221g embassy problems

[Illiria 980]

1 hour ago, Mgwlkr said:

  I'm a woman.    He has financial problems and because I have reservations I'm not inclined to solve them for him.   As stated earlier I knew if I gave all the details I'd get attacked.    Yes emotions are running high.  I've wasted a year and half of my life to get here because he wouldnt listen when he was here.    Which I've told him But he won't leave me alone and insists I should pay toresolve this because he's a poor boy from serbia that i need. (Some more truth for everyone)

I don’t judge you at all in this, I judge him - he is a (filters won’t let me use the word).

 

You and your kids deserve so much more than this, wanting companionship is totally valid. Why don’t you take the money you would have spent on his aos and spend it on yourself - getting sitters for the kids or a club they can go to- and then going and learning a new hobby yourself something you enjoy and you never know you might meet someone? 

 

Being expected to foot the bill when it was his fault you didn’t get photos when he was spending time with you is dumb, you have told him he needs to work to fix that but he hasn’t so far, well bye bye. I saved up and paid for my trips to see my husband when he moved back to the states, I saved enough so that it covered the months after a fiancé visa where I knew I wouldn’t be able to work because it was the right thing to do and I certainly didn’t begrudge my husband for it.

 

If he cant see the need to put you and your kids first now then he never will be and you deserve someone who can do that not just for your kids sake but for yours

as well.

[Mgwlkr 41]

3 minutes ago, Illiria said:

I don’t judge you at all in this, I judge him - he is a (filters won’t let me use the word).

 

You and your kids deserve so much more than this, wanting companionship is totally valid. Why don’t you take the money you would have spent on his aos and spend it on yourself - getting sitters for the kids or a club they can go to- and then going and learning a new hobby yourself something you enjoy and you never know you might meet someone? 

 

Being expected to foot the bill when it was his fault you didn’t get photos when he was spending time with you is dumb, you have told him he needs to work to fix that but he hasn’t so far, well bye bye. I saved up and paid for my trips to see my husband when he moved back to the states, I saved enough so that it covered the months after a fiancé visa where I knew I wouldn’t be able to work because it was the right thing to do and I certainly didn’t begrudge my husband for it.

 

If he cant see the need to put you and your kids first now then he never will be and you deserve someone who can do that not just for your kids sake but for yours

as well.

Thank you.  Trhat is exactly how I feel.  If I have to scrape and save that m7ch money at this point I will use it for myself and my kids.     He's a 25yr old able bodied educated man. He could have worked all this time.  It was bad enough I knew he wouldn't have much money when he got here for awhile but as time passed and he flat out refused to save what he had or go out and earn more a huge red flag.   He is harrising me non stop not to withdraw the petition.   I hate togive up something I've worked countless hours on but at the same time I can't imagine just leaving the case open (or the door for him to try and convince me I need him) for another year

[Nitas_man 3,100]

6 minutes ago, Mgwlkr said:

 yeah last time I tried to protect him by making it my fault we didnt Have photos.    Oh well still get attacked either way.   I dont care about vj tos. I have a right to say dont attack me.   If you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all. Isnt that what we teach our children?

I don't believe in god.  I believe religion is a crutch created by man to justify the things he doesn't understand

You're probably right.  About the crutch. 

 

But I think you know that this is not right and he's using you.  Follow your instinct.  That's not god, that's a hard wired survival trait.

[Illiria 980]

Just now, Mgwlkr said:

Thank you.  Trhat is exactly how I feel.  If I have to scrape and save that m7ch money at this point I will use it for myself and my kids.     He's a 25yr old able bodied educated man. He could have worked all this time.  It was bad enough I knew he wouldn't have much money when he got here for awhile but as time passed and he flat out refused to save what he had or go out and earn more a huge red flag.   He is harrising me non stop not to withdraw the petition.   I hate togive up something I've worked countless hours on but at the same time I can't imagine just leaving the case open (or the door for him to try and convince me I need him) for another year

Wow, I am so sorry he is doing that to you. I would recommend taking these harassing communications and sending them to USCIS along with your letter stating you wish to withdraw the petition.

 

Something I usually suggest when the us citizen isn’t sure about the person they are petitioning is to suggest, it doesn’t have to be genuine you are just finding out his reaction, that you and the kids move to him instead and see how he reacts. 

[JFH 12,189]

8 minutes ago, Mgwlkr said:

 yeah last time I tried to protect him by making it my fault we didnt Have photos.    Oh well still get attacked either way.   I dont care about vj tos. I have a right to say dont attack me.   If you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all. Isnt that what we teach our children?

I don't believe in god.  I believe religion is a crutch created by man to justify the things he doesn't understand

We are all trying to help you see the light here. Some have come right out and said that this man is using you. I took a more subtle approach by giving you food for thought and letting you work it out for yourself. That is being nice to you. The truth hurts. I know you're hurting that you spent all this time on the process and now it appears he is just using you. That's a horrible feeling. I can tell you're exhausted by it. That's why I said the 221g is probably a blessing in disguise. I think you need to forget him and move on. There are people here who have had a very long and difficult road through this. We can all see that your relationship doesn't appear to be strong enough for this. Even the strongest couples are tested to the limit in this. 

 

Please don't misinterpret being told the harsh reality of the situation for people being nasty to you. This is not something we can sugar-coat. As you have discovered, embassies are very tough to deal with. They don't care about your feelings, wants, desires or financials. 

[Auds 223]

I have been there in diff circumstances maybe but I know what you are saying - hats off to not sending him money - I did that sort of thing too.

 

you can't make him into what he is not.  (This is a msg to OP only).  You are intelligent enough to see religion for what it is like most people with high IQ.  Unfortunately we do have our need of companionship which again is a reality and how human make up is.  Not this one though it won't last.  Let it go.

[cdneh 3,112]

7 minutes ago, Mgwlkr said:

 yeah last time I tried to protect him by making it my fault we didnt Have photos.    Oh well still get attacked either way.   I dont care about vj tos. I have a right to say dont attack me.   If you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all. Isnt that what we teach our children?

I don't believe in god.  I believe religion is a crutch created by man to justify the things he doesn't understand

You may not care about the TOS, but you are bound to it having agreed to it when you signed up. You cannot tell people they may not post.

 

No one is attacking you. What posters are doing is trying to give you a bit of understanding as to how the process works. If you choose to not provide what is asked for, and fail to meet the requirements, there will be no Visa, end of story.

 

You have been given absolutely spot on advice, but that you don't like what you are being told doesn't make it wrong,  it doesn't mean people are picking on you.

 

USCIS doesn't care if you are 37, they don't care if you have children you refuse to leave. They don't care if you don't want your picture taken, or if he had a girlfriend and he didn't want pictures taken with you that she might see. They don't care that travel is expensive, or that the process is a burden. They do not care about any of that. They want what they want, in the order that they want it, and as a petitioner, you must comply. If you refuse to do that, pull the plug on the relationship. Those are your choices. 

[Longingfor 195]

@MgwlkrI have read the thread completely and I am going to give you my honest opinion. This guy that you want to marry is only interested in you because he wants to return to the US. He sees you as his ticket in. If he wanted this relationship badly he would try everything to ensure you guys get together and provide proof required or at least meet you half way. You are wasting your time here and the embassy sees the red flags and wants to spare you the heartache. 

The way a person treats you or your relationship before marriage is a clear sign of the way they will treat you after marriage. Marriage is a commitment and requires compromises from both parties nor sacrifice from one. 

You may not see what people here are saying but I am sure if you have a heart to heart with family and friends and ask them to be opened and honest to you about your relationship and you be opened to listening you will hear the truth but you first have to be open to listening. It's the same here on VJ ad members who are not a part of your life is listening and we are being honest with you about his behaviour towards you and the relationship based on what you have shared but your aren't willing to listen.

[Going through 5,668]

We can all give advice and thoughts (and some very good advice and thoughts were given here), but in the end it's your life, your process, your decision.

 

Trust your gut instinct....it rarely leads one down the wrong path.

[angelbrown 195]

You said you’re being destroyed, sounds like it’s of your own choosing. If you think all of these things why are you continuing with this process? You won’t have plenty of time to decide if you want to marry him. Once he enters on a K1, you will have 90 days. He’s 25. Does he want kids? Since you think 37 is too old, that will be a problem in itself. And you’re bringing kids into this foolishness. Sounds like the embassy isn’t saving you from him, it’s saving your from yourself. If you’re lonely, you don’t have to wait on someone halfway across the world. You can find a fool right here in the states to satisfy your loneliness...

[TNJ17 1,329]

33 minutes ago, mytruelove18 said:

Sorry for your situation, embassy is working for you, even God is working for you, even you dont belive they arent working.

Many times we want something in our life but that isnt going to be our happiness, the life sometimes try to ñut that out fron us.

On 2014 i did a k1, i went to interview and i was approved but i was put under 221 ap, it was very hard handle that, the long ap destroyed my relationship, after 2 years of long ap, but now i can say it was the best thing that happen, last year i met a nice man and now i am so happy with him.

Maybe the best thing that can happen is the long ap, you gad sais he didnt make any effort to be with you.

 

It is extremely disrespectful of you to mention religion. Not everyone is religious and you should accept that. And just like she said she is not religious. Just because you are doesn’t mean others want to hear anything about your beliefs here. Check religion at the door when you are in forums and giving opinions. Give opinions based on facts and real life experiences and not religion. 

[TNJ17 1,329]

If you are ready to give up on the relationship that’s an easy fix. Physically, not emotionally of course. Because you’re giving up on something that you’ve believed in and worked so hard for. But if you want to truly part ways with this man all you have to do is contact USCIS and withdraw your petition. Cut all communication with him and move on with your life. If he can’t get to you, he can’t pester you. This is obviously easier said than done, but you gotta take the first step if you wanna really do it. 

[mallafri76 1,012]

2 hours ago, Mgwlkr said:

I get that and I plan to spend time  making sure before I say I do

OP, as part of the K-1 visa, both you and your fiancé sign a letter stating your intent to marry within 90 days. The K-1 visa is for people who love each other and plan on marrying, not for trying someone out and sending them back if it doesn’t work out. 

 

It doesn’t really sound like you guys love each other. I mean when you love someone, you usually do whatever it takes for that person. If it’s companionship you’re looking for, there are better ways of finding it. There are plenty of online match making websites where you can find someone that lives close to you so you can develop your relationship over time, figuring out if that person is right for you and your kids. 

[TNJ17 1,329]

If you are ready to give up on the relationship that’s an easy fix. Physically, not emotionally of course. Because you’re giving up on something that you’ve believed in and worked so hard for. But if you want to truly part ways with this man all you have to do is contact USCIS and withdraw your petition. Cut all communication with him and move on with your life. If he can’t get to you, he can’t pester you. This is obviously easier said than done, but you gotta take the first step if you wanna really do it. 

 

It is my my honest opinion based on everything you mentioned, this man is only using you for a green card, and you can nip that in the bud easily if you choose to. 

[felipeTAYA 18]

I think the forum is to help you. People are not attacking you, they are just giving you advice based on their personal experience. When I went with my now wife to the K1 interview in Madrid Spain , she was denied and giving the letter that said she "aint going" to America. She was sad, I hugged her, she cried, I wiped her tears with my hands, I thanked the CO, I told her to go to the bathroom, I thanked the CO again with a smile, the CO apologized for not approving the visa, then she asked me a question, "who wrote this...which language is that...do you speak that language...get her here, I want to see if you speak Russian .." I spoke in Russian to my now wife.  The CO smiled again and said, "well you look like a couple, let me see what I can do, I will talk to my supervisor." She asked me for my cell phone number. Next day as I was in a Taxi traveling to the bus station the CO called me, "Hi, are you in Madrid, Come to the embassy and bring her passport, the K! visa has been approved. "  Based on my experience and my 3 friends who I helped with their K! paperwork, you have to convinced the CO that the relatioship is real.  Pictures: at a restaurant showing other customers in the background  at a park showing a flag from the country, with other people, with family members, different clothes, day time, night time, the pictures should not look professional taken.                   The Consular section at the embassy is not there to help you, a really good evidence would have been showing up for the interview. If you have financial problems he won't be approved either.