Meeting Filipina - Need Help!

[Carpe Vinum 2,308]

Relax...You are putting the cart before the horse. Just go and meet and see how things move along. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. As far as age difference goes you are fine. Most of us here  that are married to Filippinas have a larger age gap than you. Don't provide any or much money before you meet. As far as one sexual partner goes it is entirely possible. Some of these women come from very conservative families. I would treat your first visit as a vacation/recon mission. Get some experience in the country. You will find that day to day living is a lot different than here.  The biggest mistake I see is guys rushing into a relationship and then "investing" too much in time and money to see the red flags that are right in front of them. Good Luck)

[Carpe Vinum 2,308]

22 hours ago, Paul & Mary said:

Your not dating . . . you have an online relationship

I would give five trophies for this if I could. Some people just don't see the difference. Nothing is real until you meet in person...

[dnavinnie 132]

I am no expert but I have been thru a successful K-1 and an currently going thru a CR-1 visa. There is nothing wrong with dating sites to meet great people. I have been scammed by someone I visited twice so you need to be careful but I also finally met my current wife who is over 20 years younger than me. It has been my experience that in general Filipino women are very proud and hard working. My current wife never asked me for money and would only accept small amounts to help her. You need to find out if she will stay with you without sending money all of the time. I would be glad to answer any questions but again this is just my experience. Hope this helps.

[Spheres 1]

11 hours ago, Hank_ said:

1.  Majority of people here (Philippines forum) met their spouse online, nothing unusual there.   Age gap ..  most have an age gap, my wife and I have a larger age gap than you two .. and yes my wife looks much younger than her actual age so leave age gap at the curb as long as you are both comfortable with it.   Do know you will drag some attention at times   over time you won't notice.

 

2.  Sending money. Everyone on here will tell you "asking for money" is the #1 RED FLAG to be watchful for, and yes some may use a "ploy" rather than outright asking.   If you are sending money .. STOP!   Take money off the table and out of this "relationship", if she keeps playing the "poor mouth" card then pay attention to this RED FLAG and back away.  Remember she was living her life before you came along, and part of living her life may be scamming guys out of money .. just don't be one.  If when you stop sending money she stays true then move forward.

 

3. Sexual partners.  The Philippines is, for the most part, a very conservative country ..  a "very beautiful woman" may have never had sexual partners at all, so I would not automatically call "foul" that she has only been with one person ... I wouldn't wear blinders either.  Its good that you are being cautious .. 

 

4.  Who of us is "getting any younger"?  I understand what you are saying, but again .. an ounce of prevention and worth a pound of cure.  I tend to be a blunt as a post kind of guy, and that is what I suggest .. don't be putting on your "dating face",  what you would not tolerate later you should not tolerate now .. and you need to look past her "dating face" as well.  I actually did a few things that seriously annoyed my wife just to push things and see where it all goes .. after all couples do bang heads at times, good to know if TAMPO shows up quickly or what.

 

You go to visit, you meet ALL her family (my wife had most of her immediate family at the airport BTW) ..  you two hit it off .    Once again I will use "most"  .. Most only meet once before getting engaged and starting the visa process (K-1), so don't let that weigh on you either.   But I would suggest as a few others have to look serious at getting married in the Philippines and completing the CR-1 spouse visa, there are so many benefits to this .. I wish I had known more back "when" as I would have for sure did the CR-1 instead of the K-1.  Yes the K-1 is quicker, but a few months, but once your special someone arrives in the states is when the CR-1 really shines!   Besides if you two have a genuine relationship a few months isn't a big deal.

 

I will give you a link to the petition process.   https://www.visaconnection-philippines.com/uscis-petition-process.html   There are pages to cover all phases of the visa process, but for now when things get serious stay with the USCIS info.

 

There is no EXPEDITE route, except that the K-1 is slightly faster.  The CR-1 is just "smarter" (and cheaper)  But you two will decide this  .... IF!

 

And remember!  Never let the little head do the thinking!

Thanks for the in-depth response!   First, can you please tell me why you wish you had done the CR-1 instead?  Why does it "really shine" once they arrive in the States?

 

As for the rest of it, thanks for the reassurance about the age thing.  And I only sent a few hundred dollars, but I won't send anymore until I meet her.  I understand what you mean about the sexual partners, It's just that sometimes things seem "too good to be true" so I have to question how a beautiful woman has so few partners at her age.  Thanks again and I look forward to your info about the CR-1!

[Spheres 1]

8 hours ago, Hank_ said:

 

Isn't that the truth with the chocolates ...   

 

There is an S&R not far from our home there, same chocolates, but they want to take them from that BB box   

Forgive my ignorance but what is "BB Box"?  I tried to search and I'm unclear what this reference is.  

[Spheres 1]

9 hours ago, JE57 said:

 

   You'll have no problem but ask her if you are worried.

 

    I was thinking about this I'd suggest be careful of this line of thinking just because she's beautiful does not mean that she is promiscuous you might offend her if you suggest this.

 

    If she's not with a college degree or even with one if she's working as a salesperson in a store or something like that she might make 300 to 500 per day even money goes far in the Philippines it's still not alot especially if you she is also responsible for some rent and personal care etc. 

 

    Please don't judge a whole country based on a stranger on the internet's ancadotal evidence.  She may be a completely honest person.  Perhaps I've just been unluck in that the people that my wife and I meet have tended to tell some white lies

 

    For some reason the exact same chocolates brought from the USA are much more valued 🙂

 

She claims she isn't worried about it, I already discussed with her.  But what people say and what people believe aren't always the same thing.  I'll just have to take her word for it.

 

I wasn't meaning to say I think she is promiscuous, only that I would have guessed she'd have more romantic partners than just one at her age.  It seems almost impossible or at least rather improbable, but I won't assume that she's lying.  

 

She does have a degree but doesn't make much more than the 500p per day that you mentioned, and she also pays some rent.  That seems like such a small amount to me, but apparently that's just the norm over there.

 

I'm cautious of people anyway, especially given my track record with the (American) women.  But I guess I'll try to go into this with a cautiously optimistic approach.  Thanks!

 

P.S.  How would they know where the chocolates were bought from?

[Talako 755]

2 minutes ago, Spheres said:

Forgive my ignorance but what is "BB Box"?  I tried to search and I'm unclear what this reference is.  

BB = Balikbayan Box

 

It is the box sent to the Philippines crammed full of stuff.  

 

[Spheres 1]

28 minutes ago, dnavinnie said:

I am no expert but I have been thru a successful K-1 and an currently going thru a CR-1 visa. There is nothing wrong with dating sites to meet great people. I have been scammed by someone I visited twice so you need to be careful...

Can you tell me how you were scammed by the lady you met,  if it's not too personal?  Also did you miss red flags along the way?

[Kby175 115]

8 minutes ago, Spheres said:

P.S.  How would they know where the chocolates were bought from?

It will say on the bag where they were made, if you purchase for example Hershey's kisses from the US they will most likely come from Hershey, PA. If you buy a bag of Hershey Kisses from the Philippines it will have a Philippines city and address. Also, the bags of chocolate are much smaller.

As for your statement earlier if she is earning 500 pesos per day this above the average, the normal wage is closer to the minimum wage of 300 pesos per day.  

 

My advice if you care to hear it at all it's fine if you don't want to hear it. Do not be in a rush, I speak from experience I met a girl on a dating site, went to visit her once came back applied for the K1 she was with me in the US in less than a year. Things just went bad, this is life and went through the fun of a divorce. I did fall in love with the country and the people of the Philippines so 4 years ago I met my current wife. I was planning on retiring in the Philippines in the next 3 years but right now that won't be possible due to having to care for my elderly mother. I have been visiting the Philippines twice a year for the past 4 years until my mother got sick, so now I am getting ready to file a spousal visa to bring her and our 10 month old baby over.  

 

If at all possible take a couple of trips to get to know her and her family better and enjoy the Philippines and it's people.  If you need any advice or help about the Philippines let me know I have been traveling there since 1998.

[Spheres 1]

13 minutes ago, Kby175 said:

 

My advice if you care to hear it at all it's fine if you don't want to hear it. Do not be in a rush, I speak from experience I met a girl on a dating site, went to visit her once came back applied for the K1 she was with me in the US in less than a year. Things just went bad, this is life and went through the fun of a divorce. 

Thanks for the info and advice!  Good luck on your current relationship as well.  Would you mind sharing how things went bad once she was here in the States?  

Edited February 18, 2020 by Spheres

[Kby175 115]

21 minutes ago, Spheres said:

Thanks for the info and advice!  Good luck on your current relationship as well.  Would you mind sharing how things went bad once she was here in the States?  

We did not really know each other that well at all, this was before Facebook, current dating sites where you can chat daily as well as video chat. We communicated via old fashioned letters. We had weird money issues, she worked but she did not want to combine accounts or have a joint account, she expected me to pay all the bills since she believed that was the mans job to provide for his wife. Her money was her money and that was the end of the story. There were a few other issues but it's been 15 years since our divorce. 

 

It's good you are getting to know her family because you don't just marry a Filipina you marry the family as well. They will treat you as you are their own son, brother once you get to know them and become closer.

 

btw the dating sites before you could get the addresses of the girls and send them letters forgot to mention how they used to work.

 

 

Edited February 19, 2020 by Kby175

[Hank_ 9,171]

1 hour ago, Spheres said:

Thanks for the in-depth response!   First, can you please tell me why you wish you had done the CR-1 instead?  Why does it "really shine" once they arrive in the States?

 

As for the rest of it, thanks for the reassurance about the age thing.  And I only sent a few hundred dollars, but I won't send anymore until I meet her.  I understand what you mean about the sexual partners, It's just that sometimes things seem "too good to be true" so I have to question how a beautiful woman has so few partners at her age.  Thanks again and I look forward to your info about the CR-1!

What makes the CR-1 shine is not the waiting the extra few months to complete all the processes to get the visa .. of course.  The shine arrives at POE, a green card is ordered as is the SS card, your wife can get employment, get a driver's license, added to your bank accounts easily .. and the list goes on.

 

With a K-1 at POE the agent will note that she has 90 days to get married.  After marriage she will need to complete the Adjustment of Status process (this is taking a year, sometime longer) to receive a green card.    This is just a quick comparison, but you can see the K-1 runs into a wall after POE and everything stops.

 

1 hour ago, Spheres said:

Forgive my ignorance but what is "BB Box"?  I tried to search and I'm unclear what this reference is.  

Balikbayan Box .. a method of shipping things to the Philippines that isn't excessively spendy.     You'll learn all about this soon enough.    

 

 

Too good to be true .. hmm.    Yup .. I know the feeling     That is a good thing if all is real and true with your relationship.

[dnavinnie 132]

2 hours ago, Spheres said:

Can you tell me how you were scammed by the lady you met,  if it's not too personal?  Also did you miss red flags along the way?

I went thru a 2 year relationship with a girl from Mindanao. I spent around 2 months over 2 trips. We were supposed to get married there. I ended up sending her money for support and finally for a big wedding. One month before the supposed wedding she finally claimed she went for the CENOMAR and said she didn't realize she was married to a Muslim. She said I needed to send her a large sum of money to get it annulled in the Muslim church. The red flags finally hit me in the face! 

[Hank_ 9,171]

7 hours ago, dnavinnie said:

I went thru a 2 year relationship with a girl from Mindanao. I spent around 2 months over 2 trips. We were supposed to get married there. I ended up sending her money for support and finally for a big wedding. One month before the supposed wedding she finally claimed she went for the CENOMAR and said she didn't realize she was married to a Muslim. She said I needed to send her a large sum of money to get it annulled in the Muslim church. The red flags finally hit me in the face! 

Yup there are scammers out there ... and they are good at it for sure.   But things are all better for you now!    

 

"annulment in muslim church" .. they are the only ones that are allowed to divorce.

[Carpe Vinum 2,308]

16 hours ago, Kby175 said:

It will say on the bag where they were made, if you purchase for example Hershey's kisses from the US they will most likely come from Hershey, PA. If you buy a bag of Hershey Kisses from the Philippines it will have a Philippines city and address. Also, the bags of chocolate are much smaller.

As for your statement earlier if she is earning 500 pesos per day this above the average, the normal wage is closer to the minimum wage of 300 pesos per day.  

 

My advice if you care to hear it at all it's fine if you don't want to hear it. Do not be in a rush, I speak from experience I met a girl on a dating site, went to visit her once came back applied for the K1 she was with me in the US in less than a year. Things just went bad, this is life and went through the fun of a divorce. I did fall in love with the country and the people of the Philippines so 4 years ago I met my current wife. I was planning on retiring in the Philippines in the next 3 years but right now that won't be possible due to having to care for my elderly mother. I have been visiting the Philippines twice a year for the past 4 years until my mother got sick, so now I am getting ready to file a spousal visa to bring her and our 10 month old baby over.  

 

If at all possible take a couple of trips to get to know her and her family better and enjoy the Philippines and it's people.  If you need any advice or help about the Philippines let me know I have been traveling there since 1998.

...and don't build anybody any houses or piggeries on those two trips)