Discovered US husband is Gay

[VOL 425]

In Texas divorce, filing a divorce petition is free if you submit a pauper's oath. Do you have something similar in your state?

Good to know..........

[LBeachey 44]

We are married for 9 years but it was only last april that we were able to come here in the US.

One thing to keep in mind is that 10 years is the amount of time necessary to be married to be able to collect on his social security retirement even if you subsequently divorce (and not remarry) Also, the amount of support he would owe you is also based upon length of marriage. I am not telling you what to do but you likely will not want to proceed with a divorce filing until after your tenth anniversary. You need to do what is right for your child and yourself but something to consider.

Good Luck

[JohnR! 5,495]

Get a job and divorce him, or submit to a lifetime of sexual frustration. You won't lose your greencard if you do so.

It may seem harsh, but in all seriousness, you deserve to be happy and so does he.

Good luck!

Good day to all. I am a holder of a green card good for 10 years. I am a spouse of a US citizen. I just arrived with my two yr old son last April. So we are about 6 months in the US now. Recently i discovered my US citizen husband is gay. And hes been on dating sites and caught him lying several times. I confronted him about it but of course he denied even with overwhelming evidence. My questions:

1. What are my options right now? I dont have work and has a toddler with me. He seemed close to sorting things out. And he doesnt give any financial support though he buys everything i ask of him but lately after knowing i discovered his secret it is hard asking him for something.



2. What is the effect on my status later if i apply for citizenship if i go to another state and get help from my relatives? It is a bonafide marriage. We are married for 9 years but it was only last april that we were able to come here in the US.

Im at a loss right now and feeling helpless on the situation too. Thanks in advance for all your helpful comments.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Some people seem to forget that until very recently it was not acceptable to be gay in the US. No, cheating is never acceptable but see it from his side too. It can't be easy to have to hide who you are.

[Cathi 5,610]

What is it does he want? If he truly is gay, that seems counter to have a new wife and step child (to US) and/or carried on for 9 yrs?

what step cild? the child is 2 years old and they have been married for 9, it's his child

[R<3S 97]

Yep. He is supposed to be able to choose to be honest and not be a deceiver and make her life a living hell. She could be happy with someone

else right now had it not been for this cheating individual.

There are enough like minded people that would fit his sexual description without dragging a wife into this and deceiving her.

Baloney.

Yes I agree, even though it must have been hard for him to hide his sexuality or be comfortable with it in public. It is not fair that the OP now is in a dilemma due to her husband's sexuality.

If he were to hide it, I feel like he should have left it that way because he has a wife and also son. If he did not want to hide it, he should have came out much earlier on. Because it isn't just about his sexuality of life anymore, he has other people emotionally and financial dependent on him and those are huge responsibilities you take when you marry someone.

Well, in the end I suggest the OP to talk to her husband and see what he says. Tell him how you feel about the situation and how you feel uncomfotable knowing what you know now and want to solve it.

Hope everything works out.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

If he wants his cake and eat it too then he should have the balls to let his wife know. He knew and chose not to disclose it to her and that is never a good thing. Ever. Too many bugs out there to catch from cheaters and her child needs a healthy Mom. Coward. That is why she needs to get away from him asap.

[GandD 5,966]

Many many posts removed. The Op is looking for legal options not judgement of their spouse. Keep that in mind when posting.

[Project_Harajuku 28]

Some people seem to forget that until very recently it was not acceptable to be gay in the US. No, cheating is never acceptable but see it from his side too. It can't be easy to have to hide who you are.

So that justifies him deceiving his wife for almost 10 years? Lol logic. Wonder if you would be singing the same tune if you were in her shoes.

Edited November 10, 2015 by Project_Harajuku

[Unidentified 2,930]

So that justifies him deceiving his wife for almost 10 years? Lol logic. Wonder if you would be singing the same tune if you were in her shoes.

No, like I said cheating is always cheating. But considering that most religions here in the US still haven't figured out it's 2015, Don't Ask Don't Tell in the military (yeah I'm not just talking about OP's husband I'm talking broadly) was in effect until 2011 and gay marriage wasn't declared unconstitutional until this year there are probably A LOT more gay men and women living in heterosexual marriages.

[kmsolis 0]

Ma'am. You should consider what you want. Do you want to sleep with a man who may have sexual relations with another man? Do you want your child to grow up in the same household? Different household? Does it matter?


I suggest you speak to him directly and tell him that he cannot lie to you. Tell him what you have seen him do and that you will not judge. You want to understand him more. He might just open up. Do not give him attitude, just ask him sincerely if he likes men as well. Take care and I hope it goes well.

[_Paul&Jesica_ 70]

Thank you so much for your kindness and patience in answering someone unknown to you like me whose at a loss. Visa journey members are truly blessed to have people around like you. More power!

One thing to consider since you are a Philippine citizen... If you initiate the divorce, you will not be able to marry again in the Philippines as you would be considered married until you go through a potentially lengthy and expensive annulment process (though I think it is easily justified), regardless if your marriage is dissolved in the US. Once annulled, you would be free to marry again.

If he files for divorce, then you can file the divorce decree and request that it be recognized in the Philippines. You would then be free to marry.

[Boiler 43,451]

This actually might be a case for an annulment.

[VOL 425]

This actually might be a case for an annulment.

Philippine yes, I would think with a kid then it wouldn't work in USA............

[_Paul&Jesica_ 70]

Philippine yes, I would think with a kid then it wouldn't work in USA............

Assuming she is Catholic, then if she was married in a Catholic church, this would likely qualify as an invalid marriage and be annulled through the church. Unfortunately, it is never so black and white these days...