Discovered US husband is Gay

[Labyrinth 5]

Yes I agree, even though it must have been hard for him to hide his sexuality or be comfortable with it in public. It is not fair that the OP now is in a dilemma due to her husband's sexuality.

If he were to hide it, I feel like he should have left it that way because he has a wife and also son. If he did not want to hide it, he should have came out much earlier on. Because it isn't just about his sexuality of life anymore, he has other people emotionally and financial dependent on him and those are huge responsibilities you take when you marry someone.

Well, in the end I suggest the OP to talk to her husband and see what he says. Tell him how you feel about the situation and how you feel uncomfotable knowing what you know now and want to solve it.

Hope everything works out.

Thank you. I cried reading your post cause thats exactly how i feel right now. I did try to talk to him several times very calmly. I even held his hand. So not to ssemed im attacking him. I asked him very gently to talk for us and for the sake of our son. But he just closes his eyes. Pretends to sleep and denies everything then after not saying a word. Its just so frustrating.

[Labyrinth 5]

If he wants his cake and eat it too then he should have the balls to let his wife know. He knew and chose not to disclose it to her and that is never a good thing. Ever. Too many bugs out there to catch from cheaters and her child needs a healthy Mom. Coward. That is why she needs to get away from him asap.

Thank you Ebunoluwa. That's exactly how i feel about the whole thing. Ive been honest to him from the start and never cheated on him. Im trying to look for a job now. Im a registered nurse in my country but having a difficult time since i only have my celphone as access. He hides the laptop and wifi. And even told me when i came here with my son that we dint have those. Just recently discovered the hiding place of the laptop and wifi. He even sends money transfer to those men from those dating sites. I hve the western union receipts with me.

[LBeachey 44]

This actually might be a case for an annulment.

However, an annulment is not a legal divorce in the US. I am not sure but you might not even be able to apply for an annulment in the US until after your divorce is finalized. An annulment in the Philippines might be different but if she wishes to stay in the US and end her marriage, the first step is a divorce.

The Pope has recently made changes to make annulment more accessible and a husband who is gay is strong evidence that no marriage ever existed from a religious perspective. The US gov't will continue to view it as a legal marriage for immigration purposes, etc.

[Labyrinth 5]

One thing to consider since you are a Philippine citizen... If you initiate the divorce, you will not be able to marry again in the Philippines as you would be considered married until you go through a potentially lengthy and expensive annulment process (though I think it is easily justified), regardless if your marriage is dissolved in the US. Once annulled, you would be free to marry again.

If he files for divorce, then you can file the divorce decree and request that it be recognized in the Philippines. You would then be free to marry.

Thank you for this valuable information.

[Labyrinth 5]

Assuming she is Catholic, then if she was married in a Catholic church, this would likely qualify as an invalid marriage and be annulled through the church. Unfortunately, it is never so black and white these days...

We were married only civilly. And im Catholic.

Or she is resenting the father to the point she just says "my" instead of "our".

This is correct i resented him thats why my mistake for using "my" instead of "our"

[Cheezees 1,514]

Labyrinth, you came back to this thread and answered every post calmly and politely. I honestly believe you when you say you tried talking to him calmly and even held his hand. I think you are a person of good character and it is nice to see you asking for help. Even if he never admits he is gay, this marriage is over and you have to move on. So find a job so you can support yourself and your son. You have no immigration problems, even if you divorce him. I truly wish you the best of luck moving forward!

[Labyrinth 5]

Labyrinth, you came back to this thread and answered every post calmly and politely. I honestly believe you when you say you tried talking to him calmly and even held his hand. I think you are a person of good character and it is nice to see you asking for help. Even if he never admits he is gay, this marriage is over and you have to move on. So find a job so you can support yourself and your son. You have no immigration problems, even if you divorce him. I truly wish you the best of luck moving forward!

Thank you Cheezees for your understanding. I did held his hand. I really did. It's just so hard after loving a person for years and finding out about the lies and deception. And its not helping that my son is so close to his father. But deep in my heart i know i cant live this life.

[Labyrinth 5]

Thank you Cheezees for your understanding. I did held his hand. I really did. It's just so hard after loving a person for years and finding out about the lies and deception. And its not helping that my son is so close to his father. But deep in my heart i know i cant live this life.

I had to ask help cause I cant handle this alone. I need to know my options before I act. I have a son and every mother wishes what is best for their child.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Try to reach out to your community, a women's group, a church etc. and go to the library to look for a job or hospitals nearby.

Perhaps you can find a friend to take you since you don't drive.

So he sends money to all his gay lovers ? OMG.

He pretends he sleeps because he has no remorse, does not want to change and ignore the mess he has made to only retreat

to his little fantasy island in cyber space and who knows where in real life.

You are too kind, I would have been done the minute I found out and not wanted to hold his hand with a 10 foot pole from across the room.

Perhaps you have been too kind and that makes him think he can stomp on you with whatever selfish mess he wants.

Please set some boundaries for yourself and learn to draw a line in the sand when people deceive you.
Stop worrying about his little feelings and take care of yourself. Too bad you don't live in my town or I would take you every place you

need to go to move on with your life

[TBoneTX 43,061]

He is obligated under his Affidavit of Support to support you until you are a US Citizen or obtain 40 quarters of work history.

Please clarify exactly how.

Edited November 10, 2015 by TBoneTX

[Tahoma 2,291]

The guy is a dirtbag. Don't allow him to waste any more of your time. Divorce him.

Go live with your relatives and study for the NCLEX-RN.

You can build a wonderful life in the U.S. for you and your son.

Your heart will heal from this devastating betrayal.

[Labyrinth 5]

Try to reach out to your community, a women's group, a church etc. and go to the library to look for a job or hospitals nearby.

Perhaps you can find a friend to take you since you don't drive.

So he sends money to all his gay lovers ? OMG.

He pretends he sleeps because he has no remorse, does not want to change and ignore the mess he has made to only retreat

to his little fantasy island in cyber space and who knows where in real life.

You are too kind, I would have been done the minute I found out and not wanted to hold his hand with a 10 foot pole from across the room.

Perhaps you have been too kind and that makes him think he can stomp on you with whatever selfish mess he wants.

Please set some boundaries for yourself and learn to draw a line in the sand when people deceive you.

Stop worrying about his little feelings and take care of yourself. Too bad you don't live in my town or I would take you every place you

need to go to move on with your life

Yes Im here in Chicago area. You are right i need to take care of myself and my son now. Thank you for your post. It made me smile and laugh a little about the 10 foot pole.

[Boiler 43,451]

Please clarify exactly how.

I am interested in this as well.

[Labyrinth 5]

Yes Im here in Chicago area. You are right i need to take care of myself and my son now. Thank you for your post. It made me smile and laugh a little about the 10 foot pole.

And by the way he doesnt give me money/ allowance though he buys what I ask like groceries. That is also why I dont have enough funds to go around and a two year old son with me. When I left my country I gave all my savings to my parents not knowig this would happen to me.

But I know I will get through this. I still see hope for me and my son. Thank you cause even by your thought of helping me warms my heart.

Try to reach out to your community, a women's group, a church etc. and go to the library to look for a job or hospitals nearby.

Perhaps you can find a friend to take you since you don't drive.

So he sends money to all his gay lovers ? OMG.

He pretends he sleeps because he has no remorse, does not want to change and ignore the mess he has made to only retreat

to his little fantasy island in cyber space and who knows where in real life.

You are too kind, I would have been done the minute I found out and not wanted to hold his hand with a 10 foot pole from across the room.

Perhaps you have been too kind and that makes him think he can stomp on you with whatever selfish mess he wants.

Please set some boundaries for yourself and learn to draw a line in the sand when people deceive you.

Stop worrying about his little feelings and take care of yourself. Too bad you don't live in my town or I would take you every place you

need to go to move on with your life

Labyrinth, on 10 Nov 2015 - 4:46 PM, said:

Yes Im here in Chicago area. You are right i need to take care of myself and my son now. Thank you for your post. It made me smile and laugh a little about the 10 foot pole.

And by the way he doesnt give me money/ allowance though he buys what I ask like groceries. That is also why I dont have enough funds to go around and a two year old son with me. When I left my country I gave all my savings to my parents not knowig this would happen to me.

But I know I will get through this. I still see hope for me and my son. Thank you cause even by your thought of helping me warms my heart.

Try to reach out to your community, a women's group, a church etc. and go to the library to look for a job or hospitals nearby.

Perhaps you can find a friend to take you since you don't drive.

So he sends money to all his gay lovers ? OMG.

He pretends he sleeps because he has no remorse, does not want to change and ignore the mess he has made to only retreat

to his little fantasy island in cyber space and who knows where in real life.

You are too kind, I would have been done the minute I found out and not wanted to hold his hand with a 10 foot pole from across the room.

Perhaps you have been too kind and that makes him think he can stomp on you with whatever selfish mess he wants.

Please set some boundaries for yourself and learn to draw a line in the sand when people deceive you.

Stop worrying about his little feelings and take care of yourself. Too bad you don't live in my town or I would take you every place you

need to go to move on with your life

Labyrinth, on 10 Nov 2015 - 4:46 PM, said:

Yes Im here in Chicago area. You are right i need to take care of myself and my son now. Thank you for your post. It made me smile and laugh a little about the 10 foot pole.

And by the way he doesnt give me money/ allowance though he buys what I ask like groceries. That is also why I dont have enough funds to go around and a two year old son with me. When I left my country I gave all my savings to my parents not knowig this would happen to me.

But I know I will get through this. I still see hope for me and my son. Thank you cause even by your thought of helping me warms my heart.

[Ortolan 381]

I thought the Affidavit of Support really means that if the sponsored person/immigrant receives Government assistance (housing, food stamps, whatever), then the sponsor will be obligated to reimburse the Government. I don't think it means spousal support. I think that would be decided by the divorce courts...is this correct?