Meeting Filipina - Need Help!

[Spheres 1]

18 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Where are you seeing transphobia here?

 

I think he said that because someone mentioned that "she" could be a "bloke".  But I agree with you, I didn't see it as transphobia -- just that user was warning it's possible the person is misrepresenting who they are to me, so I shouldn't be so quick to trust or send money.

[payxibka 10,044]

2 hours ago, Spheres said:

 

Perfect!  This is the type of info i was looking for specifically.  So by obtaining those documents you listed, it helped to expedite the process of getting K1, because you didn't have to try to send via mail back and forth?  Is there anything else you can think of besides what you listed:

• 3 Copies of her Birth Certificate
• 3 Copies of Divorce or Death certificates
• 4 Copies of her passport photo (2x2 I presume still)
• 2 Copies of signed Letter of Intent

Is there anything else she needs to give me?  Do I need to give her anything on my end like Divorce/Death certificates or Financial info?

 

USCIS requires no original documents

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

4 hours ago, Spheres said:

Yes that was my feeling as well.  She claims she never did it before.... but again, maybe this is common practice by Filipina to do this so readily on webcam?  Or maybe it isn't, and I found one who is just lying to me?  It's where I was hoping experience on the board could educate me, for better or worse.

So, next question is... do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody whom does this (in your words “so readily on webcam”?

[JE57 239]

I applaud you for coming here with eyes wide open about the possibility of being scammed.  That does happen in the Philippines but I'm not sure that she is scamming you.   Here are some of my thoughts. 

  a) Age - 18 years age difference if you are the older one as it seems like you are is not uncommon from based on some of what I see on this board and based on what I see in the airports when we are in the philippines.  It is not uncommon for my wife and I to see a couple where he looks old enough to be her Grandfather.  That said I think many Filippinas look younger than they are.   The only reason I'd worry about age is.... 1) If it bothers you or 2) If she is so young that she hasn't yet figured out who she is. 

 b) Sexual experience - The Philippines is a very different place and in fact the provinces can be very different than the cities.  My wife is from the provinces and there it seems to be very conservative publicly.  In fact, I was shocked when my Nephew decided that he asked a girl he liked and hit it off with if he could court her.  That's still expected in some parts/families in the Philippines.  You might ask your Girlfriend about that..  I'll say for my Nephew that went over very poorly because she was from Manila area and the idea of being courted I think scared her silly 😉   In any case, it would be an interesting discussion to have with her about the ethics and morals of dating in the Philippines.  I suspect you might both learn a lot.   As far as her 'experience'  is concerned ask yourself why it matters.  

c) Money - In my experience money has a huge amount of importance in the Philippines and people that are not wealthy do worry about it and frankly have to worry about it.  In the US we often can't comprehend about what not having money in the Philippines means.  In the Philippines if you don't have money your meal might be one meal of rice per day,  you may die from preventable illnesses or you may live in nothing more than a plywood shed..  Many of the social protections that are in the US as a safety net do not exist in the Philippines.  Additionally in my experience money in the Philippines also defines your class and you can get more privileges with money and can be judged as a person based on how much money you have (or don't have).  In my opinion, the scammers are going to ASK for money and come up with a bunch of excuses as to why they NEED it.  That she isn't asking you for money is a good sign.  When you start to here oh so and so needs money for ....... that's when to start thinking twice..

d) Lying in the Philippines --  I'm sure someone will call me out for an unfair generalization and I'll admit that but in my experience a 100% honest person is rare and even more so in the Philippines. From my experience 'honest' lies are told to escape uncomfortable truths.  For example, your Girlfriend might say she's only had one sexual relationship because she's only telling you about the one with the serious boyfriend but want's desperately to forget about a one night stand that she had. Or she might say she's had one sexual partner and she hasn't had any because she didn't want to appear inexperienced.  My suggestion would be that there will be less lies if you set the ground rules that say no matter what the truth might be it's ALWAYS better than lying to hide it..    As your relationship moves forward you may find some truths that as she becomes more secure in knowing that you value  and love her no matter the truth.

e) Family.  Yes - if you fly into the Airport in Cebu then her whole family, might be there to meet you.  While the whole family wasn't there to meet me at the airport when my now wife and I arrived they certainly were in the days that followed.  Family is an AMAZING thing in the Philippines! There were so many people in her family that I couldn't keep them all straight so much so that I actually helped push a railway pushcart on the first visit because I thought I should help out the family member (who as it turns out wasn't actually part of the family at all and got paid for pushing).  But here's the great thing, if she is part of one of those families than YOU also will immediately and completely be part of that family.  Make sure she understands if you are not used to this that you might need some time with just her and make sure you too understand and that her family understands that you are a different culture and that you don't mean to be rude if you want to spend time with just her.  See what she wants let her be your guide.   Oh and while I'm on the subject you might want to ask her about what gifts you should bring.  For the first umpteen times that my now wife and I went to the Philippines we'd bring a suitcase full of Chocolate. We don't do it anymore only because we are so blessed to be able to be there so often that they actually don't consider it a treat anymore :-).  

-

Ok, so this has been really long...  

The Philippines is a radically different culture, even in different regions you have different cultures, cuisines and income classes.  Look at your Girlfriend as your tour guide to this amazing new experience and culture.  Be prepared to embrace the differences.  Yes of course be careful about her intentions and rather she is real but even if it turns out that you determine that she's in it for the money (I doubt it), the green card or something else other than love,  don't consider it as a loss that you spent time getting to know her and meeting her.  You will have learned and experienced so much and as a bonus if it works out you have a future wife.  

 

May God bless you.    

 

Oh and in terms of documents...  Save boarding passes, if you go to a show or a movie or anything you get a receipt for save that and take a few pictures of the two of you together with background of something uniquely Philippine maybe the two of you in a jeepney or tricycle.  Get a picture of the two of you holding movie tickets or with her family.   Those not only help with proof of meeting (although the boarding pass is OK for that) but helps you if you decide later to 'frontload' your immigration packet with proof of relationship 'stuff'  more about 'front loading' later in the process pretty much everything else can be done electronically.        

[Spheres 1]

6 hours ago, payxibka said:

USCIS requires no original documents

Even if I need to give her documents, i.e Death/Divorce certificate?  These can also be copies?

[Spheres 1]

4 hours ago, JE57 said:

I applaud you for coming here with eyes wide open about the possibility of being scammed.  That does happen in the Philippines but I'm not sure that she is scamming you.   Here are some of my thoughts. 

 

Wow thanks for the great detailed response. Regarding A), yes I am young looking for my age but then so is she -- so we still look about 1/2 a generation apart if not a little more.  It doesn't bother me at all, but I don't want it to be an issue for her -- like if it's frowned upon by her family/friends.

 

Regarding B), I'm not sure her experience 'matters' -- only that it's difficult to believe because she's so beautiful.  It would be like if someone driving a Mercedes told you they didn't have much money... it wouldn't really add up.  But then maybe it's the norm in the Philippines to not date a lot (as you described), or maybe I find her more attractive than other people do? LOL

 

Regarding C), that's good to hear your experience on money issues.  Yes she claims even as a full time worker that she doesn't make much per month.  And she claims she is responsible for food on the table (even though her parents work?).  So I don't really understand the whole thing, but I know I don't want this to become fiscally motivated.  At the same time, I realize that Philippines is very poor country, so I won't judge too harshly.

 

Regarding D), that's a bit disheartening to hear that you feel most people lie in the Philippines.  I will have to take that into consideration then, because trust is a very difficult thing to earn no matter what country you're in (this is my first time trying to date a Filipina) -- so if it's especially prevalent in the Philippines then maybe I need to reconsider things.

 

Regarding E), thanks for the tips on gifts.  Yes I had planned on bringing some small gifts for the family, or at least purchasing them when I land there.  Wouldn't it just be easier to buy the chocolates in the Philippines rather than taking a suitcase full of it?

 

Again thanks so much for your thoughtful response!  It's much appreciated, as I am too old to have my heart broken again LOL.

 

 

Edited February 18, 2020 by Spheres

[payxibka 10,044]

37 minutes ago, Spheres said:

Even if I need to give her documents, i.e Death/Divorce certificate?  These can also be copies?

Read what I posted,  I meant it.

 

Why would you need to give her documents for your petition?

[Hank_ 9,173]

13 hours ago, Spheres said:

Hello, I'm new here but have been reading the topics today.  Can someone give me good advice on some questions I have?  Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

First, some background.... I met this wonderful Filipina lady online (via dating site, don't judge me) - and we hit it off pretty quickly.  This was back in September -- so I started making plans with her to go there, and visit.  I'm young looking (for my age), but we have 18 year age difference between us -- and well, i do NOT look 18 years younger than my age.  She has a professional stable job, and we video quite often as well as text every day throughout the day.  I have done brief video with her family, and have chatted her sister as well.  Her sister even offered to purchase a gift and give it to her since I'm not there to do it.

 

Second, she has never specifically asked for money - but she does complain about her budget sometimes and says it stresses her out.  I'll admit I have sent her some money as gifts for Christmas, Valentine's Day, and her Birthday.  So question #1 -- is she scamming me?  Is it common for Filipina to complain about their budget issues?  I asked her what she would have done had I not come along, and she said she'd just eat less or borrow from someone -- is she just guilting me?  So I do send money, but I limit it only as gifts for special occasions -- was this stupid of me?

Third, she is SO beautiful, but claims she only had ONE sexual partner.  I'm just a normal looking fellow, and by her age I had at least 1/2 a dozen girlfriends most of whom I had sex with.  I find it very hard to believe she only had one sexual partner -- but maybe it's true?  Is it common for Filipina to not have many sexual partners?  Or is it common for them to lie and say they only had few?

 

I know you might think if I have suspicions then I must not have genuine feelings for her.  But that isn't true -- I just have read a LOT online about romance scams, so it's fueling my paranoia.  I make a decent amount of money, but I'm far from rich, so I don't want to just send be throwing away money if this is some common scam I'm not aware of.  But I also care about her and don't want her to be suffering while I am able to save so much each month, it seems unfair.

 

So assuming this isn't a scam (am I being naive?), I am going there soon and we have talked about getting engaged if we indeed hit it off.  As I'm not getting any younger, I'd love to expedite the process if at all possible.  Is there any specific paperwork I should take with me (or that we should review/sign together) to move the process along faster?  I talked to Rapid Visa (are they any good?) and they said there's nothing to do until I meet her.  But then I talked to others and they said there's a host of paperwork we can sign/exchange or something -- and so I don't know what is correct.  I don't want this to drag out for a long time... any advice??

 

 

1.  Majority of people here (Philippines forum) met their spouse online, nothing unusual there.   Age gap ..  most have an age gap, my wife and I have a larger age gap than you two .. and yes my wife looks much younger than her actual age so leave age gap at the curb as long as you are both comfortable with it.   Do know you will drag some attention at times   over time you won't notice.

 

2.  Sending money. Everyone on here will tell you "asking for money" is the #1 RED FLAG to be watchful for, and yes some may use a "ploy" rather than outright asking.   If you are sending money .. STOP!   Take money off the table and out of this "relationship", if she keeps playing the "poor mouth" card then pay attention to this RED FLAG and back away.  Remember she was living her life before you came along, and part of living her life may be scamming guys out of money .. just don't be one.  If when you stop sending money she stays true then move forward.

 

3. Sexual partners.  The Philippines is, for the most part, a very conservative country ..  a "very beautiful woman" may have never had sexual partners at all, so I would not automatically call "foul" that she has only been with one person ... I wouldn't wear blinders either.  Its good that you are being cautious .. 

 

4.  Who of us is "getting any younger"?  I understand what you are saying, but again .. an ounce of prevention and worth a pound of cure.  I tend to be a blunt as a post kind of guy, and that is what I suggest .. don't be putting on your "dating face",  what you would not tolerate later you should not tolerate now .. and you need to look past her "dating face" as well.  I actually did a few things that seriously annoyed my wife just to push things and see where it all goes .. after all couples do bang heads at times, good to know if TAMPO shows up quickly or what.

 

You go to visit, you meet ALL her family (my wife had most of her immediate family at the airport BTW) ..  you two hit it off .    Once again I will use "most"  .. Most only meet once before getting engaged and starting the visa process (K-1), so don't let that weigh on you either.   But I would suggest as a few others have to look serious at getting married in the Philippines and completing the CR-1 spouse visa, there are so many benefits to this .. I wish I had known more back "when" as I would have for sure did the CR-1 instead of the K-1.  Yes the K-1 is quicker, but a few months, but once your special someone arrives in the states is when the CR-1 really shines!   Besides if you two have a genuine relationship a few months isn't a big deal.

 

I will give you a link to the petition process.   https://www.visaconnection-philippines.com/uscis-petition-process.html   There are pages to cover all phases of the visa process, but for now when things get serious stay with the USCIS info.

 

There is no EXPEDITE route, except that the K-1 is slightly faster.  The CR-1 is just "smarter" (and cheaper)  But you two will decide this  .... IF!

 

And remember!  Never let the little head do the thinking!

Edited February 18, 2020 by Hank_

[JE57 239]

2 hours ago, Spheres said:

Wow thanks for the great detailed response. Regarding A), yes I am young looking for my age but then so is she -- so we still look about 1/2 a generation apart if not a little more.  It doesn't bother me at all, but I don't want it to be an issue for her -- like if it's frowned upon by her family/friends.

   You'll have no problem but ask her if you are worried.

 

Regarding B), I'm not sure her experience 'matters' -- only that it's difficult to believe because she's so beautiful.  It would be like if someone driving a Mercedes told you they didn't have much money... it wouldn't really add up.  But then maybe it's the norm in the Philippines to not date a lot (as you described), or maybe I find her more attractive than other people do? LOL

    I was thinking about this I'd suggest be careful of this line of thinking just because she's beautiful does not mean that she is promiscuous you might offend her if you suggest this.

 

Regarding C), that's good to hear your experience on money issues.  Yes she claims even as a full time worker that she doesn't make much per month.  And she claims she is responsible for food on the table (even though her parents work?).  So I don't really understand the whole thing, but I know I don't want this to become fiscally motivated.  At the same time, I realize that Philippines is very poor country, so I won't judge too harshly.

    If she's not with a college degree or even with one if she's working as a salesperson in a store or something like that she might make 300 to 500 per day even money goes far in the Philippines it's still not alot especially if you she is also responsible for some rent and personal care etc. 

 

Regarding D), that's a bit disheartening to hear that you feel most people lie in the Philippines.  I will have to take that into consideration then, because trust is a very difficult thing to earn no matter what country you're in (this is my first time trying to date a Filipina) -- so if it's especially prevalent in the Philippines then maybe I need to reconsider things.

    Please don't judge a whole country based on a stranger on the internet's ancadotal evidence.  She may be a completely honest person.  Perhaps I've just been unluck in that the people that my wife and I meet have tended to tell some white lies

 

Regarding E), thanks for the tips on gifts.  Yes I had planned on bringing some small gifts for the family, or at least purchasing them when I land there.  Wouldn't it just be easier to buy the chocolates in the Philippines rather than taking a suitcase full of it?

    For some reason the exact same chocolates brought from the USA are much more valued 🙂

 

2 hours ago, Spheres said:

Again thanks so much for your thoughtful response!  It's much appreciated, as I am too old to have my heart broken again LOL.

 

 

 

[Hank_ 9,173]

1 hour ago, JE57 said:

 

 

 

Isn't that the truth with the chocolates ...   

 

There is an S&R not far from our home there, same chocolates, but they want to take them from that BB box   

[JonSeattle 201]

I would caution that it is not uncommon in scam situations for friends, parents, and other family members to be in on it, since they will benefit as well. You just have to decide if you are using your money in a way that makes sense to you.

 

I'm curious how others have experienced a large age difference when they are here in the US. I have two close family members who were in that situation (non-Filipino), and it wasn't a problem, until in later years when inheritance became an issue.

[Commish10 427]

19 hours ago, Paul & Mary said:

If things go well while you are there there are two things you can do:

 

Ask to meet her mother/family.   If she is doing a scam she probably won't want her mother to meet you.  

 

Or tell here you like it so much you are thinking of retiring there.  If she says she really wants to move to the US instead, proceed with caution. 

 

When I told Mary we can move to Mexico right away, even before filing for the US, she said she would live anywhere with me.   Now she has two green cards and 3 driver's licenses.

 

This is good advice. I met my fiancee's parents and family on the first trip. She was so excited to introduce me to them and get her family's approval and she is in her 30s. 

[Zach2015 211]

I can only speak to my relationship. My wife grew up very conservative. She wasn’t even allowed to wear shorts until she got to college. My wife never asked me for a dime, except for the k1 expenses. My wife didn’t work when she was in the Philippines and she never once hinted at being broke. However, I knew my wife before she had to go back to the Philippines (she was here previously on a J1 visa). Don’t know when your travel plans are, but tread carefully. Oh and if you think that you will only buy necessities once she’s here, umm rethink that. My wife loves to shop 😂

[Commish10 427]

18 hours ago, Spheres said:

 

Perfect!  This is the type of info i was looking for specifically.  So by obtaining those documents you listed, it helped to expedite the process of getting K1, because you didn't have to try to send via mail back and forth?  Is there anything else you can think of besides what you listed:

• 3 Copies of her Birth Certificate
• 3 Copies of Divorce or Death certificates
• 4 Copies of her passport photo (2x2 I presume still)
• 2 Copies of signed Letter of Intent

Is there anything else she needs to give me?  Do I need to give her anything on my end like Divorce/Death certificates or Financial info?

 

The only documents I brought back with me was our signed letters of intent and passport photos of her. Every situation is different. There is no requirement to to have her Birth Certificate to file the K1.

[Commish10 427]

11 minutes ago, Zach2015 said:

I can only speak to my relationship. My wife grew up very conservative. She wasn’t even allowed to wear shorts until she got to college. My wife never asked me for a dime, except for the k1 expenses. My wife didn’t work when she was in the Philippines and she never once hinted at being broke. However, I knew my wife before she had to go back to the Philippines (she was here previously on a J1 visa). Don’t know when your travel plans are, but tread carefully. Oh and if you think that you will only buy necessities once she’s here, umm rethink that. My wife loves to shop 😂

I only started sending money after we were engaged. She lived with her family who was supporting her and her young daughter. Her family is very traditional and well off. Basically her father told me that now that we are engaged to be married , they are my responsibility now. I agree with him, but he was not as serious as it may have seemed. Of course he still provides housing and food and basically all the needs for his grand daughter. Good Luck.