Discovered US husband is Gay

[Boiler 43,446]

Is the kid his? I have lost track.

[Mike-eeh and Odie 192]

Good day to all. I am a holder of a green card good for 10 years. I am a spouse of a US citizen. I just arrived with my two yr old son last April. So we are about 6 months in the US now. Recently i discovered my US citizen husband is gay. And hes been on dating sites and caught him lying several times. I confronted him about it but of course he denied even with overwhelming evidence. My questions:

1. What are my options right now? I dont have work and has a toddler with me. He seemed close to sorting things out. And he doesnt give any financial support though he buys everything i ask of him but lately after knowing i discovered his secret it is hard asking him for something.

2. What is the effect on my status later if i apply for citizenship if i go to another state and get help from my relatives? It is a bonafide marriage. We are married for 9 years but it was only last april that we were able to come here in the US.

Im at a loss right now and feeling helpless on the situation too. Thanks in advance for all your helpful comments.

1. It hurts to be lied to, and I understand your anger and frustration. Take into consideration he has given you 9 years of friendship, love, support and a beautiful child, that should account for something. Does that excuse him from lying, not by any means, however you do owe it to each other to discuss things civilly and amicably. In addition, just because he was browsing dating sites for men, doesn't mean he is gay, he could simply be exploring his sexuality, albeit, a bit late in life, or looking for a "thrill," in an otherwise routine lifestyle he has become accustomed to over the years. His denial of his actions when confronted is more than evident that he cares about your relationship and if you want options I suggest the following:

a.) Seek a marriage counselor and discuss his behavior. If it turns out that he is actually gay, you both have much to discuss. If discovered that he was just thrill seeking, there are many options you can explore to save your marriage and live happily.

b.) You can seek a divorce and receive alimony/child support depending on which state you both reside. But do try counseling first, as divorces can be expensive and not always amicable in the end.

c.) You can try to accept his lifestyle (if he is gay) and see other people. There are a lot of couples these days who have "open" marriages and live happy lives.

2. You have a 10 year green card. You do not need him to become a US Citizen (if that is your goal). He is obligated under his Affidavit of Support to support you until you are a US Citizen or obtain 40 quarters of work history.

Good Luck!

God bless you.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Is the kid his? I have lost track.

I thought it was pretty straight forward and I was going to give you the info and then I double checked and could only see that someone other than the OP said they had been together for 9 year. OP didn't state how long they were together, only that the boy is 2.

Never mind, just saw the correct info: been together 9 years, son is 2 should be his.

Edited November 10, 2015 by Maria&Seve

[Boiler 43,446]

OP refers to my son not our son.

[Unidentified 2,930]

OP refers to my son not our son.

So you're suggesting she might not be innocent either?

[Boiler 43,446]

Dunno

Just reading what was said, would not be the first.

[VOL 425]

I also read it as being a step son...........

[Unidentified 2,930]

Dunno

Just reading what was said, would not be the first.

Or she is resenting the father to the point she just says "my" instead of "our".

[Unidentified 2,930]

I also read it as being a step son...........

Definitely not. Then she wouldn't be on here complaining about the husband because she wouldn't exactly be innocent either. Doesn't say anything in her post about step son.

[Boiler 43,446]

People now say we are pregnant which always amuses me.

Definitely not. Then she wouldn't be on here complaining about the husband because she wouldn't exactly be innocent either. Doesn't say anything in her post about step son.

Perhaps I have been on VJ too long, but like I say not that unusual.

[Unidentified 2,930]

People now say we are pregnant which always amuses me.

Yeah but I think it's mostly men and my theory is that they feel left out. Everyone is all over the woman asking her how she is doing and getting all the attention and the father feels left out. Kind of cute to say "we are pregnant" but at the same time really weird

Perhaps I have been on VJ too long, but like I say not that unusual.

Well yeah like I told my husband last night: "There's no need for anyone to watch the Jerry Springer Show, you can just go on VJ". You're right, it shouldn't surprise me.

[heo luoi 206]

I read that too, not sure mistyped but wasnt confident their son. If he did stick w/ it to help her immigrate and that was a goal but 9 yrs?. If deceptive for what other aims than that sucks. I feel not enough information regardless and maybe OP even doesnt have it all. I dont think this thread does. From immigration standpoint sounds like shes free to stay/go.

[Advanced Aardvark 82]

So you're suggesting she might not be innocent either?

Good question. Someone should ask if he went over to 'The Dark Side' two or three years ago...

[Labyrinth 5]

You need a serious sit-down discussion with him where you're both honest with each other. Then you can figure out what to do next.

You can file for citizenship after you've been in the U.S. 3 years if you're still married to him; if you divorce you must wait until you've been here 5 years before you can file for citizenship.

Thank you Ortolan. I did try to talk to him about it in a calm manner actually i asked if we could talk coz we also have a son in between us but he refused to talk to me. And even deny it. I will try again after few days.

[Labyrinth 5]

Well if true you were duped eh

Ask yourself :

Do you want to move on if you verified & you are correct.

Can you compete in a situation of such, each person in life knows what they want.

Are you willing to be a cover-mate & where is love in all this.

Mostly do you want to raise your kid in this situation, they eventually grow to know everything in the home

Don't think about citizenship right now, focus on getting a job & move on if that's your choice

If you are separated or divorce from him you will start naturalization process in 5 yrs & right now

you and the kid is okay immigration-wise

Thank you Jawaree. You are right i need to find work so i can stand on my own. I only have this celfon to use cause actually he hids the laptop and i only discovered it recently and i asked him if we have a wifi in the house and he denied but i saw it too. I only ask about citizenship because its one of the things i thought i can get away from him. I thought if i am just a green card holder il have a difficult time.