SpicesAndSleep

When my husband and I started dating, we'd known each other for over a decade and were best friends. I still needed a LOT of time to make sure I was certain that I wanted a relationship with him. He was patient, VERY patient, and never gave up on me, even when I asked for more space and less pressure. I wasn't any less in love with him, I just needed to be sure I knew what I was doing before I committed to him. His attitude was, I waited this long for you, I can wait a bit longer. Giving up completely wasn't an option for either of us unless we figured out we weren't compatible. He gave me all the space and time I needed, and for that I am grateful. We married 2 months ago and the wait was worth it -- we worked out many potential problems when we were just dating or engaged so we didn't fly into the marriage blind and hoping for the best. 
 
OP, why is a wait like this unsurmountable for you? It's not going to be much longer until we're all out of this mess. You are only waiting for an interview -- when K1s begin reprocessing, you'll be at the head of the line. What makes May a deadline for you? Most importantly, does your fiancee know this? What would she say if you said to her what you've told us today?

This is a third party website. I guess this is not reliable right? They said it should be only directly from the USCIS website. So i guess your answer is not solid.

Full disclosure I am sharing from the US citizen perspective but my husband and I have talked a lot about it. He also comes from a very poor country and he has a large family- 12 siblings and 3 parents (step) as well as many cousins/friends etc. It's tough. He use to send more money back to his family but has significantly cut back for many reasons. We have to live our life here. It is impossible to think he can support 15 immediate family members as well as himself. Today is actually 6 years my husband has been in the USA and he still relies on me-which is no problem because he is finishing his education which will better both of us in the future. Yes, we have a lot and we will never have to worry about not having a roof over our heads or going hungry- things his family faces on a daily basis- but we have to live our lives. I don't say this to sound cruel or mean- but the USA is completely different. We have bills that HAVE to get paid, insurance, we have taxes that people don't understand- we need to have savings for the future- there are so many things his family wouldn't understand and they think it is just so easy to get a job here. Yes, you can get a job but just because you make $15 an hour doesn't mean you bring that home- social security, medicare; state and federal taxes, etc. We now have a daughter-some of his siblings recently had kids of their own- but my husband has said he's not going to take food out of our daughters mouth to feed theirs. And I'm proud of him for sticking up saying this. I know it's tough for him because it's tough for me- but I know realistically we can't support that many other people without putting us in a hole- which we already have debt.
 
You need to find a happy medium. Do your siblings work now? If so, slowly decrease what you send them. I'm not sure if they are living day to day or if they have excess to buy things they otherwise couldn't- but if it were the latter I would definitely send them less and then none when they can support themselves. You need to live YOUR life. Which is now in the USA. Helping once in a while is fine but you don't want to be taken advantage of. I don't know your situation and maybe your partner has better insight to see if you are being taken advantage of. If so then that really should stop.You can't punish yourself because you have a car and you have wi-fi. (I completely understand as husbands family doesn't own a vehicle or have wifi-heck they barely have electricity). You have to live your life and you have to live your reality. Your reality is that you live in the USA and you have privilege that others do not. You also have bills that HAVE to get paid and you need to think about your future-whether this means starting a 401k, savings account, etc- you need to have something to fall back on when you are older or you will live in poverty in the US.
 
To touch base on it taking a toll on your marriage- I will say for us it did a bit. Husband didn't send money monthly but when he did I did want to know why and who it was for. For example- I am in charge of the bills here so he has no clue what is due when and how much and there were times he overdrew the account- which would result in a fee- so me knowing when he was planning and how much was important- I also was concerned about him being taken advantage of- not so much family but by friends. Like someone asking for an iPad when my husband wouldn't be able to afford one himself type of thing. Or people only reaching out when they want something. I do have to say its a fine line - because I realize in some countries parents expect their kids to care for them and it's their culture. Plus like you said you have so many "luxuries" here when your family may be struggling to eat (unsure if this is your case) but husband and I both agree we have to live "our life" and this (USA) is "our reality". Maybe when he is in a better place financially in the future he will be able to help out more- but for now he needs to focus on our life right now. Please know you DO do enough and don't have any guilt. Hope any of this was useful- sorry it's so long!
 
I wanted to edit this to add we also occasionally send things to his family (giant boxes) and that costs hundreds of dollars. We are always collecting items for his family and when we go visit half of what we bring goes to them and then my husband ends up leaving his entire wardrobe to them as well. He's even had customs ask him where his clothes are when he got back to the USA lol 

I guess this is Nigeria? Lemme tell you about Kenya. 
 
You will soon come to regret this. You're breeding a culture of dependence. I helped pay 50% for my aunt's kids (2) school fees early this year. She just texted me today asking me to "remember her during Christmas." My cousin and high school pals want money to go "drink." Another cousin wants money for tools. My sister's friend wants money for school. Whenever I see "hello" text out of the blues from these people, I know the second text will be "can you give me $$." It's like money grows on trees here in US.
 
My dad wanted another house, in another location. We agreed to get him a standard one. No sooner had the construction began than the price ballooned. So when we pressed for the construction document, we found they (mom & dad) had added 2 port car garage and others. You know where this is headed? I'll tell you. I'm sure those car ports were for future cars that we'd be forced to buy. We refused to pay. The house just got finished, minus the car ports. We only paid 50%. My mom paid the rest (she came to US a year ago, has been having the African energy and worked). So she paid the rest and other unnecessary adjustments that they added to the design later again. 
 
Before the house, he wanted a car. We agreed to get him a simpler one. Next, audi was what was being shopped for. We had to put a stop to this. 
 
Most of these are just to give themselves unnecessary status in the neighborhood. My dad is now honorary chair of a high school. His new status now calls for more upkeep 🤦🏽‍♂️.
 
Since my mom came over a year ago, her Whatsapp is evert buzzing. Relatives and my aunties needing $$$. She sends money to them 24/7. The same aunt that is asking me for Christmas $$$ is staying in one of our houses, free of rent, water and all bills with her 2 kids. Shamelessly, she's asking me for $$$ yet I am sure my mom gives her $$$.
 
I went home last year. Never told anyone apart from my sister who was picking me from the airport. Why? As soon as they get wind, everyone has a shopping list - not just one, but numerous stuff. Failure to buy renders you a bad guy.
 
We just remodeled my sister's house here in the US. The remodeler was  50+ years Kenyan. His phone kept on buzzing. His youngest child who's about to hit 30 years wants a laptop, but nothing short of the new MacBook. His dad was over here heaving and crying. He has paid for all their schools but they still want to sulk of him though they are all grown. Give the guy a break.
 
 
@chikondichamayi
At some point, you get tired of this. Help, whenever there is a legit problem. However, I wouldn't be buying cars for them. 
 
I am not even done. But I'll stop here.
 
My two cents 

oh thanks for telling me i just heard about this COVID taking over the world 
smh
again the reason I asked because so many others got there's in 3 to 5 months DURING COVID 

Just fyi, for the K1 visa he will spend at least 6 months not working after you get married.  So if you can swing 6 months not working, do it BEFORE applying for any visa (he is Canadian so he can spend a few months in the US with you.  He won't be able to work, but could occupy himself volunteering or something while you are busy).  Way cheaper, easier, less commitment, etc.  He can see how he likes living in the US and how much you like him haha.  Then, you can decide what you want to do after. 

Being "stressed out" is not an excuse to verbally abuse your spouse in front of your children. And a mature man knows how to respectfully handle his children and to ask if he's unsure of something. I'm a woman and have practically no maternal instincts whereas my husband has changed his siblings' diapers when he was a teen and they were infants. He knows more about child-rearing than I do. This isn't about gender. It's about just common decency and not being abusive.

As I mentioned in my post, there is no need for a police report/certificate/SKCK/what have you from Indonesia at all (if you scroll up a bit, Greenbaum pulled out an excerpt on it from travel.state.gov). And for the NVC to Embassy ETA, ours took 4 working days.

Hi! Indonesian with a case at the Jakarta Embassy here. As you may already know, the embassy has resumed regular processing of CR1/IR1 visas. We never filed an expedite request, but we received an approval for one out of nowhere toward the end of October (we're guessing it's just the Embassy's way of getting through the early cases quicker). So K-1 regular processing will probably follow soon.
 
I'd say don't worry about getting your medical checkup done before you hear from the Embassy. Getting an appointment at the hospital is very simple and quick. And this time around, the Embassy will only assign you an interview date after you book your medical checkup. My timeline went something like this:
 
Oct. 22-23: Received an email that my case was not at the Embassy, and shortly after received an instruction from the Embassy.
 
Oct. 29: Booked a medical checkup for Nov. 11 (Note: we're not in too much of a rush and have other reasons that require us to drag things out for a bit)
 
Nov. 4: Emailed the Embassy about my medical checkup date, and they assigned us an interview date for Dec. 8 (which got moved up to Dec. 7)
 
Something that you might want to prepare is collecting the beneficiary's vaccination records. I only had to get 2 shots because I did my homework, while others whom I met at the medical checkup had to get 4. 
 
Also, I saw police certificate getting mentioned earlier on the thread, and if you were only referring to the Indonesian one: you don't need one, in case you didn't know. 

So you are going to ask your girlfriend’s mother to take on a massive financial responsibility, one that could see her being sued by the government in the worst case, yet you don’t think you owe her the courtesy of being honest with her? I’m sure the mother isn’t stupid. She will read the forms and know exactly what’s going on. I’m sure she’d rather hear it from you two than by reading it on a government form that you got married. 
 
If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to tell the truth to her mother. And if she doesn’t like what she hears and refuses to act as joint sponsor then you’ll have to act like adults and deal with your own mess even if that means being apart (it won’t kill you - all of us here are living proof of that) whilst your girlfriend returns to the US and gets a job that makes enough that you don’t need a joint sponsor. 

The “old” gold star members have reached that level here because they have been in the process a long time. You’re preaching to the choir here about frustrations and long waits in this process. Some of us on this thread went through denials, having to star out all over again,  AP that dragged on for a year or more, and then there were the times when a straightforward CR-1 spouse visa took upwards of 3 years to process. 
 
And it doesn’t stop when we get here. I’m in month 15 of waiting for my N-400 to be approved. And apparently I have at least another 2 months to wait. And I’ve already been “thoroughly vetted” by the government to get here in the first place. The N-400 should be a pure rubber-stamping process.  

Honestly can’t wait for you to start the AOS process... if you think it’s slow now your gunna have a whole heap of fun when you get to the next stage.. 
 
patience is the key, some of us have been at this 2+ years and still no green card or EAD

Here's a further update. I heard back from the consulate about delaying my appointment to November, and they told me to just email them in October to schedule it for then. In both my case and in another case I've heard about, they scheduled appointments for less than two weeks out, so don't be surprised if you get one that is relatively last minute. That said, it was really easy to reschedule, so I wouldn't worry about it causing problems too much. I've also noticed in looking at everyone's timelines here, they seem to be scheduling these interviews at random. I have the impression that I have a comparatively late priority date and DQ date and was scheduled first. It's really crappy that they do that, but it does seem to be the case.

Thats normal. Just keep checking the CEAC website. Once the NVC arrange the interview date with the US embassy, you will get another email from the NVC and it might take couple or few days till the status on the site change.

NVC does not send your case to the Embassy/Consulate until an interview date has been assigned.  So yes, in these times, normal for it remain "at NVC".

Just curious how that works, with EADs for K-1 beneficiaries currently taking upwards of 8 months?  Having a non-working adult in the household is a financial burden, actually.

i think people are either missing the point, lost, or deliberately disingenuous. Of course there are people on here who are anti most types of immigration so it is no surprise😆 🤣😆The point is that Trump is cutting immigration drastically regardless of whichever program he is touching, ultimately it affects ALL immigration processes and almost none in a positive way. He says he is for merit based immigration, well H1 programs are heavily affected. Processing times for virtually all types of petitions and visas are negatively impacted.
 
So those who are saying the media is exaggerating are the ones who don't know what they are talking about. There is virtually no immigration process which has not been adversely affected under Trump, none. The media loves to cry wolf, but guess what there really is a wolf in the immigration world!

While this article is not entirely true, let's keep in mind that this guy can and will do exactly what most of us fear, at the first LEGAL opportunity he can get. Let's put it this way; 5 months ago no one would have predicted he would suspend visa processing for F2A( spouses of Green Card Holders). And it's more than likely that if he comes back in November, he will suspend it indefinitely.  So, it is in everyone's best interest that if you are eligible to vote this November, vote Trump out. Otherwise people will be crying with one eye open come 2021.

I found somebody with US citizenship and a willing to marry me and petition for a K-1 visa, but I committed material misrepresentation on my K-1 visa application. I really love her so much.
 we got married now in my country. What should I do now?”

I’ve always wondered why some officers do the whole borderline thing. Isn’t that why the minimum income level met must be 125% instead of just having to meet the actual poverty level? They’ve already made it so that no one who is borderline on the poverty level can apply, and then they’re arbitrarily deciding that 125% is not enough either?

For what purpose?  USCIS correctly denied the petition, as OP did not meet the eligibility to file it.  No need to waste the time of congress.

Can we drop the Bible #######? You're dealing with government agencies, yelling about biblical law isn't going to help you here.
Then fine, you're not going to get your waiver after only knowing each other for a year and providing absolutely no evidence that she couldn't get a tourist visa, if you just didn't feel like you had to meet.
 
The fact that you've only known each other for a year and that you've already been sending her money from day one doesn't really look good either. I swear I read 2.5 years somewhere. If I didn't, that's even worse, you've only known each other for a year, without visiting, and you're already getting married.

Not sure why you guys applied for the K1 when you didn't meet the requirements? Sorry but the truth is that they're REALLY strict about the requirements. I personally am not aware of any cases where they exempted people. This is going to sound harsh but USCIS and the consulate are highly unlikely to accept flying phobia as a viable reason for not fulfilling the requirement. It doesn't matter if you've been friends for multiple decades. The government has these specific requirement (must have met in person within 2 years of the filing) for a reason. You're also going to have a very hard traveling anywhere right now due to COVID. The rest of the world has shut out Americans due to that. This also doesn't even go into the fact that it's hard to convince the government (or anyone, really) you've been in a romantic relationship with someone if you haven't even seen your partner in person for a while. 
 
Not really. Most people who have been approved are genuine loving good couples who have experienced their own struggles with this process. It's hard on EVERYONE. The separation is hard on EVERYONE. The waiting is hard on EVERYONE. We all want to think we're special and that our circumstances will make for certain exemptions but that's just not the case and that's not how the American government operates. 

Well, you say New York, one of the few truly urban places in the US, of course that people don't need to drive there. Now go to any suburban hell and public transit is non existent. Where I lived in the US at first, there was literally nothing I could access with public transit, the closest place was a Target a 30 minute walk away and the area was built for cars, not humans. There were sidewalks that no one ever uses because walking gets you nowhere.
 
Also, your grandma had her support system nearby and had her friends there. You have absolutely none of that when you move to a new country. 
 
And a couple can share finances but still each individual can be independent. I hated knowing that I don't contribute. It was not a good feeling. And working I'd a great way to fill your time and maybe meet new people and make friends. It's social interaction. It's very uncomfortable to not have your own identity and for everyone you meet to know you through your spouse. 
 
Now if you're a farmer, your way of life is very different. Nothing wrong with it, it's just not something most people can relate to. 

I totally agree, who do these women think they are, thinking they should get freedom and independence in their relationships (or in general) - and wanting to work and contribute themselves! Next thing, they'll be wanting to vote too!
 
Glad the K1 is working out well for you. Hope life in the 1840s is too! Stay safe. 🙏