, learn where she lives, what school she went to, what was her childhood like, what do her parents do, how much does a can of coke cost there, what exactly is her job and what does she do at work all day, her colleagues, etc etc etc. Again: talk TO HER. 

Nobody on this forum can tell you if she's a scammer or genuinly interested in you. You need to talk to her and see if things add up, just like you would do with any other potential future girlfriend. 

I have talked to her for many months and I know those answers already -- I didn't include those for matter of privacy.  The issue isn't about those questions, it's about whether she's being truthful or not in her intentions.  I know that no one here can definitively state whether she's a scammer or not.  But I think people can share their experiences and see if they see any red flags that I might be missing.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

 

I think this is ridiculous. One cannot judge a person or a nation like this. Don't insult Philippinos. Imagine being in her shoes, how would you like being judged like that?

Of course every person is their own unique individual.  But people are also molded and shaped by their environment.  I don't think being more cautious is "ridiculous" at all, especially considering that I am looking only for a serious long-term relationship.  I want to make a wise decision.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

Bringing something from the country of your origin seems nicer to me, bring them things they (probably) do not know. Would you want your visitor from the other side of the world to bring you something they bought in the CVS a block from your house?

But you are certainly correct - it would be easier to buy chocolates there after you land. Make your choice. 

I was responding to the fact that he was buying the same chocolate brands there as he was here.  But honestly, chocolates are the least of my concerns.  

 

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

----------------------------------------

 

I understand you are worried and looking for advice, which is a good thing. Have you had any experience with long-distance dating? 

There are many signs that can tell you she's committed to the relationship. Obviously no guarantees, but can be signs of her wanting to do things for you.

(You mentioned "things" on camera....so both of you (I assume) did "things" which both of you (I assume) enjoyed and now you judge her because of that? That seems quite off to me, friend. If one's thinking they way you are thinking, does that mean that YOU are so willing to do "things" on camera and you have done it with hundreds of women?)

Thanks, yes I just want to make sure I'm being sound of mind and not only being emotional.  I agree, there are no guarantees and in the end, as long as I'm not being scammed I will just need to jump in head first.  

 

I didn't mean to say she would do it with hundreds of men just because she did things on web-cam -- there's a wide range of numbers between 1 and 'hundreds'.  Like I said by her age I had been with half a dozen women, and now I'm 18 years older than that even.  So yes, I would expect someone who's wiling to do things on webcam to have been with more than 1 person, but less than hundreds.   It could be faulty logic on my part, and it's why I asked the forum.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

 

1. Timezone difference.

There's a 12-or-more-hour difference between the Philippines and the USA. Consider this when you talk to her on the phone or text with her. Is she getting up early or staying up late because of you? Does she re-schedule her daily routines to be able to talk/text with you? Do you do the same?

Yes we have both restructured our schedules to talk with one another.  We seem to always be able to make time for each other.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

2. Family and friends.

Does she talk about them at all? Does she tell you what she did with her friends? Does she mention you to them? Does she name specific people, mentions their names, what they do, how they became friends etc?

Yes she talks about them sometimes, sends pics when she's out with them, etc.  I do the same as well.  

 

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

3. Gifts. 

A gift doesn't need to be something expensive. Make it cute and personal, show her that you know her. Not every girl wants diamonds or loves shopping clothes etc. Infuse your gifts with meaning. Try and see if she appreciates those. Does she gift you anything?

I've gotten her small gifts, and sent her a small amount of money too.  She hasn't sent me anything.   

 

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

4. Trust. 

Definitely the most important brick in the wall of love. You cannot start building without having it. 

I'm definitely not suggesting you "test" her or try to catch her lying. But. Does she live up to her promises? If something goes wrong and she cannot, does she explain to you why? 

Talk to her as much as you can, learn as much about her as you can. That will take time, but you need to invest some time to see what she's like, how she handles all kinds of situations, are there discrepancies in her behaviour or her words that could mean she isn't telling you the truth. 

I haven't really caught her in any lies, but how can I really?  Everything she says, I have to take at face-value, which is why I ask about it on this forum -- to see if there's any scamming-type patterns that others might know of that they can shed light on.  But yes I'll continue the communications and hopefully the truth will make itself known one way or another.

 

10 hours ago, jeaniecz said:

Good luck in getting to know her and with your relationship. 

 

Thanks so much, and again thanks for the lengthy response!

 

 

[Carpe Vinum 2,310]

On 2/19/2020 at 1:00 PM, dnavinnie said:

There was another red flag when mine said she was in the hospital with dengue fever and needed 30k php for treatment. 

You got the complete work over)))

[Carpe Vinum 2,310]

21 hours ago, Fogi said:

hahaha

 

Don't buy any fridges or ACs also. I seem to see that one a a lot. 

I knew my wife was a keeper when her family built a new CR for MY first visit))))

[payxibka 10,044]

18 minutes ago, boris64 said:

I knew my wife was a keeper when her family built a new CR for MY first visit))))

With wifi?