Meeting Filipina - Need Help!

[Spheres 1]

Hello, I'm new here but have been reading the topics today.  Can someone give me good advice on some questions I have?  Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

First, some background.... I met this wonderful Filipina lady online (via dating site, don't judge me) - and we hit it off pretty quickly.  This was back in September -- so I started making plans with her to go there, and visit.  I'm young looking (for my age), but we have 18 year age difference between us -- and well, i do NOT look 18 years younger than my age.  She has a professional stable job, and we video quite often as well as text every day throughout the day.  I have done brief video with her family, and have chatted her sister as well.  Her sister even offered to purchase a gift and give it to her since I'm not there to do it.

 

Second, she has never specifically asked for money - but she does complain about her budget sometimes and says it stresses her out.  I'll admit I have sent her some money as gifts for Christmas, Valentine's Day, and her Birthday.  So question #1 -- is she scamming me?  Is it common for Filipina to complain about their budget issues?  I asked her what she would have done had I not come along, and she said she'd just eat less or borrow from someone -- is she just guilting me?  So I do send money, but I limit it only as gifts for special occasions -- was this stupid of me?

Third, she is SO beautiful, but claims she only had ONE sexual partner.  I'm just a normal looking fellow, and by her age I had at least 1/2 a dozen girlfriends most of whom I had sex with.  I find it very hard to believe she only had one sexual partner -- but maybe it's true?  Is it common for Filipina to not have many sexual partners?  Or is it common for them to lie and say they only had few?

 

I know you might think if I have suspicions then I must not have genuine feelings for her.  But that isn't true -- I just have read a LOT online about romance scams, so it's fueling my paranoia.  I make a decent amount of money, but I'm far from rich, so I don't want to just send be throwing away money if this is some common scam I'm not aware of.  But I also care about her and don't want her to be suffering while I am able to save so much each month, it seems unfair.

 

So assuming this isn't a scam (am I being naive?), I am going there soon and we have talked about getting engaged if we indeed hit it off.  As I'm not getting any younger, I'd love to expedite the process if at all possible.  Is there any specific paperwork I should take with me (or that we should review/sign together) to move the process along faster?  I talked to Rapid Visa (are they any good?) and they said there's nothing to do until I meet her.  But then I talked to others and they said there's a host of paperwork we can sign/exchange or something -- and so I don't know what is correct.  I don't want this to drag out for a long time... any advice??

 

 

Edited February 17, 2020 by Spheres

[Just Paul 4,591]

Don't make any plans until after you meet and I'd say at least a few times.  I met my Filipina wife first online and then one day in Cebu.  On another trip I spent a few days with her in Hong Kong, another trip to Cebu and then a month before we married.   

 

We have a 26 year age gap.  

 

If you use rapidvisa or an attorney you are giving them all the information to create the forms for you.  Both can make mistakes that cost you more money and time. It is a pretty simple process if you can following the instructions.

 

K1 is faster but has significant disadvantages. @missileman has a good comparison.

[sl1pstream 551]

I feel like the fact that you're not even sure if it's a scam or not means that you're not really ready to jump into the whole marriage thing, especially considering that if it does turn out to be a scam, you'll be financially responsible for this person for the next 10 years, even if she leaves you after she gets her visa. Not saying it's a scam, but this seems to be moving super fast.

[SalishSea 16,744]

7 minutes ago, Spheres said:

Hello, I'm new here but have been reading the topics today.  Can someone give me good advice on some questions I have?  Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

First, some background.... I met this wonderful Filipina lady online (via dating site, don't judge me) - and we hit it off pretty quickly.  This was back in September -- so I started making plans with her to go there, and visit.  I'm young looking (for my age), but we have 18 year age difference between us -- and well, i do NOT look 18 years younger than my age.  She has a professional stable job, and we video quite often as well as text every day throughout the day.  I have done brief video with her family, and have chatted her sister as well.  Her sister even offered to purchase a gift and give it to her since I'm not there to do it.

 

Second, she has never specifically asked for money - but she does complain about her budget sometimes and says it stresses her out.  I'll admit I have sent her some money as gifts for Christmas, Valentine's Day, and her Birthday.  So question #1 -- is she scamming me?  Is it common for Filipina to complain about their budget issues?  I asked her what she would have done had I not come along, and she said she'd just eat less or borrow from someone -- is she just guilting me?  So I do send money, but I limit it only as gifts for special occasions -- was this stupid of me?

Third, she is SO beautiful, but claims she only had ONE sexual partner.  I'm just a normal looking fellow, and by her age I had at least 1/2 a dozen girlfriends most of whom I had sex with.  I find it very hard to believe she only had one sexual partner -- but maybe it's true?  Is it common for Filipina to not have many sexual partners?  Or is it common for them to lie and say they only had few?

 

I know you might think if I have suspicions then I must not have genuine feelings for her.  But that isn't true -- I just have read a LOT online about romance scams, so it's fueling my paranoia.  I make a decent amount of money, but I'm far from rich, so I don't want to just send be throwing away money if this is some common scam I'm not aware of.  But I also care about her and don't want her to be suffering while I am able to save so much each month, it seems unfair.

 

So assuming this isn't a scam (am I being naive?), I am going there soon and we have talked about getting engaged if we indeed hit it off.  As I'm not getting any younger, I'd love to expedite the process if at all possible.  Is there any specific paperwork I should take with me (or that we should review/sign together) to move the process along faster?  I talked to Rapid Visa (are they any good?) and they said there's nothing to do until I meet her.  But then I talked to others and they said there's a host of paperwork we can sign/exchange or something -- and so I don't know what is correct.  I don't want this to drag out for a long time... any advice??

 

 

There is no way to expedite.  The process will not be fast.  Or cheap.

 

 There is no way around the required meeting- but wouldn’t you want to meet and spend time together anyway?  You don’t specify your age, but I am sure you are old enough to comprehend what a huge step it is.  It is even more complex when it involves US immigration.

 

Young Filipinas often seek older American men as a way to get to the US- which isn’t to say that their relationships are not valid or exclusively green card-based.

 

RapidVisa does a lot of Philippines-based petitions, but since VisaJourney is a DIY site, most here have not used them.  We often hear more about RV’s failures than successes.

[Crazy Cat 39,174]

Every couple has their own priorities, and each couple must decide which visa is better for their situation.

K-1
    Slightly faster arrival in the US   
    More expensive than CR-1    
    Requires Adjustment of Status after marriage (expensive and requires a lot of paperwork)    
    Spouse can not leave the US until she/he receives approved Advance Parole (approx 5-6 months)    
    Spouse can not work until she/he receives EAD (approx 5-6 months)    
    Some people have had problems with driver licenses, Social Security cards, leases, bank account during this period    
    Spouse will not receive Green Card for many months after Adjustment of Status is filed.

  

CR-1
    Slightly slower arrival in the US 

    Less expensive than K-1    
    No Adjustment of Status(I-485, I-131, I-765) required.    
    Spouse can immediately travel outside the US    
    Spouse is authorized to work immediately upon arrival.    
    Spouse receives Social Security Card and Green Card within 2 or 3 weeks after entering the US    
    Opening a bank account, getting a driver's license, etc. are very easily accomplished with GC, SS card, and passport.

    Spouse has legal permanent Resident status IMMEDIATELY upon entry to US.
  �

 

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

I’m not saying it’s a scam, and I’m not saying it’s common practice, but I do know a lot of Aussie men fall into very similar situations 🙈

 

My advise:

1. Don’t feel guilty if she’s complaining about money, at this point she is still responsible for feeing herself

2. Don’t send money, credit cards, prepaid cards etc and remember $100 usd is a lot of money there.. if she can get just a couple of guys a month to do this, she’s living very well.

3. Go travel, meet her, at least a couple of times before you even consider advancing the relationship to possible k1, get to know her

4. Use protection, I’ve had mates that get home and a week or two later she’s pregnant 🤰 only a few months later isn’t (funny that when some of the guys have had the snip) 🤷‍♀️

 

in ref to prior partners, well, I genrally work on the rule of three multiplier lol just saying, is anyone actually honest about this?  I say I’ve had 3 at the age of 46... but that’s only the 3 that I care to remember or admit to.. there are others that I’ve very proudly forgotten about or would deny till the cows come home

 

not all Filipino do this, but it’s a very common thing here in Aus

 

 

Edited February 17, 2020 by Duke & Marie

[Spheres 1]

Ok thanks so much for for reading and responses -- I don't like to hear a lot of the advice so far, but maybe I need to.  So basically it sounds like I have been pretty dumb.  Just to explain further, I feel like if I were dating here in the USA, I'd have to spend considerable money on dining out and gifts as well.  So I wouldn't want to send this Filipina nothing if we are considered dating -- what kind of boyfriend would that be?

 

And I didn't feel that meeting over 6 months after initial contact was taking it too fast though?  Or do you mean the thought of proposing when I first meet her?    I also forgot to mention she is in Cebu.  I'm not sure if that matters or not (i.e. isn't nearby Angeles City known for scammers??)

 

And it isn't that I believe she's a scammer, I hope she isn't but I've been reading so many stories -- and I just am not certain if I'm being blinded by my feelings. 

Thanks for advice on Rapid Visa -- I will try to do it myself then if we get engaged.  What do I need to bring with me and hand to her (or have her sign) in order to expedite things once I'm back State-side?

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

7 minutes ago, Spheres said:

  Just to explain further, I feel like if I were dating here in the USA, I'd have to spend considerable money on dining out and gifts as well.  So I wouldn't want to send this Filipina nothing if we are considered dating -- what kind of boyfriend would that be?

 

Not dumb..

 

and your forgetting she has a responsibility to herself, so you have no obligation to support her at this stage and not all women need wining and dining to make them happy.. 

 

A true boyfriend would save his money for a flight over there to meet her, after all time together is the best time.. it will also give you the best possible perspective of the relationship before considering marriage.

Edited February 17, 2020 by Duke & Marie

[Boiler 43,391]

I always think it is a good idea to think what you would say if a friend of yours came up with this situation and asked for your advise.

 

At least meet before you consider where this is going, she could be a bloke.

[SalishSea 16,744]

13 minutes ago, Spheres said:

Ok thanks so much for for reading and responses -- I don't like to hear a lot of the advice so far, but maybe I need to.  So basically it sounds like I have been pretty dumb.  Just to explain further, I feel like if I were dating here in the USA, I'd have to spend considerable money on dining out and gifts as well.  So I wouldn't want to send this Filipina nothing if we are considered dating -- what kind of boyfriend would that be?

 

And I didn't feel that meeting over 6 months after initial contact was taking it too fast though?  Or do you mean the thought of proposing when I first meet her?    I also forgot to mention she is in Cebu.  I'm not sure if that matters or not (i.e. isn't nearby Angeles City known for scammers??)

 

And it isn't that I believe she's a scammer, I hope she isn't but I've been reading so many stories -- and I just am not certain if I'm being blinded by my feelings. 

Thanks for advice on Rapid Visa -- I will try to do it myself then if we get engaged.  What do I need to bring with me and hand to her (or have her sign) in order to expedite things once I'm back State-side?

Again, there is no expedite.

 

I recommend you look at the petition (I-129f) with its optional instructions/checklist on the USCIS.gov site.  
 

The only thing she needs to sign for the petition is a letter of intent to marry you.  You should save boarding passes and make sure you get a passport stamp as evidence of the required meeting.

 

I strongly recommend you do as much reading and research as possible about the process before proceeding.  You need to understand the financial obligations when bringing over an immigrant, and the general process to get from filed petition to green card.

 

Edited to add:  if either of you have been married previously, you will need certified copies of final divorce decrees  for the petition also.

Edited February 17, 2020 by Jorgedig

[Spheres 1]

Thanks again, all!

 

6 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

A true boyfriend would save his money for a flight over there to meet her, after all time together is the best time.. it will also give you the best possible perspective of the relationship before considering marriage.

Yes, I have already purchased the tickets to see her so there's no need to save money for that, but I see what you are saying.  I'll try to be more judicious in that manner, thanks.

 

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I always think it is a good idea to think what you would say if a friend of yours came up with this situation and asked for your advise.

 

At least meet before you consider where this is going, she could be a bloke.

I like your first piece of advice there -- I'll consider that.  By 'bloke' do you mean a guy?  We have done lots of "things" on camera... I don't think it's possible unless she's post-op?

 

 

4 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Again, there is no expedite.

 

I recommend you look at the petition (I-129f) with its optional instructions/checklist on the USCIS.gov site.  
 

The only thing she needs to sign for the petition is a letter of intent to marry you.  You should save boarding passes and make sure you get a passport stamp as evidence of the required reading.

 

I strongly recommend you do as much reading and research as possible about the process before proceeding.  You need to understand the financial obligations when bringing over an immigrant, and the general process to get from filed petition to green card.

Ok thanks, the "letter of intent" I heard elsewhere too so I'll have her sign that when I'm there.  I make decent earnings so I don't think the finances should be an issue but I will definitely look into it more.  Are there things you know of that I'm not already considering -- besides normal household expenses?

 

[SalishSea 16,744]

1 minute ago, Spheres said:

Thanks again, all!

 

Yes, I have already purchased the tickets to see her so there's no need to save money for that, but I see what you are saying.  I'll try to be more judicious in that manner, thanks.

 

I like your first piece of advice there -- I'll consider that.  By 'bloke' do you mean a guy?  We have done lots of "things" on camera... I don't think it's possible unless she's post-op?

 

 

Ok thanks, the "letter of intent" I heard elsewhere too so I'll have her sign that when I'm there.  I make decent earnings so I don't think the finances should be an issue but I will definitely look into it more.  Are there things you know of that I'm not already considering -- besides normal household expenses?

 

Not sure what you mean about “normal household expenses.”

 

She won’t be able to work or leave the US for 5-7 months at least.

 

 You should research “public charge,” as you will be on the hook for her financially until certain criteria are met (even if you divorce.)

[Spheres 1]

18 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Not sure what you mean about “normal household expenses.”

 

She won’t be able to work or leave the US for 5-7 months at least.

 

 You should research “public charge,” as you will be on the hook for her financially until certain criteria are met (even if you divorce.)

I meant like I have my own house and pay the mortgage and utilities already for it, so that wouldn't be a burden.  I'd buy her food and clothes of course.  And other usual household item needs.  She'd also be carried under my health insurances, which would just require extra deductions from the paycheck.  

 

I tried to search on public charge, but couldn't find the criteria you're referencing -- can you elaborate on that? 

 

[SalishSea 16,744]

1 minute ago, Spheres said:

I meant like I have my own house and pay the mortgage and utilities already for it, so that wouldn't be a burden.  I'd buy her food and clothes of course.  And other usual household item needs.  She'd also be carried under my health insurances, which would just require extra deductions from the paycheck.  

US immigration doesn't care about any of that type of minutiae, although it would be in your favor if she could be added to your health insurance.  

 

There are income parameters used to be able to sponsor an immigrant, and also to sponsor an immigrant's adjustment of status (green card).  See form I-864.  The criteria are becoming tougher as of 2/24/2020.

 

I'm surprised you're not finding anything about the public charge, as it is currently a hot topic, with threads all over VJ as well as the internet in general.

 

In a nutshell, when you sign that affidavit of support (I-864), you are making a contract with the US government to repay any public benefits she uses up until she has 40 quarters of work or becomes a USC.  This is in place as long as she remains in the US, even if you divorce.

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

33 minutes ago, Spheres said:

Thanks again, all!

 

I like your first piece of advice there -- I'll consider that.  By 'bloke' do you mean a guy?  We have done lots of "things" on camera... I don't think it's possible unless she's post-op??

 

Even without the graphic detail. This comment to suggest your not her first online or second BF! 

 

There are still till a lot of things many married couples don’t do on line.